


He didn't have to be

by Deandeanmoose



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Budding Love, Cute Kids, Eventual Smut, Fatherly Barba, bring your kid to work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-30
Updated: 2019-03-18
Packaged: 2019-05-30 21:00:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 93,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15104789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deandeanmoose/pseuds/Deandeanmoose
Summary: Rafael has a soft spot for kids, he just won't admit it.





	1. Councilor?

It was Friday, the whole squad was waiting for the weekend they finally all had off. I had only been here a month, never really expected the amount of pressure and stress and nightmares that came with this job. Strangely, most of them were less about the cases and more about my son that just turned four and a half. His dad was, let's say not in the picture... Ever... and any boyfriend I have just runs away because I have a kid and I'm a cop. 

Today was going better until my babysitter just dropped my boy off at the precinct and left, no explanation and she definitely wasn't answering her phone for me. I sat him at my desk to color while Liv and I was taking a confession. If only I knew what was about to come.

* * *

I sat down at the table, paper and pen in hand as the guy had to give detail, "the bitch wanted it! She got down on all fours and backed it up on me."

"Yet she has restraint marks on her arms and bruising over half her body." I glared.

"The bitch was kinky, wanted tied up and spanked." He smirked as Liv leaned in.

"You see, she doesn't see it that way. She says a very different story." 

"I already said, the bitch is lying."

"Ok, say bitch one more time and I am going to throw you in a cell." Liv warned and a knock on the glass pulled both of us back.

I stepped out first into her office, sonny and Amanda nodding to the door way where we seen barba standing by our desks. Liv walked over with me, knowing he was here about the Levine case. I wasn't done with the paperwork and he was trying to rush us along. As we got closer, we seen little miles looking confused as he stood by Barba and one of the officers.

"Isn't someone watching this kid?"

I whistled and he lit up as he ran over to me so I could pick him up, "yeah, I just figured a precinct full of cops was a safer place to leave him alone at my desk."

"Sorry mommy." He hummed and looked down.

"I know, go back to your seat." I let him down and he ran to my desk and jumped into the chair.

Barba was completely perplexed, blinking at me and Liv before she came to the rescue, "what did you need Barba?"

"Levine file, you said it was done." He kept staring off at miles like he was a wild animal that would jump and attack at any moment.

"Almost finished." I grabbed it from my desk, "waiting on the photos to get back from the lab."

He rolled his eyes and took the file, "fine. Send them my way as soon as possible. I want a strong case before court starts Monday."

"Aye, aye councilor." I saluted him and Liv chuckled as he turned and walked to his office down the hall.

"Let's not anger Barba please, " Liv smiled, "I will have to hear about it later and there isn't enough wine in the world to hear him rant about this case again."

I nod and followed her back to the interview room as I pointed at miles, "be good."

* * *

_**Barba** _

* * *

I had just sat down at my desk, jacket tossed over the chair and coffee in hand as I skimmed the files. No court for the rest of today but I had opening statements on Monday and I needed to have a statement to give. While the photos helped the narrative, I could work around them and work them into the actual questioning later. 

I had barely noticed as the time ticked by, an hour later I heard a small creek of the door. I glanced up and seen no one.  _ **Strange, Carmen left thirty minutes ago. Maybe the door is getting loose again? I wish they would be done with my remodeled office already, this cramped spot is killing me.**_ I got up to shut the door, that's when I seen the toy truck on the floor. I picked it up and felt a hand on my pants as I studied it.

"Sorry mister." The boy from before blinked at me, "it got away from me."

"Maybe you shouldn't be playing with it then." I gave it back, "this is a police station, not a toy store."

He frowned but nodded and walked out as I followed him back to Mayes desk. I waited till he was in her chair again to chastise him.

"The people working here are very busy and you walking around is distracting. You need to stay here and do as your mommy says." I gave a pointed stare and he squirmed a little as Mayes came over.

"What's going on?"

"He went into my office." I answered, "I told him not to and walked him out here. You should really be watching him, this isn't a free daycare."

"Maybe you should mind your own business Barba." She glared and looked at the boy, "uncle sonny wants to play a game, he needs some help with it though. Think you can help him?"

The boy took off to the interview room and she turned back to me, "never talk to my kid like that. Nobody needs to treat him like a puppy that tittled on the rug, I am his mom I will fix the problems."

"Then keep him out of my office." I barked back at her glare.

"God forbid Barba actually have a heart." She mumbled and walked away.

I went back to my office and sat down, waiting for the boy to come back. Nobody seemed to be watching him since they had a case and he was just wondering off. I wanted to rub it in Mayes face and make her understand she can't have a kid just running around a police station. It wasn't long before he came back, but he knocked this time and waited for a reply.

"Come in."

The door opened and as expected, the boy stepped in and smiled at me, "hi."

"Shouldn't you be at your mom's desk." I tried not to pay attention but he just walked up and got on one of my arm chairs.

"But there's nothing to do." 

"Tell your mommy."

"She's busy." He looked down, "what about you?"

"I'm very busy." I flipped a page and he frowned.

"You don't look busy." He blinked and we made eye contact, "can you play?"

"No, I'm very busy." I sighed.

He sighed and looked at my couch, "can I lay down?"

"You should go back to your mommy's desk." I warned and seen the poor kids face, I recognized the look of loneliness and boredom, "ok, you can nap on my couch."

"Thanks mister." He hummed and went over to lay down.

"Rafael." I add, "Rafael Barba but you can call me Rafael."

"What about Rafa?"

I shrugged, _**Liv already calls me it**_ , "sure."

"I'm Miles Mayes." He smiled and waved, "do you have a pillow or blanket?"

I looked over at my spare suit and take the jacket over to him as I carry the file over too. I sat down and motioned him to lay down. He put his head on my leg, I tossed the jacket over him and he sighed before cuddling up. I opened the file and worked with one hand as the other stroked through his well trimmed black hair. A soft tune came in the form of a hum, I didn't realize it was me till after I seen the boy was asleep.  _ **Thats it, just go to bed and stop exploring. Less trouble, less fighting with the squad over our little visitor.**_

* * *

_**Mayes** _

* * *

I yawned as it was finally quiting time. Sonny and Amanda were out the door and Fin and Liv were finishing up the disclosure. She sent me off, take miles home and fix the problem that I still had to figure out. But with no return calls, I was better off hiring a new nanny. I grabbed my keys and miles's bag but didn't see miles. I frowned and looked around.

"Miles?" I looked to the officers, all shaking no as I groaned and checked under the desks, "baby it's time to go."

I was starting to panic before I remembered he went to Barba's office and my eyes went wide as I ran down the hall and slowly opened his door.

"Councilor, have you....?" I stopped as I seen an empty desk.

"Shhhhhhhh. He's sleeping." I heard a whisper that sounded too soft to be him, but definitely was him.

Rafael Barba was on the couch, my son curled up in his lap and covered with his jacket. He was sleeping as Barba was working and humming, barely paying attention until he seen me.

"Oh, Mayes. He stumbled in and wanted to nap. I didn't have a pillow or blanket..." He moved his hand back and I seen miles out cold, "I figured he wouldn't be troublesome if he was asleep."

"If you give a mouse a cookie." I mumbled as Barba furrowed his brows, "nothing. Thank you councilor." 

I picked him up as he stirred but he went back to bed. I thanked Barba again and rushed off without paying attention. I wanted to get miles home and find a nanny that could start first thing in the morning. Of course that was harder then it sounded, and of course I wouldn't get much sleep as of right now. I was dying to find anyway to keep miles out of the precinct for the few hours I had to go in to finish up the paperwork for Barba. _**But then again, Barba was being a pillow for him so maybe I can figure out a happy medium**_. I barely had time to think it through when I heard a knock at the door and slowly peeked through my peep hole to see Barba.  _ **Oh shit.**_

I opened the door and smiled softly, "hi Barba, you know it's midnight right?"

"Yes but miles forgot his toy." He handed me out a small toy truck, "I didn't know how attach he was. A little afraid he might not sleep well if he found out he forgot it."

He shrugged a little and blushed as he tried to hide the humanity slipping out of him. I gave a soft smile as I took the toy and held it a moment.

"Yeah, thank you."

"No problem, I was just heading home and... I know how boys can be with toys." He looked up a little, "about today, I'm sorry I snapped at you and said anything to miles. I shouldn't of..."

"No you were right. It was a free daycare and no one was watching him." I shook my head, "my baby sitter just dropped him off and won't answer my calls. I was going to fire her so it's not a huge lose except I have no one to watch him and midnight is not the time to find a nanny apparently."

"Maybe I could?" He whispered.

"What?"

"Maybe I could." He cleared his throat, "you know tomorrow. I could watch him for an hour or two so you can finish the file for me. Gives you all weekend to find a nanny and who knows, maybe I can help a little.... He really liked my office."

I was flabbergasted, he seen the expression and shook his head, "I'm sorry, that was... Way out of bounds. Never mi..."

I took his arm as he turned to leave, "no. No I think he would like that." 

Barba smiled a little at that, "ok then. Say nine tomorrow? I'll just pick him up at the precinct..."

"He likes to sleep in. Would it be terrible if you just come over and stay here?" I finished, "I won't be long and I just had groceries delivered. I give you free reign of the apartment and I'll even pay you for your time."

"Oh, no need." He smiled, "I don't need paid, call it a favor if you must but... I'll help."

"Thanks Bar..." I was looking at my shoes as he interrupted.

"Rafael. No need to be so formal outside of work." He blushes ever so lightly on his tan skin.

"Then call me Millicent or milli." I smiled, "see you in the morning, Rafael."

He nods as I shut the door and smiled like an idiot.  _ **Ok, maybe I had Barba all wrong... He might just have a spark of humanity somewhere deep inside, thanks to miles.**_


	2. Uncle rafa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rafael babysits miles.

* * *

_**Millicent** _

* * *

I had been dying all night. Miles was sleeping like a baby when Rafael dropped off his truck, but about four in the morning he was up and waking me up. I got him to sleep by five only to be left as the insomniac. He was tucked in my bed all cozy and warm, so I went to the living room and started to catch up on tv. First thing up was Netflix, I had only got two episodes in on my show and needed to reach the end quickly. Three months behind on a full season drop was bad for my binge watching reputation. I was curled up under my fuzzy blanket in my holey shirt and ratty pants, leaning in holding my cereal with a death grip as I mumbled to the tv.

"You can do it, you can do it.... Come on Jessica, come on.... Please bury his ass." I was almost vibrating as my door buzzed, "noooooo... God damnit."

I paused the show and dropped my bowl on the coffee table as I rolled my eyes. The milk had splashed out, my door buzzed again with a soft knock accompanying it... I ran to the door remembering miles was sleeping. I wiped the door open and paused confused to see Barba standing there.

"Barba?" I paused, "sorry I mean Rafael, you're early."

"No I'm five minutes late." He looked down at my clothes, "and I hope you're not wearing that to work."

"Shit. Sorry, come in." I let him in and glanced around my messy home, "sorry for the mess, I need to change and go... Miles is still asleep."

I ran back to the room and tugged on cleanish clothes since the laundry room down stairs is still being remodeled and I'm to lazy and busy to go to an actual laundry mat. I walked back out as he stood looking at the cereal bowl of mush and the small spill.

"Ok, miles is asleep and didn't do to too well last night. He had trouble sleeping so he won't be up for a while. Mi casa your casa or however it goes, tv is yours and I just had groceries delivered. Have fun, hopefully I'll be quick." I was halfway out the door when he looked at me.

"Thirteen reasons why? Do you not get enough of this at work?"

"Don't hate." I warned as I shut the door and left.

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

I looked around and decided to toss her bowl of cereal or maybe really watery oatmeal, not completely sure. I cleaned up the small spill and sat down on her couch, frowning at the tv screen.

"Thirteen reasons why... Teen suicide and rape, that's why not to watch it." I shook my head and was looking for the remote when it started playing again, "oh no... No, no." 

I started scrambling to find the remote but was unsuccessful. I sighed and looked at the screen, watching a teenage girl leave the stand as her friends looked disappointed. I rolled my eyes but ended up watching a little as I tried so hard not to. A small patter behind me got my attention as the little black hair, Amber eyed boy peeked over the couch where I had just sat down.

"Hi Rafa." He smiled and waved.

"Hi miles." I chuckled, "I thought you would be sleeping."

"No, I woke up." He looked around, "where's mommy?"

"She had a little work to do, she'll be home soon though." I turned to look at him, "I'm watching you till then."

"Yay!" He smiled and then noticed the tv, "you like mommy's show too?"

I turned to the screen and then back as he laughed, "adults are weird."

He walked around and sat down beside me. I gave a silent chuckle, this boy was growing on me. The way he laughed and talked, he was fearless. _**A mouth just like me**_. He rubbed his stomach and frowned, looking down at it.

"Hungry?" I asked.

"Mommy makes me waffles on Saturdays." He sighed, "can you make waffles?"

"It's been a while but, I think I can." I got up and went to the kitchen.

Looking through I didn't see box mix or an waffle iron. I was trying not to look confused but this was just getting harder by the moment. He was watching me from the couch, laughing softly as I failed to have anything out. 

"Ok then, if you find this so funny, where is everything?" 

"By the sink on the spinny thing." He smiled at me.

I bent down beside the sink, looking at the corner cupboard.  _ **Spinny thing?**_ I opened the small wooden door and on the lazy Suzanne was a little white waffle iron. I pulled it out and sat it on the counter as I raised a brow and looked at the little boy.

"Ok, where's the mix?"

"Mommy makes it from scratch." He shrugged.

My stomach dropped,  _ **Mami never taught me that from scratch.**_ i was thinking back and most cooking from Mami and abuelita was easy pre-done things or mixes. The only scratch things were old family recipes and I still have to see directions for those. I didn't want to panic but it must've shown a little as miles stood up on the couch to see better.

"Can you?"

"Not as well." I was trying to figure out a plan to order in or something when he came running into the small kitchen.

"I can help." He pulled a book from a little shelf by the fridge, "I know which page it is... They are fluffy."

He found the page and handed it to me as I laughed, "thanks, you want to help with the rest too?"

He nodded and got a small stool to stand on. I asked for each ingredient and he pointed to where it was. We had everything going then I asked for the mixer and he shook his head.

"Hands."

"Hands?"

"Mommy uses her hands." He smiled and leaned in, "makes them better."

"Ok." I looked around and seen a small black apron with fancy red lace that looks like something from the sixties, "but I need a apron so I don't make a mess."

I put the apron on and he laughed at me, "you look silly Rafa."

"I look silly? You have flour on your nose." I poked his nose with flour and he laughed before wiping it off.

"Mommy always does that. Then she puts it in my hair so I have to take a bath later."

"Clever mom you have." I smirked and went back to the bowl.

I mixed it by hand, Mile's laughed at my face since it was an odd experience for me. I flicked batter at his face and he wiped it off and tried to flick it back.  We made up four fluffy golden waffles to my surprise and he got out the syrup for us. We sat down on the couch and started to watch the show as I couldn't find the remote to change it.

"What is this?"

"It's called 'thirteen reasons why'." I looked down at his sticky face and hands, trying to hide my laughter at the mess he made and syrup somehow in his hair.

"Thirteen reasons why? Why what?"

"I don't know really." I lied, "boring adult stuff I guess."

"Why do you watch it?"

I was trying to find a good reason seeing as saying I don't wouldn't help, but he just took my plate to the sink for me and ran water over them.

"I'm sticky, I need a bath." He looked over.

"Do you need help?"

"Can you fill the tub? I'll get my toys and you can watch your show again."

He ran to his room and I ventured down the hall to find the restroom. Luckily it wasn't hard and I was able to fill the tub with warm water. About halfway through he yelled to add bubbles and they were sitting on the sink so I actually found them without help. Once it was decently full, I turned the water off and stepped out as he walked to the bathroom with a small container of toys and a hooded frog robe on his arm.

"Thanks Rafa." He walked on by me and shut the door.

I went back to the couch before looking at the dishes and deciding to clean them. Then I was drawn back to the tv,  _ **She can't be much longer...**_

* * *

**_Millicent_ **

* * *

I was walking up to the door, after a long then expected time of paperwork and a victim going crazy in the bullpin. I was rushing due to the fact it was almost four and I swore I would be back by noon or one at the latest. I just hoped Barba...  _ **Rafael. Rafael outside of work....**_ I had to shake my head, there was little chance I'd get that down anytime soon. I got to the door and unlocked it, stepping in quietly as Barba turned around in the couch to look at me. I smiled at the tv.

"I thought you didn't like this show."

"It turned on by accident and I couldn't find the remote." He got up, "miles just got done with his bath."

"Bath? He willingly took a bath?" I raised a brow.

"Well we made a mess making waffles..."

"You made a mess making frozen waffles?" I watched his face twist in confusion.

"Frozen? He says you make them from scratch."

"I do, but I didn't expect you too." I sighed, "I had a box of frozen so you didn't have to go through the hassle."

He chuckled, "it was kinda fun... And I did the dishes and cleaned up."

"You didn't have to do all that." I smiled, "let me make it up to you, since you did make waffles from scratch."

"Oh no need, I didn't mind." He blushed a little and looked down before looking back up composed.

"Really, no trouble at all. Homemade spaghetti and meatballs." I chuckled, "we actually premade the meatballs yesterday so it's just cooking them up. Only take maybe twenty minutes."

He paused, "ok." 

I sighed in relief and started cooking as miles came out to help. He was telling me all about Barba helping him cook, it was adorable. I wish I could've seen that. I made three plates and miles walked them to the table with ~~Barba~~ Rafael and I got the drinks. I poured two glasses of scotch since Liv let it dropped that it was his favorite and I just cooked the sauce with the last of my wine. Miles had some milk, he ate quickly and ran back to clean up his face as me and Rafael finished up slowly.

"So Millicent... That's an interesting name." He looked up.

 _ **Small talk... Ok then.**_ "yeah, got it for my birthday." 

He chuckled, "sorry, I just feel awkward sitting in a coworkers house eating in silence."

"No it's ok, I understand." I took a sip and looked back to him, "thank you for watching miles, and making him waffles because he's sneaky... Oh and staying for dinner."

"Thanks for the dinner, it's been a while since I had a meal that wasn't from a restaurant." He laughed nervously, "I should get going."

"Yeah, again thank you for watching my little heathen." 

I walked him to the door as he turned around, "anytime. See you at work Millie." 

I watched him leave before I shut the door. A smile on my face and I couldn't help the pink on my cheeks as my thoughts swirled.  _ **Rafael is something way different then I expected... He was sweet even... Ok stop right there, he's a co-worker. He's off limits.**_ I sighed as miles tackled me and I chased him off to play.  _ **SVU was definitely a good choice.**_


	3. A councilor and a gentleman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raf and Millie take a small step closer thanks to miles.

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

I was at work as usual, fresh out of the courtroom and walking towards ~~millie~~ Mayes since she was on the stand after lunch. She stood there in a clean cut blouse and jacket, hair pulled back neatly. I smiled ad I got close and she seen me.

"Barba, when did you need me?"

"After lunch." I paused, "listen, if you want to join me in the meeting room we could talk through the questioning again and Carmen did bring food." 

She smiled and nodded as I opened the door, "well, I mean you promised food. I can't turn that down."

"Step into my office." I grinned as she stepped in and took a seat.

I split my sub in half, pouring a coffee for her and myself. She took a bite and nodded, I couldn't help but laugh as she tried to say it was good and wipe away a huge condiment spot on her cheek. Her red cheeks only made me smile more,  _ **Why didn't I get to know her sooner? She is something else.**_

"Thank you." She cleaned her face and hid it a little, "you really didn't have to."

"It's my pleasure." I sat down, "not like I can chat in my office or fetch you food before you take the stand. I didn't need the whole thing anyways."

She blushed a little at my hand wave to brush it off, "thank you, it was really nice."

"So Millie, tell me about yourself? I mean since we'll be working together and I babysitted your son a little." I tried to make it sound less direct like a cross and more like friends... But then again it sounded like horrible flirting too.

"Well uhm..." She looked down and I immediately regretted this approach.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to...."

"No it's fine. I just don't talk a lot about my past." She looked up, "it's not a trust thing as much as a don't want to relive it thing."

"Sorry." I really felt bad now,  _ **Come on, you can do this. Go slow, don't jump into the heavy stuff.**_

"if you were wondering about miles's dad, he's not in the picture. At all.... Ever." She looked at me directly, "doesn't even know about him."

"Sucks to be him, he missed out on a great boy." I smiled as she nodded.

"I do everything for him." 

"I can tell." I patted her hand before starting my half the sandwich.

"Miles doesn't ask really, especially since getting here. Having a squad that's like family, he's fine without a dad. He sees Noah and he doesn't feel like an odd man out."

"That's good." 

It went silent a moment then she jumped back in, "what about you councilor? Kids or an wife or something?"

"No, no....my work is my wife." I chuckled and looked away to run my neck and hopefully cool the heat in my cheeks, "full ride to law school right outta high school and I just focused on work. Never really branched out aside from small guilty pleasures."

"Oh?" She leaned in on that.

"I like seeing shows. I have opera passes I never really use because work cuts the evening short or stops it from happening. I settle for movies when I just pray I don't get pulled away."

"Yeah, I get that feeling." She laughed, "I have been out only a few times since I made a move to SVU and rarely before."

"Liv always said single mom was that hardest." I smirked, "I guess you don't have luck with dating?"

"Not really. They either love my job too much, run away at the words single mom, or they kinda glaze over miles and treat him like he doesn't exist." She folded up her half of the sandwich wrapper, "I would give up but it's not in my blood."

"I can tell." I smiled, "una verdadera mujer de sangre ardiente como diría mi mami.(a real firey blooded woman as my mommy would say.)"

She blushed a little, "after everything, yeah. I learned to take care of myself and son first, why waste time on someone who won't last."

_**She knows Spanish? This is to good to be true.** _

"The enjoyment of the moment." I whispered, "sometimes a fling is all that is needed, and if your lucky it becomes more."

* * *

_**Millicent** _

* * *

I smiled as I sat there with Rafael, it felt bazaar to have a connection like this to him. Out of everyone at SVU I swore he would be the lease like me... But I also didn't think he was really human when I first met him.  ** _Or maybe he was too human that he didn't seem like a ADA._**

"So Millie, I'm guessing you found a nanny." He looked down a little sad.

"Not really, I hired a nice young lady but miles doesn't like her and she can't work weekends or last minute notice. Not even for extra." I sighed, "that is something I just might give up on."

"What if I could help?" He raised a brow and watched my reaction carefully.

"You would watch him all day while you work? No thanks, I like you as our ADA so we can win cases."

"Not me, as much as I love to hang out with miles, I have a friend that is looking for nanny work." He finished his sandwich, probably to torture me a moment, "she works best with toddlers and elementary age kids. Lives in my building downstairs from me and recently got laid off from her normal family because they moved out of state. I could give her your info and have her call you?"

"That would be great." A smile covered my face, "you know Rafael, you're nothing like I expected when we first met."

"Glad to exceed your expectations." He chuckled, "let me guess, rude, obnoxious, and jerk?"

"Asshole, abhorrent in sense of personality, and...." I paused a moment but let a slight curled pull my lips up, "anal."

"Anal?"

"You look uptight and really well organized. Your office is a mess but I didn't know that at first sight."

"You thought I looked anal-retentive?"

"Those suits so well pressed and clean and that briefcase is organized... I know better now but yeah, I did before." He burst out laughing with me, "what about me? What was your first impression?"

"Well I thought you..." His phone buzzed and he checked it with a grimace, "sorry, judge is asking for me. We'll have to finish this later."

He stood up as I took his trash and threw it away before standing to leave too, "later Rafael."

He waved and stepped out as I realized I called him by his first name at work.  ** _Are you crossing that line? Maybe this is a bad idea, maybe I'm moving past friendship with Rafa._** I Held my breath a moment before i started out of the room to join the rest of the squad coming back from lunch.

"Where did you run off to?" Fin asked.

"Just lunch." I shrugged before my phone vibrated.

I glanced down and seen Barba's name. I opened it thinking it might be case related if he just went to see the judge, but I was wrong. I let a smile twitch on my lips and instently regretted it as sonny questioned it.

"Who you texting there Mayes?" He tried to look over my shoulder as I put my phone away.

"No one."

"Does our Millie have a boyfriend?" Amanda teased as she leaned in and I pushed her off playfully.

"No, it's just a text from my temp nanny. Miles scored a goal when they were playing in the park and he wanted to tell me." I lied hoping it was convincing.

As we went back into court, I only thought about the text. Rafael had a way with words apparently, and I guess I am going down the wrong path. 

_**Beautiful, fierce, and tumultuous. My favorite kind of person.** _

_**P.S. I turned out liking you a lot more then I originally planned.** _


	4. Definitely maybe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rafael takes Millie on a date that isn't a date, miles comes along.

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

It had been a long day yesterday, but I was free this weekend and Millie was on break this weekend unless it was an emergency. I had been struggling with myself, an internal battle over what I wanted to say. Part of me was dying to ask Millie out on a date and the other part was being very clear that dating co-workers was the worse idea.... But I couldn't decide. I wanted more, I wanted to spend time with Millie and miles and..   _ **And you want it to be something.**_ This drove me to the edge, I had my town car waiting downstairs and I stood at her door.  ** _One knock decides everything... Now do it._** May hand shook lightly but it did make contact.

"One second!" I heard her call then the door opened and her face was a mixture of emotions, "Rafael?"

"Rafa!" Miles came running over and hugged me, "what are you doin here?"

"Actually, I came to see if you two were busy today. I have extra tickets to this movie and, well, I know you were a fan of superhero movies." I held up the tickets and he lit up.

"Really?!"

"Miles." Millie held him down a moment, "Rafael, that's nice but... I..."

_**no, no, no... Please don't.** _

"actually, Millie could we talk a moment." I asked and she frowned but sent miles away as we both knew what he would say.

"Yes Rafael?"

"I really like you, I..." I paused as I lost the words, "I don't know how to say it..."

She looked down, "you mean this as a date?"

I didn't reply and she nodded. It was silent a moment but she looked up, it was a mixuture of happy and confusion... Maybe even more.  _ **Dont let this fall out Rafael, say something.**_

"no, just friends. I thought miles might like the movies and I had extra time." I forced a smile as my heart dropped.

"Oh."

_**Oh? Did she want it to be? Did I just screw up.** _

"Ok, though I know this'll end badly eventually since we work together and sonny gets nosey..." She stretched out her hand to offer me entrence, "I would love to hang out with you Rafa."

_**Hang out? You did, you messed up. Now it'll just get harder.** _

"swell, movie starts in an hour and the seats are reserved. Best in theater." I looked at miles as he cheered.

"Yay!" He shouted, "mommy finally has a good date."

"It's not a..." Millie stopped as miles ran off to his room again, "ok, whatever."

We both chuckled and looked down the hall as miles came running out again fully dressed in a minute. Millie rolled her eyes and miles hugged me again. 

"Thanks Rafa."

* * *

_**Millicent** _

* * *

I stood in my room, changing before we left. Every inch of me saying this was a bad idea but I couldn't say no. Rafael had been so nice and I couldn't deny I was thinking about him... But it didn't relieve the single mother thoughts.

 ** _You know what he does, he is great with miles, he's easy to talk to... This isn't bad. He is checking off all the right boxes. But then again, I am starting to treat this as a job interview. Stop. This isn't the same, stop over thinking..... It's not even a date, he said so._** I fixed my blouse and jeans, waiting as I heard their laughs down the hall.  _ **I kinda wish it was though... He would be perfect. Possibly.**_ I looked at the blouse and quickly pulled it off.  _ **Too clean, to date like. Needs to be more casual.**_ I pulled a button up but put it back. I stopped by a little lace top. Not overly dressy or flirty, simple red lace... Put the white tank under and it'll be ok.  _ **Not to much but still a little flirty just incase... Maybe I need to initiate? Maybe he's shy when it comes to dating.**_

I put on my sneakers and double checked in the mirror, "gorgeous... Let's see if I can change his mind."

I stepped out and walked down to see raf and miles standing by the door. Raf jumped a little when he seen me but quickly brushed it off and rushed us out the door.

"Movie will start soon and I think I left the driver waiting a little long." He sighed as he got to the towncar and opened the door for us, "luckily I pay enough they can wait."

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

I stood waiting on Millie with miles. He was bouncing, and talking faster then I ever believed I could. A million topics then he settled on one I wasn't ready for.

"So you like my mommy?"

I shot up and went wide eyed, "what?"

"Rafa, you like my mommy right?" He blinked at me waiting on the reply.

"Well, yes. We work together and..."

"No, not like that. Like the other guys." He laughed, "like uncle Mike and Davey."

 _ **How many Ex's met miles? How serious was the other guys? Stop, this isn't a date, don't make it feel like one.**_ I just shrugged.

"I do like your mommy miles, I don't know about Uncle Mike or Davey though."

"They liked her, she didn't like them." He was fiddling with his shoelace that came untied, "She said Davey liked me to much and Mike tried to hard to win me over. I didn't care for him, he smelt weird." 

I chuckled, "well I hope I'm not that bad."

"No I really like you, your fun. Mommy likes you too." He smiled, "She said you were really good man and she hoped more... Whatever that means."

As miles stood up to face me, I smiled.  _ **A really good man? She hopes more? She didn't seem interested before.... Is she waiting on me to make the first move?**_ Miles tugged my shirt and smiled.

"So, do you like my mommy? Cause I know she likes you."

"Yeah miles, I like your mom. Infact, I really really like your mom." I smiled as Millie came into view and caused me to jump. 

I didn't want to give her a chance to ask and I hope she didn't hear. I got them out the door as I rambled, my biggest annoyance that comes with nervousness. The town car was waiting and no surprise, Millie was a little surprised and miles was jumping in and exploring. He sat down quickly at the glare of the driver, letting Millie by the window and me at the other with miles between us.  _ **I really wish this won't get any more awkward, I already messed up once so far.**_  

* * *

_**Miles** _

* * *

As we pulled up to the theater, I hopped out and ran for the door with Mom tugging me back. I stopped long enough for raf to get ahead with the tickets and then I bolted for the concession stands. Mom was about to snap at me but raf shook his head and slipped into the line behind me. He bought me a kids combo, popcorn a candy and a drink, and then bought a large popcron tub for them that was bigger then my head and a drink.

"Do you want anything to drink? I mea" since I'm buying." Rafa's cheeks turned a little red and my mom shook her head and cleared her throat.

"No thank you, I'll be fine." She took my hand, "let me help you out. Get your drink and I'll take your box and find seats."

She walked off to the theater and found seats for us as Rafa walked me over to get the drinks. He sat the popcorn down and lifted me up do i could see the selection.

"Mommy wouldn't want me to get pop. I guess lemonade." I shrug and reached as Rafa pulled me back.

"Get what you want miles, I'll deal with your mom's wrath." He chuckled as I immediately reached for the coke and he got his own. 

He sat me down and we went to find mommy, she had seats in the center section and I jumped into the chair she sat my food in. They were big red comfy leather recliners and I was bouncing as my mom pulled me down.

"Behave or we'll leave."

I stopped and looked ahead a few rows, "could I move up some?"

"I guess, but right in front of us and you don't move." She warned as I took my drink and snacks and hoped up two rows before settling in and kicking my feet up. 

_**This is cool, I hope Rafa stays around. He is nice and caring and plays with me when I'm bored. Mommy needs to keep him close, she could use someone like him to help her too.** _

* * *

**_Millicent_ **

* * *

I rolled my eyes as i watched miles get cozy in his seat. Raf sat beside me and set the popcorn between us as he reclined the seat and got settled in. I got adjusted and turn towards him as the ads played before the previews.

"I never been here before, this is nice."

"I don't go here often, I tend to fall asleep in the chairs." 

We both chuckled as I laid on my side facing him, "thanks again."

"My pleasure. I like hanging out with you two... Even if miles just abandoned us." He smiled and turned his head, "honestly, I rarely get out between work and home except for the occasional dinner party or something I usually want to skip."

"So Liv wasn't lying when she said you were more of the upscale social style."

"Not really, old friends from my time at Harvard and boring parties for the DA and work things." He sighed, "never really any fun. At first in college it was good but it became redudent and now it's always networking and business talk."

"Oh so fun." I giggled as he tossed a piece of popcorn at me.

The previews started and we both shifted to watch. Then as the lights went off except the small dim walkway lights, the movie came on and we were engulfed in the show. I ate the popcorn with him, at one point tucking in against the arm rest between us and leaning my head against his arm. He had it wrapped around behind, though I don't know how or when that happened. I stayed resting against him till my throat had an itch.  _ **I knew I should've got a drink, why did you say no.**_

I looked over and noticed he glanced my way at the movement, "can I have a sip."

My whisper was met with a nod as he handed over the cup, "hope you like Sprite."

I took a sip and cleared my throat softly before handing it back, only for him to put it in the holder between us. His smile sent a small spark up my spine and a twist in my stomach.  _ **This isn't a date Millie, he said it wasn't a date. We are just friends... Only friends because I can't ruin this work relationship. If he doesn't feel the same, I would be the biggest idiot.**_  

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

I was sitting back and watching the movie, not even paying attention to how my arm went around Millie.  _ **Shit, we're just friends. This isn't a date, why did you do that.**_ I tried to ignore it, as if it happen by accident and then she scooted closer.  _ **Am I wrong? Did I miss read her.... Should I have called this a date?**_ My mind was overworking this and soon the movie was over and I had missed the whole ending. 

"Great movie," she smiled and sat up as she glanced at my arm.

"Yeah, amazing ending." I rubbed my neck.

She chuckled as miles tackled me from the seats in front of us and started speaking faster then Mami when she got mad. I hardly followed more then two or three words before I was lost again.

"Ok, ok..." Millie laughed and it felt like I was a teenager again with my first crush, "I think you're a little rambunctious and scaring Rafa, dial it back some dude."

Miles took a deep breath and looked at me, "I loved it, thanks for bringing me." 

"Of course, it's not fair to leave you behind." I stood up and collected the trash.

"The others usually do." He shrugged and I seen Millie went wide eyed.

"Miles, we talked about that." She sighed and bent down, "don't talk about those guys. They're no good babe."

She kissed his head as he sighed, "I know mommy, but Rafa is."

"Miles." She warned and I chuckled as he nodded.

He leaned in to whisper in her ear but he was still a little loud with it, "I have to pee." 

"Ok, one second. I can find the family bathroom." She stood up but I shook my head.

"I can walk him into the men's. I don't think the family restroom is anywhere close." 

"I..."

Millie was interrupted by the dancing boy, "I gotta pee mommy."

"Ok, ok..." She looked at me and took the trash, "don't forget to thank Rafa for going with you."

Miles smiled and ran off with me right behind him. He went to the bathroom and I stood outside the stall waiting til he came out then I even held him up to wash his hands. He laughed as he dried them off in the blow dryer, playing with it for a moment.

"That's cool." He ran his hands through one last time before I pulled him up.

"Ok, done playing." I tossed him over my shoulder as he kicked and laughed before I finally let him down.

"Can you carry me?"

"What's wrong, your feet don't work." I lifted him up over the shoulder again but sat him down.

"I think they're broke." He tried to limp over.

I smiled and bent down so he could piggy back on me, carrying him out to Millie as she stood there laughing at us. 

* * *

_**Millie** _

* * *

I waited beside the restroom entrance, clearing my head the best I could. But my thoughts were still in the possibility. _**As a single** **mom, going out on a date with somebody new**_ _ **always winds up feeling more like a job interview. I have spent several nights up wondering**_ _ **if i'd ever meet someone that**_ _ **wouldn't turn around and run when they seen miles. So far, in four and a half years, I haven't had but one or two and they weren't great. They tolerated miles or they were to interested in miles and I'm not about to make that mistake. Not after everything I went through... But Rafael isn't a date. He said it was as friends.**_ I sighed as I seen miles on Rafael's back, piggybacking over to where I stood as miles laughed and squeezed his neck.

"Thanks Rafa."

"Your welcome miles. Go ahead and get to the car. It's right outside the door." He smiled as we walked out behind him a little slower. 

The towncar was exactly where he said it would be, miles got in and waited patiently for us. After we we're in, miles was back on the movie and talking to the driver who humored him much better then the last. The ride went so quick, before I knew it we were in front of my building and raf was stepping out to walk us to the door. I almost wish this wasn't the case, seeing miles so happy and having this bonding time with Rafael... I was falling for him even if I did t want to believe it.

"Miles, what do we say?" I nudged him as he looked at raf.

"Thanks uncle Rafa." He hugged him and then you opened the door so he would go in.

"Thanks raf." I smiled as the door shut, "for everything. It was fun."

He started laughing and I turned to see miles making kissy faces before bolting for the mail boxes around the corner. I turned around red faced as he shook his head.

"He is something else. Truely amazing." 

"Yeah, he is." I smiled at raf, "you know, you have my number... You don't have to be a stranger. Miles loves hanging out with you and I don't mind the company."

"Yeah," he blushed ever so softly, "I promise I won't. Maybe tomorrow if you two aren't busy, maybe he might want to hang out or cook dinner. I have a recipe my adulieta taught me when I was his age. Very simple and Fun."

"Yeah, maybe he would like that." I seen Rafa chuckle again, "if he behaves and listens to me."

I spoke loud enough he could hear and he ran for the elevator as I turned around, "see you tomorrow Rafa."

"Tomorrow Millie." He waved and went back to the town car.

 _ **Damnit, why'd it have to go so well. Why couldn't it have been bad so I wouldn't feel like such a teen.**_ I stepped in and walked miles up to the door as he smiled and looked at me.

"Mommy likes Rafa." He gave a little tease as I scuffed, but he stopped it, "don't worry, I do too." 

I chuckled as he ran in the door bouncing and immediately pretending he was part of the movie. I rolled my eyes and took a deep breath against the door right as it shut.  _ **Oh yeah, you are in deep girl. Cue the I feel pretty moment of this fairy tale... If only I knew he felt the same.**_


	5. I never told you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Millie's past comes back to haunt her.

* * *

**_Millicent_ **

* * *

Today was one of the days I wished I never came to work. The case was one that hit hard, a woman raped and the man was found almost immediately but he says he couldn't help himself. He was born to be a rapist. The interview went quick seeing as he had offered up a serial rapist for a lighter sentence, we had to go to Barba for that. So as me and Carisi stepped out, he made a comment that struck me as odd seeing as it was infront of Liv.

"Make sure you tell him this guy claims he was born with the rape gene." He scuffs, "The excuses these guys come up with never ceases to amaze me."

"Well, why don't you call Jessica and tell her that we arrested the assailant, and he confessed, and he wants a plea deal." Liv rumbles off as Carisi nods.

"Okay."

He turned and left, leaving us alone. She was looking at a file and I couldn't help myself. I double checked he was away from the door and shut it softly.

"You obviously didn't tell Carisi."

"Neither did you." She looked up.

"It's not my place and I don't talk about it." I sat on the arm of one of her chairs, "but are YOU ok with all this talk about genetics?"

"Yeah, are you?" 

I bit my lip, "yeah, I'm always good." 

"I know it's in the past but, you can still work through it." She speaks without looking up again, "talking helps with healing. And you can't say your all healed now."

"I never said that, I just said I've worked through it enough and I'm tired of it. Old news done gone away, thrown out with the rest of the old news headlines."

"You really should talk about it, bottling up won't save you from the pain."

"I know, i use that line all the time Liv." I stood up, "don't worry about me."

"You know I do." She locked eyes with me.

"If I need to talk, I have munch. Besides, everyone else I told just disowned me. Why add to the list."

I stepped out and I heard her sigh.  _ **Sorry Liv, I'm not a talker. You know that.**_

* * *

**_Rafael_ **

* * *

I was walking up to Millie's door. She asked me over for dinner, miles wanted to show me something and I had the time.  _ **I wish I could make the first move, but then again... I still can't tell if she wants that. I don't understand her, but I wish I could.**_ One knock and miles threw open the door and smiled.

"Uncle Rafa! Follow me." He took off running as I chuckled.

"Good to see you too." I rolled my eyes as Millie waved and I followed miles back to his room.

He jumped on his bed, bouncing slightly as he reached down and was almost standing on his head to reach something. I was about to offer help when he came back up with a box. He opened it up and pulled out a toy car, he sat it on his night stand and then slowly turned the box around to show a newspaper boat it looked like.

"The boat race in the park is this weekend and mommy said I could enter." He smiled, "uncle sonny was helping me at the police station but he made a mess of the haul."

"That's because sonny doesn't know anything about boats." I sat down beside him, "he's never been on one unlike some people."

"You've been on a boat?" 

"A yacht, it's a really big boat." 

"Like the freight ships? Mommy sometimes takes me to the docks and watch them come and go."

"Kinda, only it's more for people kinda like a home more. It's meant for parties and lots of guests." 

"That's cool, wish i could've been on one." Miles smiled faintly and turned the box to look at his messy boat, "mommy help me make it a little bit before she got busy with work."

"Well that's nice of her." I wrapped an arm around him, "how much more do you have left to do?"

"I have to make the mast, the sails, and put a final seal on so it'll float good." He started to pull it out but pulled his hands away quickly as we both looked at the doorway.

"Don't touch the drying paper or it won't be smooth. Bad floater handsome." Millie gave a small smile and I swore her eyes were more on me then miles.

_**Or maybe I just want them to be...** _

"Dinners ready. Why don't we let the ship dry in here and we can do a little more work later." She motioned him to the bathroom, "and wash your hands please."

"Yes mommy." Miles ran off to clean up.

She then turned to me as I put the lid on the box, "sorry about that. He was really excited to show you."

"It's fine, I don't mind talking." I stood up, "maybe if I find some time, I can help him out."

"With this case? No chance but if you still want to try go ahead." She rested a hand on my shoulder, "come on, let's eat."

* * *

**_Millicent_ **

* * *

****It had been two days waiting on the deal to be confirmed, rafael had troubles getting it approved because of what little he gave. He finally got a good push in and tomorrow him and Liv would go see what he was giving up on this river rapist. Luckily, I got off early and had a really good babysitter waiting when I got back. One step in the door and miles tackled me talking way to fast.

"Mommy! Mommy! Munch helped me with a layer on the boat!" He bouced and I practically held him down.

"Awesome, why don't you go play so munch doesn't die of exhaustion." Miles ran off to play and munch watched you sit down beside him, "so let's skip right to it, Liv wanted you to check on me. That's why you wanted to babysit right?"

"No I love spending a day with miles." He smirked before leaning back, "but you do look a little on edge."

"You would be too. Genetics isn't a topic I care for."

"You should talk about it."

"Or not." I got right back up to make a cup of tea.

He got up to follow me over to the stove, "Liv isn't wrong about that. You need to talk to someone."

"Munch..."

"You really do." He handed me a tea bag from my drawer, "even if it's just me or Liv, someone. Anyone."

"It was five years ago."

"And it still gets to you." He pointed it out as I tried to forget.

"Please stop." I sighed and handed him a cup as we sat back down to watch miles play, "Do you ever miss it John?"

It came almost immediately, he knew exactly what I meant.  _ **Thats why your like my dad munch... You understand me.**_

"Sometimes, then I remembered all the Easter egg hunts of my youth and how it felt the same as chasing a rapist." He glanced at miles as he was playing with his trucks.

"You're Jewish. I thought you never had Easter." I frowned.

"Exactly. Searching for eggs my parents never hid."

I chuckled as he smiled at miles, walking over as he was trying to fly a plane and push a truck on the floor. I watched and laughed before the door rang. I walked to the door and answered quickly, raising a brow when I seen Rafael.

"Rafael, didn't expect you."

"Sorry, I meant to call but court dragged." He had a small box wrapped in his hand, "I just wanted to give this to miles. I thought he might like it."

I waved him in as miles came running over to attack him. He chuckled and hugged him back, missing munch standing up. Munch watched interested, shooting a look at me that I knew to well as 'oh really? You forgot to mention that.'.

"Uncle Rafa!"

"Hey miles." He chuckled then bent down, "I got you a gift."

"Really?!" Miles opened the box and pulled out a little toy boat captain, "cool! Thanks Rafa!"

"De nada miles." He chuckled as the boy hugged him, "now you have a captain for your boat."

"You'll be there at the boat race right?" He looked up at the man and I felt horrible for putting him on the spot.

"Well, I'll try." He smiled, "if your mommy doesn't mind."

"Can he?" Miles whipped around to me and was begging as I nodded.

"Of course. If he can make it why not?" 

Miles hugged him again before raf nodded towards munch and said goodbye. Miles wanted him to stay but I pried him off the poor man. Once raf left miles ran the captain in his box back to his room with the boat so I was alone with munch that just kept staring.

"What? We're just friends and miles likes him." I walked to me tea as munch nodded and grabbed his coat.

"Never said anything."

"But I know that look."

"Maybe you should talk to him then." He smiled and gave me a hug before saying goodbye to miles.

"And you should say hi to Sarah for me." I called as he nodded, "and I better get a invitation to your wedding."

"I'm never getting married again." He points over at me.

I pointed back, "I'm quoting that in my wedding speech."

He chuckled and ran out, going home to sarah. I put the cups in the sink and sighed.  _ **Maybe I should let Rafa in?.... No. You let him in and he'll turn away like everyone else.**_ I closed my eyes and centered myself back on one single thought,  _ **You know better... Never tell a soul.**_

* * *

 After reviewing everything, a deal was made. Barba gave the go ahead and would waited with Liv while the rest of us pulled off this sting to get this Sam guy. We had a few hours, so I was rushing through the paperwork since Rollins agreed to cover for me after the raid. Back at home with my sitter, miles was begging to finish the boat and I was busy... As always.

I was just finishing the last piece of signing before a butt was on the edge of my desk, "You work to much."

"Coming from you, that's a crock." I looked up at a smirking Barba.

"Miles wanted me to remind you. Said so yesterday." He slowly got up as I rolled my eyes, "it's true you know."

"Every kids says that about their parents." I huffed, "and why did you put your butt on my desk."

I was leaning back in my chair to find my spare pen to throw when he turned away, "just letting you know. Promised miles I would tell you."

"You came all this way to say that?" I tossed the pen and missed by an inch.

Everyone chuckled as he glanced over his shoulder, "no I came to talk to Liv, estabas solo en el camino.(you were just along the way.)"

"En el camino mi culo, eso fue definitivamente premeditado.(Along the way my ass, that was definitely premeditated.)" I huffed as he escaped.

He walked into her office and shut the door as I chuckled and retrieved my pen from across the room. As I was returning to my desk I seen three sets of eyes and three smirks.  _ **what is there problem? Was I really flirting that heavily with Rafa? Did I just... Oh please no.**_

"Since when are you two so buddy buddy?" Amanda smiled as she rolled her chair over.

"Ok, stop. It's not like that."

"Oh that was flirting." Sonny pointed out.

"No that was Barba being good friends with my son and picking on me. No flirting." I glared and threw a pin at him when he rolled his eyes and mouthed 'yeah right.'

"So Barba and miles are good friends? He doesn't seem like a kid type." Fin shrugs.

"Guys knock it off." I warned.

"Knock off what?" Sonny played dumb.

"You mean the flirting and you liking Barba?" Amanda leaned in and wiggled her brows.

"Miles likes him, I invite him over so miles has a male figure in his life." I chuckled trying to make this more light hearted as I lied to myself and them, "there is nothing between us. I don't like him, he is way older, and I positively did not flirt with him. We are just friends."

I shook my head and turned to my desk,  _ **Keep lying to yourself... Maybe someday you'll believe it.**_

* * *

**_Rafael_ **

* * *

I sat in the office with Liv when she popped into the interview room for a private call. Stuck between waiting for her here and teasing Millie a little more I was leaning towards the latter. I got up and started to open the door, not getting more then a crack when I heard their voices.

"Knock off what?" Sonny spoke first.

"You mean the flirting and you liking Barba?" Amanda leaned in towards millie and wiggled her brows.

"Miles likes him, I invite him over so Miles has a male figure in his life." Millie snapped a little and took a pause as everyone went quiet.

_**A male figure in his life? So you are just using me? Why are you being defensive? I thought things were warming up.** _

"There is nothing between us. I don't like him, he is way older, and I positively did not flirt with him. We are just friends."

 ** _Just friends.... We are just friends. I couldn't ask you out and we went to the movies as just friends. I put my arm around you and you cuddled up to me as just friends. We have been having dinner together for several nights a week as just friends... Why did I fuck this up? Why did I do this?_** I stepped back from the door, my heart pounding as I felt like crying my heart out.  _ **Just friends. Always friends. You're an idiot Rafael.**_

I closed the door quietly and sat back down before Liv came back in, "so Rafa, I hear you've been spending a lot of time with miles."

"Yeah, great kid." I sighed, "actually Liv, I have a little work to do. I'll be back over after the raid."

I stood up and she frowned, "ok. I'll call you once they are in custody."

I nodded and walked out as everyone looked up. Without faltering, I walked right past the detectives and didn't glance at ~~millie~~ Mayes.  _ **Two can play this game, if I am so repulsive to even think of than i'll just ignore you. Sorry miles, I tried.**_ I went back to my office and sat around doing nothing really as I read a book for pleasure... For some reason I was still wanting to go back and talk to her.

* * *

_**Millicent** _

* * *

It was time for the sting and with the raid squad waiting, the four of us sat and waited for the cue. Fin was off to the back, sonny watching the camera and chatting with amanda trying to listen for the key word, Sam. Sam is our supposed rapist and he is suppose to be at this rapist AA meeting. So far, no Sam and I was about to lose my mind.

"Maybe Sam didn't feel like purging tonight." Sonny shrugged as I rolled my eyes.

"We are not seriously gonna listen to all these guys talk about raping girls. We can't arrest them and blow the sting." I added.

"He'll show, just give him time." Amanda waved me off as I sat by fin, "wait, wait... He just said Sam."

We all leaned forward as she listens closely and sonny leaned in to hear too.  _ **Get a room already.**_ I sighed as fin stood up with the other officers ready to raid the place. It was a moment then Amanda went right on the radio.

"All units move in, move in." 

We all went out guns drawn, door kicked open and we swarmed in. They were catching the guy with a knife as I spotted one bolting for a dark hall. I ran after him as sonny seen and started around the corner. I had just turned the corner, gun raised up at the man as I told him to freeze. When he turned to look at me, my blood ran cold and heart raced. I could only imagine how wide my eyes were as he fired a shot in my side and I went down. My eyes closing on impact and breath slipping out. I barely heard another shoot and boots running by.

"Millie, Millie stay with me." Sonny tried as he yelled for a bus.

I felt the darkness creeping in as I struggled for breath.  _ **You're leaving miles without any parents. Never trying to get close to Rafa.... If you wake up you better ask him out. Tell him everything. Just be strong.... Be strong.... Be stro....**_

* * *

  _ **Rafael**_

* * *

It was getting late and with no call from Liv I decided to head to SVU. I finally had my office finished and everything moved back in so it took a little longer then a walk down a hall now. I figured in the ten minute walk Liv would call, but still nothing.  _ **Did she forget? It's late. Almost midnight.**_ I huffed as I got up the steps and up the elevator. Two steps off and I'm met with Liv racing towards the doors with a coat.

"Liv?"

"Sorry Rafa, the raid wasn't good." She stepped on and suddenly I was going back down.

"Ok?"

"Mayes in the hospital. Gun shot."

My eyes went wide and for a second I couldn't feel anything. My vision was black and white, hearing gone... I was shutting down as my thoughts only went dark.  _ **Is she dead? What about miles? He can't go into foster care. She can't die, I can't take in miles.... I can't lose her. I didn't even get to say... Say... Well anything. I never admit it.**_ My heart thumped through my ears as I felt a hand tug my shoulder.

"Are you coming? We gotta go." Liv turned and ran for the doors and I followed her.

Lights and sirens going as we raced to the hospital. No surprise there was a dozen cop cars outside and uniforms all over the waiting room. SVU sat to the side as Liv ran in and I barely kept up.

"What happened?" Liv looked to each detective.

"One of the men flead. Mayes went after him... Then she froze." Carisi looked up, "she just froze with her gun up and then she was down."

"Where was the shot?"

"Her side."

"She blead a lot though." Fin added.

"Miles?" Liv looked and reached for her phone.

"Taken care of, sent a uni to pick him up from the babysitter." Amanda looked over to me just standing there, "he'll be here any minute."

"Ok... Ok then." Liv pulled her phone, "I gotta call munch."

"No need." Munch walked through the door with miles and a uni, "babysitter present."

Miles went wide eyed and tackled me. I didn't realize it happened till after, my arms wrapped him up and I knelt down to hug him as he was shaking.

"Rafa, is mommy ok?" He mumbled in my chest as everyone looked over.

"Of course." I smiled the best I could not knowing the truth, "she wouldn't be anything else."

He nestled in tighter as I held him, most eyes leaving me except munch and Liv. As much as I wanted them to stop looking like I was somehow miles's dad now, I was more concerned when they shared a look.  _ **How can you say you don't love her now?**_ I sniffled a little as this poor boy shook and asked for his mom. A request no one could grant him.  _ **I know, me too. I just want to be with millie right now.**_

* * *

 After an hour and managing to move miles to my lap in a chair, we seen the doctor. Millie was stable, nothing major and would be able to take guests in a short time. Most the uniforms left then, the squad staying behind. I was still holding a now sleeping miles, wordlessly begging the time to push past so I could stop these fears. I just needed to see her.

By the time we got back, I had to carry miles and a nurse fetched a blanket so he could sleep in the small chair. I sat beside him as Liv stood with munch, me and the squad sat on any surface we could. Millie was awake now, still groggy but awake.

"Hey Millie," Liv smiled, "you're not suppose to take a bullet. That's why they make those lovely vests."

"Not my fault they aren't armoured well on the straps." She smirked before glancing over at me and miles, "at least I'm alive."

"What Happened?" 

The room went silent as she looked down at her feet, "not right now. Please Liv."

"Fair enough." She nodded, "you need sleep and the doctor doesn't plan on releasing you."

Fin made a show of leaving and dragged Rollins and Carisi with him. Munch was about to leave when Millie stopped him.

"Could you watch miles for me?" 

"Sorry kiddo, Sarah is having the apartment repainted. I can get him in the morning but tonight isn't going to work." He sighed, "maybe I could stay over at your place but I doubt the little guy will want to wait for the clothes pick up."

"I can watch him." I looked up, "I can take him to his bed and watch him till you get over there. I have a spare suit in my office, everything will be easy."

She paused but shrugged as munch nodded, "I can make that work."

"Thanks guys." She smiled faintly as I woke up miles to get him home.

He hugged his mom and kissed her goodnight, walking with me till we were at the waiting room and I groaned as miles stopped. His shoe had fallen off and he didn't notice because he was tired. So after having the security guard watch him personally, I started back. I got to the door about to knock when I heard part of the conversation.  _ **Don't... Don't...**_

"Are you sure it was him?"

"Yes I remember those damn eyes. Five years and I still see them Everytime I blink or the lights go out." 

"It's been five years." Liv sighed.

"And we've seen stranger, minus the whole repenting rapist AA group."

"It was him Liv, I wouldn't of froze if I wasn't sure." Millie begged.

 _ **Stop, don't listen.**_ I started to reach for the door but my hand froze and heart pounded up into my throat.

"That guy knocked me down and raped me. He didn't care I was a cop. He knocked me up and turned my life upside down." 

 _ **Rape... Millie was raped? That's how she had miles.**_ I closed my eyes as I felt a tear drop.  ** _Thats why he doesn't have a father. She never told me.... Maybe she really doesn't like me._** I pulled back and took a deep breath before knocking.

"Sorry, I didn't want to interrupt but miles lost a shoe. The security guard probably doesn't want to babysit a sleep kid for too long."

"Yeah, sure." Millie gave a broken smile, a small sparkle in her eyes.

"See you soon. I'll take good care of miles." I nodded and rushed out as I tried to act like I heard nothing.

_**Millie... No wonder you aren't big on dating. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I had to of made you feel uncomfortable.** _

* * *

_**Millicent** _

* * *

As soon as everyone left, I looked at munch and Liv. The questions would start soon and I was almost shaking.  _ **I wish Rafael would've stayed. No, can't say that when he doesn't know. And you never want him to know because then he wouldn't act the same around you and you lose what could be the real thing. Right girl? You wouldn't tell him and lose everything.**_

"Millie, what happened out there?" Liv leaned forward.

"A perp ran and I turned the corner to grab him and....and..." I closed my eyes and took a breath, "I seen HIM."

"Him?" Munch asked.

"My rapist." I looked to them with clouded eyes.

_**Where is that good feeling? The relief of knowing he is arrested. Why do you feel worse girl.** _

"Are you sure it was him?"

"Yes I remember those damn eyes. Five years and I still see them Everytime I blink or the lights go out." 

"It's been five years." Liv sighed.

"And we've seen stranger, minus the whole repenting rapist AA group." Munch shrugged.

"It was him Liv, I wouldn't of froze if I wasn't sure." I begged.

"That guy knocked me out and raped me. He didn't care I was a cop. He knocked me up and turned my life upside down." 

A knock came and we went silent as Rafa walked in, "Sorry, I didn't want to interrupt but miles lost a shoe. The security guard probably doesn't want to babysit a sleep kid for too long."

"Yeah, sure." I gave a forced smile, tears threatening to fall.

 _ **I just want to make him stay, Rafa makes me feel safe.**_ My hand balled up in the sheet, heart thudding as the machine slowly picked it up. I was honestly surprised it hadn't started beeping.

"See you soon. I'll take good care of miles." He nodded and rushed out as I tried to act like I wasn't hiding my feelings.

"Ok, I'm gonna get home to Noah. I'll stop in the morning to check in." Liv waved and walked out as munch followed.

With the room empty again, I started to cry a little out of distress and dismay.  _ **I really want him here, I need Rafa to kiss my head and call me baby. I need you Rafa.**_ Holding my face, I barely felt alive.  _ **What's wrong with me? I-i-i-i... I'm not even dating him. I'm to stupid to say the truth let alone admit my feelings... Why would he like me?**_


	6. Say anything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Millie gets out in time for the boat race.

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

The first night with miles went well. He went right to bed and I had no trouble in the morning waiting on munch to get there. The next few days went the same, and with Millie being released on Saturday hopefully, I knew miles was sad. He missed his mom, he couldn't finish the boat, he was going to miss the race, and the next few weeks didn't seem to be getting better. So I decided to help him out. Every night I helped miles paint and seal the boat. Finishing the mast and all the small details. 

"It looks good." He laughed.

"I know it'll sail good too." I smiled at the boy before he frowned, "what's wrong?"

"I can't sail the boat without mommy there."

"She'll be there." I put an arm around him, "and she already filled out the form. If anything happens me or munch could take you."

"But I want mommy there." He looked up, "she always loved the boat races. That's why I wanted to do it."

I nod and sit the boat on the drying rack, "she will be. I know she wants to be there and is trying her best."

He gave me a hug, "thanks uncle Rafa."

"De nada miles.(you're welcome)" I gave him a squeeze and looked at his messy clothes, "why don't you go get washed up and changed and we'll make those waffles for breakfast and maybe a few extra for mommy."

He ran to the bathroom and I went to the kitchen to wash up. A quick glance at my shirt and I realized that spare suit was important, especially since this new shirt is about the same messy asy first night over. I looked to the door, smiling at my suit hanging up on the back.  _ **Thank god I have a good assistant.**_ I pulled everything out and a small stool for miles as we started our usual mess. Flour in the air coating us both, batter on the counter after a small food fight... But when we had some done miles sat down and ate as I cleaned up. Afterwards I had two and miles was packing his bag for munch's arrival. They would go see Millie today, miles was to excited and I was more then just ok with letting him be happy.

"Since someone was smart and wore a apron." I fake coughed at the boy, "all you need to do is wash your face. Then just be ready for munch kiddo."

He nodded, "ok uncle Rafa."

I leaned back and looked at the extra three waffles. I slipped them into a container I had my dinner in last night on the way over. A small container of syrup in the corner to give her a good buzz and I set it to the side.  _ **Drop by later and see if she might want food.**_ I smiled as miles came back out and sat with me for a card game or two.

The door opened and miles pounced on poor munch before he had a chance, "munch munch."

"Hello to you too." He chuckled, "hey miles, can you go grab your stuff and give the adults a minute?"

"Ok." He ran back to his room as I got up and started to grab my things so I could change in the bathroom.

Munch looked down the hall and then right back to me as I was turned away grabbing my things, "I have to ask, what's with you and Millie?"

"What do you mean?"

"She likes you, you obviously like her." He looked down the hall to check on miles, "I'm just looking out for her best interest."

"I don't think she needs you berating me." I glared, "I don't need to tell you anything."

 "She had a rough life. I'm only thinking about her and that boy." He looked back to me, "Stop playing with her, she won't be able to take it."

I opened my mouth but shut it as miles ran back up. Munch left with miles as I left for the office. I was infuriated, how or why would he go after me like that. _**Why would he think I liked Millie? Was I that obvious? Does she really like me? This is confusing, why would he said that.**_ I grabbed my things and was out the door.

* * *

_**Millicent** _

* * *

It was my fourth day in the hospital, or I believe it was. Everyday someone would visit, Amanda stopped by with Jesse. Fin checked in with some food he got pass the nurses. Sonny stopped in often, missing his partner and bringing candy in. Liv brought up Noah. Munch brought miles to see me. The only face I hadn't seen since the first night was Rafael. The only face I wanted to see was Rafael and miles right now. 

I was sat up, the dressings changed and the nasty hospital food was on my tray. I poked what I believe was chicken but it was dark and cold. Nothing looked good on the plate, so I gave it a small push and faked a gag as I earned a small chuckle from the door way. I turned to see Rafael.

"Sorry, I thought I would check in and bring some good food." He walked in and sat down a styrofoam container.

He moved the bad food and sat in the chair as I opened to find waffles and a large container of syrup, fresh from my kitchen.

"Sorry, me and miles made them this morning and they got a little cold." 

"No, no they are great." I chuckled as i took a syrup cover bite, "almost better then mine."

"I doubt that, or miles is really just amazing at everything." He smirked.

"That kid is." I sighed, "nothing that kid can't do."

"I get that feeling." He slipped his jacket off and tossed it over the back of the chair, "so, how are you doing?"

"Better. I'm looking good for the release Saturday morning." I sighed, "I don't feel my side as much and will have plenty of medication to forget with."

He paused and bit his lip, "Millie, munch had a talk with me today."

_**What kinda talk? Did munch tell raf about the rape? He couldn't prosecute it why would he do that?**_

"What about?" I tried to hold my voice steady.

"He thinks that.. well, he thinks you like me and I like you. You know, in a very friendly way." His cheek tinted red and I was dying to hide my face too.

 _ **Damn it munch, are you trying to kill me? I'm not ready for this... I can't do this.**_ I looked at my hands, trying to focus.

"Oh."

I couldn't focus on him. He's not seeing me when I'm this bad at hiding it.

"I told him he was out of line. Just because I spend time with you and miles, doesn't m-m-make it mo-re." He sputtered a little at the end.

"I swear that man is getting crazy as he gets older." I bit my lip and glanced up.

His cheeks still tinted but it wasn't the same nervous stare I probably returned.  _ **Why would munch push that? So what if I like the guy, he couldn't like me back. If he knew half of what I was before he would turn away like everyone else. It's not going to work.**_ My eyes wanted to water and I was holding it in as I laughed nervously.

"Sorry he did that, munch just kinda took over the role of my father. Tried to protect me and embarrass me... And maybe get himself killed if he tries again." I looked up, "sorry, habit."

"No it's fine." 

_**Tell him... Tell him it could be more. Maybe he wasn't crazy? Say something... Anything....** _

"Miles looked happy this morning. He said you two have been working on the boat." 

_**You idiot, that's not what I meant.** _

"yeah, he has been working really hard. Can't wait to sail it." He looked over, "but you have to be there too."

"I have to be there?"

"He doesn't want to do it without you there." He shrugged, "hopefully the doctor was right with his guess of Saturday. I would hate to see miles if you can't make it."

"Of course I'll be there, I promise." He looked at me, "tell him that."

 _ **And don't forget it, I'll be there for you too. I love miles but, I really want to be there with you too Rafa.**_ I closed my eyes, before I heard him pull the trash from the tray and throw it away.

"I don't want to be keeping you from your rest. You need all of it you can so you'll be there Saturday."

"Don't go." I whispered under my breath as he looked back to me.

"Sorry what was that?"

_**Don't go.... Stay. Please stay with me....** _

"Have a good day Rafa."

"You too Millie." He smiled and stepped out as I mentally kicked myself.  _ **Stupid... Stupid girl.**_

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

"Don't go." 

It was faint, a crackle from under her breath but I swore I heard those words, "Sorry what was that?"

**_Say it please, say it again. Suck it up and tell her so she'll say it too._ **

"Have a good day Rafa." She looked over and smiled at me.

"You too Millie." I forced a smile as I walked out.

Seeing her in that bed was killing me. Hearing things I wish she would say, things I know she won't... That's what was killing me. The girl I never knew I wanted, and I am imagining and changing the words that actually slip out of her mouth. I was going crazy.  _ **Maybe I need to take a few days off. I need to relax... Have a real date with a girl I'm not constantly trying to lie to a d say it's not a date in my head.**_ I walked out and on to my office, thinking about anything that could get my head out of this rut.

* * *

It was about six when I walked into SVU and miles pounced. Carisi and Rollins were watching him while munch talked to Liv. I hugged him and bent down to his level as he laughed.

"Hey kiddo, what are you up too?"

"Airplanes." He held up a paper airplane and threw it at Carisi.

"He is really good."

Miles laughed and sonny threw one back only for Amanda to smack it down, "you lose sonny."

"I win." Miles bounced up and down with his hands in the air.

I stood up and looked at the office, "how long have they been in there?"

"A while now." Amanda noted, "if you need her, just knock."

 I walked over and knocked, stepping in as she waved me in, "hey Rafael."

"Hello Liv, munch." I nodded, "We need to talk about the Dalton case."

"What now?" She sat down as I paused, "Rafael?"

I glanced at my phone, confused to see that name.

> _**Millie** _
> 
> _I want to see miles tonight if you don't mind. Could you stop by when you get done at the office?_

"Rafael?"

"Sorry. Just a message." I looked up, "Dalton is claiming the AA meeting was held by a minister. I need dirt on the supposed minister Richard Witt."

"Ok, we'll look into that." She glanced at munch, "is it ok of we talk to you?"

I suddenly understoof the bad feeling in my gut, back to the same spot as this morning with munch. The mood in the room shifted and I wanted to say no and go but, but I knew couldn't. I just nodded and sat down as I sat my coat on the back of the chair.

"What about?"

"Millie." Liv locked eyes, "is there...."

"No." I quickly let slip as they both watched, the worse thing to do with detectives is be too eager to deny, "there is nothing going on between us."

"What makes you think I was gonna ask that?"

"He did this morning." I nudged at munch, "if you don't mind..."

"I do. That was only the first part." Liv warned and munch sat on the edge of her desk.

Suddenly I was in elementary with Alex and Eddie waiting in the principal office on mom after starting a fight with my mouth. I tried not to shift but these two seasoned detectives were gonna get a reaction from me anyways.

"What's going on between you and Millie?" Munch asked.

"Nothing. I stop by for dinner, help with miles.... That's it."

"That's all?" Liv looked down at her desk, "you two aren't involved?"

"Involved?!" I stood up, "this is ridiculous Liv. I wouldn't jeopardize any case by hiding a relationship. That would mistrial all my cases since she started!"

"That's why we're asking." Munch watched me, "we have to watch out for the case work. Me more for Millie."

"For Millie? Why do you treat her like a child?" I looked over, "what's so different a out her that suddenly I can't be friends with her?"

"You can be friends, just not more." Liv finished, "not without disclosing."

"There is nothing between us, so if you don't mind..." I got up, "I'm leaving this conversation. Get the Info on Witt and I'm taking miles. Millie texted she wanted me to bring him by the hospital."

I left with a slightly angry look till I seen miles and smiled. I stopped at Millie's desk, catching the photo of her and miles at the dock during the winter and I couldn't hide the genuine smile when I focused on miles.

"So mommy wants you to come visit before bed. Wanna grab your things and we'll go?"

He lit up and grabbed his bag before taking my hand and walking out. I just wanted to see Millie, to sit there and watch her as she talked with miles and heard all about his day. The way her face glows, eyes twinkle, lips purse...  _ **I wish she looked like that because I was in the room. To give me that dreamy look and make her laugh that beautiful blush on full display.... I wish it was because of me.**_ I didn't waste time taking miles in, watching Millie help miles to sit on her legs criss-cross applesauce as they say. 

"How is my big boy today? What did you do all day without mommy?"

"Munch took me to the docks and then we ate and played at the park... Oh and we went to the bull pin and I played with uncle sonny and aunt amanda before raf came to get me." He smiled and held up the airplane, "see we made planes and were flying them!"

"Cool kiddo." She got him to lean in and kissed his head, "why were you waiting at the precinct for Rafa? Munch was gonna drop him off to you."

Her question went from miles to me. I opened my mouth but never had a chance as miles replied.

"He wanted to talk to Liv about you and Rafa."

* * *

_**Miles** _

* * *

I glanced around and seen them both staring at me. I looked back at mommy as she lifted up the plane, looking it over before pulling me in.

"You know what? I think the nurses will like the plane. I'll give you a dollar for the vending machine and have the nurses help you ok?"

I nodded as she plopped me on my feet on the cold tile floor and ran out the door but just past the door then sat down out of view. It took a moment, I thought they would sit in silence till I walked back in. But right when I was about to run off, mommy spoke.

"I'm sorry... I don't know what they said but I can guess the topic was about me and something from before I met you..."

"No, it was about you and me." 

I wanted to peek but mommy always said peeking was wrong, it's the quickest way to get caught. I sat still and waited again until a voice came through again.

"Munch and his crazy theories. I'm sorry he did that." 

"Don't worry about that, it's just awkward sitting in the office as they ask about us having... For lack of better term, sex."

_**Sex? Mommy works sex crimes.... Is it bad? Did aunt Liv and uncle Munch think mommy and rafa were doing something bad? Mommy would never...** _

"I don't know what to say. That is a huge jump." I heard shuffling and a few soft footsteps, "I'm sorry you had to deal with any of that. They are way out of line and I would talk with them if I wasn't positive they would do the same to me."

"I'm sorry if... If anything we've said or done has... You know. Given the wrong impression..."

"Don't it's not your fault. They are grasping at straws here." I leaned back against the glass as the chill cut through my shirt, "did miles hear any of it?"

"No of course not. They wouldn't discuss that infront of him."

 _ **Why? Sex must be bad. But why would aunt Liv and uncle Munch think raf and mommy did something bad? Why don't adults tell me anything?**_ I got up and ran off to get my snack and came back stopping out of view to hear a little more as the candy bar melts in my hand.

"Thanks for taking care of miles. I hope he isn't giving you to much trouble or anything."

 _ **Just kiss him already.**_ I rolled my eyes and walked in the door finishing the candy bar with my face covered in chocolate...

"Just kiss already." I giggled as I walked in the room and they both looked over chuckling.

"What?" Mommy motioned me over and wiped my face clean, "where did you get that from?"

"The nurse at the desk. She was watching a show and two people were talking and she shouted it." I shrugged, "I figure it was what people say."

She laughed and kissed my face, "you are something else there kiddo."

"I know." I smiled and wiggled in my spot as raf shook his head.

"Crazy kid." He mumbled in a playful tone and mommy laughed. 

"Hey mommy, what's sex?" I looked at her as both of them looked up in shock.

"What? Where did you hear that?"

"What is it?"

"Something we are definitely not talking about right now." She huffed like a wolf, "god you'll give me a heart attack."

"I'm hungry." My stomach growled.

"You just had a candy bar baby." She sighed, "don't be having all sweets now."

"Ok. Just a dessert mommy." I smiled big and she shook her head.

"No dessert. Eat something filling."

"Dessert is filling though."

"You will have real food before bed." Rafa stood and lifted me off the bed, "now let your mommy sleep."

I nodded and hugged her the best I could, running off with Rafa afterwards. He didn't hug mommy though, and I seen she wanted him too. She looked sad, like she didn't want him to go.

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

After the hospital, the next few days were easy. Miles didn't ask any questions I couldn't answer and Millie was getting better. I helped to finish the boat, make sure it was good to sail. Because this morning, I got miles up and went to the park. He was excited but still sad, even after the squad got there. Sonny was helping to distract and he ended up playing with Noah till I took him to scoop out the competition. We looked over all the boats and he was scared, some we're bigger, some from kits, and even some from stores premade. All sail boats that looked better then the ragged ship we made. The bright red boat with gold trim and a little sailor. So I left him to play with Noah again and switched out a few small things on the boat. The sailor was moved up the boat, a new captain at the helm and a new sail on the massive ship.... I chuckled as I thought about about him seeing it for the first time during the race.

I looked over at him trying to play happy but knew he wanted his mom, luckily she was limping our way now, "ok, where's my son." 

Miles tackled her and forced me and Carisi to catch her as she lost balance.

"Easy there tiger, mommy isn't in perfect health." She laughed and shifted to stand holding her side, "I still have time off and I really don't want to add to it."

"Sorry mommy." He loosened his grip as Carisi let go, i didn't.

My hand rested on her shoulder as she looked over and smiled, "thanks for watching him."

"No problem, miles loves hanging out with uncle Rafa... Right?" I nudged him and he nodded.

Everyone chuckled before they announced the boat race, all the kids waiting around the side of the small river to watch as the squad was at the end. I took miles over to the start and got the boat, holding it as he looked it over after my changes.

"That's not our boat?"

"Of course it is. It might not be as fancy or pretty as the others, but it's now better."

I let it rest in his hand as he looked over the pirate captain with a parrot and the original catain now tied to the mast. The sails was now black with a pirates cross bones and skull on it.

"I love it Rafa." He smiled and walked it over to the water, asking me to hold it with him for the release.

When the whistle was blown, the ship made it way down stream and I picked miles up to chase it. I had him on my shoulders so he could see over the crowd, running along carefully feeling like a kid again for a moment as we rounded on the end ahead of the ship and I sat him down. He ran to the squad as the ships came in, I sat with Millie on the benches with a blocked view to rest. My heart pounding since I couldn't tell you the last time I ran like that. I was leveling out my breathing as Millie smiled at me.

"Thanks... You know for playing the roll of father for me with this boat and the hospital and all." She smiled.

"Debería agradecerte por dejarme.(I should thank you for letting me.)" I chuckled softly.

She reached over and took my hand, giving a squeeze as everyone cheered. I looked over to her and she looked at me a moment. It felt like time froze, sound drifted off to the far background.... I was alone with Millie. She squeezed my hand tighter, pulling me in slightly so she wouldn't have to twist and hurt the wound during the kiss. My eyes closed, heart pounded, but the only part I really felt was her lips against mine. As quick as it began, it ended. We both pulled back and looked ahead to the boats as miles held his boat and bounced. The top three announced, he didn't win but his boat got best in design. He ran over to us, still in shock after what just happened to tell us exactly what we missed.

"I won mommy!" He held up the boat and a little red trophy, "not first or third but best boat! They loved the pirate theme!"

"That's awesome kiddo." She pulled him up on her lap for a photo as he held the boat and trophy.

**_What just happened? Did I miss something? Had she been giving me hints and I was just blind..... Liv and munch were right._ **

* * *

**_Millie_ **

* * *

_**What the hell did you just do! You did not kiss him, in public.... Or at all. Your co-worker... Come on girl.**_ I hid my self-beratement from everyone and just hoped Rafael wasn't freaking out. ** _I think I screwed up, I went to far but nothing can be done now._** I gave miles a hug as everyone gathered around, cheering and applauding him. 

"Ok kiddo, you won breakfast on me." Rafa smiled and lifted him up on his shoulders, "the rest of you are on your own."

I slowly got up with a hand from him and Liv, "mom eats free. She made the talented boy and was you know shot. I guess it's only polite and well mannered but..."

He chuckled and nodded, "ok, I'll pay for you too."

I walked slowly in the back of the group. Liv and Noah walking with me. Watching miles on rafa's shoulders only made me regret my hasty kiss less.  _ **Should I regret it?**_


	7. The curious case of Millicent Mayes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the brief kiss, Rafael and Millie have to figure out what they want. Millie's past comes out in full force.

* * *

_**Millicent** _

* * *

I wasn't thinking, that's what I told myself after I kissed the ADA. The truth, however, I couldn't stop thinking about it. I could only hope no one saw and Rafael didn't reject or embarrass me... If I could even talk to him. As of right now being home all the time with miles to recover fully before work, I haven't seen him. Honestly, it's been a day but, I really wished he stopped in and we could throw it all on the table. As crazy as it sounded to me, I was ready to show my hand if he was.

At the moment, I was walking into SVU. Munch took miles for a few hours so I could have the chat with Liv and see where we were as I recover. The only problem was at the moment, I would rather talk about me falling for Raf instead of what she wanted me to talk about. That's why my leg was shaky, my hands in my pockets playing with lint and eyes glued to the floor. I was everything I saw a million times before and I was about to meet the final step... Liv was going to talk me through everything and recommend trial since the guy not only left DNA but shot me years later. It was circling the drain right now, my life as I knew it. But I wasn't expecting this welcome as I stepped into the bullpen. All eyes on the shot cop, the room dead silent and my small trembles started to grow. **_They're looking at you... All eyes on you._** My foot started to shake on my step when the silence was broken.

"Ok back to work."

I looked up and seen fin not only standing but looking around as everyone turned away and looked busy, **_Oh thank God... Fin you are my hero right now._** I looked at him with the straightest face possible and was met with a nod as he pretended to work too. It felt like years to make it to Liv's door but as I did, it opened and her warm smile pulled me in.

"Millie, glad you could make it."

"Yeah, me too. My legs weren't feeling too sure on the ride up or the walk in." I stepped in and sat down on her couch.

"Everyone just wants to see if you're good after the gunshot." She sighed, "Which brings me to why I called you in."

"You want to try my case." I whispered it and looked at my hands as she sat beside me.

"It's good to face your fears. You need to heal eventually."

"Last time I tried to heal I lost my family." I shook my head, "I was a wreck. If that happened again from digging this up I could lose miles."

"You can't lose miles. The only person able to file custody is in jail right now and if you go against him in court he'll never get out."

"Really? I could be taking him to see the bastard in sing sing every weekend." I glared, "I can't do this."

"There is no way he could get custody." Liv rubbed my back, "he has a long rap sheet and assault is topping it off. Whether the rape sticks or not, he will never see his son."

"You can't promise me that." I started to get up and she pulled me down gently.

"I can. I will." She made me look over, "you have to be the example for all the women and girls that are in your spot."

"Liv, no. This isn't that."

"He is guilty of attempted murder on a cop. He's going away on that. If we can get the rape charge in he'll never see the light of day or the son he doesn't know about." She stood up.

"No one would be stupid enough to take that to court."

"Barba might." She stopped at her desk, "in fact, he should be here at any time to hear the details. I'll let him decide if it should go to court."

"Barba?" My heart stopped, I felt the air leave my body and head spinning, "he couldn't try the case, he's a friend and co-worker."

"He handled William Lewis and my kidnapping. Besides, he doesn't know anything but that I was looking to add a charge aside from the attempted murder of an officer." She sat at her desk, "I figured if he hears it from you, he might get a better feel for how this case should go."

I blank out, her lips moving but no sound finding me ** _. I kiss him at the boat race when no one is looking and never say a thing about it. Two days later I have to sit and tell him I got pregnant by rape and my family disowned me... Maybe that last part can be left out. But....but miles can't know. He doesn't need to know his dad yet, maybe when he's older but not now._** I took a breath barely as the door opened and my head snapped over.

"Rafael, come in." Liv waved him in.

"You wanted to talk about charges? I don't know what else I can file on him. The attempted murder is hefty enough...." He took off his coat and tossed it on a chair before he seen me on the couch.

"She wants to add rape." I slowly looked up as he turned to me wide-eyed, "my rape.

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

"You’re rape?" I turned to Liv and then back to Millie, "there was no rape reported and no time for...."

 ** _Not that rape stupid._** I tried to shake the thought as Millie looked at her folded hands.

"No, five years ago. The man that shot me was the same one that assault and raped me five years ago."

"Wait... Five years ago?" I turned to Liv.

"Me and munch worked the case. It was forced and he deserves the extra time for it and everything else he's done."

 I looked back to Millie and she sniffled and leaned back on the couch, "I told her it's ridiculous. I know there isn't a statute of limitations because of the force but, it's not black and white."

"Ok just slow down." I took a breath, "to even consider it, I have to hear evidence and everything else."

"Already pulled." Liv handed me the file, "I am having the lab run the sample against the rape kit. It can't come back perfect because the kit was diluted but we can get a partial and her testimony."

I nodded and sat down, turning a chair to face Millie as she slowly found courage to look up at me, "just start from the beginning. If you want this case in court, tell me everything."

She paused and I swore she would walk out but Liv sat beside her. She looked me in the eyes and I was amazed that her voice found its way out.

"Ok but, Miles doesn't know. I told him he doesn't have a dad. He died and never even knew about him.... I guess I was half right." She locked eyes with me, "he doesn't need to know. He doesn't see court or any case work if you choose to use this."

"You have my word." I leaned forward.

"Ok... Let's do this." She rubbed her arm and closed her eyes.

* * *

_**Millie's story** _

* * *

_It was about eight pm when I clocked out. I was only a few months in on the job and after a lot of jokes on the rookies, I was stuck without plain clothes. It wouldn't be a long drive home so I went with it, walking out in uniform and hearing the laughs._

_"Hey Mayes, you're not supposed to be stripping in uniform." One guy winked._

_I shoved him to the side and flipped him off, "you would know Collins."_

_I pushed the doors open and walk about a block to the car. I had unbuttoned a few buttons so I could breath, sitting down my gym bag of everything except clothes so I could find my keys. **Of course I lose them now. I just want to get to the flat.** I fingered the metal and had just started to slip the key in as I seen blood drip down my view. I felt a massive sting and my body caved and slammed into the concrete. I blinked back the fuzzy haze trying to focus on what happened._

_"Oh pretty girl, you could use a good fuck." He mumbled as he rolled me over to see the uniform and badge, "shit."_

_I blinked and managed to get a little bit of focused vision. Hovering above me was a young guy with shaggy hair and a slightly crooked smile. Deep blue eyes staring down as his sharp cheek bones stayed firm. I couldn't tell if he was a druggie or if he planned this, then a knife made its way to my throat._

_"Let's be good, don't fight." He reached down and all I felt was cold as he ripped my shirt off and rolled me back over. I felt metal on my wrists and the chill of the air on exposed skin with a small sting on my thigh._

_My panties were in my mouth, a line of blood going down my face. My head pounding like a base drum, eyes getting heavy as he pushed in from behind. I couldn't feel it, my body went numb and I was struggling to not pass out. I was telling myself what he looked like, then I tried to focus in what he was doing. Nails dug into hips as he pulled my body to him. My cheeks were turning red from the pounding, bits of black as he squeezed and smacked them. Hands cuffed tight as he pulled out and flipped me over, the cuffs and my body cutting of blood flow to my hands. He pulled a sock off and tied it tight across my mouth so I couldn't scream or spit the panties out. My legs weren't tied but I couldn't find strength to move them as I barely found strength to stay awake. He pinned them by my head and pushed back in as he bent me into a tight spot to bring his release quicker. It was only seconds, maybe minutes, and suddenly he pulled out and zipped up. He looked at my car and the water I was carrying and doused me in it to clean up. He got in the car and found another bottle that he shoved partially in to insure I was truly washed out as he ran off and left me there in the bitter cold. I wasn't awake much longer, not surprising when I could feel the concussion and hear a scream and feet approaching as I was laid out._

* * *

Her words sat on my chest, the detail alone was enough to make me flinch. I was saying this was just another case but I knew it was Millie and I was done. Liv was talking and I barely heard as I opened the folder and read the original statement, it matched her story.

"Rafa?"

I looked over, "sorry?"

"I asked if you can charge." Liv was standing again and walking to her desk.

"It was forced, you had severe injury..." I closed my eyes, "if you take the stand, I think we can do this."

"Even without the DNA?" I peeked at her as she was looking for any sign of a lie.

"It won't be easy but, I think we can."

"Ok, let me go check on the Dalton case and..." Liv stopped as her phone rang and she shook her head, "right away chief."

She shut the door when she left, leaving us alone. **_Millie, I'm sorry. No one deserves that, especially you._** My lips couldn't form words, they couldn't split from the thin pressed line they were in.

"I'm sorry." She whispered.

"What do you have to be sorry for?"

"Not telling you before." She was almost in tears.

I didn't even realize what happened till I was on the couch holding her as she sobbed, "I didn't need to know. No one needs to know that if you don't want them too."

"But I got pregnant from this bastard, he wiped his prick off on me and I somehow got pregnant." She was shaking as I squeezed her tighter, "I kept a baby that was from a man brutally raping me like I was nothing. I fucking lost everything...."

"What could you have lost?"

 ** _You idiot, why would you say that? Did you common sense with rape victims suddenly leave because it's Millie?_** I missed her tremble and look of horror at her lips giving more than what she wanted. I felt her push away slightly and her face came even with mine again... It just happened. As if I would ever have a kink for crying women, it just slipped out.

* * *

_**Millicent** _

* * *

I pulled away from his chest only to come lip to lip with him, a sweet kiss much like the gut twisting one in the park. It was wrong, I know it... But I needed it.

I pulled back and cleared my throat as he loosened his grip but didn't let his hands really leave me, "sorry..."

"No, no that was my fault." He cleared his throat and looked down.

 ** _Maybe I have been missing it.... Two kisses in three days. I definitely don't want it to stop... No stop._** I felt my back crack slightly as I stood and his hands left my body, suddenly I was beyond cold.

"No, no that was me." I walked to Liv's desk, "damnit Millie."

 I felt his eyes now focused on me. **_He must think I'm crazy... Two kisses that are 'accidents', no chance. You are really stupid sometimes Millie girl._** I knew he was looking at me, I was being a fool. **_He is your friend, your colleague, the possible ADA trying your case and...._**

"Ok, ir por la quiebra aquí, era munch verdad?(going for broke here, was munch right?)"

I froze, trying to place what he meant till our talk hit me from before. Munch saying we like each other. I started to bounce my right leg, left arm hold my right one tight enough I'm surprised it had blood flow.

"I-i-i-i...." I swore the temperature shot up and I couldn't catch my breath.

**_What is wrong with me?_ **

"Millie? Are you ok?"

Raf had walked up behind me at some point and I never noticed till his voice was by my shoulder ** _. My head, I... I...._**

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry I kissed you." I quickly started to turn my head when my vision blurred, "I don't want to ruin our..."

My eyes went wide as the light hit them and I started to fall back. I didn't feel the impact, the hard cold floor.... But then again, I didn't feel anything. Until his hand pressed to my throat.

"Millie? Millie stay with me." Raf was leaning over me, "come on, don't make me call for a squad."

My eyes flickered open and suddenly I felt the closeness, he was practically on top of me and I see the door open and the squad pulling a phone to call for help.

"Please don't." I whispered, "I'm fine, I just need some sleep.... Probably at home in a bed and not Liv's office floor."

"You passed out." Fin was about to give the call when Raf pulled me up.

"I got her." He held me steady a moment and then only let go once I looked over, "I can walk her home, my work is just writing arguments and questions. I can stay with her till miles and munch get back."

Fin nodded and Amanda put her phone up. Carisi frowned and was about to say something when Amanda gave him a small glare. **_Ok, what is sonny thinking? Did he see everything?_** I felt a little dizzy again and it clicked. **_You had a panic attack, you're trying again. Breathe._**

"Ok, take me home." I closed my eyes as everyone accepted my choice.

Raf walked me out and down the way, in silence. It felt wrong in so many ways, silence is deadly right now in my head. But the idea of Raf asking about anything started in the office was definitely worse.

 "Millie." Raf looked over at me and I barely had the courage to look his way, "not wanting another panic attack but, Munch estaba en lo cierto?(was Munch right?)"

I just stared at him and he nodded, "no I'm just making a fool of myself."

I bit my lip but turned to him and pulled him in close on the public street for anyone to see, "no... No he was."

* * *

_**Miles** _

* * *

"Miles, what are you drawing?" Sarah sat down beside me as I was coloring a picture.

"Mommy and uncle Rafa." I smiled.

"Uncle Rafa?" She turned to munch, "I didn't know Millie was dating."

"She's not, supposedly." Munch sat down with two coffee mugs and handed me milk, "he's the ADA."

"Not a bad choice." Sarah laughed and munch didn't look as amused.

"Mommy and Rafa should date, he's nice and fun to play with. Mommy laughs at his jokes but I don't get them most the time." I shrugged, "and they kissed."

"They kissed?" Munch looked over quickly.

"Yeah, at the boat race. Rafa put me down, sat by mommy and I looked up to make sure they were watching as the boat came in only to see them face to face." I blinked and took my two hands in the shadow puppet good styles, put the tips together and rubbing them like I seen kids do on TV to tease adults about kissing.

"Oh?" Sarah smiled and leaned in towards munch.

"Don't you two kiss now." I stuck my tongue out and hopped off the chair, "yucky adults."

She laughed, "sorry miles."

I shook my head and walked away to the bathroom as they kept laughing.

* * *

_**John** _

* * *

I sat at the table laughing and looked at Sarah, "ok, so I was right and neither of them told the truth."

"Be nice John." She kissed my cheek, "they had a reason."

"Yeah, so don't rapists." I leaned back, "I can't believe she would do this. Risk her job and all the cases that can reopen."

 "Maybe she isn't? Maybe miles didn't see the whole picture or mistaken."

I watched her stand up and walk to the kitchen, "so how do I find out?"

"Try not acting like a cop John, you retired remember."

I closed my eyes, thinking about calling Liv. **_Millie already went off for saying anything to Barba. Maybe this is better left forgotten? I don't need to play big brother, I just need to help her where I can. I promised her that._** I looked up as Miles was playing with Sarah and laughing ** _. It's not hurting her and it's not hurting miles. Let it go._** I watched on for a second, thinking about how it all started.

> _Almost eight p.m. and I was sitting at my desk looking across the way to the cop. Millicent Mayes was barely held together after only a few hours out of the hospital. Me and Liv pushing her family away to protect her from hearing their hate._
> 
> _"You're doing the right thing?" I handed her a hot chocolate._
> 
> _"Am I? I'm keeping a kid out of my choice and my family disowned me and took my last name from me... Literally." She stared down at the cup, "restraining orders, I can't even see my little brother. Not that my family cared since I wasn't what they wanted."_
> 
> _"Why did you want to be a cop?" I looked at her._
> 
> _"Because I watch cops come and go from my dad's courtrooms before he climbed the ladder." She looked up at me, "out of everyone, I could always spot the cop. They had a different way about them, a moral standard and I wanted to be that. I wanted to wear the uniform and feel like I was part of something seeing as I never got that growing up."_
> 
> _"So the debutante became a cop."_
> 
> _"I wasn't a debutante, I was thrown out." She smirked, "all I ever wanted was to feel like I actually had friends and family, like I belonged.... Now I don't even have the fake family I was born to."_
> 
> _"No, you have better." I smiled at her, "you have blue blood. As much as I am against big brother and all of that, it feels good to have that."_
> 
> _She nodded and sipped the cup, sitting it down and frowning, "hey munch, do you have kids?"_
> 
> _"No, four ex-wives and not one thought I would be a good father."_
> 
> _She chuckled, "you would've been a damn good one."_
> 
> _"I doubt that."_
> 
> _"No really, you would've. If you really want I guess I need a dad. I mean, I was completely disowned and I can't survive without at least some help." She leaned in, "I am a young woman so it would be without most the annoying kid stuff."_
> 
> _"Ok, maybe that could work." I watched her smile._
> 
> _"I think I could get use to this place."_
> 
> _"You have a lot of work before you can play with the big dogs in here."_
> 
> _She just raised a brow and held her stomach, "nothing to hold me back anymore."_

* * *

_**Carisi** _

* * *

"Hey Carisi, are you in there?" Amanda tapped my head, "you're not listening."

"Ok, I'm a little worried." I looked over, "Millie didn't look to good."

"That's why she is laying down." Fin looked over.

"With Barba on top of her." Amanda mumbled as we both looked at her, "what you two going to say you don't think something is going on there."

"No. She wouldn't jeopardize all our cases just to hide the fact she's dating Barba." I shook my head.

"Who says they haven't? They can hide it from us while disclosing properly."

"But why would they do that?"

"Cause Millie likes to be mysterious." Fin mumbled, "You know she has a case with us and no one know the details except Cragen and the detectives that worked it. Liv and munch."

"She has a good reason." I tried, "you know, personal stuff. Fin doesn't share a lot of his life. Don't say you do either."

Amanda rolled her eyes, "yeah but it's different."

"How?"

"You’re her partner, tell us what you know about her."

I paused and was thinking of anything I could, "She has a son miles that's almost five. Grew up in New York, a house not an apartment or brownstone because she always complains about them. Only child, decent jobs for her parents because she has a lot of skills...."

I shrugged and they looked over, "skills?"

"She can fight like a MMA fighter and said something about classes. Talked in detail with a little girl about dance to calm her down and said a lot of words I didn't know and I had three sisters. That debutante case we had, the one with the pageant toddlers, she sounded like she actually knew all that stuff and hated with a passion I could only guess came from a former contestant." I stopped, "she's just complicated."

The moment was interrupted as a young kid came walking in to the bullpen. Private school uniform and a fancy backpack over one shoulder. He was looking around, stopping as we seen him.

"Can we help you?" I leaned forward to engage him better.

"I'm looking for a detective. Her name is Millie." He looked at us, "I don't know what last name she uses, maybe Masterson."

"I'm sorry no Masterson, but we do have a Millie Mayes."

"Millicent?" He looked hopeful.

"Yeah, but she isn't here right now. I'm her partner." I glanced around then back at the young boy that looked a little like miles, "where's your parents?"

"At home, they don't know I'm here." He walked over to me, "can you tell me where Millie went?"

"I'm sorry, but how old are you?"

"Eight." He sighed, "Please I need to see if it's her."

"I'm sorry..."

The boy pulled out a photo and handed it to me, "is this her? Does that look like your partner?"

Amanda and fin both glanced at me, I was mystified at the sight. It looked like a Millie but not like the Millie I knew. Her hair was almost to her waist, black hair and wearing a dress as she held a little boy that looked like miles but had blue eyes instead of green. **_That couldn't be Millie._**

The boy leaned in and took the photo back carefully not to rip it, "she is shorter, black hair and Amber eyes. They have a reddish orange hue that looks like a cat’s eye."

 "That sounds like her." I sighed.

"Please I need to see her. It's important." He begged again.

"I'm sorry, I can't give out personal information."

"But she's my sister."

We all looked at that with fin speaking first, "guess you were wrong on the only child thing."

* * *

_**Millicent**_

* * *

I was standing at the door of the building, holding Raf tight to me as he did the same. I missed my phone ringing and honestly didn't care. The only thing I wanted right now was to be alone with Raf. Working quickly to get up to my place and away from the public eyes.


	8. Like crazy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Millicent and Rafael open up as she faces a twist.

* * *

_**Millicent** _

* * *

 "No... No he was." I bit my lip but turned to him and pulled him in close on the public street for anyone to see. 

 Arms wrapped around his neck, stretching a little more then I should with my wound. Going on my tip toes to put me at his height and my lips barely grazing his as our eyes meet. I couldn't feel his breath but then again I was holding my own by accident. Then it happened... Another kiss and this time no pulling back. Raf lifted me up carefully as I winced at his hand on my hip that immediatly dropped to my ass. He lifted me up gently as my legs wrapped around his waist.

"Munch was right." I whispered again.

"Your bleeding." Raf pointed to the blood on my shirt.

"Yeah it kinda hurts." I started to pull back to look but he scooped me up.

"Well then let's get you up to your apartment and see how bad it is." He shifted so I wasn't bending the wound.

He carried me up two flights of stairs, opened the door and carried me to my bed in the back. He went to get a few washcloths and came in with a wet one to check the wound. I pulled my shirt up and he checked to find it opened a little. The scar tissue ripped a little so he cleaned it and put a new pad on it. I watched him, noticing my blood on his nice white pin-striped shirt. 

"Rafa you..."

He stood up to toss the cloths in the washer, "let me at least rinse them for you. Blood will stain it."

"Your shirt as well."

He paused and glanced down to see the blood smear, "that is not good." 

He walked out of the room and I heard the washer. After a minute, he was coming back down the hall. I was just laying here, kicking myself for ruining the moment.  _ **Oh how did you and Rafael first start dating? Well I had been shot and decided to kiss him like an idiot and rip open my wound. Stupid... Stupid...**_

"Como te sientes?(How you feeling?)" Rafael asked as he approached the door.

"It does..." My mouth stopped working as Rafael walked back in without a shirt and with his suspenders hanging, "ssssssn't hurt t-t-to much."

I felt my pulse pounding out of my chest as he looked up. I felt off but then again, I was focuing on Rafael and nothing that allowed me to think straight.  _ **i'm surprised I got actual words out of my mouth.**_ His eyes looked to me and he looked down with a blush on his face.

"Sorry, I need to treat the shirt or I would be out a gift." He took a deep breath, "could I borrow a shirt?"

"Uh, if you can find one that fits." I looked down, trying not to blush as heavily as he did.

"You might need something too." He was looking through the closet and found an old shirt of mine from when I was pregnant and pulled a tank top for me.

He tossed mine on the bed and slipped into his. It was scrunched up on the sides, side striped and a deep v-neck. I bit back a chuckle as he turned around, very pink cheeks glowing on his face.  _ **Oh Rafa.**_

"You couldn't just have a hoodie I can wear." He mumbled as you blinked and tried not to laugh.

"Oh Rafael, it looks great on you."

"Not funny. I feel like RuPaul." He looked at you.

"And if anyone at work seen this you would be more of a King Henri III." I winked as his pink cheeks left for anger at that moment.

"You wouldn't dare." He challenged and sighed, "I should help with your top."

"Seeing as I can't move, it would be appreciated." I watch carefully as he moved my way.

He sat in the bed and was peeling the bloody shirt off me. I closed my eyes as my bra was exposed. I didn't want to see his face as he looked at the mess I was, I already knew how pink my cheeks were. He lifted only me enough to pull the top off as I struggled to not cover up or move. I heard a chuckle and peeked to see he was looking down at me.

"How weird is it that we can look at rape images and brutalized victims but not each other." It was meant as a joke, to loosen me up and not feel so awkward but we had litterally just said how much we like each other and he was in my shirt and I was barely covering my chest.

"Sorry, I just." I closed my eyes and covered my chest the best I could.

"Entiendo(I understand)." He finished, "would it be easier if I just waited out in the living room?"

_**It would be easier if we weren't in clothes but I'm not sure if that would give me a stroke at this point.** _

"no, no then I would feel alone." I felt a shiver then a blanket being laid over me.

"Ok... But if you can't stop laughing I'm going to risk the drive home."

"In that case..." I looked at him, "closet by the door has a extra large hoodie in it."

He rolled his eyes and went back out and came in in the hoodie, "how long were you going to let me stay in that shirt?"

"You don't want to know the answer." 

He laughed as he fell beside me on the bed. I was thinking about everything I wanted to do to him in that moment, then everything I should do while injured. This thought was broken not by his words like I wanted but by my phone ringing for the sixth time.

"Deberías contestar eso.(You should answer that)."

"I told them I didn't feel good and they still call." I groaned, "I'm not even able to be on duty for two weeks at least."

"Fair enou..." His words were cut off by his phone, "yeah Liv."

"Shit." I covered my face to hide my wince from the pain of moving.

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

"Rafa, have you seen Millie?"

"Yeah, she's here with me." I closed my eyes and heard Liv sounding very uncomfortable with this call now.

"I don't want to know why... I need her here now."

"She ripped her wo..."

Liv cut in, "I need her here. It's a complication on the Dalton case. You'll be getting the call here soon."

"Ok, we'll be there." 

I hung up, sitting up and looking at Millie. She peeked past her arm and I pulled her top down a little and ever so delicately helped her up. She grabbed a jacket and slipped on shoes, walking to the door with me as I called a Uber.

"Oh by the way, I wouldn't."

I glanced over at her as we carefully rode down the elevator, "wouldn't what?"

"Tell anyone about you in my preggo shirt."

I smiled at her as she leaned in on me for balance and I put an arm around her while no one could see.  _ **Why does it feel so right?**_ Luckily an uber was nearby and we had no wait, getting in and heading to the precinct.

"What did she want from me?" Millie looked over, "should I be worried?"

"She just said she needed you."

"I need to be worried." She leaned into the seat to take pressure off the fresh opening.

"She wouldn't yell at you in front of the squad or while you are bleeding." I offered, "I can always help out and say you should go to the emergency room."

"No, then she would kill me." She looked over, "I just hope she doesn't bombard me like her and munch did to you."

I paused but couldn't be mad about the statement, she really shouldn't be taking that stress. But our thoughts were cut short as the car stopped and I was helping her out. The door had shut and not even two steps from the curb I heard feet running towards us. I barely catch her as a young boy tackled her legs.  _ **Why is mi.... That's not miles.**_

"Millie!"

"Waylon." She paused, "What...?"

"They said you were dead." He squeezed tighter as I watched her face almost empty.

"Millie..." I started to say something and I heard a sharp inhale and her eyes focused.

"Waylon, what are you doing here?" She winced but squated down to his size.

"They said you were dead and I seen the paper... I had to see for myself." He was still clutching to her like a battered child, "please Millie, don't make me go back."

"You have to." She put her nose in the boys hair trying to hide her tears, "Waylon, go home. You can't be here. You can't be near me."

"But mill..."

"Ways, no. I can not legally be near you. Go home." She let go of him.

He stepped back sniffling, tugging his backpack straps, "please don't make me go back, they don't care about me."

I was helping her stand as a small wince came out and she held her side. The busy sidewalk ignoring the scene until a man in a suit walked over and put his hands on the boys shoulders.

"You make my work easy Millicent." He pulled a blue folded court paper and handed it to her, "should've known you would be with Waylon."

"Jethro, I didn't..."

"Save it for the judge." He smiled and started to pull the boys hand.

"Millie!" The boy fought for a moment.

"You have to go home Ways."

Once the two were gone, I felt Millie grip her side tight and I shouldered her weight, "what was that?"

"My next headache." She grumbled, "I'm sorry. Tell Liv I can't do it."

She started to turn around when I caught her, "Millie, look at me..." I seen red eyes on the verge of tears and caved, "Te llevaré a casa.(I'll take you home.)"

I waved down a cab and slipped her in, taking the papers as I got in behind her. My curiosity was growing by the moment, I opened it up and started to pull out my phone but dropped it on my lap when I was reading.

"Violation of restraining order?" I glanced up, "Qué me estoy perdiendo?(what am i missing?)"

"That was my brother. And the man was my parents attorney." She leaned on me, on instinct I put my arm around her for comfort, "when I was raped my parents were ashamed of me and wanted me to move back in with them. When I told them I was pregnant with rapists child, they set up an abortion and I didn't go. So they threw me out the moment I said I was keeping him and naming him Miles."

"Restraining order?"

"My parents got a restraining order against me and named my brother as the main one. They told me I would never see him again and they hope I die." She shivered.

"How did they get a restraining order for nothing?"

"My dad. He pulled some favors." She slowly pulled the paper from my hand and pointed to the parent signature.

My heart slowed down and I felt like I was in a daze.  _ **Wait... Millie is... No. No he never had a daughter.**_ I looked at the name and couldn't help it.

"Your father is judge Masterson. As in chief judge Masterson of New York state court of appeals?" I looked at her and she rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, that one." 

"Your father is the highest up judge of New York state."

"See why it never came up in conversation." She looked angry so I backed off.

"Sorry, I just... I never would have guessed."

"No one ever does. Most judges would be proud of their kids being cops. Mine wanted me as a house wife to give him better standing." She sat up but stayed close so my arm never left her, "he abused his power so I can never see my brother."

"I'm sorry." I whispered as she then pulled away.

"No, just forget it." She opened the door and got out as I paid the cabbie and caught her at her door.

"Millie..."

"Forget about it raf. The charge will be dropped in the morning so daddy doesn't look bad." She stopped at the door, "you don't have to stay."

"But I want to." 

It went silent and I looked up,  _ **Did that slip out? Oh God she must think I**_ _ **'...**_

"Ya somos dos.(that makes two of us.)" She gave a half smile and waited till I walked up the steps to open the door, "I could use a sympathetic ear if you're willing?"

"Anything for you Millie." 

* * *

_**Olivia** _

* * *

I checked the phone, sixth time in a half hour and still no Millie. I was about to call Rafael to talk to him and her when munch walked in and Miles was talking to Sonny.

"What happened?"

"Miles told me about a detective and ADA kissing in the park, literally behind our backs." He sat down across from me.

"I knew this would be bad." I pulled a file, "Dalton's lawyer is saying it was a bad bust. Claimed Millie jumped the gun and got shot only after cornering and threatening the perp."

"What do you want to do?" Munch leaned back.

"I guess I have to talk to them." I grabbed my bag, "I'll drop Miles off unless you want to tag along."

"No, Sarah is expecting me back shortly." He got up, "just help her think straight. I never had kids so I didn't have to deal with love sick teenagers."

I smirked as I walked out and grabbed Mile's bag. He hugged me and came along as I told everyone to go home and get some rest. I was determined to make sure nothing was going to go wrong, nothing is derailing a case. It was a quick drive, getting to the building and walking up to the buzzer to get in.

"Yes?"

_**Barba is still at her place? I'm definitely going to hate this talk.** _

"It's Liv, I need to talk to you two and Miles wants to go to bed." I looked down at the kid as he yawned.

"Ok. One moment." He left his finger on the button as Millie yelled which button opened the door. 

The door finally opened, letting us run up and Miles knocked before I had a chance. Rafael opened the door in a hoodie and suit pants,  _ **Ok? Tell me they aren't ....**_

"Hi Rafa." Miles hugged him and ran back, "night Rafa."

"Night Miles." He chuckled and motioned me in as he shut the door again, "your mother wants a hug."

Miles ran back and Rafa motioned me to follow, "Millie is laying down. She ripped some of the wound open."

"Is she ok?"

"Yeah, I have just been making her lay down." He stopped by the door as miles hugged her then went towards his bedroom.

I glanced at her and then to Rafa, they were both silent and I know probably uncomfortable. I was uncomfortable. I walked in and raf shut the door before sitting down on the edge of the bed as I took the only chair.

"Sorry we did the make it in Liv. My side opened and we were outside when..." She stopped and closed her eyes, "nevermind."

"Waylon." I looked at her nod and raf not being confused, "I assume you told him about him."

"I told him everything." She shifted to look at me, "don't get use to it though."

"Is it because you two are a item?"

They both went to wide eyed, I couldn't read them. Figuring I was right or at least partly right, I waited in silence. Baiting them into explaining and surprisingly waiting almost a minute before I heard any sound.

"We're no..." Raf was cut off by Millie, "we aren't dating."

I looked between them and the small flinch from Rafa as she spoke.

"I asked raf to fill in like a father since Miles took to him so well. We went to the movies or had movie marathon here but never dates. He comes over to help with stuff but it _was_ nothing..."

"Was?" I caught her stressing that word, "so you two did kiss at the boat race."

Rafael looked over, his look pleading for me to stop. Millie nodded and closed her eyes.

"How...?"

"Miles told munch." I narrowed my eyes in on raf, "do you two just want all our cases questioned or reopened?"

"Of course not." She glared at me, "That was the first time we kissed ok. We were talking it out when you called and then running into Waylon I just.... I-i-i-i... I just needed a little space and comfort and the squad wasn't the place."

"So you two aren't dating?"

"No... Not exactly." Raf stood up and walked over to the door to lean on, "that's what we were trying to talk about when you showed up."

"I should've know munch was right." My whisper was faint as I sat back, "good to know. Now I have a lot more to worry about then the new argument the defense has."

"What new argument?" Raf looked at me.

"Dalton's lawyer is saying it was a bad bust. Claimed Millie jumped the gun and got shot only after cornering and threatening the perp." I shook my head, "He also put the validity of the statement brown gave into question. Claiming the religous Belief compares it to AA and Carisi says he has a chance."

"That's ridicul..."

"Carmen called me because she couldn't get ahold of you." I interrupted, "He'll add conspiracy with this happening."

"Sorry." He whispered and held his face, "nada va bien.(nothing is going right.)"

"Liv, I take the blame." Millie pulled my attention, "please just, just leave Barba out of this. It's all my fault. I ruined the bust."

"You didn't ruin it."

"I was shot and gave them leverage for a mistrial."

Watching raf engage her was making me feel dumb for missing this originally. The were arguing like a couple and she was willing to take the sword to protect his reputation...  ** _Millie, why are you always like this? You fall hard and you break faster._** They went back and forth a moment before I cut in.

"I don't care who started this, I want it by the book. This guy isn't walking on rape because a detective and a ADA couldn't be civil."

I stood up and started to walk out as Rafa chased me down, "Liv wait."

"You know better Rafa." It slipped out, the small judgemenal overtone.

"Liv, please..."

"She is half your age almost." 

"You think I don't know that." He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, "I don't know how it happened and nothing has happened between us. Especially to warrant that tone."

"Rafa, she's half your age. She has a son to worry about. Dedicated to her work." I paused, "she gets in over her head, she does it well." 

"Where are you going with this?"

I looked down and glanced to make sure no one else heard, "are you sure you like her? Or is it having a younger woman liking you that draws you in."

"I beg your pardon." He glared, "I just said nothing has happened between us..."

"You kissed."

"And we don't even know what it means. Why would I tell you if I can't explain it?"

"Everyone sees it you know." I walked to the door, "figure this out and how to deal with it. The defense would be happy to use this to get Dalton off."

* * *

_**Miles** _

* * *

I listened carefully for the feet to return to mommy's room. It took a moment but they did and they were heavy so it had to be Rafa's. Once they we're back I heard a click and rolled out of bed and ran over to their quietly. Ear pressed against it, I listened closely.

"Liv's right, this is a bad." He sighed, "Dalton can get off easy if this is put before the court."

"We haven't done anything wrong." Mom stressed her voice like when I don't listen to her, "we aren't together in that way and it was a harmless kiss no one saw."

"Miles did." 

I pulled back and bit my lip.  _ **Was that bad? How? What did I do?**_ I leaned back in.

"He's just a boy, he doesn't understand." Mommy sighed, "all he saw was mommy giving you a kiss. He didn't read into it. They probably didn't ask any questions.... They jumped to conclusions."

"Did they?" 

The room was silent, so I shifted and pressed my ear against my toothbrush cup from the bathroom I quietly grabbed.  _ **A little better.**_

"Did they?" Rafa repeated.

"Did they what?" Mommy almost whispered.

"I like you a lot Millie, we already talked about that. I know this is a lot but, if we take it the cases are unharmed and we don't have to worry about rumors."

"A lot? Rafa I have a kid. I was just shot." 

"Those aren't good excuses."

"This isn't your life. A shitty apartment, barely paying bills, a kid.... We are cut from two very different trees."

"So? Maybe I want that life." 

It went silent again and I took my night shirt to wipe the cup and muttered, "stupid dirty cup cuts out."

Once it was back to the door, I still didn't hear a thing. I was about to throw it down the hall when mommy came back.

"You don't even know half of my past. My family and everything before Miles."

"I want to." I heard see footsteps and ruffling of sheets, "I want to know all about you two. Since I met Miles I've kinda treated him like a son and I hate to admit I saw something more with you."

"So the movies was a date."

"Yeah I just...."

"Chickened out." Mommy had that voice like she caught my tricking and made me go fix it.

"Yeah. I mainly read you wrong." 

"I might have been giving off the wrong vibes."

"Millie, do WE want to do this?"

"I do." 

It went silent again and then I heard footsteps and ran around the corner of my door way and shut it quietly. I scapered off to bed, tucking myself in and closing my eyes as I heard a little mumbling but couldntake any out till my door cracked open.

"Yeah, and I'm not saying that just because I want to keep Miles around."

"Of course you are." Mom giggled and then I heard that strange noise again. 

I peeked with one eye to find mommy and raf kissing at my door.  _ **Yuck.**_ I closed my eyes as they both looked my way.

"I'll write up the papers."

"I just hope this is the right way."

"It's better then sneaking around." I heard the door slowly creaking shut, "plus I don't have to hear the squad say I'm just a really good father figure for Miles."

"Ok, that was lame but they put me on the spot." Mommy laughed with Rafa and the door shut.

I just smiled and shifted to fall asleep.  _ **I wish Rafa was my dad. He would be awesome! I hope wants to, you know, stay around for mommy and me. He is way better than those uncle's before.**_


	9. Talk of the town

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raf and Millie face the music on their decision.

* * *

**_Rafael_ **

* * *

I'm not sure what it was exactly, maybe I wasn't thinking straight. All I know was I woke up beside Millie in bed, luckily fully clothed. I felt my chest fill with air then slowly deflate as two eyes peeked over at me from a blanket.

"Morning."

"Morning." I grumbled as the sleepiness slowly left my body.

"Not to be mean or anything but... If Miles finds us in the same bed, you get to answer the questions." She poked my chest as I smirked.

"I'm fine with that."

"You haven't endured his million questions a second interrogation." She huffed.

I seen her eyes almost drifting to the distance. I knew that look, that thousand yard stare as you think of what was happening... It was contagious. Before I could snap her out of it, I felt that tickle in my head.  _ **Are we rushing? We are both very much risking our careers and what if Miles doesn't like this? What if Miles doesn't like me as a dad?**_ Before I could even think k more, I felt her head rest on my chest.

"Rafa, are we rushing?"

"No lo sé(I don't know.)" I whispered.

It went silent but I couldn't let her pull away, even though she didn't seem to be moving. I rested my arm on her side and back, holding her back gently as I let my fingers run along her shirt.

"I don't know if we're rushing but I don't want it to stop."

Her eyes lifted up to mine, a soft smile graced her lips as she spoke again, "eso nos hace dos de nosotros(that's makes two of us)."

She pulled herself up for a kiss. I could feel her hand tracing up into my hair. The taste of her lips on mine as she started to sit up on my lap. I left my hands to hold her waist and one slipped up her back. It had been a while since I had been in this position, since I had a woman in a bed with me. I knew it mentally but started to feel it physically and I refused to open my eyes and see if she felt it too. Her tongue tapped my teeth and before I could even think about it, I opened and deepened the kiss as she arched in closer. Her free hand went to my chest and started to push my shirt off when we both barely heard the door creaking open. Millie fell back and pulled the sheet up to hide her face, turning her back towards me as I faked a yawn watching through squinted eyes as Miles walked in.

"Mommy? Uncle Rafa?"

I slowly sat up in the hoodie and dress pants, motioning him to be silent with a simple finger pressed to my lips. I nodded to have him step out of the room as I followed him out. My body cracked and tried to wake up as I dragged myself up and out. I knelt down in front of him and pulled the door shut so Millie would have a moment.

"Mommy is still sleeping. Give her a few more minutes."

"Ok." He nodded but stopped and looked up, "why were you in her bed?"

"Me and mommy was working till it got late and she needed help with her bandage." I shrugged, "it got really late and she let me just nap here for the night."

"Did she take all the sheets from you too? Uncle drew said she did that alot."

I held in a laugh, "no, I just wasn't that cold. I let her have all the blankets."

"Isn't those clothes un-comf-orta-ble?" 

"Not really, between you and me I take a lot of naps at work." I put a finger in front of my mouth to tap gently.

"Secret safe with me." Miles smiled, "can you get me some milk? Glasses too high."

"Sure bud." I stood up and followed him out to get the cup.

A quick glance and I seen Millie stretching and wiping her eyes, "morning sunshine." 

She kissed miles head and skilled at me, "I hope my bed was comfy enough."

"It was fine." I nodded and found the coffee maker on the counter.

She reached down in the cupboard and pulled a small k-cup out. She smiled and put it in my hand.

"I may have hid coffee here for you. It's with my secret hot chocolate stash." She winked and ran over to Miles.

* * *

In no time I was stopping at SVU with a small file. It only took me thirty minutes in my office to type it up and print off two copies. One was sent to McCoy, this one I was hand delivering to Benson. After the past few days I wasn't looking forward to this but what can you do. She had something on this Dalton case, after everything was thrown out and I demanded she find something. I got two steps into the bullpin and everyone was looking at me. 

"How's Millie?" Carisi asked as I was walking by. 

"Better, chasing Miles around seemed to be a good therapy."

"Do you know when she'll be home tonight? I was going to drop off a gift from the squad and visit."

 _ **I wish you wouldn't, I wanted to talk to her.**_ I shrugged, looking at Liv's office.  _ **Do I stall or get this over with?**_

"Not sure. Why am I always getting asked this?"

"Because you're over there more often." Rollins looked up.

"Why does it feel like you're trying to insinuate something." I huffed and started walking away, "Miles has a soccer game at six p.m., I wouldn't come over without calling ahead."

"I don't understand why he gets defensive, we didn't even make a joke about him and Millie." Fin adds as I shut Liv's office door.

 "Morning Barba." She leans back and pushed her glasses up into her hair.

"Morning, you called about the Dalton case." I sat down.

"We found Will Stein, he's going to testify."

"Good he'll go on the stand this evening." I sighed, "anything else while I'm here."

"You and Millie..." She didn't finish the sentence, just let it hang as raf handed over the file.

"The official disclosure. Millie is doing good by the way."

"I talked to her earlier." She paused, "she said you were dropping off the papers. Are you sure you want this?"

"Yes." I leaned in, "I honestly think i..."

My breath caught as the thought threatened to slip out. She had to of known what it was because she sat back.

"Do you even know her? Has she told you her past?"

"She's working on it but I know the main part." I cleared my throat, "why does it feel like your against this?"

"Because I am Rafa." She picked the folder up, "I know her life story. The way she acts... I know her history with dating. I'm trying to watch out for you."

"I thought you were friends after her attack."

"We are, that's why I'm giving you the warning." She put the folder to the side, "make sure you're ready for this."

* * *

_**Millicent** _

* * *

After raf left for work, I picked up Miles carefully and dragged him back to his bedroom to play a little. 

 I plopped him on the bed and growled before tickling him, "it's the tickle monster!"

"Ahhhhhhh!" He screamed and wiggled but didn't make me stop. 

After a few minutes i let up and fell back on his bed as he climbed up on me carefully. He didn't sit down in the waist or skim the bullet wound, leaving me pain free as he tried to tickle back. This lasted a few minutes before the door rang and Miles charged to answer it as I struggled to get up.

"Mommy! Munchie is here!" He called and ran back as I stood up.

"Well then you need to get cleaned up for him." I motioned to the bathroom, "hop to it mister." 

Miles ran to the bathroom and I walked out to see munch sitting on the couch. He looked up and gave a small smile.

"Thanks for taking him so I can go to therapy." I sat beside him, "the nanny starts next week and I promise you won't have to watch Miles all the time."

"Are we sure this one will stay?"

"Yeah, I'm getting her at a discount of her normal rate." I straightened the living room a little, "she sticks with one kid at a time and was all to happy to take Miles after we introduced her to him."

"We?"

"Rafael. It's his neighbor."

I could tell what he was thinking and I knew what was coming. When I didn't say it out loud, he jumped in.

"Miles told me you two kissed." 

"Yeah, Liv already told us that piece." I was picking up toys when I couldn't help it, "am I making a mistake?"

"I can't answer that." He leaned back.

"You seem to think it since you an Liv keep pushing."

"It's because we know you Millicent." 

I shook my head, "I know I'm young and I'm supposed to make mistakes but that doesn't mean all I do is make mistakes."

"I'm not saying that." Munch sighed and handed me a toy container, "I'm saying you don't have a lot of luck with dating."

"Really? Coming from you." She rolled her eyes.

"I am thinking of you here... And of Miles." Munch slowly got up, "he likes him and I don't want anything to break his heart like seeing him leave."

"Why do you think we won't last? Do you doubt me that much or him?"

"Niether." He looked down the hall as Miles came running, "I got the text from Liv, you already disclosed. I just don't want you to get in over your head."

"Thanks but I'll be fine." I smiled and gave Miles a hug and kiss, "have fun kiddo, I'll pick you up right after I get out of therapy."

Miles ran out the door with munch and I had to sit back down on the couch. My head pounding and I wasn't ready for this conclusion.  _ **Maybe he is right? Maybe I jumped into this because I want it to be true.**_ I shook my head and sniffled before changing for therapy.  _ **Prove them wrong. Show them you can be in a relationship with meaning, that you didn't pick Rafael and it has to be more. You can be stronger then this, you can be a good normal human again.**_ I grabbed my keys and started out and to the waiting Uber. I was dead set on this, I was going to show them not to doubt me.

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

It was almost five thirty when i walked into the park and seen Millie sitting on the bleachers as the kids practiced. She turned and caught me walking up, waving me over and kissing me gently before sliding over so I could sit down.

"Good to see you too." I chuckled as she leaned against me.

"Sorry, He estado pensando en eso todo el día(I've been thinking about that all day)." 

 I smiled as I glanced at her. Her soft pink lips had a ruby red touch to them when she smiled. Her eyes had that deeper red hue to them, her black shoulder legnth hair pulled back loosely. She was in sweats and a long sleeve shirt, glancing up at me from where her face pressed against my shoulder.

"Sorry, today has just been a mess." She started to pull back but I put an arm around her.

"Don't be, Me gusta ser tu almohada(I like being your pillow)." I took a deep breath as I found miles on the field and watched him a moment, "hey Millie, I turned in the papers but Liv chatted with me again."

"Munch me habló también(Munch talked to me too.)"

"She said something that I can't stop thinking about." I glanced to her as she locked eyes with me, "she said she was against us being together."

"Didn't we already figure that?"

"Yeah but, she was definitely pushing this time." I kept her close as they started the game and we started to watch miles around talking.

"What do you mean push?"

"She said I don't know your past... She sounded very convincing." I closed my eyes a second, "she made this sound a lot bigger than just your case."

"Because it is." She forced a smile before standing up and cheering with some of the other parents when Miles's team scored.

"How bad?" I immediately back tracked, "I mean you don't have to tell me right now. You have a right to privacy and time to get comfortable befo...."

She turned to me and gave me a big kiss as another cheer erupted from the stand. I left my eyes shut, hearing and feeling her pull back and turn back to the game. The feeling was too perfect, harmonious even. 

"Don't.... Just don't ask here." She whispered that sounded like thunder around more cheers, "We're here for Miles, watch the game and we'll talk after."

"The squad will be calling you, they wanted to stop by tonight after the game." 

"So it'll just wait till later. Please, I'm not stalling, just not wanting Miles to hear it."

I nodded, understanding what she meant. I didn't want anything to feel wrong with Miles, for him to take us as a bad thing and damage their bond. So I pushed everything away and focused on watching the game. Smiling as Miles scored a goal and high fived his team mates.

* * *

_**Millicent** _

* * *

Rafael dropped us off at our building, having the Uber wait till we were safely inside to leave. I chuckled softly as Miles was giving me a second-by-second replay of his winning goal from his point of view. Watching him jump up the steps and practically run circles around me as we reached our door and I texted Carisi I was home so they could stop in. It felt great, then Miles turned to me.

"Are you and uncle rafa a thing?"

"Are we a thing?" I laughed as he rolled his eyes.

"Like dating? Is he gonna be my dad?" He smiled so hopeful as I stopped dead in my tracks, "he's not like the other uncles and I really like him. He acts like a dad."

"Miles babe," I bent down by the door, "I know you never really had a dad but, it's complicated. I don't want just anyone to get to be your dad."

"If you start quoting Mulan, I'm gonna run away." 

I kissed his head, "will you just trust me then?"

"I know you two like each other. I seen you two kissing and cuddle up together in the stands." He walked in the door and tossed his jacket over a chair as he put his bag away, "I just want to know if I finally get a dad like the other kids."

"It's not that simple tails." I stopped as he turned to me, "and it's autumn, it's cold out so he was helping keep me warm."

"Tails? I haven't heard that in a while." He walked back over.

"I know, but it's still fitting." I winked, "you are still as fast and clever as a two tailed fox."

He grinned, "I know mama, but I'm not an orphan like him." 

"No you have me." 

He hugged me tight, "my Sonic."

"Yeah, I guess I am." I kissed his head and lifted him up carefully not to open the wound again, "so you like Rafa?"

"Yeah, I already told the guys I found a dad. You know so... So I don't feel all sick like when they talk about all the time they spend with their dads and practicing and stuff."

I smiled as he rambled on, hating to admit that maybe I need to give into this feeling. That maybe I think to much about miles and what he needs that I missed how happy he is when I am. That maybe if Rafa doesn't runaway once he hears everything that, just maybe if we're lucky, he could possibly be the guy I've needed my whole life.... And miles could call him dad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this was a very simple chapter of mostly pointless chatter but the next chapter will definitely be better.
> 
> Need some suggestions if you could be kind enough to comment some answers. Biggest one is should I put smut in this story or just hint at it? Second, should they disclose it to the rest of the squad or try to hide it? I mean of course Liv knows and Munch does even though he doesn't work with them, but I wasn't sure if maybe Millie and Raf might want to try to hide it for a while from the rest of the squad.
> 
> All suggestions welcome! Also comments on this story is always appreciated!


	10. Let the right one in

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rafa and Millie take a big step, followed by a few more.

* * *

  _ **Millicent**_

* * *

My eyes opened up and I seen Miles sleeping on my lap. We were propped up on the couch and my phone had two missed calls on it. I frowned and checked them before even thinking about moving Miles.

> _"Hey Millie it's Sonny. Call me back when you get this. We were thinking about getting a few drinks or something to check in on you instead of asking Barba. He's a little grouchy when we ask about you."_

I laughed silently and waited for the second one.

> _"Hey Millie. Just Calling to make sure you two are ok. You never texted me to check in before bed and... I was hoping we could talk. Maybe lunch? You could bring Miles along, you know I never mind him tagging along. If not, maybe tonight? Just text me when you get this please...... Bye."_

**_Oh how sweet, now I feel bad I forgot to text Rafa._** I sent off a text to each, inviting Sonny and the squad over for dinner tonight and text Rafa about lunch. Luckily Miles was sleeping over with a team mate tonight and I was losing him just before noon. We could have our chat before I have to face the squad.

I slipped out carefully, propping Miles head under a pillow before walking away. I silenced the phone so it would vibrate and went to work on breakfast since all Miles needed to do before he left was change. His overnight bag was by the door and I had to do his soccer bag before practice tomorrow... No one should have to smell that stinky outfit. I was just finishing up the last pancake when a text came back.

> **_Rafael_ **
> 
> _Sounds good. See you outside my office at eleven fifty then._

I smiled softly and looked over to the little man slowly stretching awake, "Hey Tails, ready for some breakfast before you leave me?"

"Of course momma." He ran over to the small table, "what ya making?"

"Food. Now enjoy brat." I sat down a plate and kissed his head as he started chowing down.

I ate the few rejects by the skillet as I cleaned up my mess. Planning out my day quickly.  ** _As soon as Miles gets picked up, I have to run for lunch with Rafa. We need to talk everything through and, well, I hope after he hears it all he'll stay around. Then I have therapy and_** ** _get to come back here and cook a small meal before the squad arrives. Which means I need to buy some booze, no kids to stop it tonight._** The list was going by quickly as Miles slipped the plate in my hands and gave me a sticky kiss on the arm.

"I need a bath."

"Ok kiddos, I'll start that in a second." 

He ran back and I rinsed my hands,  _ **Ok girl... Let's do this.**_

* * *

**_Rafael_ **

* * *

After the guilty verdict in court this morning, I was feeling invincible. A smile on my face as I grabbed my bag and walked out past Carmen giving her a short day as I decided maybe I could use a half day as well and enjoy it with Millie. As if on cue, I see daylight and waiting at the lower section of steps was Millie. Black hair in loose curles, plaid shirt with fitted jeans and a cotton biker jacket over top. She wore her normal sneakers and smiled at me as she dropped her sunglasses down to see me better.

"Wonder when you would show up."

"I'm on time." I scuffed as I offered my arm.

"Yeah, esa es la parte rara(that's the weird part)." She winked and started walking with me.

"You look nice." I smiled as she leaned into me.

"Yeah, the jacket is a little light and my ears are freezing but I look good." She joked as I pulled her in tighter.

"Do you need my coat?" I asked.

"No you should keep it."

"It's a trench coat and my suit does enough after sweating it out in that courtroom. I swear judge flowers is getting some kinda cold flashes if that's even a thing."

She giggled and tucked in closer, "let's start with getting out of the cold and maybe later I'll borrow your coat."

"Fair enough, lets go here." I opened the door to a small sandwich shop I use often and lead her to a table a little ways in from the cold. 

She took a seat and I ordered a sub to split, finding it easier before sitting down as a barista dropped my coffee and her hot chocolate off. She raised a brow at me and I shrugged, it wasn't hard to know her order. She wasn't shy about hating the taste of coffee.

"So Rafa, how's work?"

"You really want to talk about work right now?" I looked at my coffee as she rubbed her neck.

"No I blanked... Sorry I'm not use to this." She shook her head lost on the words.

"I know." I cupped her hand gently and pressed it to the table, "so we are dating now and....we should probably discuss that."

"Any problems with it so far?" She shrugged.

"No, no contesting to the disclosure. No request for one of us to move... I'm more worried about the squad." I watched her look out the window, "they should know so it doesn't cause a problem."

"You mean so they don't make a big deal out of it like liv?" 

Her snip wasn't pretty but definitely not what I expected.

"You know at some point you have to come back to work, Liv is still your lieutenant."

"Yeah but, it'll just complicate things." She shrugged, "I will only get light casework and never anything that can go to you."

"Like protocol." I covered her hand to get her attention, "Liv will come around."

"Maybe." She sighed, "so you want to tell the squad?"

"Yeah, better in the long run." 

She nodded, "I have them coming over tonight, possibly Liv. I'll tell them tonight so I can get the main questions delt with and you don't have to deal with Sonny."

"My hero." 

She chuckled and looked up as our sub was brought over and I paid the waitress with a nice tip. We started to eat, chatting about little things. A little about my childhood, a little of hers. Small things being exchanged as we strided to learn what we could before we rush into this relationship and prove them right when they need to be wrong. 

"You were a debutante? You?" I smirked as she rolled her eyes.

"Mommy and Daddy wanted a little princess and I was happy to pretend for a while and bail to get into trouble. May have smoked weed in the alley a time or two with some other kids."

"Now, that i see." 

She smacked my arm for that but her gorgeous smile wasn't fading as easy.

"Ok Mr ivy league, what do you have?"

"Nothing that good." I smiled and she rolled her eyes, "honestly, I was mostly raised by my abuelita. My dad was a drunk and abusive, my mom struggled to raise me and go to school. She managed and went from teacher to principal."

"She sounds amazing."

"She is, bugs me to help with a mentor program off and on around bugging me for grandkids and not visiting enough." I sighed, "typical Cuban Mami."

"Mami?" She smiled at my native tongue slipping out, "she won didn't she?"

"No me burles de mí ahora, sé tus secretos(Don't tease me now, I know your secrets.)" I warned as a joke, "and yes. After I drop you off at therapy I get to rush to the Bronx and be a mentor for a few hours."

"Sabes tan poco(You know so little,) But that's sweet." She stole the last fry from the basket, "which brings me to the other part Liv mentioned."

"You don't have to, really."

"No I do." She stopped me, "mommy and daddy didn't like my choices and keeping Miles so I left. Completely apart from them, and i even took my grandma's maiden name so they didn't harass me over that."

"That's where Mayes came from?" I asked.

"My mom's mom." She got that glow like when I made her blush in asking her out, "She was the sweetest lady and always a high believer and being yourself. She actually gave me the joint, well the first one."

"Always the grandmother's you have to watch out for." 

We broke down laughing.

"Yeah," she looked at me, "if she didn't pass away when I was fourteen, and she lived to see me pregnant with Miles.... She would've spanked my mom and dad for all of it. Just because she could."

"Sounds like a great lady."

"Kinda like yours." She leaned in a little, "Sería malo si pudiera imaginarlos en el cielo mirando hacia abajo y hablando de nosotros en este momento?(would it be bad if I could imagine them in heaven looking down and talking about us right now?)"

"It would be interesting." I nodded, "probably starting with 'why are they still pretending to eat? It's been two hours since the sub was done."

She cracked up laughing and tugged my coat to her, "I think they're right, we could use a walk."

"Y pierdo mi abrigo(And I lose my coat)." I smirked as she tugged it on.

"Do you mind?"

"No, it looks better on you anyways."

We rushed back out into the soft breeze with a minor chill. I wasn't too bothered by it, not nearly as bad as yesterday was. I just put an arm around Millie as we slowly walked towards her therapy place so I could drop her off. I thought the chat was done but, she looked up at me.

"So Rafa, Liv was talking about my dating history... Wasn't she?"

"Didn't say anything but hinted towards it." I confirmed, "but you really don't..."

"But I should. If you don't want to say it's fine but, Liv knows mine and I know she will say something eventually." She tucked in tight, "I had a lot of dates and only a few boyfriends."

I watched as she started to fiddle with her hands.  _ **Nervous habit?**_

"After I had Miles with little support, not that Liv wasn't trying to be there around work... It's just, I felt unwanted and I was just looking for attention." She closed her eyes, "at first it was bad, dates that always ended with me throwing a guy out because he wanted sex and I couldn't. Several guys. Miles was just a baby so I never thought about it. Then he hit one and I started to hide them and it just fell into the same bad cycle."

"Millie, it's ok. You don't have to." I stopped her from speaking but I knew she wasn't done.

"In the five years I've probably dated half of new york and had maybe three boyfriends." She didn't look up, "Miles called them uncles and honestly I should've never let him meet them. They all left after a month and none of them cared about him."

"You're not a bad mom." It slipped out but I heard her scuff.

"I know, not all the way. But I have minor slips and it was with the boyfriends." She looked to her feet and I stopped at the edge of a busy sidewalk, right before we had to turn that corner and push through the crowd, "they all left because I couldn't give them what they wanted."

I closed my eyes before slowly looking at her as she study our shoes instead of looking at me.  _ **Liv was worried about this? Millie wasn't comfortable with sex after rape like a lot of women?**_

"I haven't had sex since the rape. Six years." She had a small shake, "some were forceful and I still can't... It never went that far but a few came close."

"Millie..."

"And even more, after the attack... I can't have kids. The scarring between pregnancy and rape ruined all of that." She finally looked up a little teary eyed, "thats why I haven't... Yeah... Pain."

I stopped as I looked into her eyes, that soft amber like small embers trying to ignite. Liv was telling me Millie didn't like sex because she only feels pain from it. She isn't one for dating or anything because she doesn't like to share about herself and anything related to her attack. Now Millie is worried about me staying because of this... 

"Millie, you ok?"

She sniffled and turned away to hide her face.  ** _No wonder she doesn't deal with her feelings._** I took a step and wrapped my arms around her gently before bringing my lips to her ear.

"I'm still waiting for the deal breaker." 

For a moment, the city went quiet. No cars rushing past. No kids shouting and loud music from the stores and newspaper stands. Silence. 

"Millie, if I wanted just that... I couldn't do this job." This time I brushed some hair from her face, "No soy como esos tipos. No esperes que me vaya porque eres humano(I'm not like those guys. Don't expect me to leave because you're human.)"

She turned around in my arms, "really?"

"Me encantan los rompecabezas, por qué no el rompecabezas humano delante de mí? (I love puzzles, why not the human puzzle infront of me.)" 

She leaned up to kiss me. I was frozen to my spot, not wanting to move back and spook her. Besides, I never felt such as breath taking feeling until I kissed Millie.  _ **Millicent Mayes, you are amazing.**_ She pulled back gently after a moment, pulling off my trench coat and smiling.

"I'm just across the street, thanks for keeping me warm."

"Always Millie." She smiled as one last kiss was pressed to my lips.

"See you later Rafa."

"Later Millie, I'll be waiting." I watched as she ran into the building.

I only started to walk away when I knew she was safe inside. I tossed the coat over my arm and closed my eyes as I was taking my first steps to grab a ride to the bronx.  _ **I'm not leaving over that, sorry to disappoint. Now, maybe here soon, me and Millie can talk about Miles. Maybe here soon, I might just give Mami the grandson she always wanted.**_

* * *

**_Sonny_ **

* * *

It was just after our shift, me and Amanda were at Millie's door as Liv and Fin were walking down the hall. A squad dinner shouldn't hurt, and maybe we can get an update on her recovery. I am missing my partner and she definitely would be able to get the dirt on this small fight brewing between Liv and Barba, maybe even tell us about the kid from before. I knock once and stood back as we heard footsteps and the door open to a smiling face. Millie had on an oversized hoodie shirt and sweats, waving us in as I seen the fuzzy socks on her feet.

"Glad everyone could make it."

"Of course, you're supplying free food." Fin chuckled as we all stepped in and shut the door.

"Fair enough." She shrugged, "make yourself at home, pizza on the table and I don't have drinks unless you want milk."

"I brought a bottle." Liv held up a wine bottle, "glasses?"

"Right away lieu." She smiled and sat out five glasses.

"No Barba?" Amanda got a plate and sat down on the couch.

"No, he had a little work he was doing. Said he hoped we had fun." She shrugged as she opened the wine and started pouring the glasses.

"He left early today, even told Carmen to leave early." I looked at her.

"Sonny not all work is work work." She lifted her brow, "he was visiting his 'mami' to help with a mentor program she runs."

That got Liv's attention, I seen her focus in on her wording like most of us. She did say Mami like he does and she was probably the only one that would've known it until Barba and Mayes got close.

"Ok, would've been fun to have him around." I turned away before she could see the wink.

No doubt she knew the jokes would still slip out but, she hasn't looked annoyed yet with us. I brushed it off and took a seat by Amanda as we gather in her cramped living room.

"Actually, I asked you here to tell you something." Millie sat down in a little dinosaur chair Miles had, "Liv already knows so you should too." 

The room looked to her as she looked up to meet our eyes.  _ **She isn't leaving, is she? It was a shot to her side and no major organ damage. She could return to work or is she scared that next time she won't be going home to Miles? We can't lose her like Nick or Dodds....**_

"I already handed in the papers, so to speak." Millie sighed and closed her eyes, "Barba and I are dating."

The room went quiet and Liv looked surprised.  _ **Didn't she know?**_ Millie shifted and took a sip of her wine.

"Don't speak all at once." Her mumbled earned a chuckle or two.

"Obviously it wasn't hard to see." Amanda laughed, "we pinned it shortly after miles was napping in his temporary office."

"Only a little surprised." Fin nodded, "mainly at Barba for getting a much younger woman."

After more laughs, I looked at Liv. She didn't look amused and it was easy to tell.  _ **She had to know.**_

"Lieu?"

"Congrats." She nodded to Millie and got up.

The tension was only getting thicker. The silence overcoming us again. Liv stood by the small kitchen and Millie got up to walk over there.

"Liv, we should talk."

"No it's fine." She waved her off.

* * *

_**Olivia** _

* * *

"no it isn't." She stared me down and I budged.

"I'm not saying it in front of the squad." 

"Why not, they can tell your thoughts already." I started walking away when she stopped me with a soft hand tug, "Liv, please."

"This isn't a good idea. For either of you." I whispered, "you know I'm against it."

 "Why? Why are you so against it?"

I shook my head, "no, sorry Millie." 

The whole squad watched as I walked out. I wasn't about to become the bad guy when I was only protecting them.  _ **Raf doesn't understand where Millie is in her life and Millie isn't thinking about raf's age and definitely not about work. I'm the bad guy because I know how this'll end and I don't want it too**_. I walked out and caught a ride home, waiting for a call from Rafael asking what happened.  _ **I have a child at home, I'm not their mother.**_

* * *

**_Rafael_ **

* * *

Right after I left the mentor program, walking out with Mami, I felt my phone vibrate. She rolled her eyes and started to chastise me about work as I looked at it the minute I seen Millie's name.

> **_Millie_ **
> 
> _Squad left. A little early I suppose but if you want to come over I would enjoy the company. I need a distraction._

I smiled, I felt the tug of my lips and that's when Mami stopped, "no es trabajo, verdad?(it is not work is it?)" 

"No Mami." I sent a quick reply.

"Estás escondiendo una novia de tu madre?(Are you hiding a girlfriend from your mother?)" She glared as I chuckled.

"Not like that Mami, es nuevo(it's new.)" I slipped my phone back into my pocket.

"New? How new? So new you couldn't tell your Mami."

"Kinda." I chuckled, "we just named it. Only seen each other a few times and it was as friends and... No quiero apresurarme(I don't want to rush it.)"

"You don't want me to scare her off." 

"I never said that." I stopped and caught her for a hug, "you know I love you Mami, pero quiero asegurarme de que somos buenos antes de que ella te conozca.(but I want to make sure we are good before she meets you.)"

"So she has baggage?" She smirked, "ella quiere hijos?(does she want kids?)"

"And this is why you don't meet them right away." I gave her a kiss as we got to her building, "now please, I have work to do."

"More like someone." She mumbled as I glared, "I want to meet her Rafi."

 "I'll see ok?"

She went inside and I waited a moment before grabbing an Uber and heading over to Millie's place.  ** _Is it bad that the evening went quick? She had to have told them. I must've missed something._** I shrugged and slowly got out and walked in and up to her door. I knocked once at the door, waiting only a few seconds for Millie to open.

"Hi Rafa."

"Hello beautiful." I smiled and gave her a kiss, "Cómo fue hoy?(how was today?)"

"Besides this amazing lunch with the perfect guy? It dropped to eh and slowly Getting better. Hopefully I'll be back in the precinct by end of the month." She waved me in and I locked the door.

"So soon?"

"It's three weeks and right now it's just testing my strength. I'll be on desk duty a week or so still but at least I won't be home going stir crazy with miles all day... Even though I love him."

"How was the squad?"

She stopped and I could tell she was thinking about how to dance around the truth.

"Millie."

"Liv really doesn't like us together. She doesn't give a lot of reasoning but it's very clear and the whole squad knows it." She turned towards me and rolled her hands together a little, _**Definetly nervous habit**_ _ **,**_ "she doesn't say why and I don't know if that worries me more."

"I'll talk to her. If nothing else she'll be civil about it." I offered as she glance to me.

"Yeah," she shook her head and went to the kitchen counter, "sorry. I'm sorry." 

Millie leaned against the counter and I took her hands, "just breathe." 

I pulled her to the couch and tugged her down beside me. Forcing her to cuddle up to me and forget about everything. That's what I wanted to do, she would too. She cuddled in and smiled gently as my hand ran through her hair to calm her down.

"Tell me more about you, your grandma and all that."

She smiled at Grandma and had that glow again, "Her name was Philippa Mayes, always had to be called Pippa though. She hated her full name."

"Kinda like you." I teased.

"Kinda." She rolled her eyes, "She was a debutante, that how's she met my grandfather. He passed away right after I was born, a single week."

"I'm sorry."

"It's fine, Pippa loved to talk about him and show me photos. Said I was the gift that made it all better."

"She really does sound amazing."

"She was." She glance up to me, "She would've loved you."

"Would she now?" I raised a brow.

"She always said brains before beauty, but not excluded." Millie had used a very firm and propper voice when speaking, "In other words, go for smart but don't forget to make sure he's hot too. And those are her words too, you know the ones she doesn't say around my parents." 

"Are you trying to tell me something?" I smirked.

"You're brilliant and sexy." 

I winked at her and she just tucked her head in to my chest again, "ok, so, I know your grandma but I don't have any other family stories."

"Well I have a brother, Waylon. He was two when I left." She closed her eyes, "I practically raised him aside from his nanny."

I seen her stressing, "sorry, you don't have t..."

"I want to." She cuddled in so tight she felt like part of me, "mom and dad only cared about his career. I had to be the perfect daughter so he had a good view as a family man and mom was a drunk. Probably still is if she has a liver."

"I'm sorry, I had a similar time with my dad." 

She lifted her head to look up at me as I continued to stroke her hair, "I heard something about that before."

"I don't tell much of anything about my dad. He was a bastard to say the least." I smiled down at her, "at least he made me what I am today. The only good thing he ever done as far as Mami is concerned."

She kissed my chest and we sat in silence, her tv playing an old movie. We cuddled in tight, watching the movie and enjoying the time together. After a while, we started on our way back to her room. Every step I took behind her had me thinking about what she said before. My whole body told me to back off, just go slow and not apply pressure. But that doesn't account for her or my basic instinct when I get caught up in the moment. A perfect kiss that seemingly never ends. It happened so quick, my hand cupping her face as she held me tight against her. The way she guilded us backwards to her bed and we both paused a second.

"Are you...?"

"Yes, please Rafa."

I locked eyes with her as she slowly pulled my shirt and tie.  _ **Are we rushing? Is this too much?**_  I learned in to kiss her as she pulled my belt off and suspenders down, only getting air in my lungs as she dropped down. I felt her hand and closed my eyes as she tugged down my pants and briefs.  _ **Oh god, this is way to quick and...**  _I never even realize she was waiting till she kissed my head gently and I had to look down. She kissed my tip again and pulled back as she looked up.

"I can stop..."

"No, not if you don't want to." I cut her off.

She hid a giggle but clearly had a smile as she licked up my legnth and I jumped in response. I felt the beginning of precum dripping out and she never even hesitated, licking me clean and sucking me in.  _ **Oh De**_ _ **ar Lord.**_ She pressed her nose up against my skin, taking every inch as I struggled to remain standing.

"M...m-m-m-m-milllllllllie." I struggled to get out as she looked up at me with a smile around my manhood.

I felt her tongue swirl and throat clench towards the tip. She didn't leave anything untouched in her bobbing and sucking. A soft caress of my family jewels and I pulled back. This wasn't what I thought of as a first time with Millie and I definitely wasn't about to finish so soon. She closed her eyes and panted a moment before wiping her face.

"Sorry."

"Don't be." I pulled her up, "I never had a woman who could..." I cut off the end as she kissed me gently.

"Ok, at least I know you like that." She winked and leaned in to me.

I waited a moment, deep into the next kiss before I pushed her back slowly to make her lay back. I seen the small fear in her eyes and jumped to sooth it. I was on my knees in front of her and kissing her again.

"Raf..." She pulled back, "I...I..."

"Just say stop and I will." I guilded her back and watch her close her eyes. 

Her chest heaved and I made sure she felt my hands the whole time. Tracing up her leg and slowly pulling her sweats down and off. She flinched as I ran my fingers on the inside of her thigh.  _ **Just say the word. Don't push yourself.**_ I leaned in and barely let my lip press to hers before I pulled back and found my hands left her.

"Rafa?" She whispered and slowly sat up to see me sitting there.

"You weren't comfortable." I watched as she deflated a little.

"I didn't say stop."

"It didn't feel right." I leaned in between her legs, "No estoy tratando de hacerte sentir incómodo.(I'm not trying to make you feel uncomfortable.)"

"I'm not." She looked down to me and pulled me in to her, my head resting on her chest, "I just... I'm not use to it. I never...." 

I pulled back to see her look away.  _ **You never had a guy willing to go down on you? Or did you not want it?**_

"I know you said you hadn't really..."

"I was a virgin when... You know." She pulled her legs up and watched me kneeling on the floor, "and afterwards it was just... It never really went past me on my knees."

"Just because some guys can't appreciate you doesn't mean no one will." I watched her struggle to adjust.

After a moment I got up and slipped on a pair of sweats from her closet and carefully sat beside her as she leaned into me. I pulled a blanket over us and leaned us back to snuggle into the bed. She still looked confused, so I just held her.

"I'm sorry...."

"Don't apologize, I'm not in a hurry." I kissed her shoulder.

She rolled over and tucked into my chest. I was thinking about everything she told me. How she never really had a boyfriend longer then a month, she was always the giver and not much more then her mouth... I thought about how she let slip her being a virgin before the rape and the fact she never really had sex. I thought about every guy that never thought about her and left... No wonder she keeps apologizing.  _ **But that's not me.**_

* * *

**_Millicent_ **

* * *

I wanted more, I wanted him. I really did but my body wasn't there yet.  _ **Why did he stop? Did I really look that scared?**_ I inhaled his musky scent and closed my eyes.  _ **God I want him.**_ I never even noticed my hips rolling in and the way he shifted.  _ **Was that.... Is he...?**_ I let a hand drop down and he practically jumped.  _ **Maybe....**_

"Millie, please don't."

I rubbed my thighs together for friction. Failing as he looked at me, I slowly straddled his hips. He watched carefully, a hand running up to steady my hips.

"You don't have t..."

"I trust you. Please." 

His eyes were watching mine, I could tell he was being sure before he let me do anything more. I leaned down to him and kissed him as he nodded. Leisurely in my movement, I pulled his sweats back down and looked down to watch him spring out. When I looked back to him, he kissed my hand. I knew he was thinking about stopping me, that I was rushing and I almost did feel that way. But I couldn't stop, I wanted to prove to him I wasn't a victim like we deal with.  _ **I Must.**_ I slipped a hand back behind me to find him again as I slid forward. I guilded him to the edge, closing my eyes as I carefully pushed down. I barely got pressure and stopped, feeling two hands caressing my hip and cheek. I forced my eyes opened to see raf holding my cheek.

"Don't force it. Don't rush." He slowly pulled my head to his, "I'm not leaving if you don't do this. I'm not like them."

I smiled and kissed him before slipping back down him and nuzzling into his chest. He wrapped an arm around me and I didn't fight it anymore.  _ **I want him to know I'm not a victim but I can't push myself to do it... Maybe Liv was right, I never delt with it.**_

* * *

The next morning I stretched awake as his arms pulled me back in. He  smirked with his eyes closed, knowing he had me pinned to him still. I rolled my eyes and kissed him so he would let go. 

"Morning."

"Morning." He cracked his eyes just a bit, "no dejar ir(not letting go)."

"Never asked you too." I giggled and nestled back up to him, "but you have to let go eventually, miles needs picked up and I promised him lunch out."

"What if I manage another half day and we go to dinner together instead?"

I smiled into his chest, thinking about how much of a dad he is to miles and how miles would prefer that much more then a simple lunch out. I didn't even realize I didn't say anything.

"Millie?"

"Hmm?" I looked back up resting my chin on his chest.

"Dinner?"

"He'll love it. He already calls you dad." I covered my mouth and he looked at me stunned.

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

I froze when it slipped off her lips.  _ **He calls me dad? Since when? Why didn't Millie tell me.**_ I paused and smirked, kissing her forehead gently to ease the moment.

"Maybe we could talk about that tonight too."

"Really?"

"I mean, Mami always wanted a grandson and this is the closest she'll probably get." I shrugged, "I did come really close to calling him my son a few times."

She lit up and kissed me till I lost all air and could barely think straight, "I don't know who you made happier. Me or miles."

"I am hoping you will never figure that out, I'd prefer to think your both happy."

**_Did I really just find a family? How is everything so good? I don't want any of it to change._ **


	11. Pursuit of happiness

* * *

**_Rafael_**

* * *

It had been an easy day and with only an hour before I would take off for dinner. I figured four would be a good time to take off. It would give me time to change and a little rest time with Millie and Miles before dinner. But of course, stuff can't be that easy. As I was finishing paperwork, Carmen knocked.

"I know you didn't want calls but McCoy is on line one." 

"McCoy?" I glanced.

"Yes, sir."

She left and I sighed as I picked up the phone, "hello?"

"Rafael, just the man I was looking for." McCoy started, "you wouldn't happen to have some free time in ten minutes?"

"I would." I bit my lip.

"Good, meet me at my office and we can chat."

He hung up and I sat the phone down. I gave a huffled puff of air then grabbed my jacket. On the way out the door I glanced at Carmen and she shrugged, so I made my way to McCoy's office. It's not often I actually answer to McCoy. Infact, I don't ever remember being in McCoy's office. I stopped by the secretary and she raised a finger to tell me to wait.  _ **I hope Carmen isn't that rude.**_ I waited there and she calls McCoy before motioning me in from her desk.  _ **Thank god I have Carmen.**_ I opened the door and walked through, stopping as McCoy looked up and waved me in.

"Have a seat Rafael."

I took a seat at the small sitting area as he moved over to join me. He poured a drink and looked over as I shook my head.  _ **I haven't had one yet today and I'm still going to see Millie and Miles, it would be best to skip it.**_ He raised a brow but sat down across from me.

"Rafael, do you know why I wanted to talk to you?"

"Seeing as I haven't had any bad trials, my relationship disclosure."

He nodded, "a detective you work with."

"Yes."

"When did it start?"

"I'm not for sure really. I turned the paper in the next day from us calling it dating." I sighed,  _ **Should've took the drink.**_

"Rafael, it's not typical of you to do something like this."

"No offense sir, but just because i don't have a habit of it doesn't make it wrong."

He chuckled as I wanted to smack myself for that.  ** _Really Rafael? You seriously want to bring up his history of dating ADAs and marrying his assistant._** Before I could berate myself further, McCoy chuckled and nodded. Breaking the harsh tone, suddenly it didn't feel bad.

"Fair enough. I have no room to judge." He finished the glass and sat it down beside him, "I just wanted to give you some advice. If you're going to go down this road, know who you're dating."

"Already do."

"And lastly, watch your back. You have the most powerful judge in New York state watching you now. He disowned his daughter and isn't happy with anyone knowing that."

"From what I've been told, I wouldn't be happy either. But I'm not worried about my career more then my personal life." 

"Rafael, I can't say that was my path but I will keep an eye out." He stopped as the phone rang, "excuse me."

I wasn't sure what this talk was, good or bad. It didn't feel bad completely and I never had a bad talk with McCoy aside from work. Everytime outside of the workday, mainly the Galas, it was never bad. He sat the phone down a second, looking back to me.

"Sorry to cut this short but business." He offered his hand to shake as I got up to leave, "keep up the good work."

I left feeling a bit better, jack was definitely more of an ally then an enemy from this talk. I went back to the office and picked up my stuff, letting Carmen leave early so I could get home and change. It wasn't even until I walked into my place that I realized I haven't been there that often lately. It honestly seemed to big to live in alone anymore. 

"I need to change and go, have extra time with them." I moved to my room and stripped out of my suit, "wouldn't hurt to take a extra suit incase."

I grabbed the creme suit I had ready, the off-white shirt and purplish pink tie and pocket square ready. Then I went to find my clothes for now.  _ **Keep it casual, simple and easy. Millie will probably be excited to see I changed out of the suit, showing progress of sorts.**_ I skimmed through and found an old blue shirt I hadn't worn in forever. Button up but not the style I use for my suits but comfortable. It was wrinkly and I just slipped it on, something I haven't done in years really. I pulled on jeans and grabbed a hoodie, really dressing down for once.  _ **and it's all because I want to see Millie look surprised.**_ I grabbed my wallet and keys, double checking I still had my phone in my pocket as I locked the door and started on my way.

* * *

_**Millicent** _

* * *

I was just getting Miles dressed to go out for dinner when a knock drew my attention. I told him to keep going and ran to the door with a smile as I seen Rafa. He looked human, so casual without being casual completely.

"Hi."

I threw my arms around him for a kiss, drawing him in with a smile. He chuckled as I slowly pulled back and let my eyes flicker open again.

"Sorry, I meant to say hi."

He laughed at that as Miles came running, luckily covered but he was missing his pants. Raf pulled away with just enough time to catch him, hugging him and holding him a moment before letting him down.

"Hello to you too Miles."

"You're early Rafa."

"Well I thought we could go for a walk or something before dinner, just a little something to spend time together."

Miles nodded and looked to me, "can we? Can we please?"

"Ok but you need pants for that." I winked as he ran back to finish getting dressed.

"So why the early walk?" I asked, interested in his intention.

"I wanted to get to know him a little more and build up to the talk." He shrugged, "I want to discuss me being his dad."

"You know how adorable that is." I smiled, "not like you're adopting him but, yeah. So cute."

He rolled his eyes and stepped by me into the apartment. I shut the door and turned around to watch him as Miles came running back out fully dressed this time. He stole another hug from Rafael and was bouncing on his toes.

"I'm kinda hungry, can we do an early supper?" He batted his eyes trying to be cute.

I rolled my eyes, Raf nodded and Miles smiled wide as he broke and motioned to grab our coats, "I know just the place. Let's get going."

He opened the door and rushed us out, pointing down the way to walk. Miles was talking about practice and his friends. I took Rafael's hand and leaned into him, smiling as we walked along listening to my boy going on and on. He had no idea that this would be one of the best nights ever, Rafael was going to be his dad unofficially. We went a few blocks and then he whistled as Miles started to get away from us. 

"Miles, you went to far." He smirked as Miles came running back.

Raf opened the door to a small storefront that didn't look like a restaurant really. I stepped in then Miles and Raf bringing up the rear. We were two steps in when I couldn't help but smile. It looked like a snap shot of a Cuban restaurant. The bright colors and details on the wall with simple tables and chairs of wood. Fastened with rope and carved to give a nicer feel. Stain glass windows decorated the "windows" of the fake buildings and palm plants were everywhere. I had only ever seen pictures of places like this but it definitely screamed Cuban.

"Wow." I whispered as he chuckled and pulled us to a table towards the back.

"Come, siéntate y voy a buscar una camarera(have a seat and I'll get a waitress.)" He had me sit and pushed in my chair as Miles took the one beside me.

He raised a hand, giving a small wave and nod as a lady brought over the silverware and menus. She went to get the waters, giving me a minute to look through the list. I scrunched my nose reading through but sat the menu down and looked at this man. 

"You know what you want?"

"Solo iba a dejarte ordenar para mí(I was just going to let you order for me.)" I winked at his slightly surprised look.

"Probablemente puedo hacer esto.(I can probably do this.)"

"What's a cu-bano?" Miles frowned trying to read the menu.

"It's like a ham and cheese." He chuckled and took my menu to help Miles out, "you would probably like tamales."

"Aren't those Mexican?" He frowned.

"Cuba had their version." Raf pointed to it on the menu, "trust me, it's delicious."

"Ok." Miles sat down the menu, "but I get dessert right?"

I chuckled as Raf shrugged, "why not."

He ordered for everyone, letting his native tongue go as Miles looked even more confused. I rolled my eyes and mouthed 'show off' as they chuckled at the sight. 

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

After some talk and delicious food, Millie went to the restroom while Miles was waiting on the churros he wanted. I watched as he was drawing on the paper the waitress dropped off with crayons for him, smiling as I recognized it. Three people and a scribble going between two of them. He looked over to me and I had to start the conversation.

"What are you drawing kiddo?"

"Us." He smiled, "see?"

"Let me guess. That's mom." I pointed to the long-haired one and he nodded.

"Yup."

"And that's you."

He nodded again.

"And that suit looks just like mine." 

"Yup. Good guess." He smiled and kept drawing things in the background.

"What's this part?" I pointed to the scribble.

"A ball." 

"A ball? So what are we doing?" I leaned in to watch as he took the brown crayon and covered his hand.

"Playing catch." 

"The three of us?"

"No, just me and you. Mommy is watching." He lifted it up for me to see again, "see? She has a chair and we have the mitts."

"Yeah, you're a real Picasso." I rested my hand on his back, "you know we could actually do that. All you have to do is ask."

"Really." He looked up.

"Yeah, infact I wanted to ask you something." I leaned in a little closer as I straightened the photo in front of him, "I don't have any kids and I really like you. Would it be ok if I just became your dad and we both win?"

"What?!" He smiled, "you really want to be my dad?"

"Of course. Who wouldn't." I smiled, "you are the coolest kid."

"Does that mean we can do father-son things?"

"Like what?"

"Playing catch, going to a barber shop, teach me to grill... maybe a sports game, go fishing or camping! Show me how to fix a car....." Miles was starting to talk way to fast and I had to get him back under control.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, I might be a fast talker but you were giving me a run for my money." I pat his back, "I don't know how much of that I can do. I've never been camping or fishing and I never touched a car expect as a passenger going somewhere. But maybe I can help with some of it."

His face had dropped but slowly sprung back, "ok."

"Anything else you want to talk about?"

He shrugged, "can I call you my dad? I mean to my friends. They always talk about their dads but I never get to."

"I don't see the problem with that." 

 "So you're staying around?" He glanced at me with a smile, "mom's friends never stay long... Not that I wanted any of them to. They weren't cool like you."

_**I never knew hearing a four-year-old call you cool was so important till now... I never want to hear him stop it. And he can call me dad, I wish he would.** _

"Thanks." I just smiled as my heart pounded, "you know, we ate early enough. Maybe we could play a little catch before it gets dark." 

He shot up and I never seen a better sight then how excited he was. Millie walked back to the table and Miles leaned in and was whisper yelling because he was excited.

"Mom, Raf said we could play catch tonight if we're quick!"

"Did he now." She looked over, "couldn't wait for me to tell him?"

"Sorry." I cleared my throat as they both laughed, "so you might want to eat those churros quick."

The plate was sat in front of him and I swiped one of the four and Millie took one too. He started to chow down and we just smiled before looking at each other.  _ **I might have found the perfect family.**_

* * *

**_Miles_ **

* * *

I was running ahead of them as mom shouted for me to be closer. I had my mitt on, ball in the other hand bolting for the park as Rafa and mommy walked oh so slowly behind me. She rolled her eyes and whistled at me like a dog, my sign to stop and find her. 

"Tails, you gotta stay with us."

"Sorry Mom." She smiled gently and I stopped to walk just ahead of them.

"Tails?" Rafa looked at her.

"Yeah, she calls me Tails." I walked on.

"Where does a nickname like that come from?" 

"Mommy says I was born with two tails the doctors had to chop off but, I think that's a joke."

"I don't know, I remember a sharp knife and having two little tails beside you as you cried." She had that cheeky look I love on her as she teased me a moment longer, "no, I named him Miles after the cartoon character."

"Cartoon character?"

"Ever heard of Sonic the Hedgehog? His companion is Tails the two-tailed fox who's real name is Miles." She explained, "when I first had Miles, I felt more like a big sister then a mom though sometimes it went back and forth. So I named him after my favorite character, the unofficially adopted and adorable fox."

"So that's why you call him tails." Rafa chuckled, "it's kinda sweet."

"Because mommy is sweet."

"Sometimes." She added, "don't go getting too fluffy on me boy."

I smiled as we reached the park and jumped like a bunny through the small archway. Mommy rolled her eyes but slowly let Rafa go so he could follow me to a open area. I turned to him, not too far but not too close. She smiled and took a seat while I tossed the ball over to Raf who missed the catch.

"Sorry miles, I must be rusty." He blushed a little as mom laughed silently.

"It ok, me too." I held up my mitt and caught his high throw with ease.

"Good catch." He called to me and motioned for the ball.

I tossed it back and he barely caught it against his chest and he paused a second to rub where it hit. He nodded and tossed it back.  ** _This isn't as great as what the other guys talked about, but then again they said it was more for their dads than them._** I started to toss it higher and get more of a swing like I see from the pitchers on tv. I think I was doing good because Raf kept smiling after getting hit and rubbing his shoulder after throws.

"Hey baby, this isn't the major leagues. Cut Rafa a break." Mom called and I threw it lightly back.

"Ok." 

"Better yet, it's been a while. Why don't we head home." Raf rubbed his arm again, "maybe a snack before bed? Something less physical."

_**Adults are weird. Dad is suppose to love catch.**_ I nodded, running over for a hug as he winced at my tackle. 

"I think he likes that idea." Millie smiled and helped him up, "I know I do."

* * *

**_Rafael_ **

* * *

After a few hours, Miles was going to bed and Millie was cleaning up from the snack. I stretched softly and glanced at my phone to check the time.  _ **It's only nine, maybe I can catch her.**_

"Hey Millie, I think I'm going to try to catch Liv. Hopefully end this pointless squabble we are inadvertently starting." 

"Are you sure? It's pretty late. I would think she was home with Noah." She glanced up as I pulled on my jacket.

"If I know her half as good as I think I do, I'll catch her." I gave her a peck on the cheek, "I don't want to lose a good friend over something so small."

She stopped me for a proper kiss, "text me when you get home. Ya know."

"If you don't hear the door when I walk in, I'll make sure you hear me slipping into bed."

It wasn't hard, I knew the usual bar for her. After the case wrapping up and the drama going around, I just knew she would take a half hour for herself. Three steps in and I see her at the bar, wine in hand. I nodded to the bartender and sat down beside her.

"Hello Rafa."

"Hi Liv." I thanked the bartender as he sat down my drink, "figured we needed to talk."

"Will it be any better than the last?" 

"Hopefully." He looked down at the scotch, "what's the problem with us dating? Tell me and I promise to listen without interruptions."

"Let's start with age. She's only twenty-five and you have over twenty years on her. You work together often and just added several more steps to the usual process." She shook her head, "Rafa, she's a young mother and woman... She's mature but not to our level."

"I know how old she is, I don't care. It's not extra work if you did everything by the book normally." I looked down at my glass and the way the liquid rolled as I swirled the glass easily, "you know she's mature. So what is it really?"

"I don't see it ending well. Her history and how she acts with intimacy... It won't end well." 

I kept my eyes on the scotch, the small rippling wave I made, "Why? Can't I just be happy?"

She looked over at me as I kept going, "Millie might be almost half my age with a kid but I'm happy with her. I'm happy when I walk into their small apartment. The way Miles tackles me and how I get to basically be his dad. Sleeping next to Millicent all night in her bed because I can't sleep alone in my much nicer bed."

I slowly looked at her, "We don't need to be physical, that doesn't matter to me. I'm not pushing her, we move at our own pace."

"That's part of what worries me, you two are moving fast." She sighed and looked down, "She makes you happy."

"Yes. I'm not in the pursuit of happiness, I found it." Nudging her she looked at me, "I'm happy. I like where I am. I don't want to lose a friend or my job over this but I refuse to go back to finding some form of relief or happiness even if I can after this."

She took my hand gently, covering it with hers, "you don't have to Rafa, I wouldn't ask that."

"I know Liv." 

"I'm not sold one hundred percent but, I definitely won't stand in your way." She pulled her hand back and took a sip of her wine, "you deserve some happiness too."

My smile wouldn't leave after that, I finally felt good. No pressure, no fighting... Just an agreement among friends.

"If you don't mind, I should get back before Millie is in bed." I tossed back my glass and stood up.

"Tell her I said hi." She glanced over before getting up herself, "also, did you tell her about the trial?" 

I stopped, biting my lip, "not yet. Good news but I knew she didn't want Miles to hear it." 

"True... At least everything will be clear when she starts back."

We both started out, Liv to catch a cab and me to walk a few blocks, "yeah, if she can tell the squad it would be nice."

"We'll get there." She patted my back, "good night Rafa."

"Night Liv." I turned to walk away and felt the world lift off my shoulders.

* * *

_**Millicent** _

* * *

It was just shy of ten thirty when I started back to bed. Stripping down and slipping into an oversized shirt. I had one foot in the bed when I heard the door open. Freezing to listen, hand stiffening, I was moving like I was going to grab my gun. All of a sudden, I just stopped as the footsteps got closer and I eased into bed.

I had just laid back with my hands up above my head in a stretch, "Hi Rafa."

"That sounded more like a roar. I hardly understood you." He chuckled as he stepped in and shut the door, "hi to you too Millie."

"How was it?" 

"Liv is fine with us, not sold on everything but she won't be an issue." 

"That's good to hear." I smiled as he stripped down to join me in bed.

It was just a tickle on my brain, but I slowly got up and started towards the door. He caught my hand and pulled me in.

"I locked the door, you don't have to check."

I nodded and stepped a little closer as he gave a tug and landed me on top of him gently. 

"I know, I'm sorry."

"I understand." He kissed me and gets me to go back under the covers, "don't worry."

I melted into the sheets and let him cuddled me up to him. His arms holding me in tight and the sweet musk of him filling my senses. Everything felt perfect, my heart pounding at the moment and I wouldn't have it any other way.

"Millie, I added on the old rape charge. He pleaded out on it." He kissed my head, "no court, he doesn't know about Miles, and you are safe."

"Thank you." I kissed him, sweet and easy as our foreheads pressed, "for everything."

"Of course." He smiled and my heart pounded, "Haría cualquier cosa por ti. (I'd do anything for you.)"


	12. Guess who's coming to dinner

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

Millie kissed me, her hands running up my chest. Her lips pressed tightly to mine as my hands traced down to her rear. I deepened the kiss as she fell back on the bed pulling me on top of her. Her hand grabbing my tie as she giggled.

"If only you didn't have to work so early." 

"I don't go in till six." I brushed some hair from her face.

"Yeah, only six hours to play and sleep."

I rolled my eyes as she started kissing my neck. _**I**_ _ **f only I could show her age doesn't mean anything.**_ She lifted her hips, her legs wrapping around me as I slowly stood up. 

"You're right, we should just sleep." I yawned and stretched a little as she pulled me back down to her.

"Rafael Barba, don't you dare stop now."

I raised my brow at the use of my full name. Another heart stopping kiss and she moved to pull my clothes off. She tugged my tie loose and unbuttoned my shirt little by little.  _ **I want to tie up your hands and show you exactly what a man with experience can do. Slow, teasingly, and exhilarating.**_ As she pushed the shirt off, I caught her hand and kissed it.

"No. If we are doing this, we're doing it right." 

She froze. I saw her body try to retract and I kissed her one last time, showing her she was safe.

"Raf..."

"Don't worry, you say stop and I do." I rested my forehead on hers, "no, I meant you aren't going to be neglected like before."

She watched me, a look of confusion as I stripped down to be the first one naked. A feeling she knew too well. I went down on my knees between her legs and carefully kissed up her thigh, ignoring the taste of denim in my mouth as I did so. She had propped herself up, watching my every move. I could tell without looking up, I felt her eyes on me as I reached up to undo her jeans. A small twitch of her hips and I found her eyes to verify that was exciting and not fearful. 

"Millie..."

"Don't stop." She was watching every move, mouth hanging loose with a small gap as I gave an easy tug to pull her pants off.

"As you wish." I kissed her bare skin, the soft silky feel of her thighs as I traced up to her soaking panties. 

She was enthralled with my movement, watching every inch she could see. Especially when I licked her soaked panties, tasting her sweet nectar for the first time. As if every detail I learned of first-time sex was true, she somehow tasted much more pleasant having not really ever had sex. I took a moment to savor the tingle on my tongue before looking at her as I slowly pulled them off, teeth firmly pulling the soaked cotton down her legs. Once over the knee, I pulled them off by hand as I leaned back in. My thumbs rubbed soft circles on her thighs as the tip of my tongue grazed her engorged clit. Her hips jumped and head flew back, my hands barely doing much to hinder the movement.

"Raf..." She panted.

"Millie." I moved my lips back in, "may I...?"

"Please." She groaned and pushed up as I slowly pushed back down.

Once again, a quick flick and she gasped. I didn't want to hold her still, make her feel like she couldn't move, but I needed to do something so she didn't move with every touch much less finish way too soon. One hand on her upper waist tracing to her stomach, the other on her knee tracing back up.

"Remember, you have the control. Say the word and I stop." I made her acknowledge my words before I moved back in and held her down as my tongue swirled her bud. 

Hips tried to jump but couldn't, she looked a little panicked but just as much pleasured. I moved my fingers up and traced her lips before slipping one to the edge. Another jump and her body tensing so I pulled back. Instead, my tongue moved down and pressed in gently. The same reaction only with an audible gasp, so I curled my tongue and leisurely lapped at her to suck in more of her bountiful honey. 

"Oh, God." She whispered, "oh shit." 

I slowed way down, pulling out and raising up to look at her. She was a mess, pupils blown and body struggling for attention. She looked at me like a starved woman and I just kissed her gently as she reached for me.

"Don't stop."

"Don't rush." 

She looked at me confused, my words seemed foreign to her. I rolled her on top of me and kissed her as she sat on my hips.

"You lead."

She looked down and slid back, going right over me but earning a groan. She stopped and looked up.  _ **She wasn't lying when she said she never came close to it again.**_ I took her hands, lifting them up as she ran back over.

"I won't last long if you tease."

"I just..." She stopped and squeezed my hand, "I..."

"Shhh." I whispered as she leaned in against me, "Stop. Breathe."

"I..." She kept losing her words.

"It's ok if you're not ready."

"But I want it." She hid her face in the crook of my neck, "I want you."

"I'm not going anywhere." I kissed her head one last time before hugging her to me and managing to get a sheet over us, "I'm not pushing you to do anything."

"Why can't I just... I really... Why?" She sniffled and I closed my eyes.

"Millie, stop." I squeezed her in tight to me, "please... You're not ready."

I held her as she cried, whimpering as she kept saying why. She needed help, she needed to work through this. I can't force her to, but maybe I can help her along. 

"Millie, maybe you need to see a therapist?"

She looked at me and pulled back, "no. I can't."

"You aren't working through it, that's what's stopping you." I rubbed her arm as she sat up on me, "I don't think talking to me is enough."

"If I go to a shrink, he or she drags up everything and I...I..." She closed her eyes and started to shake.

"Hey, hey." I pulled her down to my chest, "shhhh... You're ok. You're ok."

"Daddy no." 

It was just a whisper, soft and broken but I could tell she wasn't with me right now. The shaking, crying...  _ **Where is she in her own head?**_ I brushed her hair back and held her.

"Millie, Mille... Hey, it's ok. I got you. I got you."

* * *

_**Millicent**_

* * *

 

>   _It was dark, pitch black. I was tucked into a ball and hiding in a small room. No, a wardrobe. I felt the wood pressed around me, clothes hiding me the best they could. My breathing shallow and even, I was hiding for my life as my heart pounded out my ears._
> 
> _"Millicent! You damn brat!"_
> 
> _I cringed and hid a whimper as the steps got closer._
> 
> _"Get out here now!"_
> 
> _"Barnaby! Leave her alone!"_
> 
> _A crash rang out and I jumped, "learn your place."_

"Millie, hey, look at me." His sweet voice rang over the scream of the woman in my head, "I got you."

"Raf... I can't." I looked at him, "I can't."

He looked puzzled a moment as I pushed away, "I can't."

"Millie."

"I don't want to see it." I whispered and pushed off, "please."

He didn't move for me, didn't budge an inch in his confusion. I was shaking, telling myself to stop and curl up to him but it wasn't happening.  _ **What the hell did I just see?**_

"Millie, are you ok?" He sat up and watched me from my position now at the foot of the bed.

 _ **Was that... Was that real? Did I block that out?**_ Two arms wrapped around me and dragged me back up the small bed. A soft kiss on my forehead and I slowly looked up to him.

"Millie?"

"I think I need a shrink." I shook.

"What was it?" He bit his lip, "you said, daddy no."

I felt my body jump and his arms squeeze me back into place, "I don't know. I don't remember it ever happening."

I lifted my head up, looking up from his arms as he held me in my tight little ball on his lap.  _ **I'm more damaged then i thought.**_ I just looked at his green eyes, trying to find words to explain.

"I was hiding in a wardrobe after doing something. My dad was cursing and yelling at me and I couldn't move. My mom said something about leaving me alone and there was a crash and him screaming for me again and telling my mom to learn her place."

He held me tight, his forehead to mine as I looked at him like he had the answer, "was it real?"

"I don't know." I closed my eyes, "it felt real but i don't remember it."

"That's not uncommon, blocking out bad memories like that." He stopped and looked at me closely I could feel it, "sorry, I'm talking about this like work."

"It's ok... I just want to sleep now."

He laid us back down, managing to get a sheet over us. I was happy, at least as much as I can be when I can't even tell if it's real or not... If anything is real.

* * *

My medical leave was almost over, I would be back to work in only a week. Desk duty for a couple weeks but I was back. Today was my check in with Liv, handing in my papers from physical therapy so everything was in check. I walked into SVU, a few steps in with Miles at my side, before I knew it i had Sonny giving me a hug.

"Hey, Millie." He gave a light squeeze, "what are you doing here?"

"Turning in papers, hopefully, I get clear and I'm back next week."

"Please," Amanda mumbled and Sonny glared at her.

"I am a joy to be around." Sonny pointer at her as she put her hands up and turned away in her chair.

"No, Sonny just no." I winked.

"So where's Liv?" I looked around.

"Dodd's office." Amanda shrugged, "Fin too."

"Well, that sucks." I sighed as Miles ran to my desk, "I guess I'll leave the papers on her desk then."

I started towards her office as sonny stopped me, "Wait, Millie, why don't you two hang out for a bit? We are at a stall on the investigation and nothing really to work on..."

"I would but I promised Tails a little soccer practice with mom before we have to go to dinner." I opened her door and tossed them down on her desk.

"Barba?" Amanda looked back over.

"He will be present." I shrugged, "is it still awkward for you guys?"

Sonny shook his head and Amanda smirked.  _ **Thank God... Now i will just have to deal with jokes.**_ I rolled my eyes as Amanda kissing noises. Miles glanced over.

"They do that a lot." Everyone laughed as he tipped his head, "What's so funny?"

"You babe, you're a comedian in training." I kissed the top of his head.

"Adults are weird." He shook his head and went back to the little puzzle game on my desk. 

After he pulled the triangle board out, he laid the photo me and him at his first soccer game to the side. The way his jersey hung like a dress and he had his little two-year-old arms up high cheering louder than half the crowd. Slowly the photo was covered by the little sticks as he tried his best to leave only one but never got past three.

"Stupid game." He mumbled.

"I agree, I don't know how you do it." Sonny looked over, "I tried it the other day because you said you used it when you were thinking but, I couldn't get any further than Miles here."

"I never reveal my secrets." I lifted my chin as they Amanda rolled her eyes.

"Seriously, how do you do it?" Sonny asked.

"Seriously... Find out yourself. Practice, practice, practice." I tapped his nose as Miles sighed.

"I try, too hard."

Everyone laughed again.

"What is that game anyway?" Sonny asked.

"The peg game. A basic IQ test type of game. My grandma always loved it and told me I needed to practice to win." I smiled as Miles huffed and tried again, "I tend to use it as a distraction. If i focus on the game, my mind slowly works out different problems... Mainly work."

"I don't get it, how do you leave one and only one?"

"Supposedly there is only one way but, my grandma joked she found another way. So when i need to think things over, I try to find the other way."

"Have you?" 

"Not yet, that's part of the fun." I hid a chuckle as Miles groaned and started over again, "Sorry to hear your just plain dumb though Sonny." 

My jest about the rules earned a glare before I tapped Miles's shoulder, "time to go babe."

So he put the pegs back in and sat the photo back in the way I had it. I took his hand and we said goodbye before running to the park. We did a little one on one soccer to give me a small workout on my side and show Miles that he is definitely better than his mom at this sport. I glanced at the time and wanted to slap myself as the time was way past our original meet time with Rafael. We had twenty minutes to get cleaned up and dressed to be at the restaurant and a text waiting.

> **_Rafa:_ ** _Where are you? I just buzzed for you for over three minutes._
> 
> **_Millie:_ ** _Sorry lost track of time. I and Miles are on our way back. Meet you at the restaurant?_
> 
> **_Rafa:_ ** _Quickly please, I can only stall for so long._

I sighed and lifted Miles up on my hip, "ok buddy, we need to rush. No bad first impressions."

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

It was almost six as I walked into the small Italian place. Mami always loved the food and sitting on the patio in the fall when the lights were colored outside with the stars. She was sipping her water as i rushed over, kicking myself for not sending the reminder to Millie before.

"Mami." I smiled as she stood and I kissed her cheek, "Sorry..."

"I know. Busy, busy." She waved it off, "Mi hijo está ocupado por su madre.(My son is to busy for his mother.)"

"Not fair Mami." I sighed, "Tuve que llegar a un acuerdo con la fiscalía. Sacar a los hombres malos de la calle.(I had to work out a plea deal. Get bad men off the street.)"

"I know, my sweet knight." She chuckled, "Entonces, dónde está esta chica con la que estás saliendo?(So where is this girl you're dating?)"

"Mami." I sighed and looked at her, "She's not a girl."

"She's very young Rafi." She shrugged, "Quiero decir que es bueno para los niños, pero... (I mean it's good for kids but...)"

"Mami!" I stressed in a whisper as she chuckled.

"No creía que mi hijo tuviera un apetito tan joven.(I didn't think my son had such a young appetite.)" 

"Por favor no podemos hablar de eso.(Please can we not talk about it.)" I wiped my face gently with my hand in frustration, "Ella realmente me gusta. Usted también lo hará. (I really like her. You will too.)"

"Of course I will." She smiled as the wine was sat down and I ordered two glasses.

I only ordered for Millie because I knew she would have wine. Miles is picky and besides, maybe if I don't lead with I'm dating a single mother that is basically half my age Mami won't be so quick to judge.

"So Rafi, Dónde está esta hermosa mujer?(where is this beautiful woman?)" She glanced at Me.

"On her way, she..."

"Sorry, sorry." Millie rushed over in jeans and a nicer jacket of hers, "We lost track of time."

I smiled as I got up and kissed her cheek, "its fine."

I pulled out her chair and pushed it in gently after she sat down. I also pulled out Miles's chair as he hopped up beside my surprised mom. Dresses up much nicer than usual but still casual, I smiled at how he immediately picked up a menu.

"Mami, this is Millie and her son Miles. This is my mother Lucia Barba." I introduced them as Millie reached across to shake her hand.

"Pleasure to meet you. Rafa talks about you a lot."

"I should say the same." Mami smiled and looked at me, "tan bonita, con una pequeña también. (so pretty, with a little one too.)"

"Gracias, él es un puñado aunque.(Thank you, he is a handful though.)" Millie pushed his menu down so Miles could see everyone, "babe."

"Sorry, i just hungry." Miles shrugged.

"Spanish too?" Mami smiled, "My son always had great taste but I think he finally got it right."

"I wouldn't be too sure. He went for a single mom he works with."

I closed my eyes and sighed internally as Mami definitely looked over, "ustedes dos trabajan juntos? (you two work together?)"

"Yes, Mami." My heart stuttered as I swore Millie looked down feeling bad about letting the cat out of the bag, "She works at SVU with Liv."

"A cop?" Mami looked back to Millie, "That's different from his usual girls. Gives you a fighting chance."

 "So Rafa said you're a principle?" She leaned in, "you must be very brave. I can barely handle one and survive."

"I raised him, I think I can handle any kid."

They chuckled, I closed my eyes and realized just how bad this conversation could go.  _ **Of course, they get along. I'm going to be red checked in no time when Millie drags out the good stories from Mami.**_ I felt a squeeze on my knee and opened my eyes as Mami was changing the topic before it started. I glanced to Millie as she smiled at me and turned back to Mami.

"So how old is this little guy?" 

"Four." Miles lifted up four fingers.

"Ready for school?"

"No." He shook his head.

"He just got done with preschool and i was looking for a kindergarten program close by." Millie sighed, "He's not too happy about moving on."

"Where do you live?"

I glanced at Mami and Millie answered without an issue. The two carrying on this talk with no problem. I was stuck just like Miles across the way, on the outside of the conversation... And it felt odd. 

* * *

_**Millicent** _

* * *

"There is a school just two blocks from my apartment but it's public and i don't hear good things. Too many police calls and reports for my liking as well."

"We're you thinking private school?"

I shook my head, "can afford it and the closest one was mine... I wouldn't send him there for anything."

"Private school?" 

"Yeah, also a debutant for a while." I rolled my eyes, "Never felt comfortable in my own skin until I became a cop and choose my own path."

"There is a charter school down the way from Rafi's place." I looked up slowly as he looked over, "I do work with them on occasion. Small projects but I also helped the new principal there, an old friend and student teacher of mine. Also, some of my teachers moved there to be closer to home."

"I don't think she was looking to move in like that Mami." Raf coughed on the wine and Miles laughed at him.

"You're supposed to drink it silly."

"Yes, sorry Miles." 

"I think Raf just had it down the wrong pipe." I smiled as the waiter brought out the food.

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

I was glad that Mami never pushed anymore on the subject. The conversation dropped down and she was yet to ask about grandkids or how serious we were. I took it as a win, at least Millie wasn't shying away from talking. She kept up with Mami going in and out of Spanish.

"No soy ajeno a su línea de trabajo u horas. (I'm no stranger to his line of work or hours.)" Millie smiled as she glanced at me, "The only difference is I know when to call it quits, Miles needs a mom at home. Too many nannies never work."

"Smart woman." She chuckled, "Incluso tuve problemas para encontrar tiempo en casa. Creo que de ahí es de donde lo sacó Rafi. (even I had trouble finding time at home. I think that's where Rafi got it from.)"

My phone dinged and I frowned before getting up, "excuse me."

"Business." Millie and Mami said in unison followed by a laugh.

 _ **What have I done?**_ I shook my head softly and talked with McCoy. He was notifying me that I was to attend a gala this weekend, He needed all ADAs there to set a good tone. He asked me to bring Millie with me because a cop and ADA dating spreads quick and looks good in the news. I hung up and walked back to take my seat, all eyes on me.

"Do we have to go?" Miles asked.

"Not if you don't want to." I smiled at him, "nothing too important."

"Who was it?" Millie wiped Miles's face up, "not that it isn't getting late and someone needs to get to bed."

Miles raised a brow, "no I good."

"McCoy. There is a Gala this weekend and all ADAs are to attend." I looked at Mami, "it is getting late though."

"Vete a casa con tu hermosa niña. (Go home with your beautiful girl.)" Mami waved me off, "I can get home safely."

"Mami please..."

"No. Ustedes tres lleguen a casa sanos y salvos. (You three get home safely.)" She stood and kissed my cheek before hugging Millie and waving to Miles.

"You too Lucia." Millie smiled and lifted up Miles.

We walked out to a waiting Uber and went back to her place. Miles was getting ready for his bath with toys, I and Millie sat down on her couch. Two small glasses of whiskey she hides way out of reach and sight of Miles. She leaned in against me as we both sat back and got comfortable.

"So you have a gala?"

"Well, hopefully, we have a gala this weekend." I glanced to her, "McCoy specifically asked for you to join me."

"Oh yay." She rolled her eyes, "So I guess you really are dressing me up after I told you I don't go for that."

"McCoy asked. Said everyone is starting to talk about us being together and the press loves a good romance between lawyer and cop."

"From what I heard, McCoy didn't seem the type." She threw back the rest of the glass.

"He isn't, sounds more like his campaign manager." I took her glass and set it aside so she didn't move, "election year."

"So he's using us?"

"Open bar, live music, and we probably can slip out after a bit... Or after his speech at least." I shrugged, "could be worse."

"Rafa, have you ever seen me in a 'Gala' dress?" She turned her head for a kiss, "not that I can't dress up just that... I hate."

"I'll make sure to make it worth you're while." I smirked, "you know if you're up for it."

"I am, I just don't know if my body is." She gave me one last kiss before a scream from the bathroom drew her from my warmth, "probably another spider. Never seen a boy scream so badly over spiders."

I chuckled and finished my glass.  _ **Besides I really want to see you in a dress. I want to see how much of a woman you can look like when you aren't hiding behind jeans and t-shirts. A glance at a debutant you.**_ I closed my eyes and smiled before I heard my name being called,  _ **Apparently, the spider is too big for Millie too.**_


	13. Millicent Enchanted

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

Another long day of work but luckily not too long. McCoy cut off everyone after a certain time so everyone could get ready. I decided to stop by SVU to make sure everything was good on the current case. Only a few steps in as everyone looked up.

"Barba, how's it going" Carisi looked over.

 "Slow." I looked over, "Millie is dying to come back Monday."

"Just have to make it through the weekend." Fin chuckled. 

"So where are we?"

I motioned to the board, attempting to block out any other talk.  _ **When will I learn, I have to open up a little. Millie will talk about us, what we do and everything in between. But must I? I never got to that point, I never shared my personal life at work unless necessary, and somehow still that is rare and with only Liv. Well now probably Millie but... When will I ever loosen up?  I**_ _ **didn't want to talk about Millie while she is away at therapy, didn't want to discuss our personal life. I wanted everything to go numb until she was back to talk for herself because I can't.**_ _ **If Millicent is open with the squad, I will learn to or feel awkward whenever I walk in.**_

* * *

  _ **Millicent**_

* * *

  I stood outside the small reception door, hands in my pocket and heart racing. I agreed to a therapy session but Raf handed me Liv's shrink, now I'm stuck at this point.  _ **Do I really want to go to this man? I might run into Liv, I know he couldn't discuss it with her but what if...? Stop! Just stop!**_ I lifted my hand for the door and just froze.  _ **Nope.**_

I ran out of the building, stopping on the sidewalk feeling ashamed. Rafael went through all this work to set up the appointment and keep it quiet and I was bailing.  _ **I'm sorry... So sorry.**_ I ran home to sit alone, Miles staying with John and Sarah for the night. 

I showered and stood in the bathroom. My towel laid at my feet and my hands held my side, feeling the scar ever so gently.  _ **You're alive, you're safe.**_ My eyes drifted, looking over every curve. A little thicker at my hips heading towards my waist, this pudge I never lost after pregnancy so I could use it as an excuse, not to date. Curves in all the right spots but not how I want it.  _ **How could anyone like this? How did I get raf?**_ I closed my eyes and took a moment before I started getting dressed.  _ **Hopefully, Rafael will overlook me skipping the therapy session.**_

* * *

  _ **Rafael**_

* * *

 Making it to her building, I rushed to Millie's door. Being late wasn't a good option right now. Grabbing my spare key, I walked in and stopped by the mirror on the closet door. My tux was clean and pressed, bow tie perfect, and a smile on my face.  _ **Millie will be the center of attention on my arm. Stop worrying.**_

"Rafa? Hope I'm not running behind."

I was stunned, speechless with just a glance of Millie walking out to me. A long dress sat perfectly on her. Off shoulder, half sleeve with a small dip in the neckline. It clung to her chest and waist before just flowing down to her feet. Only a single black band to break the top from the bottom. A glowing bright white dress with sketched flowers spread out. Some of the black drawn flowers were water-colored in and the rest were plain. She had on black heels and her hair was curled beautifully, pushed out of her face by a simple small braid in an almost crown along the front. A small jeweled clip held the braid in seamlessly with the curls behind her ear. Ruby lips on her soft and nearly fair skin that tend to come from her dark hair, amber cat-like eyes had a glow to them... I was dumbfounded as she looked over and grabbed a small black handbag that held her badge and gun.

"You've been staring at me for over a minute now." She raised a brow, "good or bad?"

"You're... You are... Millie... Gorgeous." I caught my breath as she giggled.

"I made Rafael Barba speechless." She placed a peck to my cheek, "hope it isn't too much, it's the only long dress I own."

"It's perfect," I whispered as my arm snaked around her waist to feel the silky dress, "don't change a thing."

"Glad you approve." She blushed softly as I kissed her this time.

"I mean it. You're beautiful Millicent." I rest my forehead to hers for a moment, "Where did you find that dress?"

"My grandma." She pulled back a little, "can't tell its twelve years old, can you?"

* * *

_**Millicent**_

* * *

I was sitting beside Rafa holding his hand as we pulled up. A glance around, the packed building was in full swing as everyone was barely arriving. We got close and Raf stepped out, offering a hand to help me out so we could walk in.

"How long are these things anyway?" I whispered as he chuckled and locked our arms to walk up.

"A few hours. A little socializing, live music, speaker and speech from the DA and then I usually leave before most others."

"How long is that?"

"A couple hours depending."

I sighed, "how do you do this?"

"Open bar." He winked at me as we got up past the photographer to see McCoy. 

Raf nodded as he walked in and photos being taken of us. I faked a smile, stood tall and proper. Before we could move on, a man stopped us and waved McCoy over. He sighed but shook our hands with a smile in front of the camera.

"Rafael, glad you could make it."

"Of course."

"And you must be Millicent. I've heard a lot about you." He kissed a cheek as a friendly gesture before adjusting for a photo.

"And I about you."

Once the photo was done, he apologized for the photos and hoped to catch us later. Raf walked me into the full room and right over to the bar. Two scotches sat down and poured as we slowly looked around.

"So you know these people?"

"Some. A few co-workers, a few campaign supports of his that can be seen often at these events..." He trailed off and glanced over his shoulder at a couple squeezing in so he moved us, "and over half of them, I couldn't even say. It's all networking and socializing and I play along until its acceptable to leave."

"Which is?"

"After the speech." He smiled at me, "I promise it's not bad if you loosen up."

"We'll see." I sipped my glass as a small group waved us over, "co-workers?"

"If they weren't we would be walking away."

I smiled as he stopped at the edge of the small group, "glad to see I was the last one here."

"And the only one with a date." The one man laughed.

"Not sorry." Raf shrugged as the three others chuckled.

"Husband sick. Still had to come." One cued in.

"Bad luck with everyone at the moment."

"I left my wife at home, she hates this stuff." 

"Lively bunch." I mumbled, "thank God for the open bar."

"I like her." One smiled, "so you're a SVU cop?"

"Is there anyone that doesn't know?"

"Good luck."

I gave a fake smile as a few people cut into the group and Rafa didn't look happy. The rest of the group had that fake look when they slipped in too. _ **I guess no one really likes them? Or is it just donors to the campaign that think they need to chat us up?**_ Rafael was pulled into the conversation, being recognized from a press conference after a guilty verdict. I mouthed sorry and held up my glass, I needed more to drink.

I made it to the bar and order two more, one for Rafael of course. As the bartender fetched the bottle, I felt the annoying tickle saying something was wrong. I glance to my side and I saw my dad in his tux, a glass being given to him and I froze. I was trying to turn away and praying he didn't see me, but that didn't work.

"Millicent." 

I stared at the drink on the counter as the second one was sat down.  _ **You have to do something. Speak, run, slap him... Something.**_ I lifted up the drink and threw it back, sitting it down and nodding.

"Another please." I slowly looked towards him, "hello, Barnaby."

"Barnaby? I thought I was your father." He chuckled, "At least in public."

"Can't say the same, you erased me from the family pretty quickly." I turned past him with the drinks A he did his small neck twist he got when he was stressed out.

I was a few steps away when I heard his dark chuckle and I froze again. Head spinning softly before all I seen was me, a really little me.

> * * *
> 
> _"Millicent!"_
> 
> _"I didn't..." I shook my head walking backward as dad glared._
> 
> _"Then who broke my glasses? These are a pretty penny missy." He turned on the ball of his feet and lifted a glass, "who?"_
> 
> _"I... I swear..."_
> 
> _"Who?!" He roared out and my feet took off, Slipping on the hardwood but getting me to the steps._
> 
> _I was about halfway up when a hand caught my ankle and unfortunately without meaning to, my bladder. I felt him pull once and my head hit each step as he dragged me down. The smell of urine was filling my nose and it splashed up around me as he dragged me down through the puddle._
> 
> _"Who?! I asked you who?!"_
> 
> _He hissed, poison drilling from his tongue like the monster he was. He got me off the last step and grabbed me by the back of my neck like the puppy we use to have. Eyes burning into my skin as I yelp and plead to be let go._
> 
> _"You're hurting me! You're hurting me!"_
> 
> * * *

I felt a hand on my shoulder and lips by my ear, "Millie, Millie hey..."

"Raf." I whispered as I seen the room coming back into view. 

His hands were now in front of me and holding our two drinks. He smiled gently, kissing my cheek and making me realized that I just froze in a crowded place after hearing my dad speaking. 

"Should we take a seat? A few deep breaths?" He let me take a glass and took my hand to pull me to a table, "I know it's been a long night so far."

At first, I swore he missed my dad but then he leaned in he pushed my chair in slightly, "I'm right here, say the word and we go. I don't care if I get in trouble, you don't have to be near him."

"I'm fine Raf." 

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

Millie smiled and gave me a small kiss before pulling away to take a seat. It wouldn't be long before the speaker and speeches, then we could leave. After her father spoke to her, I didn't want her to stay long. She looked at the drink but pushed it away, so I slid it a little further and adjusted the chair to be right beside hers.

"We don't need to leave early for me."

"I know, I'm just offering so you will consider it." 

She took my hand under the table and smiled, "Thank you."

I barely lifted my hand to pull her in for a proper kiss when my phone rang. She hid her chuckle but her gorgeous smirk couldn't be hidden quick enough. 

"Barba."

"We need you down at the station now." Liv stopped, "and I do mean now."

"Kinda busy."

"I have a suspect in custody, he wants to deal and I want this out of my sight. Buchanan is annoying and I can't listen to him much longer."

"Ok, twenty minutes."

I hung up and Millie slowly got to her feet quickly. She offered her arm and I wrapped mine around hers to escort us out. I was stopped by the door but kept going, business was more important. McCoy knew this, he wouldn't argue with the decision. We walked out and caught a ride to the precinct, I was slightly worried about letting Millie walk up with me. Between seeing her dad and her still on leave for a day and a half, I didn't want her to hear the case and help out.

"Ok let's do this." She steps out with him and starts for SVU.

"Millie, would you mind...mind..."

"Sitting out?" She finished without looking at me.

"Please don't look dejected, I can only imagine what the squad will say." I closed my eyes as she squeezed my hand.

"I'm not back yet, I'm not part of this." She tugged my hand till I looked at her like Miles does, "I'm ok. Stop worrying."

"Seeing your dad didn't drag up bad memories?"

"I won't lie, it did... But I'm gone now. I'm safe with you away from him." She let go of my hand and laced her arm around mine as I smiled, "I think you're my Amy Rose."

I shook my head, "don't even want to know but please, don't use that here... Ever."

She winked at me, letting me lead as we walked into SVU and my arm pulled away. I was coming in ready for a little fun, Liv said Buchanan was wanting to work a deal and the whole squad was watching in the hall as I turned the corner. Liv opened the door and walked in with me, the rest waiting and watching. Hopefully not noticing A perfect Millicent waiting at her desk. 

* * *

Buchanan of course didn't like the offer, so they walked so to speak. Carisi took the suspect to holding and came back right as everyone was walking into the bullpen. I walked over to Millie sitting on her desk smiling at the photo of Miles. Complete silence as I took her hand and helped her down so her heels were on the ground and not swinging in the air. 

"Took you long enough." She sighed.

"Like you would've left."

"Wow, Millie..." Carisi left his jaw hanging as I turned to look at them.

"Sorry, what was that Carisi" 

"At least some of us can clean up." Fun chuckled.

"It almost killed me, don't worry." Her chuckle loosened the room as Liv came over for a hug.

"Ready to come back?"

"Dying to." Millie smiled as Amanda sat down smiling making a joke.

The whole squad laughing, and suddenly I got what Millie meant. She didn't have to be part of the case, she just needed to see them. Spending so long away from her squad was getting to her. I leaned on her desk and smiled as she leaned back against me and my arms wrapped carefully over hers so we could hold hands. It wasn't awkward, nothing like I had thought at all. I almost hated when we needed to go, the way she walked away with me but with a hesitation.  _ **It's just a day Millie, one day and you get to reclaim your desk.**_

* * *

**_Millicent_ **

* * *

It was late as me and Raf finally arrived at my building. I leaned against him and smiled as he turned us to start the steps.

"Thank you for doing this again." 

"Can I tell you a secret?" I bit my lip and looked at him to drum up suspense, "I actually liked it. Kinda fun like the debutant stuff."

"Kinda fun? Did I just hear you admit you had fun being a debutant?" He smirked.

"I said kinda." I pointed at him as he helped me up the steps and I slipped the let in the door.

"Still implies it was fun." He started to say more when it went silent again. 

I was looking away but the footsteps definitely weren't his. I felt a hand on my hip and I glanced to see him holding me carefully as he separated me from my dad approaching.

"Millicent, late as always." He started, "We need to talk."

"Excuse me? I thought I was under a restraining order from you and everyone that use to be my family." I watched him stop at the base of the stoop, "I found it mutually beneficial."

"Don't be funny, it never suited you." He glared, "The restraining order is merely against Waylon, and you broke that already. Can't wait for that in court."

I felt my shoulders pulse, the small shake chilling my bones and making me struggle to hide it. Fear... Always fear.

"What do you want?" Raf stood tall between me by the door and my father standing on the sidewalk still.

"This isn't about you. Besides dating my daughter is a career killer." He swatted his hand as if he could magically make Raf disappear, "No this is between family. You showed me disrespect in front of my peers, Millicent."

My lips quivered as the wardrobe scene played in my head followed by the pain of the steps and the nauseating smell of my own urine covering my face. I felt my legs quiver, heart racing... I swore I was going to die.

"You made it clear she's not your daughter anymore. You took everything from her." Raf's voice almost boomed in my ears though it barely could be heard by anyone, "She doesn't deserve to deal with you anymore, you made that clear."

"I guess what I heard about you is true, just a mouth with brass balls." The laughter dripped with venom, "Pity you ruin your career on her, you would've been a fine judge." 

"Leave." 

"When I'm finished, you should know better than to stand between a father and punishing his children."

"As if you're a real father." 

I felt my legs quiver, I leaned my back against the door and slid down it. I was staring down my father and my boyfriends back. Suddenly that little girl I use to be came back in full force, scared and alone.  _ **No, not alone. Never alone.**_ My legs curled up against my chest my arms holding me right as the dress adjusted to my movement.

"Don't be a fool, let me talk to her and we'll part without incident. She needs to remember her place."

"She doesn't have a place with you anymore, you said it yourself."

I watched, a small tug of horror in my gut as my dad got that twisted look on his face. That's when it all came back. Every small detail i blocked out. Every beating, spanking, screaming pain... His twisted face of evil that he wore proudly when he whipped the family into the perfect cookie cutter one he needed. 

"She's just a whore, nothing more." 

I flinched back as I could barely watch, Rafael was down the steps in seconds and my father was on the ground. His first held a little blood on it from impact, my father had blood streaming from off his lip. Holding a tooth in his hand, my dad slowly got up as a few friends lifted him up.

"You'll regret that." He chuckled and scurried off.

Raf pulled me to my feet, "you ok?"

"No, not really." I gasped for air around the tears crashing around me.

He pulled me in and grabbed his phone, "You're staying at my place tonight. Let me get a car and I'll make sure John knows."

I clung to him, making him support my entire weight for a moment. He leaned against the wall and held me to his chest as he made his calls.  _ **What was all of that? Why? Why would he do this now?**_ Raf held me close and i closed my eyes.

"I have a confession, I didn't go to the therapist. I felt weird and uncomfortable, and I ran out of the building." I sighed, "I'm sorry. I just... I couldn't go there. If I'm going to talk about my life and the parts of it I'm only just now remember i need... I need to know they're safe and no one will ever meet them."

"Can't say I'm surprised." He lifted my chin, "you made it in the building, it's a good start."

As a car pulled up he almost carried me over and slipped me in. The drive to his place was completely silent and then he kept silent the whole way up to his place. He held me, practically carrying me the whole way up. It felt good, him holding me so close all the way into his apartment that i didn't have to touch the floor. Not until we got through his door, a flip of a switch and lights came on and I was stunned. 

I don't ever remember seeing his place, but i could never imagine it like this. It was small, brick walls and hardwood floors. Living room and kitchen together with a small bathroom off to the left. Two staircases, one leading to a desk and small office at the corner with floor to ceiling windows and a beautiful view and the other above our heads as we entered. It leads up to the bedroom no doubt. His furniture was simple, a fireplace center of attention in the living area as the kitchen span a wall and the small space below the steps. His only real usable counter space was an island with a few bar stools. 

"Hope you don't mind, i figured it would feel a little safer if we didn't stay at your apartment."

"No it's fine." I walked in and just looked it over, "you live here?"

"Yeah, small but effective." He smirked, "never had any roommates to worry about needing more room."

"It's beautiful. The view, design... I wish I found a place like this when I was looking."

"I don't think you two could live in here with only one bedroom." 

"I don't know, maybe you're closet could be his room."

He walked me upstairs and to his bed. I laid back and smiled as he slipped off my heels and slowly stripped down to lay beside me. For a moment i forgot about my dad, about the memories, about everything. I tucked in against him and closed my eyes as he barely got the bowtie undone.

"I'm sorry about everything that happened to you." He whispered.

"I'm not, i got away didn't i." I kissed his cheek, "can we just sleep."

"Of course." He smiled and pulled me in till i was almost a part of him, "sleep tight."

My eyes closed and I smiled. For such a shitty day, violence and all, it melted away right here.


	14. Piece by piece

* * *

**_Millicent_ **

* * *

It felt surreal, Sitting in the waiting room for only a few minutes. After spending all night looking and Raf making calls, I was in a fairly uncomfortable chair waiting to tell this stranger my deepest darkest secrets I only began to tell Rafa. The room was small, pale blue with little more than cheap framed paintings on the wall. The receptionist was at her desk watching tv, barely glancing up to me but I could barely hear the soap opera she was watching.

> _"How could you?!" Slap "She is your sister!"_
> 
> _"You never told me that, Mother."_
> 
> _"You should've known."_
> 
> _"I'm sorry, but i have amnesia. I remember nothing."_

I rolled my eyes, trying to focus on anything else besides the trash she was watching. Luckily, I was called back after ten minutes more or else I probably would've left. The door was buzzed open and I walked back to find a fairly nice office. It wasn't quite like Raf's office but it did make me feel a little better after the waiting room.

"Come in, come in." A young man smiled, "My name is Randall Pierce. I prefer Randall but it is up to you on how to address me."

"Millicent Mayes." 

He offered his hand and I shook it softly, "Millie good?"

"Preferred." I nodded.

"Ok, why don't you sit down and get comfortable. Would you like a drink?" He retrieved a water bottle and waited for me to shake my head before continuing, "Sorry about Mandy, she gets into those awful shows and I hardly have people waiting longer than five minutes."

"It's fine." I lied but he just chuckled and suddenly I felt insulted, "Sorry?"

"You don't have to lie, you're in a safe place." He sat down across from me, "That's the point of therapy after all."

"Sorry, I've never done this before." I looked down to my hands interlocked, "I... Damn this is worse than I thought."

"It's not easy telling a stranger all your issues no matter how much tv and movies make it sound that way." He took a sip of water and put down a recorder, "I'm going to record our sessions and transcribe them later if that is fine. Please say so."

"Yes."

"Ok, now our session has started. I'll let you lead. Start wherever you want."

I paused and tried to think, "I was raped when I was Twenty. A few months on the job as a cop and I was raped on the street just after my shift. I was a virgin and suddenly I was pregnant. I kept him, my sweet amazing little dude. I work SVU because they were the detectives that took my case and actually worked it... Oh and now I'm suddenly getting flashbacks to my childhood and getting physically abused by my dad."

"Wow... Ok. Where do you want to start?"

"Honestly... I need help with all of it. I never worked through the rape and it ruined my love life. I have an amazing boyfriend and we can't be sexually intimate or anything sexual really even though I trust him with my life. In fact, when we were trying and my body shut down, that was the first time I had a bad memory come back about abuse."

I couldn't look up, couldn't even attempt to look at him. I felt judged like I was on the stand and Raf wasn't there to protect me. My lips were cracking, throat dry...nothing felt right. I only felt wrong.

"Millie, don't stop." 

I glanced up, his soft smile coaxing me into a better spot.

"It's hard to talk about something so personal with a stranger, but if you keep stopping and letting your fear win..."

"I get it. I-I-I just don't..."

"You said you have a boyfriend. Do you trust him? Love him?"

"Yes." 

"Would you say he makes you feel safe?"

"Yes."

"Use that. Whenever you start to get scared or want to get down during our session, think of him. Use him as your safe place, don't shut down all the way if you can." He offered as he got up and handed me a fresh water from the small fridge by his desk.

"I don't think I ever said that though." I stopped and held the water in my hands.

"Said what?" He looked over.

"That I love him." I looked down to the floor, "I love Rafa and never said it yet."

"How long have you two been together?"

"A few months now." I looked up, "Why would he stay with me if I can't tell him?"

"Maybe he likes it moving slow." He smiled in a way that calmed me and drew my focus, "just take it slow. Start wherever feels best. Him and this session."

I gave a forced half smile, sipping the water and taking a breath. Then his words sunk in.  _ **Rafael is your safe place, think of him when you get scared or start to shut down. Use him as your good to stop the bad.**_ I nodded and held the water bottle tightly, looking back up to him.

"I'm dating the ADA I work with. It's new, only a few months really. Unlike every other guy I dated, he actually likes my son, takes care of him... They hang out and act like father and son. He doesn't just want sex from me, in fact, he stops it because i refuse to when I start to panic. I haven't truly had sex since the rape but he's come the closest." I smiled, "every other guy expects me to treat them. They treated me like a whore because I was a single mother never married. Most got angry and left when I refused to do anything more than a blow job... But Rafael is different. He actually got angry with himself when he let me treat him first. Since then we've been working on loosening me up."

"Sounds like a great man."

"He is." I blushed a little, "I don't know how it happened really, or why I deserve him."

"You went through a lot of trauma, but you seem like a good person. A cop, single mom... Don't you deserve a good man in your life?"

"I guess... I just never thought I would find one."

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

After last night, I needed to talk to someone. Punching Millie's dad felt amazing after what he said and the way she is remembered all his abuse from him. But it was stupid, I knew it was. I could get fired because I punched the most powerful judge in New York.

Liv was in her office, door opened and no squad to be seen. Millie wasn't coming in for her first day back till noon, the rest I didn't know. Two soft knicks and her head lifted up from the paperwork. A soft smile greater me, pulling her glasses off she waved me in.

"Morning Rafa."

"Morning Liv." I sat down.

"What can i do you for." She leaned back.

"Well, I punched Millie's dad last night after the gala. He showed up at her place and berated her."

"So you punched him?"

"Él se lo merece. (He deserves it.)" I mumbled, "I just have this bad feeling. Like something could go wrong."

"Besides punching him." She sighed, "I thought they never had contact."

"He bumped into her at the gala and didn't like her response to it. So he waited at her place for us to get back and verbally insulted her for not wanting to talk to him."

"He's a piece of work." Liv leaned forward on her desk, "but you're starting to sound like it too."

I glared as my phone rang, "This can't be good."

I answered the call and waited a moment. McCoy wanted to speak to me personally. I was to go straight to his office, even though I could guess what would be said.

"So?"

"I am to see McCoy immediately." I slipped my phone away, "I... I can already tell its Millie's dad."

"You did just punch the highest judge in all of New York."

"The things he said..." I paused and tipped my head, "She's just a whore, nothing more." 

Liv even flinched in anger at that, the way her hand rolled into a fist around her pen, "Same as before. Same exact words he said when he handed her the restraining order."

"She's been having flashbacks to her childhood and, well, it sounds like abuse. She hasn't told me a lot or with much detail but the way she shook and screamed until I woke her up."

"Abuse?"

"She was hiding in a wardrobe after he hit her mom and was trying to find her. He chased her around the house and grabbed her foot on the steps. He pulled her down each step bouncing her head as she cried and well... She said she peed herself and he dragged her through it. Her face and hair soaking most of it up."

"I never liked the guy. But he can't be touched." Liv looked me right in the eyes, "She's too old and there was never any proof. Honestly, I and munch suspected it when she was raped but she said it never happened and sounded sincere."

"She blocked it out." I nodded, "she forces herself to forget."

"Wasn't a bad idea." She looked up, "its bad but, he's untouchable. She never had a chance."

I stood up slowly, "Wish me luck, honestly, I'll need it."

* * *

**_Millicent_ **

* * *

 "I had to be seven... Maybe eight." I paused, "My hair wasn't extremely long so it was during one of the few time i cut my hair to piss off my dad."

 "Were you always rebellious?"

 I chuckled, "It was the only way I ever got attention except for my grandma. My dad wanted the perfect family and well, he demanded it. My mom fought at first but gave in. I was just a prop they threw into enough activities that they never had to worry about spending time with me." 

"Sounds lonely. What about friends?" He asked and jotted down a note on the writing pad.

"Never had a chance. I didn't act properly and the other rejects didn't want a rich girl. I only had my grandma."

"I know this is tough but, tell me more about the flashback."

I shifted and cleared my throat, "My hair was at my shoulders in a very bad choppy way. I never could cut straight. The hair was all over my attached bathroom and I panicked. I went to get a broom and find a scarf to hide my hair but dad was home and caught me going up the steps with them. He saw my hair and flew into a rage, so I ran and locked myself in the bathroom."

"Why did you cut your hair?"

"Because I hated it. It knotted and tangled and caught on everything. I just wanted it to be above my waist at least."

"Please continue." He motioned on.

"I laid down in the bathtub and covered myself with a towel. His scream echoed in the room as the door shook. I kicked the faucet in my haste and water were pouring over me from the shower head with the drain plug in. I couldn't move, just cried and cried as the water rose higher and higher." I felt my shoulders tug, "Then the door burst open. I heard the shards of wood hitting the curtain that was my only layer of defense. He ripped it off the hooks with a tug and hissed at me as he knelt down and turned the towel sideways. He pushed it down to pin my arms beside me as I struggled to keep my head above the rising water."

"Millie, you need to breathe. Think of Rafael. Ok? Breathe for me." He urged me as I felt my chest restrict.

I could almost feel the water slushing around me as I was pinned. The small waves rippling over my face. Lapping into my mouth as I screamed for help. The way the warm water slowly felt colder just by his touch and his glaring red eyes and twisted face like a demon looking down at me, foul and disgusted tone calling me worthless and worse.

"Millie, come back."

I tried to open my eyes, to see what was real and not this horror but it was fighting me until he said it again.

"Think of Rafael Millie, come back."

"Raf. Raf. Raf." I whispered as I forced a breath. 

My eyes opened and I panted in as much air as possible. He watched a little bit of worry on his face.  _ **This poor guy, he didn't know what was in store for him when he took me on as a client.**_

"Millie, are you ok?"

"Better... I can't feel the water." I sighed and let my eyes close to make sure the scene wasn't coming back with every blink.

"Good, let's move on..."

"Don't you want to know what he said?" He glanced at me intrigued, "He called me a slut like my mother. 'I should shave your head and throw you in the river, never to be found'."

He stopped a moment, almost petrified, "I never heard anything like that before."

"You never met my dad." I took a deep breath.

"Your time is almost up." He looked to the clock, "I just have one more question."

"Ok?"

"Are you sure you're ready to go back to work?"

"My wound is healed. Rapist behind bars and I'm not afraid to do my job..."

"The rape wasn't your biggest issue. Sure it affected your love life but you have it managed very well and you are building up to be able to be physical with Rafael." He lifted up the recorder and stopped a second, "I'm worried about your mental state with all these new memories coming back. So many triggers at your work."

"But if I don't work, I can't help the people like me." I stood up carefully as I tossed the water bottle into the trash by the door and started that way, "That's all I ever wanted in my life... And that was before I even remembered that or any of the abuse."

I walked out the door, headed for work. It felt wrong, defending my choice to continue working while I do vulnerable. But honestly, maybe a trigger or two could help me remember more.  _ **Who knows, maybe my story could help someone down the road.**_

* * *

**_Rafael_ **

* * *

After the chat with Liv, I felt better walking into McCoy's office. I knew that somehow I was caught hitting the bastard and his words and actions towards Millie weren't. I knew I was in trouble, that I was looking at disciplinary actions... But I didn't mind. I did what was right at that moment, I stopped him from attacking Millie.

"Rafael, glad you could make it." He motioned to take a seat.

"I was at SVU when you called. Checking on a possible new case."

"One you won't be a part of." He sighed as I took the seat, "I'm suspending you for two weeks."

"Masterson."

"He has video of you hitting him. Assaulting a judge is a big deal." 

I took a deep breath, "The video doesn't have sound does it."

"No, filmed to far away."

"Not a wide enough view to show Millie either?" 

"Was she there?" He watched me carefully.

"He showed up yelling at her and insulting her. She was crying against the door and I may have punched him after he called her a whore."

"Can't say I wouldn't of done it either, but the evidence isn't seeing our way." He took a deep breath, "Two weeks off, I can't budge on it."

"At least I still have a job." I mumbled, "Threats were pretty clear."

"You want to talk about it? I can't make anything stick but it might help."

"No, what's the use. I'll never be a judge." I stood up, "I assume arrangements are made. I can just leave."

"Take a break. Relax. Think about what you should do."

I walked out and slowly made the way to my office. I jot down a few notes for Carmen and moved on.  _ **At least i can spend some time relaxing and with Miles. Millie will probably love the news.**_

* * *

**_Millicent_ **

* * *

I just got back to the precinct, an hour back on the job after my first therapy session and getting shot and Liv sent me with Fin to interview an Inmate. As much as I wanted to skip the desk duty for a week, this wasn't what I was thinking. We walked in and looked at Sonny and Amanda at their desk laughing. 

"So the case is a bust. Complete wild goose chase." I rolled my eyes.

"Hey, you got away from the desk for an hour." Fin shrugged.

"And not again for at least a week." Sonny chuckled, "I really miss my partner."

Amanda glared, "I would be insulted if Fin wasn't easier to work with."

"Oooohhhhhh..." I gave Amanda high five, "Maybe I might request a partner change."

"Ok then, how are things with you and Barba." 

Sonny was going for a rise and got nothing from it but a chuckle, "Good. I got to see his place and I was surprised. Very modest."

"Oh? Stepping up are we." Amanda smiled and I waved them off.

"Behave."

"I would say the same to you." Rafa walked out, "You never behave.'

"What are you doing here? I thought you had court all day."

"Not for two weeks." He looked down, "I am suspended for two weeks no pay."

"What?" My voice gave the word but everyone looked at him, "why?"

"Long story. I'll explain later."

I knew why, I just didn't know how.  _ **How could... Barnaby... How the hell is he suspended? He had to say he was at my place and I was never called as witness. He had to have evidence. Even with a witness it would fall back on me.**_ I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"Stop thinking. It's fine." He whispered in my ear.

"No, it's not." I leaned back in my chair, "I'll call and explain..."

"Won't help. Don't worry about it Millie."

His word sunk in as everyone watched. I wanted to scream, to punch something, to cry in frustration... Anything to feel better. Instead, I was thinking about marching to my dad's office and probably losing my job for something much worse than a punch.  ** _But you couldn't. You couldn't face him last night, you wouldn't be able to do it now no matter how angry you are... You're pathetic._**

"Millie." Raf said one last time to draw me out of the darkness, "It's not you're fault. Envíame un mensaje de texto cuando te vayas. (Text me when you're off.)" 

He walked out with his head up like it wasn't dating and caring about me that just damaged his career. I held back everything I wanted to say and watched the squad look at me.  _ **He won't say, but I will. I'm not a victim anymore, I shouldn't hide from him.**_

"After we left here last night, We got into an altercation. My dad was waiting at my apartment to harass me and he said the wrong thing... Barba punched him." I didn't look up but I knew everyone was looking, especially from Liv's sigh.

"Your dad was abusive?"

"Yeah, I blocked it out. Until recently." I bit my lip, "My dad tried to be his perfect self at the gala and i didn't respond. I and Barba left. He wanted to set me straight and Barba didn't let him."

"Why aren't you charging?" Sonny asked.

"What's the use? There's no evidence and they obviously had something to get him suspended." I mumbled.

"Hey, Millie..." Liv sat on the edge of my desk, "We'll fix this. We don't let our family get pushed around."

I nodded and sighed,  _ **I don't know what they can do but hey, let them try.**_ I wanted the day to pass by with no problems. Luckily aside from Raf getting suspended, it was ok. No major issues, nothing that got under my skin. It went really slow, just talking and surprisingly not about my past. They kept it on anything else... And jokes about me and Rafael. The world felt almost right again.

* * *

"Hey, let's get a drink." Fin stood.

"Celebrate Millie coming back on the job." Sonny shrugged, "I'm in."

"I got the first round." Amanda got up, "I have a great babysitter."

"I'll go for one." Liv walked out, "Let's go."

Everyone grabbed their coats and walked out. We went down the way to a bar and texted Raf to meet us. We got the first round down, sipping and talking easily as we all sat at a table. The bar wasn't very crowded and as the second round hit, Raf walked in and sat down.

"Hope I'm not too late." He smiled.

"No, you can buy the next round." I winked as he sat down by me after giving me a kiss on the head as I sipped the beer.

"Deal."

"So Barba, how's the hand?" Sonny asked as Raf slowly raised his hand to get his usual.

"You told them."

"Why wouldn't I?" I shrugged.

He sighed as his glass was sat down, "It's fine. Him, not as much."

"That's why you're suspended? You punched her father." Amanda looked over, "How?"

"My dad is Judge Masterson." I looked down, "the highest judge in all of New York."

That got some looks as Raf shook his head. I couldn't take this, I tried to be open and right now it wasn't happening. I got up and moved around the table to bolt for the back as calmly as possible.

"Sorry, excuse me."

"I got this." Amanda jumped up and went with me to the bathroom.

I went into the first stall and sat down. I didn't even pretend to use the restroom, just sat down.  _ **Why are you like this? Your past is coming out because you want it to... Now you can't take it back.**_ I took a deep breath, looking up to a knock.

"I want to make a pregnancy joke right now but I don't want to really think about you and Barba having sex." 

I smirked as I slowly got up and opened the door, "Cute. But no. Anxiety I guess."

"Anxiety? That's new."

"Yeah I probably repressed it with all the abuse memories." I sighed and shook my head, "Sorry, I'm just being an ass."

"Hey, this is all new to you. It's new to us. That doesn't mean your wrong to get defensive." Amanda shifted her feet and let me by, "We're here for you."

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

Once they were in the ladies room, everyone looked to me.  _ **How do I know if she's ok? She's the one that left and I didn't follow her.**_ I slowly got up and walked to the jukebox in the corner. I didn't have small change so I had to pick a few different songs. They walked out right after I sat down and waved off the squad and their questions. She sat back down and jumped into the conversation.

"Remember that guy with the tin foil hat." Fin chuckled as Liv shook her head.

"Yeah, too bad Munch wasn't there for that."

"The moon guy? He hated that I said it was made of cheese." Millie chuckled as everyone laughed.

"Well if I thought I was raped by aliens, I would too." Sonny pointed over. 

"I'll get the next round." I stood and moved for the bar.

"So how is Barba really?" Amanda leaned over and whispered loudly to Millie.

"Don't answer that," I warned as a jest.

The mood was chipper and I was praying it would last. Millie needs this before the cases start coming in, I need to know she can handle everything with these flashbacks. I paid for the round and sat a glass down for her and then mine.

"Hope you don't mind, I know you had a good taste for scotch."

"And a headache from the last time." She smirked, "Thank you."

I sat down beside her as a waitress brought over the rest. 

"Don't blame me, you ordered and got the second... Oh and third." I shook my head, "and that second didn't last more than a minute."

"Sorry, He won that one." Sonny chuckled.

"Little surprised you can throw back whiskey so easily." Fin added, "Didn't your mom teach you not to waste the good shit."

She shook her head, "Nah I was more of the, you know, sneak it and hope your parents don't get home early."

"How did that lead to being a cop?" Liv smirked.

"Not really sure."

"It probably didn't." I took a sip as she raised a brow, "I mean, underage drinking isn't great on your record there."

Everyone laughed it up as she looked over at me, "Oh really? Coming from the gentleman that wanted to see if I was really a debutant at some point and never did a dance test."

"I didn't know there was test for that."

She raised a brow, "Todo boca y sin hablar. (All mouth and no talk.)"

Everyone moved on and I couldn't help it. Fin and Amanda had just left with Carisi trailing them. Liv was sitting with her chatting as I got up. The bar was basically empty and there was room. I walked over to the jukebox as they kept talking. A few minutes later I found the song I wanted, one Millie would recognize quickly. After hearing it a time or two on her phone, I could pick it out in no time. It clicked to play, so I offered her my hand and caught her off guard.

"What's this?"

"You said I never gave you a dance, so let me fix that."

She was stunned and everyone watched as I pulled her to the open area. My hand went to the small of her back and the other held her hand. She fell into place and the music started softly as she looked at me a little shocked.

> _"And all I remember is your back."_

"Wait..."

"Actúas como si no prestara atención. (You act like I don't pay attention.)" I smiled as she closed her eyes.

> _"Walking towards the airport, leaving us all in your past.  
>  I traveled fifteen hundred miles to see you.  
>  I begged you to want me, but you didn’t want to."_

She held her spot and let me lead till the chorus. She broke form and leaned into me as my other hand went to hold her in place as we rocked.

> _"But piece by piece, he collected me up,_  
>  _Off the ground, where you abandoned things._  
>  _Piece by piece he filled the holes that you burned in me._  
>  _Six years old and you know."_

I saw her lips moving softly by my shoulder and barely heard her as she whispered the lyrics.

 _"He never walks away._ _He never asks for money._ _He takes care of me."_ She slowly opened her eyes to see my face _, "_ _He loves me."_

> _"Piece by piece, he restores my faith.  
>  That a man can be kind and the father could, stay."_

"Millie, I..." The words sat in my throat but they wouldn't come out. 

_**You can do better than some bar. Don't say it yet.** _

"Raf, I love you."

My heart skipped several beats and my head got cloudy. _**Her voice, those words... It's not real.**_ She lifted her head to look at me, a small moment of silence and a slight bit of worry on her face. But the moment I saw her... The cat amber eyes, the silky soft raven hair framing her face and soft pink lips... I never doubted it. She looked right up at me and the words came out.

"I love you, Millicent."

Her lips curled up, the relief evident on her face.

> _"Piece by piece I fell far from the tree._  
>  _I will never leave her like you left me._  
>  _And she will never have to wonder her worth._  
>  _Because unlike you I’m going to put her first and you know._  
>  _He’ll never walk away,_  
>  _He’ll never break her heart._  
>  _He’ll take care of things, he’ll love her_  
>  _Piece by piece, he restored my faith_  
>  _That a man can be kind and the father should be great_."

"Millie, you know I won't leave or harm anyone. Not you, not Miles." I kissed her head, "I'm not like your parents and I know you aren't."

"I know... I love you for that. For you."

She sniffled as my arms just held her. The music changed, eyes moved away from us and we had our own private world for a moment. She didn't want to stay much longer, it was seven and she wanted to pick Miles up from his friends. I let her go, waiting a moment for her to actually detach from me before She walked back to the table. Liv watched for a moment before I pulled myself from my thoughts. 

We said goodbye, called a car, and left to get Miles. The night passed easy, a happy night at home. Miles was chatty but didn't fuss with us getting him to bed. It was too surreal of a moment when I carried a half-asleep Millie to ~~her~~ our bed. 

"Thanks, Rafa." She mumbled as I tucked her in.

"De nada, siempre. (You're welcome, always.)" I kissed her head and slipped into bed.

One arm around her and a tight spooning position was created. She giggled softly and scooted back into me.

"te amo. (I love you.)"

"También te amo. (Love you too.)" I breathe in her center hair, "always will."


	15. Newsies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The real fake news with a twist.

* * *

_**Millicent** _

* * *

I stretched awake, yawning and slowly pulling away from the arms around me. His fingers rolling off me as I slipped out and made it to the bathroom. After a week of Barba being off work, he was finally sleeping in. 

"Morning Cariño." He whispered.

 _ **Thought he was sleeping in.**_ I rolled my eyes, "Morning Rafa. Now go back to bed."

He chuckled and shifted to take the whole bed, watching me as I walked over to the bathroom down the hall and came back with a toothbrush in my mouth.

"You seem happy?" He sat up, "Qué me estoy perdiendo? (What am I missing?)"

"I'm off desk duty officially." I smiled and grabbed a Bra and panties from the closet before finishing brushing my teeth. 

When I came back in, he was out of bed and laying out clothes for me. He motioned to the jeans and button-up blouse I almost never wore. He gave me a kiss and a slap on my left ass cheek when I bent over in front of him to wiggle the jeans on.

"Can your pants fit any tighter?"

"I have a nice ass, I like to show it off." I shrugged, "And when do you pick out my clothes?"

"I wanted to." He brushed the hair out of my face as I got the top on, "Is it bad?"

"No, just different." I turned to him and received a passionate kiss, "I have therapy at three, be home by six or seven."

"I know the drill." He chuckled, "Oculta el disorder antes de llegar a casa. (Hide the mess before you get home.)"

"Love you too."

He smiled and let me walk out after he leaned in to whisper in my ear, "love you, Millie."

Out the door and on my way to work. Today felt good, and not just getting off desk duty.  _ **Saying I love you is the best thing in the world... Hearing his voice say it back is the only thing better.**_ I couldn't hide the stupid grin on my face as I started my walk, everything was perfect. For once in my life, I was happy.

Two steps into the bullpen, holding a coffee for me and my partner, I get a smile, "Well Mayes, i think you are trying to win me back."

I glance at Sonny then turn to Fin, "Sure I can't bribe you to change partners."

"Sorry girl." Fin shook his head and I handed the coffee to Sonny.

"Good, it tastes like shit anyway." 

Sonny rolled his eyes but made me sit down across from him. He seemed more excited to have me back than I was, and I had a sweet night with my family.  _ **Family... I finally can say it.**_ I sat down and sat my cup to the side as we went about getting everything ready... Or really just talking. 

"So how is everything with my partner?"

"It has been a good week back." I sighed.

"Most of that came from Barba in your bed," Sonny whispered.

Amanda shook her head, Fin chuckling at the sight of Sonny flinching a little after saying it. I laughed and rolled my eyes as we stopped at the sight of a man walking in. 

"Can we help you?"

"I'm senator Luke Bolton, looking for a lieutenant Benson."

"Sorry, she is out right now." I looked up, "we can have her call..."

"No, I'll wait here." He nodded so Amanda walked him over to wait in her office. 

"Ok, who wants to call Liv?" Fin looked over.

"Nah, I'm trying to stay off the radar." I shook my head, "You're up sonny."

"Why me?"

"You didn't say 'no' quick enough." He pulled his phone and made a call as I tossed my cup in the trash, "I guess he really wants her vote."

* * *

Liv got in and went right to her office. They talked a few minutes and then the senator left as Liv looked to us. She sighed and looked at Fin.

"Fin and Carisi, check out this Chinese restaurant and put the story to bed."

"Or you could let the partners go." Fin nodded to me at my desk.

"I wouldn't hate it." I shrugged, "I'm off desk duty, please."

"Ok, Carisi and Mayes." She waved us off as I grabbed my coat again.

"Let's go, Sonny." I started out the door beside him and everything felt good again.

We were out the door and drove to the Chinese place, Coral Dragon. Never heard of it before but I was definitely dying for some food now. Before we got more than a block, Sonny glanced over and I had a bad feeling.

"How are you and Barba?"

"Good." I looked at him, "Is it weird?"

"Yeah, putting that mildly." He chuckled, "He just seems happier lately."

I looked over confused for a moment. He laughed and looked back at the road.

"While you were out still, he was just... Happier. Easy to work with." He shook his head, "I don't need details just, keep it up."

"Sonny..."

"No details." He shook his head.

"We haven't had sex." I rolled my eyes as he glanced over, "You guys can stop acting like that now."

"Wait, he's happier..."

"He spends the night and loves taking care of Miles. Nothing more than kissing and cuddling between us." I shook my head, "He knows my past, I'm just a work in progress."

"Millie, don't do that." He glanced my way because i looked out the window, "You are a great cop and mom. Bad past or not."

"Sonny, you know it's not that simple." I huffed, "You guys know about it. Barba filed extra charges after I got shot on the raid and it wasn't just Assaulting a cop."

"You never told anyone." He finished, "We didn't want to bring it up around you until you did."

"It feels worse that way. Everyone knows and they pretend they don't." I closed my eyes and let the cold glass sooth my burning head, "I'm tired of all this pretending. Life shouldn't be so complicated that everyone lies about themselves."

"If that was true, we wouldn't have a job or crime." He patted my shoulder as he pulled up to the restaurant, "I'm glad to have you back."

We got out and walked over to the restaurant, changing the subject again.

"I guess we can pick up some General Tso's chicken while we're here, at least." I smiled, "Definitely some fried dumplings."

"Yeah, Rollins wants some sesame noodles." Sonny chuckled as he opened the door for me, "Maybe tomorrow, we can investigate Italian."

I chuckled as we stepped in and seen the owner, "Mr. Lee?"

"Yes, Detectives. The Congressman told me you were coming. I hope you can help us." He sounded and looked very worried still.

"I honestly don't know if we're going to be able to help, Mr. Lee." Sonny nodded.

"I've been getting death threats. My employees are getting death threats."

"Okay, we can pass that along to the other detectives." Sonny finished, "In the meantime, why don't you show us around and..."

I had stopped by the counter as Sonny was with the owner. He never finished his words as a guy with a hunting rifle walked in.

"You! Where are they?"

The owner went wide-eyed, "He's got a gun!"

People screaming and ducking for cover as I stood just watching and slowly inching behind him.

"The girls where?"

"I don't know what girls?"

"The girls in the basement, the ones for sale." He glanced around, "Everybody stay calm and easy! I'm not here to hurt nobody! Just show me and let them go."

"Okay, why don't you put that gun down, and then he'll show you around?" Sonny turned toward us.

"Ain't your business, buddy."

"Yes, it is. I'm a police officer, okay?" Sonny pushes his coat back slowly to show the badge as I pulled my gun and got into place.

"Good, you can help me self-investigate."

"All right, first, I need you to put that gun down."

"Maybe." He was a lot jumpy as i slipped behind him perfectly quiet and raised the gun.

"How do I know you ain't in it? Hey!" A Gunshot was fired off from his rifle to show control with even more people screaming and hiding around us I clicked the safety on the gun.

"Drop it."

"She's a police officer too." Sonny advanced to take the rifle.

"Get on your knees! Hand him that gun slowly." I addressed as Sonny took the gun, "On your knees."

Sonny called it in and I cuffed him. It didn't take long for a Uni to get here. We loomed back to the manager and started to talk as thing calmed down.

"This is out of control. Who's gonna come eat here now?"

"Well, we'll get the precinct to provide security, but hopefully this is a one-time event." Sonny started talking to him.

"Why are you talking to him? Why aren't you doing your job?" The gunman asked again.

"Why don't you shut up?" I looked at him.

"Tell him to show you the basement."

"Okay, Mr. Lee, is that where you keep your teenage sex slaves? In the basement?" Sonny looked to the manager that was getting tired of us playing along.

"No, this is crazy!"

"I saw the building plan online. Just look through that door."

"Wait, he wants to see that door?" He started towards the door by the counter.

"Well, Mr. Lee, if you don't wanna show him what's behind that door, you don't have to." Sonny tries to calm him down.

"He wants to see?" He opened the door and stepped back as I stepped in to the closet and picked up a mop.

"So what's this? This is your teenage sex slave?" I raised a brow at the guy.

"Just check-check the back wall. It opens."

I smacked the wall open hand with no signs of it being false. It sounded sturdy and like solid brick.

"Sounds pretty solid. Get him out of here." I waved the Uni off.

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

"Hey, buddy," I smirked as Miles stumbled out, "sleep good?"

"Morning Rafa." He looked down beside me and tucked against me, "Still tired."

"Then why did you come out here?"

"I was tired of sleeping." He sighed.

I chuckled and put an arm around him, "I get it."

I let him ret against me a moment before I made him get up. Starting food for our lunch since he slept in till almost noon. He laid on the couch and put on cartoons as I fumbled around the fridge looking for the food I and Millie forgot to buy yesterday.  _ **Well, I think it's safe to say she needs groceries... I don't think i have any at my apartment either.**_

"Wanna order out?" I looked up to see a thumbs up barely above the couch, "Ok, Fries?"

Thumbs down and I frowned, "Than what?"

His hand disappeared, "Burger? Chicken, Mexican... Chinese?"

Another thumb down and I sighed, "Waffles?"

A thumb went up slowly and I found the number in my phone, having our brunch delivered apparently since he wanted breakfast still. I glanced around at the small apartment and frowned, it was cramp since he moved in somewhat. Which was sad since he barely brought anything over from his place.  _ **She needs a better place. They need more room.**_ I got a couple glasses down and poured a coffee for me and juice for him. 

"Why don't you move to the table?"

He got up and crawled over to the table. Slugging his way along, I hid a laugh and moved the drinks. He got up slowly, sitting down as I rolled my eyes and handed him the juice. He looks like me in college, taking a test during a hangover. I ruffled his hair before getting the door and running the food to the table. 

"Waffles." He did a tired cheer and i gave him silverware.

"Yes. Eat up and wake up there tails."

He smiled and started eating, I finished my coffee and are a few eggs and toast before getting changed into real clothes. Miles ran back and put on clothes before i came back out in my jeans. He tackled me and seemed like his usual self, so i lifted him up.

"Wanna go play? Maybe soccer in the Park?"

"Yes!" He ran back to grab his ball as i chuckled.

* * *

_**Millicent** _

* * *

After a chat with Liv, Amanda and Fin went to interview the owner of the news site and Me and Carisi was double checking everything we could get on this restaurant. So far it was squeaky clean and really good food. 

"I kinda want Chinese food." I frowned, "I wonder if Rafa or Miles would mind."

"Rafa?"

"What? Did you think i called him Barba all the time?" I rolled my eyes.

"No... It's just weird."

"Whatever." I grabbed my coat, "I got an appointment to keep. See you after."

I waved and ran off as he went back to the work. The office wasn't far from the precinct, it made tight appointment times easier to work with. Dr. Randall Pierce wasn't overly traditional and worked with me on the trust more than anything at the moment. I felt like i could open up to him, trust him to keep everything private. I almost wished I felt good enough to bring Rafael with me, maybe we could actually happen...  _ **Probably not. It's not simple.**_ I huffed as i signed in and Mandy waved barely looking up from her screen.

"She's not good for you Julio."

I walked back and tossed down my jacket as Randall nodded at me. He sat down and offered me a drink, turning it down i waited for him to grab his notepad.

"How are you today Millie?"

"Better, this is my first real day back to work with no desk duty." I smiled faintly.

"Did you do as we discussed?" He watched me carefully.

"No." I looked down, "I haven't told Rafael anymore of the stories."

"Why not?"

"It didn't feel like a right time. Either Miles was around or..." I paused.

"Or you didn't want to." He noted something, "You had described one to him in detail and part of another. Why don't you want to tell him another?"

"I don't see the point in doing so. He knows my dad abused me and he doesn't care. He loves me as i am."

 "It opens a line of trust. You trust him but you could trust him more." He sat the notepad down, "You're not intimate with him because of the rape which sparked a issue with trust in sexual nature. You worked around parts but not the whole issue, letting yourself be vulnerable."

"Because laying naked in bed together doesn't scream intimacy." I mumbled.

"Not in the way you need." He stood up to grab a book, "The intimacy you want, being able to connect as one physically comes with mentally. Hand in hand so to speak."

The book was offered and i shook my head, "i don't need to read a book that tells me exactly what you just said."

"If you think that's the only thing in this book, i would be out of business." He sat it down beside me, "If i gave you more homework that wasn't just reading that book, would you do it."

"Yes."

"You didn't last time."

"It was complicated." I shrugged.

"You made it complicated." He warned, "So i will give you something evenly complicated to your task and ask you to perform one. Tell Rafael about one of your memories he hasn't heard about with detail... Or have sex with him."

"What? That was part of the reason i came here."

"It's not a complicated act, people do it all the time." He smirked, "It's no harder than talking to him. Your choice."

I huffed as we moved into the actual session part of this session.  _ **Why did i need therapy again?**_

* * *

I got back to the precinct as things apparently got interesting. The nutjob running the fake child trafficking case gave us actual evidence of a real trafficking ring. It didn't involve the coral dragon or the senator aside from one of the readers sending it in... And a pretty frame job on the poor guy.

Amanda and Liv went to talk to the senator, Carisi and I went back to the wacko to get evidence. I stood off to the side and Carisi watched my back as i spoke to the guy.

"You should be going after Bolton and that restaurant." Duca started in right away.

"And we'll get right to that, but first, we need to know who sent you Bolton's hacked emails."

"Why?"

"Because it could lead us to an actual child prostitution ring." I emphasized the key word, actual.

"That's what I've been trying to tell you."

"No, an actual, actual child prostitution ring." I glared and barely held back my angry mom voice.

"Forget it. Anyways, I don't know. Those emails came to me anonymously." He crossed his arms.

"You sure? No return address? Not a hint?" Carisi glanced over.

"No." 

"All right, then you won't mind us taking a look at your computer, right?" I shrugged and walked toward the computers.

"No, I would mind." He hissed and blocks me from it, "Absolutely not."

"That's what we thought." Carisi handed him the folded paper, "That's why we brought a subpoena."

* * *

Me, Liv, and Amanda sat at the back of court during the motion hearing the next day. I was a little sad to see the temp prosecutor we had, would have much rather been watching Rafa's backside as he argued and won the motion. Sadly that wasn't an option so i settled for the enjoyment of Duca losing his motion within minutes.  _ **At least the good guys won.**_ We all got up and walked out into the hallway as Duca glared at us.

"Duca didn't look happy." Amanda started.

"Good," I mumbled.

"Look, we need to get his hard drive to Computer Crimes. As soon as possible." Liv looks at us.

"On my way to Evidence Control right now." Amanda started towards the elevator and made it a whole step.

"This isn't over. You're attacking the wrong journalist." Duca shouted at us three as he walked around the corner.

"Okay, watch yourself, Mr. Duca, or gonna be back in court as a defendant." Liv started him down.

"Is that a threat?"

"Yeah." Amanda nodded.

"Well, as long as I know the rules of engagement."

"Go home, Duca." I rolled my eyes and started to turn with Amanda.

"Oh, I will." He pushed past us as i glared and barely kept my balance, "You have my hard drive, but not my brain, not my website."

"So?" I kept an eye on him as Liv caught my arm.

"The Endless Truth" has two million unique visitors a day, and they all believe whatever I tell them to." He got on the elevator as Amanda looked back over checking on me.

"Do you think he even believes his own hype? That's he's a "watchdog for the people"?"

"I actually don't think that he believes anything at all." Liv rolled her eyes.

We walked back to the precinct, me and Amanda catching up with the squad after we got the hard drive started. Us women were laying it on thick, the disgust with this guy right now was ridiculous. I'm not even sure what it was exactly we hated, except he didn't care about helping. Just writing more and more, lies or not.

"Anything?" Liv turned to us.

"Computer Crimes has opened Duca's hard drive. They're working on it, and they will let us know when they find something." Amanda looked at Liv.

"And did they say how long it might take?"

"Could be hours, could be days." I shrugged.

"So what now?" Carisi asked as he was looking at his laptop.

"We do what the man says and track this ring down another way, the way that we usually do it." Liv nodded to Fin, "So let's run the photos through facial recognition. Cross reference them with missing persons. Follow up with NCMEC."

"Let's cultivate sources and see if we can flip anyone who might be involved or knows someone that knows something." He finished as he reached for the phone.

"Hey, Lieutenant?" Carisi frowned.

"Yeah?" She turned around.

"The Endless Truth" just posted some new accusations." 

"Against who?"

"You, Mayes and Rollins." He leaned back as our heads went up, "You need to see this."

I rushed over behind my partner as the other women ducked in and looked in horror. I white knocked the chair in pure rage.

"Those pictures are from yesterday." Liv scuffed.

"You notice somebody following you?" Fin asked.

"I wasn't looking." I whispered as I looked over the photo of me and Miles playing in the park. Rafael had to see his Mami and get clean clothes, taking some time for me and Miles.

"How to explain SVU cover-up of Coral Dragon sex ring: "Detective Benson, Mayes and Rollins all have fatherless babies of unknown origin." Amanda read off, "Human flesh payoffs from sex ring to look the other way? What do you think?"

"I think this guy needs his computer shoved down his throat." I hissed.

Liv was walking to her office as Amanda followed. My phone was already connecting the call to Rafa as i turned towards the wall so i didn't break the computer. All three mothers were protecting our kids first, then it will be time for payback.

"Hello?"

"Hey Raf, where are you and Miles?"

"Out at the park." He chuckled as i heard the other kids playing.

"You need to get him home." I bit my lip.

"Why?"

"That stupid 'Endless Truth', they crossed a line. Miles, Noah, and Jesse made front page for the site, calling them bribes." I closed my eyes, "Threats... Please just stay in or something reclusive."

"Are you coming home?"

I stopped and thought it through before looking to the rest of the squad, "No, I'm killing him."

"I didn't hear that." 

"Please, please keep him safe."

"Of course. You stay safe."

The call had just ended as everyone met back up. Liv had Lucy take Noah and Jesse to her parents put of town, police escort and security detail. They had just kissed them goodbye and glanced to me as they walked in.

"Are you sure you don't want Miles gone for a while?"

"I trust Raf to keep him safe... I can't send him off." I sighed and looked at my phone, "Everything will be fine."

 "You got 'em away?" Fin asked as we all gathered around again.

"Yeah." Liv nodded at Amanda's answer.

"Good." Carisi looked up from his laptop, "The Endless Truth" is still pushing that garbage story. Now some of its readers are posting threats against you three."

"What about Jesse, Miles and Noah?" I looked over.

"Some of the self-investigators like that guy Malcolm, they're interested in them." He frowned.

"Someone should take those kids from their so-called mothers and test their DNA. Crack the sex ring. Let the truth ring out." Amanda read off as I held my phone right in my hands, worried if maybe Raf should take Miles to his place or away from the home at least.

"Arrest the son of a bitch who runs that thing." Liv growled.

"For what?"

"Breathing." She glared and went to her office to make some calls.

I started to grab my jacket when Fin stopped me.

"You two stay here. We got this." He tapped Sonny's shoulder.

"I can make it look like an accident." I offered as Amanda smiled, "I'll help."

"Didn't hear that." He pointed at us and left to pick up Duca.

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

 I had Miles out at the park to practice a little soccer. Since he wasn't killing me with hard kicks, we were able to go for a while. 

"Hey Rafa, watch this." Miles put his toe on the edge of the ball and applied just the right amount of pressure to make it jump up so he could catch it with the top of his foot.

"That is cool." I chuckled as he bounced four times before missing it.

"I'm working on the dribbling. I'm gonna be like Beckham!" He smiled and tries again as i took a breath and checked my vibrating phone.

"Probably better. Eres mucho mas linda. (You're much cuter.)" I frowned as i seen Millie's name, "Hello?"

"Hey Raf, where are you and Miles?"

"Out at the park." I chuckled as i heard kids playing and seen Miles and a boy start passing the ball back and forth.

"You need to get him home." 

"Why?" I furrowed my brow but wat hed him closely.

"That stupid 'Endless Truth', they crossed a line. Miles, Noah, and Jesse made front page for the site, calling them bribes. Threats... Please just stay in or something reclusive."

"Are you coming home?" I asked glancing around looking for anything off putting.

"No, I'm killing him."

"I didn't hear that." I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose.

"Please, please keep him safe."

"Of course. You stay safe." She hung up and I walked over to Miles, "Hey Miles, why don't we stop for a bite and get home. You can teach me that card game you like."

"Ok." He said by to the boy and grabbed his ball.

We walked to get food, he held my hand the whole way and i was careful not to draw to much attention. He was talking about a thousand different things and smiling at everyone. The usual happy kid style was on high and it was endearing to see. It brightened everyone's mood. We got a small bite and was back at the building before i felt good. 

"That was fun."

"I thought so." I chuckled, "up for a game or two."

"Yeah... I was thinking poker. Mommy has been beating me a lot on it lately."

I shook my head and let his hand go to get the door, "maybe i can give you a tip or two."

 "Please." He was bouncing up and down as i got the door opened. 

I was holding the door and turning to Miles when I seen this guy grab his arm. Miles dropped the ball and screamed when he pulled him down towards the sidewalk.

"Get your hands of my son." I growled and took Miles's hand.

"He isn't your son. He is a payoff." 

I tugged him towards me a moment and got my arm around him. Before i could say a word, a police car had lights on and pulled up. Miles kicked at the man and clung to my arm.

"What the problem here?"

"Get off me!" Miles kicked the man in the chest hard and forced his hand to let go as an officer pulled him back and another raised a hand up towards us.

"My name is Rafael Barba and i am a Manhattan ADA. This is my girlfriend's son and he just tries to kidnap him." I glared as Miles tucked in behind me.

I wrapped an arm around him and made sure he was attached to me as the cops glanced at the man.

"That isn't his son. It's not the cops son. It's a human payoff to ignore a sex trafficking ring!" He ranted and pulled away from the cop.

One officer room off after him and it stopped the other one, "I don't want to press charges i just want him away from the building."

"Of course sir." He nodded, "sorry about this." 

He watched as his partner chased and went to catch him in the car. I walked Miles in and quickly checked him over and found nothing but a small bruise. 

"You ok?"

"Yeah..." He tackled me again and i carried him up to the apartment. 

"Hey Tails, can you pack a small bag. Change of clothes you know, and we'll stay at my place tonight." I gave a halfway smile, "I'll let mommy know ok."

"Ok." He took off back to his room as i looked at the door.

 _ **She needs a better building. No doorman or lock on the outside... This isn't safe and it is definitely too small for them let alone me staying over.**_ I stopped and took a deep breath,  _ **Damnit Mamí, Por qué tuviste que sugerirnos que nos mudáramos? (why did you have to suggest us moving in.) Not that my place would even work, too small. It's smaller than here.**_

I gave him a few minutes then went back to speed him up as i texted Millie. Then we were off to my place, behind a few looks and a doorman at least. It felt safer, even if it didn't have the space needed.

* * *

_**Millicent** _

* * *

I begged Liv to let me in on the interrogation, She caved and went in with me and Carisi. We took lead as she stood by the window listening, partly watching.

"Those photos you took? That's felony stalking." Carisi spoke as i focused back in on the task at hand.

"I didn't take them. My readers sent them in."

"Yeah, readers encouraged by you to investigate the situation by taking our kids." I glared.

"Pal, that's enough to make an attempted kidnapping case." Sonny redirects the attention to him.

"I didn't stalk anyone. I didn't kidnap anyone. I just raised a legitimate question about this unit's odd failure to investigate a ring that enslaves children." He answered so calmly i could see Sonny twitch with annoyance.

"Do you even believe anything you're saying right now, huh? Or is this all about getting money for clicks on ads?" I leaned towards him, "It's all about the money right? You don't care if girls are getting pimped out or if innocent kids get hurt, you get money from every person watching your lies."

"You clearly have no interest in getting to the bottom of this. If you did, you'd have an independent laboratory test those children's DNA and tell us where they came from." He smirked at me and glanced to Liv as i seen her break.

"Because of your insane fantasies about 'human flesh payoffs'?" She turned to him.

"What fantasy? Now you admit there's a sex ring exploiting children. You've seen my evidence about that restaurant. Your people even supposedly talked to that child rapist, Ronald Fleming, but instead of investigating that, you're making empty threats against me."

"Oh, believe me." She shook her head.

"Stalking, kidnapping?" He huffed.

"You can trust me right now." I leaned in, "Those threats? Not empty."

Liv nodded along with me, fully backing this decision. 

"Listen to me. Listen to me." Sonny blocked my face and gained his attention back, "If you really want to help children who are victimized, then tell us who sent you those hacked emails."

"I told you, I don't know. But I do know that young sex slaves sometimes get pregnant and have babies their bosses don't want, and you two are a single woman without a child who suddenly, out of nowhere, gets a mystery baby." He looks at us again.

"Oh, that baby is not a mystery. That baby is my son." She smirked down at him, that eerie calm feeling of pure hatred.

"Yeah, where'd he come from?" He turned to me, "and yours too."

"He is my son..."

"But who gave birth to him. He definitely doesn't look like you."

I felt two hands on my shoulders to stop me from leaping over the table.  _ **You're a good partner sonny, but i need this.**_

"Lieutenant?" Fin opened the door.

"Not now, Fin." Liv waved him off as we both stared Duca down.

"It's important." He stressed.

"It can wait." She hissed back.

"Liv, please." He glanced at me, "Mayes too."

We left only because i knew Sonny would drag me out soon. Luckily we got a lead and Liv and Amanda went to follow it. Fin went in to finish the talk with Carisi so i could sit outside. I barely looked at my phone and frowned when i saw a text from Rafael i missed.

> **_R:_ ** _I took Miles to my place. I'll explain later. Stay safe._
> 
> **_M:_ ** _Ok, you two too. Please._

* * *

 I took a deep breath as a sting operation was tossed together after Liv got info from the hacker. We went full speed and managed to redeem the sting after it went sideways. Pushing through all night, we finally got this trafficking ring busted and took down. No thanks to Duca or his website that still pushed and prodded. It was waying on us hard, wanting nothing more than to get our kids home and never leave their side again.  _ **Stop calling... They are probably sleeping unlike you and definitely safe. Don't bother them.**_ I left my phone on my desk as Carisi watched me.

"They'll be fine."

"Thanks, like i haven't told myself that a thousand times." I sighed, "sorry, doesn't mean to snap."

"No i get it, everything will be fine." 

"Thanks." I closed my eyes but opened them as I heard steps approach my desk.

"Millie, go home." Liv patted my back, "Jesse and Noah are on their way back and we are taking some time. You should too."

"Thank you." I grabbed my coat and lifted my phone to call Rafael.

"See you tomorrow." She smiled as I ran out.

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

After hanging up with Liv and reading a book to Miles,  everything felt better. I was sitting with Miles on the couch, cuddled up as he napped on my legs. He didn't sleep well in a odd place, I didn't sleep well without Millie either. I had checked on the site Liv told me about, no more photos or threats towards the kids. A sigh of relief came as I put the phone down and looked at the boy still sleeping. _ **As long as he's safe... I will never tell anyone about Liv threatening this guy.**_ The moment stopped as my buzzer went off.

"One second." I called and slipped Miles off me as his eyes fluttered and he went back to sleep.

I got to the door and answered, shocked as Millie jumped me and squeezed me tight, "oh thank God you're ok..." 

She looked past me to the couch and lit up, "Tails!"

"Mommy!" He slowly got up trying not to look so tired as she tackled and lifted him up.

"I missed you so much baby boy."

"Me too mommy." He mumbled and tucked into her chest.

"He didn't sleep well here but i figured it was best." I shrugged, "we had a small issue at your place."

"Issue?" 

"We had went out for food and air and a guy approached us at the doors. He got a little handsy and grabbed Miles. He screamed, i pulled him away, and a Uni was just down the way on patrol and chased him off." I put my hand on her shoulder as she started to panic, "it is fine. Nothing happened. He is safe."

"The last guy that was investigating for this site stalked and took photos of the kids and the one before that brought gun into a Chinese food place and fired rounds into the ceiling."

"And nothing happened to him. Not even a big bruise." I kissed her head, "I doubt you will have any more trouble."

"I don't want to take him home now." She closed her eyes, "I just... I don't feel it's safe. That building isn't close to secure as it should be."

"Then don't." I whispered, "stay here tonight. Go from there."

"There is one bed and it's not huge."

"I'll find something." I promised her, "ok? I promise we can figure this out."

She sighed and melted in against my chest as i held her, "honestly, you need to find a better place."


	16. Moving on up

* * *

_**Millicent** _

* * *

I stretched, again and again, waking up in the bed with Raf at his place as Miles woke up from his makeshift bed in the corner. It was a bunch of pillows and the couch cushions because he was scared to sleep downstairs alone. 

"Morning." Raf chuckled and kissed my forehead.

"Morning." I giggled rolling over to spy on Miles as he stood up, "You to Tails."

"Morning Mommy, morning Rafa." He jumped on the bed and bounced at our feet.

"You know what happens to the monkey that jumped on the bed right?" Rafa sat up and caught Miles's waist as he tipped back, "he fell."

"Yeah!" He smiled.

"Ok you two." I pulled Miles up, "Why don't you potty and figure out breakfast? It's Raf's last day before he starts work again."

"Waffles!" He shouted and ran to the bathroom.

"I'm thinking not waffles." Raf sighed, "I also feel bad making him sleep on the floor."

"He loves it." I got up and tugged on jeans, "Besides, he doesn't have nightmares here."

"I'm sorry about that." He stretched as he got up, "I should've kept a better eye on him." 

"It's not your fault. You couldn't of known it was going to happen."

He shrugged, still looking and feeling guilty from the small accident at the beginning of the week. I wanted him to stop, to let it go. Miles was fine and the nightmares were small, it just wasn't as simple as I hoped. 

"Millie?"

"Hmm?" I looked to him.

"I asked if you needed anything from your place. Might as well swing by while we are out." He looked at me a moment before pulling me in, "Are you ok?"

"Yeah, of course." I gave him a kiss.

"Then why are you off in your own world." 

It wasn't a question, it was a clear statement. He saw me spacing out and staring off into space or at Miles as he slept. I just felt guilty about everything. 

"It's more fun than work... And dealing with you." I smirked as he let me go so he could change. 

I caught Miles down in the kitchen that Raf never really stocked looking for the non-existent food. I scooped him up and growled in his ear.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"Looking for food." He laughed and let his tummy grumble.

"Go get clean clothes on. We'll go out to eat and take a walk or something." I gave him a soft push off to run up the steps. 

He slid past Raf and lept up the steps like a superhero as we both chuckled. He turned to me, offering a hand and kissing me again.

"So, why we have a moment..." He glanced around to make sure Miles wouldn't be spying, "...We should talk."

"About?"

"I don't think your apartment will do much good anymore."

I looked at him confused, "It's just a few nightmares. He'll get by them and be fine."

"I was talking about space." He sighed, "There isn't enough room for three and I've been staying with you guys... I've practically moved in."

"Yeah, but I can't afford a better place on a cop's salary and I signed a lease. I have six months before I could even think about moving." I shook my head.

"Well, we move in together and you wouldn't be paying everything." 

"But there isn't room for you to move in and your place is even smaller." I motioned around as he just smirked at me, like I wasn't getting it.

"Millie?" 

I closed my eyes as it hits me, "You want to find a place for the three of us."

 "If you're ok with it." He turned around and sighed, "I swear that boy is distracted by everything. Let me check on him."

I sat down at the small bar, my mind rushing and prodding.  _ **Moving in? Is it to soon? Is it smart? Miles likes Rafa but if he moved in with all his things would it work out?**_ I took a deep breath,  _ **At least he is letting me think about it.**_

* * *

**_Miles_ **

* * *

I heard Mommy and Rafa talking about something and just shut the door to change. I pulled a shirt and pants from my bag but found they were covered in juice from the juice box inside exploding. I frowned,  _ **What to do now? I wonder where they put my dirty clothes from yesterday.**_ I looked around and opened Rafa's closet, peeking through. 

"I don't see his hamper." I sighed and looked around, "I don't know why he needs a room just for his clothes."

Moving around some of the shoes and suits, I looked through the drawers for something i could wear. Too bad Rafa is to big, nothing looks even close to my size. I kept looking, hoping to find anything but kept coming up short. I looked in one drawer and found a small box, I lifted it up and frowned.

"What fits in here?"

I pushed the lid up and looked at a ring. It was shiny, gold and silver and pinkish... Very pretty. I barely had the lid all the way open when I heard it.

"A very special ring." 

I jumped and seen Rafa standing behind me. He reached down and took the box and ring away as he chuckled.

"Why don't we just hide this back in here and..." He slipped it back in the drawer, "... Keep it our little secret. Just between me and you, ok?"

"Ok, Rafa." I smiled.

"What are you doing in here anyways?" He lifted me up in his arms.

"My juice exploded on my clothes. I was trying to find the dirty ones from yesterday to wear."

He looked at my PJs and sighed, "they aren't too dirty. We'll just stop for clean ones before breakfast." 

"Ok." He started out the door and stopped a second before we got to the steps.

"Remember, it's our secret. No one else can know about the ring."

"Ok." I nodded as he carried me down the steps.

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

**"** Where were you two?" Millie chuckled as I put Miles down, "and why aren't you dressed?"

"My clothes got dirty in the bag."

"I told him we can stop to get clean ones on the way." I kissed her cheek, "let's go."

Her phone dinged and we all looked to it. She answered the call and stepped away a moment as I handed Miles his shoes and got his coat. He got them on and high fived me for it in the moment Millie came back.

"Sorry guys, I gotta go. Have a waffle for me Tails." She kissed his head and gave me a peck on the cheek, "Sorry to bail. Maybe you guys can swing by for lunch. Say one or two?"

"Sounds good. Have fun." I took Miles's hand, "We'll see you soon."

We left as she ran to change for work. We decided to take a car and have it wait a moment. He changed and we rode to the diner by the courthouse. He got two waffles with chocolate and peanut butter chips with lots of syrup. I had my usual coffee and a small plate of food. 

"So Rafa."

"Yes?" I looked down at him as he licked syrup off his nose.

"You gonna give Mommy that ring?"

I watched him a moment, wiping his face and spreading the syrup all over it in the process.  ** _Good thing i made him pack a second shirt and jacket... And no juice boxes._**

"I was thinking about it." I shrugged, "I just want to make sure it's the right time before i do." 

"Right time?"

"Yeah. When men like women and they want to show them how much they love them, they buy a ring and show they are committed to her." I looked at the lost child beside me, "I want to give your mom that ring so she knows i love her and never want her to leave."

"Like a stone." He smiled.

"Stone?"

"The penguin and the pebble." He nods, "Penguins search to find the perfect stone for its mate. In the movie, Hubie tries to find Marina the perfect pebble."

"Yeah i guess, it's kinda like that."

"So why aren't you showing it to her?"

"Because it's not the right time yet." I looked to the waitress for the check, "Sometimes the male penguin has to hold onto the pebble until its the right time."

"When is the right time?"

"That's the thing, you don't know until you're in it."

* * *

_**Millicent** _

* * *

After a few hours of interviews, the squad was given a small lunch break. We were about to order in when i heard laughing. I look up and Miles is handing out sandwiches to everyone. Raf walked over and handed me my own.

"Hope you don't mind, we bought lunch for everyone."

"Fine with me." I tugged Miles in, "i love you."

"Love you to mommy." He wiggled away with his sub to eat as you kicked out a chair for Rafa.

"So, what have i missed?" He looked around as everyone laughed.

There was talk about the case in small bits, leaving out certain things around Miles. A little on family and this or that, just the whole squad together. Once it was wrapping up, Sonny took Miles to wash up. Raf took the chance to talk to me quietly, but the squad is always nosy.

"Have you thought about this morning?"

I tipped my head back and forth, "A little."

"And?"

"Y necesito pensar más. Es un gran paso. (And i need to think more. It's a huge step.)" I glanced to make sure no one was staring.

"Lo sé pero es lógico. Ambos lo sabemos. (I know but it's logical. We both know it.)" he took my hand and pulled me to the break room, "I know we are moving slow but it's logical. No es un salto ni nada. (It's not a jump or anything.)"

"I know i just... I don't want to ruin anything by rushing. And it could be expensive...." I leaned in and stole a kiss, "I need to talk to you tonight... Minus Tails."

"Ok?"

"I'll decide by tonight and then the other thing." I stepped back as I held his hand, "It's not bad. Just homework for therapy. Ok?"

He nodded with a smirk, "of course. See you then."

As we walked out, he caught Miles trying to attack him and they left. I watched the elevator door shut, my head thinking it through more and more by the second.  _ **Moving makes sense, especially moving in. Finding a new place that fits the three of us. Between our pay we could afford much nicer than my slum. Something more along his apartment only with some space. But is it to fast?**_

"Millie?!" 

I jumped and looked at Amanda laughing, "What? Sorry."

"We asked what you were thinking so hard about."

I frowned, trying to decide if I even wanted to tell them. It was a huge step and I definitely didn't need their negative opinion on the matter helping my decision. I was having a hard enough time on my own.

"Well... I don't know." I took a deep breath,  _ **Fuck it**_ , "Raf may have asked me and Miles to move in with him... In a new apartment."

"Wait, he wants to go all 'house hunters' with you?" Sonny looked over.

"My apartment doesn't fit all of us well and his place wasn't made for two really, let alone three. We have just been moving things back and forth... He brought it up this morning and I have been thinking it over."

"Thinking it over? You two moving in together...How long have you two been together?"

"That's not the issue." I sighed, "I don't feel rushed at all."

"Then why are you not telling him yes?" 

 _ **There you go Sonny, finally asking the real question.**_ I rolled my eyes and sat back, "I don't know... I want to say yes but my mind is screaming no and not for a clear reason."

"Than say yes." Liv stopped at her door, "It'll be good for both of you... Miles too."

"Really? You think so."

"I know you two are good. Taking a big step will show you too."

"I already know that though." 

"You do, but does the rest of you." She smiled, "It's a process, work it."

I nodded as the case was brought back to light. I was rushing through everything and finding a few minutes after an hour or so. With nothing to do but paperwork, I work through it with my phone in front of me with places nearby.  _ **Just telling him yes won't do, I need to show him I really want this. No hesitation. Strong.**_ I looked through places that would fit three and was in a good area. Strangely enough, I wasn't finding a lot. 

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

I walked Miles back to my place, new clothes with nothing to ruin them in hand. He let go of my hand and ran down the empty street just a few feet ahead before I chased him.

"Miles!" I reached out and caught him as he barely missed a doorman, "We don't run on the sidewalks. Your mommy would kill me if you got hurt."

"Sorry, Rafa." He gave a half smile.

"And?"

He turned to the man, "Sorry sir."

"It's quite all right." He smiled and handed him a sucker, "be careful now."

"Thank you." I nodded and kept a hand firm on Miles's shoulder as I seen the sign in the window.

_**Apartment for rent.** _

_Three bed, two bath Apartment. Fully Outfitted kitchen and laundry room. Building has a terrace on roof, pool on main floor with a gym, and a garage. Doorman and security 24/7._

_Please apply within._

A glance over the building and it was very nice. Just a block from the school Mamí and Millie were talking about for Miles... A few blocks from my place.  _ **Easy commute to and from work, school right there and even a Garage in case we ever get a car... It sounds perfect.**_ I smiled and turned to the door man.

"Excuse me, who do I need to see about the apartment for rent?"

The man smiled and motioned me inside, "At the desk, ask for Tony."

I walked in to the small security and guess area by the mailboxes. Only ten apartments listed all with names. Two to a floor with a small hallway on each I was informed as I talked to the building super. He gave me a few pages with info and a number to call him to set up a tour. I almost had to carry Miles out when he saw the pool door to the side. _ **This just might sway Millie, it's perfect.**_

* * *

_**Millicent** _

* * *

I finally got out of work, getting back to Rafa's place only to be attacked by Miles two steps in.

"Mommy! Mommy! You won't believe it!" He shouted as I lifted him up.

"What won't I believe?" I chuckled at his rosy cheeks and glowing eyes, way to cheery. 

"We found a place!"

"Found a place?" I tipped my head but didn't get further as Rafa walked over and covered Miles's mouth.

"Remember, we agreed it would be a surprise." He chuckled.

"Oh..." He mumbled through his hand and immediately screamed surprise as we both laughed.

"Ok, why don't you get your shower and ready for bed. I and Rafa will talk it over and maybe if you're good, you can tell me a little too."

He nodded and ran to the bathroom as I turned to Raf. He stretched out an arm and pulled me into a sweet hug and kiss, savoring the moment before moving me to the kitchen bar.

"When I was taking Miles home from the park, we passed a building that had an open spot. Very nice and full amenities. Garage, pool, gym, terrace on the roof and even a Doorman and security."

"How much?"

"Three bed and two bath..."

"How much?" I asked again.

"Just a block from the school you were looking at for Miles and right nearby."

"Rafa." I stopped him, "I don't want to sign a lease on a place we can't afford in a few months. And it doesn't sound cheap."

He took a breath and pushed a small booklet to me, "Take a look at the plans. I set up a walkthrough for Sunday."

"Rafa..." My words dropped as I looked at it.

It was perfect. Three good sized bedrooms. Walk-in closet with his and her closet spaces in the master along with the bathroom just off of it. A big living room area, laundry room beside the kitchen with built-in racks on the blueprint. The kitchen was a complete wrap across from the door but had plenty of room. Closet by the door in the small foyer area at the entrance of the apartment. A small hall to the right for the two rooms with the bathroom at the end and a small jot off the laundry room walls before the living area lead to the master bedroom. The blueprint was perfect.

"It's amazing but-t-t-t-t..." He flipped the page as I spoke and I stuttered into silence. 

"It's not leasing, it's buying." He smiled, "Strangely, it's not a bad price for everything you get."

"It's not cheap though." I sighed, "Raf, We can't afford that. No way."

"Well, if you haven't noticed..." He stood up and slowly walked around the bar peninsula, "... I am good at saving money. I own this apartment, pay yearly for the car service... Tengo buenos ahorros. (I have good savings.)"

"You can afford it?" I looked up to him as he took my hand and pulled me up.

"Yes. It's a hefty chunk but, it'll be ours." He looked down at the papers, "Everything I never knew I could want."

"The apartment or us." I whispered as he pulled me in.

"Depends... Willing to seal it with a kiss?"

"If the walkthrough goes bad?" I watched his chuckle.

"We will keep looking but, I doubt it will."

I leaned up and stole his lips as I heard a gag form behind us, "Get a room already."

"I have one, you just won't sleep on the couch." Raf looked over, "Ready for bed?"

"Yup." Miles smiled and opened wide so I could see he brushed his teeth.

"Good, head up and I'll tuck you in."

I followed Miles up to his little makeshift bed, tucking him in and reading him a book. Once he closed his eyes, I slipped back down to Raf on his couch with a scotch. He offered me one as I passed him to take a seat on the other side. Falling down on the soft plush blanket that replaced his cushions for the moment.

"So I did good?" He smirked knowing the answer.

"Yes. I can't wait for Sunday now." I stretched my legs out to rest on his lap as he shook his head and suppressed the chuckle.

"So, you said we needed to talk before." 

"Oh... Yeah." I closed my eyes as he started to rub my feet.

I didn't realize how tight they were until he started the massage. It felt heavenly to lay back and let him work.  _ **You have to speak soon or he'll stop. Come one Millicent, be brave. He knows your past. He protected you from your dad... Tell him a new memory or follow through on sex without waking Miles up. You have therapy tomorrow and he won't let you off on skipping homework twice.**_ He stopped a moment and I sighed and looked up.

"Vamos a hablar? (Are we gonna talk?)"

"Yeah, sorry." I looked down at my hands on my lap, "I was given homework at therapy, Technically the time before last but I didn't do it and he doubled down this time." 

I twirled my thumbs around, fingers interlaced. It stopped quickly as I couldn't focus and they fell flat on my thighs. I felt his eyes on me. I rubbed my thighs, acting as if my hands were sticky and I was trying to wipe it off.

"I need to tell you about a memory I haven't told you yet. Confide in you and open up to feel vulnerable." I wanted to glance up but couldn't, "Build from that sense and hopefully work to the harder things."

"Millie, you can tell me anything. You know that." He kept rubbing my feet but his eyes were trained on me.

He must of sensed my small discomfort because he looked down to my feet and gave a hard press on the bottom arch. He was trying to make me feel better, a little more easy in this situation. He wanted me to be vulnerable and grow past my... Well my past. I need to open up and let him in more.

"One memory, it came shortly after the incident with my dad, I haven't even told the shrink." I closed my eyes, letting it flashback through.

> _It was late, stars peeking through the bright city lights as I sat watching them dance from my window seat. Mom and Dad was gone for the weekend, something for his work so it was just me and the nanny. Pilar basically raised me from two to ten. Whenever my parents were gone, she let me be a kid._
> 
> _"Ok, miss Mill, it's time for bed."_
> 
> _"Aww." I whipped around, "Ten more minutes. Please!"_
> 
> _She chuckled and kissed my head, "Five, but you have company."_
> 
> _She sat with me on the window seat, window open to hear the sounds of the city. Sweet music to my ears, oh so calming because I knew he wasn't here. It felt perfect, like mother and daughter bonding until one car was too close. She peeked out and jumped up, pushing me to the bed._
> 
> _"But you said..."_
> 
> _"Your father is home. In bed and eyes closed." She warned as she hit the lights and I pulled the sheets up._
> 
> _It was quiet, the door blocking out any noise and my small star lit nightlight covered my room so it wasn't black. My window wasn't closed all the way, a small crack I could tell from the whisp of wind... Then chaos. I heard glass shattered and yelling echoing through our home. I couldn't make it out but it made me shake in my bed._
> 
> _The door opened and I heard light steps, the window shut and my mom peeked under the cover, "darling, sleep. He will be in soon."_
> 
> _"Mommy..."_
> 
> _"I know, it's loud. But you have to try. You know how your father will be."_
> 
> _I squeezed my eyes tight and cuddled my pillows. It didn't hide the noise, I heard the screams. My mom cried and begged him to stop as I heard each whack... I started to shake. I couldn't s_ _top it..._
> 
> _"Stop your damn shaking!" He hissed as he opened the door, "why aren't you sleeping?"_
> 
> _I knew better than to speak, but I also knew if I d_ _idn't it would be just as bad._
> 
> _"I heard a crash and screaming."_
> 
> _"Yes, Pilar broke some dishes when I fired her."_
> 
> _"Fired?!" I shot up as he walked over._
> 
> _"The whore stole from us. I had to." He gave one firm shove on both my shoulders, "She is a piss poor nanny."_
> 
> _He was trying to force me back, to go asleep like my head hitting the pillow was the magical answer._
> 
> _"I love P." I whimpered as he froze._
> 
> _"P? You love P?" He ripped me out of bed and dragged me by my hair down the steps._
> 
> One by one my body slammed against the wood and I cried out. He never even slowed down.
> 
> _"Don't you have any respect girl?! You love the fucking whore more than your parents."_
> 
> _He tossed me down on the rug by the door, "You make me sick. You're no girl of mine. No respect!"_
> 
> _I curled in tight as his foot slammed my side._
> 
> _"No decency!"_
> 
> _Another hit and I felt my side crack. Shooting pain as I tried to curl tighter for protection as my mom just watched._
> 
> _"You will never be anything! You are worthless!"_
> 
> _The next hit earned a gasp as I felt the bone break. My lungs restricted and I was crying out in pain._
> 
> _"Help!" Mommy!" Tears flooded my face as he opened the door and kicked me out on the welcome mat, "Please! Stop!"_
> 
> _He stopped as he seen me missing my breath. Face going blue as I struggled to breathe and he turned back to the staff. I was clutching my side and trying to breathe as he watched a moment._
> 
> _"Don't just stand there, call 9-1-1." He hissed and stood watching a moment with the sadistic look before bending down like he was comforting me._
> 
> _I couldn't pull away, wanting away from the monster. My father. Before I could even try to do anything, my vision blurred and he started to cry as the sirens got closer._
> 
> _Almost a day later I woke up. I reached to block the light above to find my hands restricted. Then I r_ _ealized I had something in my throat. I start to shake and fight the bindings before my side burns and a stabbing pain stops me. A nurse ran in and quickly stopped me._
> 
> _"Calm down, calm down. You're safe now."_
> 
> _Tears fell down my face and the nurse called a few more in, "Just lay still. You have a broken rib and it had punctured a lung. We put you on this machine to breathe for you."_
> 
> _I felt a rush of panic and tried to get loose._
> 
> _"Honey calm down, the machine is breathing for you. Just relax and let it go."_
> 
> _I gave a muffled scream as the machine beeped. Never really having a chance, I seen a nurse put a tube against my arm and felt a shot. It_ _felt like a brush of cold, then my mind going fuzzy. I couldn't focus but when I woke up it was daylight and my mouth was free. No tube, no restraints, and a small tube up my nose that tickled. I opened my eyes and tapped the hose as a nurse seen and walked in._
> 
> _"Hello, Millicent." She patted my hand, "How are you feeling?"_
> 
> _"Fine." I blinked and looked around at all the flowers and balloons in the room, "Where am i?"_
> 
> _"The hospital. You were severely hurt. Broken rib, a punctured lung, and some internal bleeding. We had to put you on a ventilator because you could barely breathe." She sighed and fixed my nose tube that slipped down because I played with it, "You are doing much better so we have this little tube to give you extra air for the moment. By_ _the end of the day you should be off it."_
> 
> _She noticed I looked at the flower shop that was my room, "Your dad and his colleagues sent all this in for you. They were worried sick."_
> 
> _"What happened?" I asked, my memory jumbled and black in spots._
> 
> _"You were beaten. Very badly hurt." She checked the machine and looked at my side under the sheets, "luckily we got the mean lady that did it."_
> 
> **_Lady? What lady?_ ** _My lips formed the question but was stopped as my dad stood in the doorway with a big pink puppy dog toy._
> 
> _"Pilar sweety, she was abusing you. I and your mommy got home and found her hitting you."_
> 
> _I started to speak but the nurse left to give us a moment, I couldn't say it. Not to him. The monster had taken away my only savior in this hell, he removed P. Not from my life, but the country. Last thing I heard of her, he blamed her and painted a_ _pretty story of abuse from her._

I felt the small twitches, the jerk of my head turning left as it played the horrible movie back in detail. My legs curled into my chest and I restricted into the ball I knew so well... I was completely drenched in tears. But Raf reached over and held my shaking hand that sat on my knee. 

"I'm here Millie." He leaned in slowly so I wouldn't pull away, "I promise." 

"My dad framed P. She was charged with my attack and past abuse because I was unconscious in the hospital. They took his word as a judge and had her deported and put in Mexican jail." I let out a quivering breath as I felt those familiar tears spark, "He almost killed me."

I was shaking now, vibrating the couch basically as his arms wrapped around me. I tucked into him, and it clicked.  _ **You just told him your biggest nightmare. You told him the one thing you swore never to tell anyone... The moment you probably started blocking memories... You are more than just vulnerable right now Millie, You are practically Naked.**_ I flung my arms around him and pulled in close as he pulled me into his lap.

"I have you, you never have to deal with that bastard again." He hissed and squeezed me in tight.

I felt the dampness of his shirt and knew I had cried a river right through it. Then I felt them dropping on my forehead, running down to the rest.  _ **Wait...**_ Rafael was holding me and crying himself. He was so angry he started to cry as he held me.

"I'm going to kill him... Something... Anything to make him pay." He whispered, "Sentirá tu dolor un día. (He will feel your pain one day.)"

"Don't let go." I whispered as he started to move his head away from mine.

"Never. I'll never let go." He squeezed once to show his words were true.

 _ **And Randall was right. This is a thousand times more revealing than sex. I feel broken just thinking of it... I think I broke Raf a little too.**_ I kissed his soaked shirt as he squeezed tighter.

"Te quiero, Millie, más que nada. (I love you, Millie, more than anything.)" He whispered, "Nunca dejaré que te haga daño otra vez. (I won't ever let him hurt you again.)"


	17. Fight song

* * *

**_Millicent_ **

* * *

I dropped the last box by the door, Smiling as I looked over the millions of boxes around the apartment. Miles was in his room setting it up after the movers got his bed put where he wanted it. All of Raf's office packed away neatly in its new room till he could get to it. The kitchen was filled with boxes and the only truly clean room was the laundry room at the moment. The bathrooms had a few boxes in them, the living room had a lot minus furniture since Raf's was too small and mine were way past dirty. 

I walked to our bedroom and stopped as I watched Raf hanging up and folding everything perfectly in the closet. A small closet, two open his and hers wrap around closets on the other side and the door to the master bath at the end. He just finished the third box of only his suits, filling out almost half his closet space with that alone.

"It's weird dating a guy with more clothes than you," I smirked as he turned around.

"I thought you liked my suits."

"Oh, i love them on you. It's just weird you have more than me."

He rolled his eyes as i walked over for a kiss, "Al menos tienes tu propio espacio. No tienes que compartir esta área conmigo. (at least you have your own space. You don't have to share this area with me.)"

"I couldn't if i wanted to." 

He gave me a tap on the butt as i walked past to the bathroom to unpack the few boxes, "Be nice."

I was halfway through the fifth box, separating everything between his and mine on the his and hers sinks. Everything was just perfect, we had our own space while still being together and sharing everything. It made this apartment a home so much quicker. 

"Millie wou..." His words were cut off by his phone, "Barba."

I rolled my eyes and finished the last box and even got the shower and bath set up. The step-down tub was fairly big, definitely room for two as you smiled.

"Yes, i will be right over." Raf hung up and looked at me from the doorway, "McCoy needs to see me."

"What did you do?" I smirked as he looked at me behind the frosted glass of the shower.

He opened the door and looked down at the small steps and seat in the tub where i sat relaxing, "No idea. I'll try to be quick."

"You might want to bring dinner home too."

"Of course." He chuckled as i tipped my head back and winked, "Movers will deliver the furniture at two. The boxes are out of the way against the wall depending on where you want it."

"My luck, against the wall that is covered."

He gave me a quick kiss, "I'll be back."

He rushed out, still in jeans and a button-up shirt. Much more casual but still just a cute as in a suit. I waited till he was out of the room, slowly getting out of the tub and sighing as I went to unpacking yet again.  _ **Well, not everything will change.**_ I started in on the boxes, let's see how many i can get rid of before he gets back.

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

I made it to My office, a little surprised that McCoy's assistant said to come here and not his office. Carmen was out for a family issue, so i was alone. I tossed down my coat, wondering if i should've spared a suit just long enough for this important meeting.  _ **McCoy wouldn't mind... But then again, he wouldn't be this late.**_ I checked the clock for the third time, surprised that i had been waiting almost twenty minutes.

"Ok, back home it is."

I reached for my coat when my door opened, "Not yet, we haven't talked."

 _ **That voice...**_ I looked up and seen Barnaby at my door. Two men stood outside my door and i suddenly felt a new rage.  _ **Attacking Millie, insulting Miles...Now trapping me in my office after getting me suspended over a fight you started? Why do i feel like my job is truly in danger this time?**_ It was more rhetorical, i knew the answer as i sat my coat down and white knuckled the chair it was on.

"Ah, Judge Masterson. How nice to see you."

I forced a fake smile and motioned him to take a seat. He took one, sitting down and leaning back in the armchair. If i didn't know better, i would swear he had been in here before... But i wouldn't have trouble believing he broke in here either.

"Thank you, Mr. Barba." He kept his chin up, "I must say, your reputation precedes you. Couldn't find anyone who would say anything bad about you... Just snarky."

"Is there a point or is this another threat?" I raised my brow but stood my ground.

"Threats? No. I would never threaten anyone." He chuckled, "No, I do however feel the need to warn you."

"Warn me? Why does this seem more, Como dirias (how would you say)... Menacing?" I glared, "Let's skip the chatter, there won't be pleasantries to it anyway. What do you want?"

"What i want?" He smirked, "I want my daughter to be happy. That's all."

"After everything you've done?"

"Everything I've done? Now, who's jumping to conclusions." He leans forward and reached for a photo on my desk, "I wouldn't trust her. She lies, a lot, and still has such an impeccable imagination."

"She's not a child. Though if she was you probably would beat her."

"So right to it? Fair enough." He stood up, "I don't care if you stay with my former daughter. She's just a little whore anyway."

He turned around the photo of Millie, Miles, and I at his soccer game. I pulled it from his hands, not letting his poison seep through and damage her or us any more than it has. He laughed softly under his breath, bumping the photo of Mami and I at my graduation.

"With all due respect, never speak of her again." I hissed, "You were never a father to her, you never will be. I am not going to leave her and our life will have nothing to do with you. Now leave."

"Stop being so naive." He reached to look at the last photo.

I pushed it facedown, not letting him damage any of my happy memories. I shifted my jaw, teeth grinding softly as our eyes met. 

"To quote a great writer, 'We are who we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be'." I refuse to break contact, "Your intentions are quite clear. Now leave before i have security escort you out."

"Careful my friend, i do not like threats."

"Nor do i." 

"You think you're so clever. You've barely scraped the surface." He walked to the door and opened it, "And i don't pretend. I act. You sir, you are the one pretending. Heed your own advice."

I waited for the door to shut before i slammed my first down on my desk. The anger bursting at the seems. Not only did he ever so carefully threaten me, but he also threatened Millie. He called her a whore and tried to discredit her as if she could do anything to him. She can't process or function like a normal adult...  _ **Why is he threatening us? What does he think we have?**_

* * *

**_Miles_ **

* * *

I was almost done with my room, all the boxes gone and my toys everywhere. Mommy didn't like it but, i can find all my toys this way. 

"Hey, Tails..." She sighed as she looked in my room, "I'm not, just no."

"What?" I blinked as she held her forehead again.

"Pick up the toys, please." She glanced over a little, "Then we can have a snack."

"Ok." I looked at the toy box, "Five minutes."

"Ok, Kiddo." She started to walk away, "I have one last box to do and we'll get a snack."

I took armfuls of toys to the box and tossed them in. Slowly cleaning up so you could see my floor, not that it was great or anything. It just looked like carpet. After the last one was in, I ran over to Mommy in her closet. Taking the corner as she pulled that familiar box from the big moving box.

"Mommy..."

"Yeah, Ta..." She started to open it and i pushed it shut before she seen, "What was that for?"

"Rafa said it's a secret. You can't look."

"Rafa said it was a secret?"

"Uh-huh." I nodded, "He told me to leave it alone. Don't tell you."

"Did he now?" She looked down and started to open it again and i shut it again, "Tails..."

"Rafa said no. Whatever you do, do NOT look in the box!"

She sighed and sat it down, "Ok. Let's get that snack."

I grabbed the box and looked at her, "Go out, i hide it."

"Tails..."

"No, no looky. Rafa made me promise not to tell."

"Ok, good boy." She walked out and i ran over to his tan suit. 

It was very light, it reminded me of the desert. A little bit like skin but his always looks darker in it. I slipped it in the small pants pocket, glancing back to make sure Mommy want peeking.  _ **I promised... I won't let her see your pebble, Rafa.**_ I moved a few things around to make noise and then out to mom.

"Ok, snack."

"You made a lot of noise, it better still be neat in there." 

"It is." I smiled, "Now can i have cookies?"

She chuckled and bent down to kiss my head, "Love you too Tails."

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

I left my office after a few minutes to calm down, heading for home. I was about to stop for some Mexican take out, foot in the door when my phone rang. 

"Yes, Liv?" 

"I got something you will definitely want to see." She started, "how quick can you get here?"

"Five minutes, I'm around the corner." 

I stepped back out and shut the door, turning around and rushing to the precinct. The whole way i am muttering and thinking over the lovely visit i just shared with the worse man in the world. Barely off the elevator, i walked into the bullpen and had Liv waiting for me.

"Office now." She motioned to me.

"What did i do now?" I smirked.

She shut the door behind us, "I need you to look at this case. I haven't cued anyone in yet because I'm leaving it to you."

"Excuse me?"

"It's your say, we look at this or pass it on." She motioned to the folder she was handing me, "Take a look."

I watched her take a seat and watch carefully as i opened it up. Suspected abuse being notified by a doctor...  _ **Wait... No. This... No just, no.**_ I sat the folder down open wide on her desk as i prayed this was a joke.

"Suspected abuse of Waylon Masterson." 

"You see why i came to you." She leaned back.

"Not really. It's not my family... I can't prosecute this either."

"McCoy thinks otherwise, you are the best one to prosecute this."

"I really am not, i can't keep my emotions in check around him." I started to pace back and forth, "Pero esto sí explica antes (But this does explain earlier)."

"What happened earlier?"

"Barnaby showed up at my office after tricking me into believing McCoy needed to see me." I waved my hand as if it wasn't important, "He threatened me."

"He threatened you?"

"Yes, but it's nothing. No proof." I sighed, "He baited me into snapping at him. Calling Millie and Miles names and gaining a reaction."

"He threatened you. Rafael, we need to..."

"To do what? He practically owns the office and has a pristine reputation."

"Your office has cameras..."

"If they still have footage it shows nothing. Everything was within my office." I stopped and pinched the bridge of my nose, "Why is this my decision?"

"Because Millie tells you everything."

"Liv..."

She cut me off, "No. Millie doesn't open up easily. She hasn't told Munch or I about any abuse, but she told you."

"She didn't remember until recently."

"But she went to you. Usually, she would be calling me or having Munch visit in the evening when Miles was gone. She didn't even hesitate to tell you." She sighed, "She tells you everything. Confides in you... And it's your family now. Miles even called you dad in front of the squad one time."

 _ **I guess they are my family... Everyone sees it, it's not just me.**_ My mind was trying to string this together.

"Shouldn't it be Millie's choice?"

"She can't officially be on the case. But if anything you know from her past is..."

"No. It's more prejudicial than probative." I shook my head as i turned to her, "She couldn't take the stand anyways. Nowhere near ready for that."

"But her psychologist can, with permission." 

"No way any judge would allow it... Or rule over this case." I dropped into a chair, a ball of nervous energy, "You haven't looked into any of it?"

"I checked with the school nurse and doctor over the phone, they both reported this to SVU directly." 

"Why does it have to be my decision?" I whispered as she walked around, sitting on the front of her desk.

"Because you wouldn't put this pressure on Millie."

I bit my lip, looking up and feeling more emotions in that second then all my life combined, "Do it. I'll chat with McCoy tomorrow."

"Millie?"

"I will find time to ruin our happy unpacking time to break the news..." I slowly got up and looked to Liv, one of my closest friends, "When Millie and I got together, i didn't think we would share bad fathers." 

"Good thing Miles will have a good one."

I closed my eyes and sucked in a shaky breath.  ** _How can i tell her? Your abusive dad that you just remembered all this horrific trauma from, he is doing the same to your brother. Restraining order aside, you can't work this case but i have to prosecute him. Oh, and he threatened me in my office using you two as well... Because that sounds like she'll be sane afterwards._**

* * *

**_Millicent_ **

* * *

After Miles and i got back, he ran to his room and i stopped at the kitchen that was almost done. A large envelope in hand that was delivered to the desk while we were gone. I let my fingers trace the top seem, it obviously wasn't from the mail service. Making sure Miles was gone, i opened it slowly. I pulled a handful of photos out, losing my breath immediately.

The top photo was Miles, Rafael, and I out at dinner after work. The next was a view inside Rafa's apartment, from his front door. Several of my now empty apartment and before it was empty. One of our apartment full of boxes... I felt sick as i seen the last one, it was of Rafa and i cured up on his couch. It was when i told him about my nanny and i was barely held together by his arms.

**_Stand down! We can always find you._ **

I tossed them down on the counter and ran my fingers through my hair. My nails dug into my skull and i held in a scream.  _ **Why can't he leave me alone? He never wanted me! He never cared about me! Why can't he let me go?**_ I sniffled and quickly pushed the photos back in the envelope as Miles came out.

"You ok mommy?"

"Yeah, Tails, I'm fine." I wiped my face and held it in.

"Ok... Just don't look in the box." He stressed again as i chuckled, "Whatever you do, do NOT look in the box!"

"Ok babe." I kissed his head, "Go make sure your room is perfect, Rafa can't wait to see it finished."

"Ok." He hugged my legs tight, "love you mommy."

He was gone in a flash and i looked to the door.  _ **Two extra locks... Two extra locks, security in building full time... How did he make it in?**_ I held my chest a moment and slowly walked the folder back to our bed, leaving it for Rafa.  _ **This will never end. I'm forever in fear of him.**_ I walked to the closet and looked at the last box, hoping to take this fear off my mind. I opened it and seen shoes... All Rafael's shoes.

"I thought he had enough suits... He's worse than a housewife."

I pulled out a few dress shoes, slipping them in the shoe rack below his suits. Followed by a few tennis shoes and i smiled at the one lonely pair of sandals, Finding it more humorous than the fact he owned more suits than normal clothes. As the sandals slipped into place by two pairs of snow boots, I felt something hit my forehead. I pulled back and looked, seeing a suit and frowning.

"What could hurt about a suit?" 

I reached in the pocket and pulled out the little velvet box from before. I ran my finger over it and stopped, closing my eyes before lifting it up.  _ **Miles said don't look. Rafa called it a secret... Maybe if i feel it, it's not cheating.**_ I hissed at the thought and shut it immediately.  _ **No. Stop that.**_ I dropped it down in the pocket again.

"Millie?! Miles?!" 

I jumped up and walked out to the entryway, "Rafa..."

"Rafa!" Miles tackled him, "Where's the food?"

"Good to see you too." He sighed, "Sorry i forgot. Tell you what, grab your coat and we'll go out."

Miles ran away to his room and Rafa turned to me, "We need to talk."

"Yes, we do." I sighed, "But without Miles hearing."

He nodded, "Hey, Miles." 

"Yeah, Rafa?" His head poked out from behind his door.

"Mommy and me need to talk. Can you make sure the bathroom and your room is done? Bring the boxes out here to go tomorrow."

"Ok." He shut the door and started the work.

Rafa took my hand and walked me to our room, "Millie..."

He looked at the envelope on the bed, I handed it to him like it was burning my hand. The memory of the photos were more than enough to make me cringe.

"What is this?"

"What i needed to talk about." I looked down, "Fue dejado en el escritorio para nosotros. (It was left at the desk for us.)"

He opened it up and took a deep breath. I was always amazed at his poker face but this, i needed to see the emotion on this one.

"Yo ... Dios mío, no hay descanso. (I... Dear God, there is no break.)" He pushed them back in and tossed it on the bed, "Liv will love this."

"Liv? De qué estás hablando? (What are you talking about?)"

"Liv was given a case." He stopped, "You should sit down."

"What? Why?" I sat on the edge of the bed, "Rafael."

"We had two separate reports of possible abuse... Naming your brother as the victim. Liv and the squad are investigating it, you are not."

"Ta hell I ain't." I stood up.

"Millie, listen, you can't be active in it. I can't call you to the stand to testify as a detective." 

"No, you want me as a victim." I pushed by him, "You aren't leaving him there are you?"

"Liv reached out to children services and started the investigation."

"So he's in a foster home." I stopped by the bathroom door, "that might be worse."

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

As Millie slammed the door shut, i took off my coat and put it in the closet up by the front door.  _ **Good start, already fighting.**_ I stopped by Miles room and peaked in, he sat on the bed with his coat beside him.

"Done talking?"

"Yeah but, mommy doesn't want to eat out. I'll just order in." I gave a half smile.

"Pizza?"

"Sure." I pulled the phone and made the call so miles could order a small one for him and i could order for me and Millie. I added a dessert pizza and a side of breadsticks before sitting down with Miles.

"Hey, Rafa?"

"Yeah, mijo? (son)"

"Mommy found the pebble." He frowned.

 _ **The pebble? What pebble is he...**_ I realized he meant the ring and closed my eyes.

"Oh." I paused, "Did you tell her?"

"No."

"What did you tell her?"

"I told her three times, don't look at it."

I chuckled and gave him a hug, "Thank you."

He wrapped his arms around me. He just tucked in and left it, suddenly everything made sense. Liv came to me because i was part of the family, even if it wasn't that part. Miles never knew his grandparents or uncle, Millie blocked them out... I was the dad and boyfriend, the one holding the family together while Millie tried to adjust.  ** _No wonder Liv chose to tell me first... I just put us in the line of fire._** Miles started talking about playing, I joined in after one last text to Liv.

> _**R:** Another threat, given to Millie. Nail the Bastard, I'll get a protective detail._


	18. My brothers keeper

* * *

_**Olivia** _

* * *

The squad was going through the house. Rather large and very exorbitant home was being turned upside down as Barnaby and Anastasia Masterson watched. He was enraged and she stood by silent with the staff. She only fought a moment when children services took Waylon away.

"I don't know where you get your information detective, but this is rather ridiculous." 

"We have from several different sources, we must investigate."

"And take my son? That is appalling." He huffed.

"We have reasons to believe you are abusing your son." I turned to them, "It is standard procedure to remove him after these claims."

"Is it?"

_**He knows I'm lying, we need more to actually remove a child from parents care. This, however, was different. He wouldn't fight us right now, he would push back tomorrow but it buys us time to find a stronger reason... And give it to family court.** _

"I will have your badge lieutenant." He hissed and hugged his wife, she seemed to look almost terrified of him. 

 _ **Millie was right, maybe her mom also sees the abuse.**_ I knew i wouldn't get them separated unless i took them in, but Waylon was out of there care and our search is turning up nothing. 

"We are almost done, sir. Tomorrow morning i will need to interview both of you."

"And our attorney will be present."

"As you wish." 

He growled and muttered under his breath, leaving me alone so i could check on the squad. Everything seemed clean and the staff wasn't talking, being away or near the monster. Our one saving grace, security cameras outside and around the main floor. We took the footage and ended the search.  ** _Sorry, we did get anything concrete. Maybe the security will turn something up._** As everyone walked out, the staff went back to work and the couple entered their home. 

One text fired off to Barba and i went home. Everyone was exhausted and we didn't have anything good. My only hope was he and Millie would get through this.

* * *

_**Millicent** _

* * *

This morning was killing me... I stood on the elevator, leg shaking as i held my breath. My nerves on high alert, the smallest poke felt like a sword. I could already feel the eyes on me, the questions. No one knew who my dad was until recently, no one knew about the abuse until recently... No one knew me except for the way i acted. They never looked at me like a rich brat or victim, they seen the detective that was in love with her job and son... And now the ADA.

I stepped off the elevator, walking over to my desk slowly in the bullpen. I didn't look around but i did hear a silence surrounding the area i was in. I felt the eyes.  _ **What did i do? It's still me.**_ The anxiety built up, heart pounding in my ears.

"Mayes, office now."

I turned to Liv and closed my eyes. A push up to my feet as I moved towards her slowly. All eyes still on me, I could tell as every hair on my neck stood up. I felt like a sideshow, the freak in a tent at the circus. I wanted to run to Liv but I settled for walking slowly, stopping as she shut the door behind me.

"I know you won't take a vacation so, I'm gonna put you on desk duty unofficially." Liv motioned me to sit, "I can't let you be in the investigation legally... Behind the scenes, sure."

"I already figured that." I sighed and looked at the dark haired woman.

"Millie, are you ok?"

"I don't know." I shook a little in anger, "I don't know anymore."

"Should you be on vacation?"

"Like I would say yes." I huffed, "What do you want me to do?"

"Go over and lean on CSU to see if they found anything. Your parents are coming in for their interview anytime now." She patted my shoulder, "I would say go see Barba but he'll be watching."

"Ok, right away lieu." I started to walk away as she sighed.

I stopped at the doorway, turning back a moment. She looked back up noticing I wasn't moving away.

"Hey Liv, can you check on my brother in foster care? Make sure he's ok." I bit my lip as she nodded.

"Of course, it hasn't even been twelve hours."

"I know, I also know he isn't good around people." I started to walk out, "He has trust issues, my dad's only lesson he teaches kids."

I walked out, heading to the CSU lab. I doubt there will be anything, it was just getting me away from the obvious argument about to take place if I stayed. So that's what I did, I listened and left. It got rid of the eyes piercing through me, they left the moment I stepped on the elevator. I felt a relief for a split second, like I could breathe finally without fear. Then the doors opened, waiting there was Rita and my parents. I looked down and slid off to the side the best I could but my dad stared me down the whole way.

"Millicent."

I felt a soft choke on thin air coming from my throat as two hands patted my back, "Are you ok?"

"Look at this mess you made. How could you hurt your brother like this..."

"Enough." Raf growled and looked to Calhoun as she stopped him.

"Save it, your honor, we have interviews upstairs." She looked down, her poker face breaking, "You'll catch the next one, Mr. Barba."

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

The doors closed as I patted Millie's back. She was shaking softly and I lead her out to the sidewalk and got her to breathe easy.

"Are you ok?"

"Fine Raf." 

I frowned, she looked a mess. I cupped her cheeks and made her look right in my eyes.

"Millie, maybe you should take the day off. Take a week vacation and stay away from this investigation."

"But..."

"We both know your dad is going to blame you. If you're here, it is gasoline to him. Please... Tomar un poco de tiempo libre (Take a little time off)."

"I just had so much off... Besides Munch has Miles for the moment and..."

"You need a session." I stopped her, "Your dad brings back the memories, I know that look."

"Why pay someone to talk about them... He wants me to tell you in the end." 

I kissed her head, "I have to go, just think on it ok?"

She nodded and I went back in and up to SVU. The squad was back, watching me walk in as Liv talked to everyone else in her office.

"How's Millie?" Carisi looked over, "I caught the tail end of it. You getting her outside as they rode up."

"Shakey at best." I sighed, "I want him behind bars."

"We all do."

I turned to the office and started over, only stopping as Liv stepped out. She glanced at me but spoke to Calhoun as she walked Barnaby to the interrogation room. Anastasia stood waiting for a moment, coat over her arm and looking lost as Liv motioned to Fin.

"Sargent, you and Rollins go with them. Me and Carisi will interview Mrs. Masterson."

Carisi lead her to the interview room on the opposite side as Liv looked at me, "You're watching."

"Yeah." 

"I'll check in." She nodded and followed Carisi in.

I took my spot in her office, watching from behind the window as they both started. I focused on Barnaby, getting comfortable in my spot with my arms crossed as the game started.

"Judge Masterson, Do you know why you're here?" Rollins asked as she stood behind Fun by the glass.

"Because my daughter made a heinous accusation." He spoke clearly as Rita tapped his arm as Silent shush.

"Actually, it was the school nurse and Doctor from the hospital." Fin finishes, "Your son had serious injuries in the past and heavy bruising from within the past few days."

"He's a boy, he gets hurt. " he rolled his eyes as Rita tapped again.

"My client had informed me that his son was left with a nanny yesterday and this morning. He rubbed his side but never complained of it hurting."

I flipped the switch, looking across the way to Anastasia. I walked over and flipped the switch to listen a little. She looked a lot more timid, withdrawn from the room. 

"Mrs. Masterson..."

"Anna, please." She nodded and looked down towards the table.

"Anna, we brought you here because two nurses report abuse of your son."

"We would never..."

"He had extensive injuries."

"No, he's a boy. He plays rough." She started reasoning it off and i flipped the switch.

My phone rang and i just watched as i answered the phone. Liv stood and walked i to her office watching me on the phone for a moment.

"Mr. Barba, the motion you filed is very unusual." Judge barth started.

"Yes. I know so."

"Due to the circumstance, the investigation into the issuing judge and overseer... I'm granting a withdraw."

"Thank you."

"That doesn't mean you should do much with it. You're playing a dangerous game now."

"Uh-huh, understood." I glanced at Liv and smirked.

"I'll send the papers to your assistant. Don't abuse this minor loophole, not unless you can miss the mud."

"Of course, thank you again." I hung up and Liv raised her brow.

"You look really happy."

"I just got Millie's restraining order lifted. Due to this investigation and some of the papers found in his office, it is under reasonable doubt that he improperly used his standing to influence judgments and the office." I let the smile come out now, "McCoy is filing for an investigation into more files you found as well."

"You just got the files this morning?" She chuckled, "moving a little quick, aren't we."

"What can i say, he really pissed me off." I looked over at his room and tipped my head, "Swinging the office warrant was a great add-on to the house."

"I wonder how you pulled that off." She watched me shrug.

"Barnaby made some bad friends, more enemies... His reputation is spotless but people don't trust it. A clean politician is always hiding something." I turned to her, "What's up?"

"Did you watch mommy dearest? She acts like a DB case."

"Probably is." I sighed, "You won't flip her. He broke her of that long ago."

"Can we help her? Cut a deal when we get more evidence or something."

"We can try, but i doubt it'll work. Millie said her mom became complacent when she was barely able to understand anything. Her story sounded like maybe four or five years old." I sighed, "Have you talked to Waylon yet?"

"No, just for a call before you showed up that the foster home was calling him ready. I wanted Millie to go with me, especially now that she doesn't have a restraining order."

I looked down and felt her hand on my shoulder, "Rafa? You ok?"

"This stays between you and me, ok?" She nodded, "I wouldn't. Keeping Millie away from this case will be best. I was talking her into taking vacation till it's done, I don't want her anywhere near her family."

"Even her brother?"

"Case-wise... Yes." I bit my lip, "She is too fragile at the moment. Seeing her parents walking in made her crack."

"You know i would have to put her on leave if you tell me more."

"I know, she needs it though. Just hearing half her stories..." I swallowed the lump in my throat, "I can't put her on the stand and i don't want to. I don't want her near this... I don't want her broken again with no way to fix it."

"I pull her, she'll get angry."

"I know."

"She'll blame you even if it's my decision."

"I know."

"Fine. Don't worry about it." She moved back to the door, "I'll send her off. Hopefully, she won't see right through it."

The door shut and i glanced at Barnaby again.  _ **Anything to win this case. I want him behind bars, no longer able to hurt anyone... Even if Millie gets mad at me.**_ _**But, I will make her smile soon enough.**_

* * *

**_Millicent_ **

* * *

CSU had sent the video to Liv already, so i decided to just go see the Doc. Maybe a little chatting could clear my head since i had no responsibilities to deal with at the moment. I couldn't do my job, Miles is with Munch, Raf is busy at work... I was feeling everything and maybe he could help. I walked in and looked at the empty room, Mandy was busy with the tv again. I walked up and she was very confused.

"Hey, is Randall in? I mean free."

"Uhhhhh..." She blinked.

"Mandy..." Randall stepped out and paused, "Oh Millie. Come in, i just finished with my other patient."

I walked over a guy walked out and over to schedule an appointment. Stepping in i sat down, watching him find my folder to take notes.

"I don't have a long time but I'm always happy to help where i can." He smiled, "I won't even charge. So, what's the problem?"

"Our new case at work... It's..." I sighed and rubbed my neck.

"Challenging." He finished and i shook my head.

"It's me." I frowned, "My little brother, he's being abused. My dad is in question for the abuse and everyone is looking at me... It's like they know it happened to me and i am letting it happen now."

"You didn't know about it."

"But i should have."

"How could you?"

 _ **How could I not? I'm a failure every time I try... Why should I keep going?**_ I closed my eyes and felt my phone vibrate. I sat it down on the coffee table and tried to catch my breath, shaking slightly.  _ **Why do I try?**_

* * *

_**Olivia** _

* * *

I looked at the small room full of toys. So many to choose from and none near Waylon. He sat in the little chair waiting on me, not wanting to play or do anything. I stepped in and watched him look up.

"Hi, Waylon, I'm Lieutenant Benson."

"I remember you, Millie works with you right." He blinked.

"Yes, she does." I smiled, "But I'm here to talk about you. How are you feeling?"

"Ok, I guess." He looked around the room, "I don't like it here."

"I know it's not home but, they are just trying to help you while we investigate."

He frowned at me, I looked sound the room and picked up a small stuffed animal. He glanced over but didn't seem interested. I offered it to him.

"What's your favorite type a toy?"

"I don't know." He sighed and looked at the little bear, "Daddy says I shouldn't have toys. They are only distractions."

"But that's part of life, some joys from distractions." I smiled as he took it, "Your sister use to be the same."

"Really?"

"When she had her son, she wasn't sure about toys and everything. She had to adjust and relearn some things from her childhood." 

"Yeah." He looked up, "Daddy said Millie had to go away because she doesn't love us. She had a bastard child she loved more." 

I closed my eyes as he looked up, "Waylon..."

"It's not true, is it?" He slowly stood up, "She didn't want to leave, did she?"

"No, no she didn't." I watched him put the bear back in the toy box, "Is it ok if I ask you about your parents now?"

He nodded and walked back over. I knew we were being recorded so I could wat h this interview again. Part of me wondered if Rafael would want it... Or if Millie should hear it. I blocked out the thoughts stirring through and focused on my job.

"Waylon, your nurse and doctor said you had injured. Some old, some new." I paused a second as he nodded and looked to me, "Who hurt you?"

He looked away.

"Was it your mom?" He didn't budge, "Dad?" I seen him fidget a little, "Did your dad hurt you?"

"I can't say."

"Why can't you tell me?" I frowned as he stood at the small table in front of me and pushed a paper over that just said 'I'm sorry'.

"Waylon, did your parents hurt you?"

"I can't say. Dad says secrets can't be told." He bit his lip, "Can you get Millie for me? Family can be told."

"I'm sorry, Millie isn't allowed to see you."

"Because of Daddy's secret." He huffed, "I can tell Mille, I can't tell you."

"Millie can't work this case, she's personally involved." I leaned forward, "She wouldn't be able to be impartial."

"But does that need to be? She is the only one who understands." He looked away to the door.

"Is that why you tried to find her a few months ago?" 

"Only family. Dad gets mad if you talk outside of the family."

"You know, she told me about what happened to her." I tried as he shook his head.

"Your not family."

I sighed, giving up seeing as he wouldn't budge. I went back to my office and waited on anything that could get us somewhere. As of right now, we couldn't pin it on them.

* * *

_**Sonny** _

* * *

I was just back into SVU, walking to my desk in the mostly empty office space. Fin and Rollins were out on canvas, Liv was in her office on the phone. I had just started to sit down when I heard a woman's voice. 

"Excuse me? Are you a detective?"

"Yes, detective Carisi." I offered a hand as I turned to her, "How can I help?"

"You work with SVU, right?" The short lady pushed her dark hair back, never making eye contact as her other hand went to shake mine.

"Yes."

"I have something you might want to see." She pulled out a tablet and thumbed the cover, "I'm gonna lose my job for this."

I took it from her carefully, watching as she shook slightly, "What is this?"

"I work for judge Masterson, in his home." She swallowed the lump in her throat and pulled her hands back to interlace, "I take care of Waylon, I put a nanny cam in his room after finding bruises and..."

She choked up and I pulled a chair over for her, "Hey, its ok. You're doing the right thing." 

She nodded and slowly looked up, "I'm sorry... I should've came in sooner. I should've reported him but, t-t-t-th-th-the rumors of the o-o-oth-er nannies..." 

I sat the tablet down and squares down in front of her, trying to calm her down. She shook, tears falling rapidly as she held her own face and let every ounce of water in her body escape. I couldn't understand what was happening, luckily Liv was off the phone and running out. I stepped back as she tried to calm her down. I picked up the tablet and opened the cover, swiping to unlock and understanding the guilt. Six videos in total, a few dozen photos... I was speechless as one started to play without sound.

"Lieu." 

"Kinda busy..."

"Lieu, you need to see this." I closed my eyes as she stood and slipped beside me.

She took the tablet and watched as I turned away.  _ **Is this what Millie went through? Is this why she doesn't talk about her childhood?**_ I looked over as she turned the video off.

"Call Barba, we need an arrest warrant." She hands me the tablet, "Ms. Diaz, come with me."

I picked up the phone and called Barba as Liv moved the woman to her office.  _ **Oh, God... Poor Millie. No wonder she became a cop.**_

* * *

**_Rafael_ **

* * *

After looking at some of the footage and photos, I got the warrant signed and they were arresting the judge. For the moment, I was happy we had him. But it gave me another idea, and this one was much better. I stopped into family court to see an old friend that made judge, smiling as he waved me in.

"Been a while, Rafael."

"Too long." I shook his hand, "But this isn't a social visit."

"Is it ever?" He chuckled, "How can I help?"

"I want to file for temporary custody of a minor in children services care."

"Oh?" He walked behind his desk as I stood in front of it.

"Judge Masterson's son."

He sat down and leaned back, "Masterson... The judge you are currently investigating and hopefully prosecuting. Who's daughter you are dating... And you want to become a temporary guardian of the little brother. You understand why I have to say no."

"I understand why you think that." I leaned on his desk and showed him the tablet of evidence backup made by the court, "We have him dead to rights. Arresting him now... But, Waylon is still in a foster home and not adjusting well."

"I thought there was a order of protection between the siblings?"

"Nullified due to abuse claims and evidence showing he pushed it through with no evidence." I swiped past a few photos to show the text documentation also added in for charges of fraud and judicial misconduct.

"This is still a long shot." He sighed, "I can write up an immediate order but it will be blocked." He looked through a few more messages, "If mommy isn't prosecuted too, she can fight on custody."

"We are working on that, it seems that she may be a victim at first that became complacent... According to one witness."

"What witness?"

"One who shouldn't testify... More prejudicial than probative." I looked down as he nodded.

"Your girlfriend. Ok, Rafael... Have you really thought this through?"

"Yes." I insisted as I rubbed my neck.

"What if the trial fails? Custody falls back to the parents... Most likely even with a court battle. Or if dad goes and mom doesn't, without evidence she would get custody nine out of ten times. Or if they both go to jail without passing go or collecting two hundred dollars, what happens?" The silence sat in around his words before he kept going, "Are you going to adopt your future brother-in-law to raise? There isn't any family besides detective Mayes so he would go to foster care if you don't. What if something happens to you two? You break up. Custody would be with you and not her."

"Please..." I closed my eyes, "Please help me with this. It might not seem like it but, I have this figured out. Please."

I felt like an idiot. Standing in front of one of my closets friends from college and longest in life aside from Eddy and formally Alex. I looked up, stern in my expression, making sure he seen. He nodded and looked at the tablet again, a photo of Waylon bruised and a little bloody at his side.

"Ok. I'll write it up for a forthwith release but if you don't get mommy, she has a good chance of getting him back." He sighed as he called for an assistant, "I'll have it emailed to you within an hour. Don't make me regret this."

"Thank you." I nodded and walked out.

It was twenty minutes later I had a copy of the release and was picking up Waylon from the home. I stepped in and handed over the copy as I looked around at the dozen or so kids running around. Not one looking like Waylon.

"Ok, he was just in the library." The lady waved me to follow and stopped by the door as I seen him sitting on a pillow reading a book with a frown. 

She said something about grabbing his bag and walked off as I took a deep breath. I stepped in, blocking out the thoughts of doubt and crazy worries. He looked up and tipped his head a little.

"Hello."

"Hello, " I stopped a foot in the small room, "I'm Rafael Barba..."

"You look familiar." He blinked a moment, "You know Millie don't you?"

"Yes." I smiled, "I'm also the one prosecuting your father for abuse."

He nodded, "Do you need to talk to me too?"

"A little, but not like the detectives." I knelt down and looked at the book, "Any good?"

"Childish. But it's the only book with over a hundred pages." He shrugged, "Some library."

"Maybe I can help." I stood and reached in my briefcase I had, "I had this with me. Read it a few hundred times... Still a favorite."

His hand reached out as I pulled the book to hand him, he looked it over and smiled as he ran his fingers over the cover. Hardback, very clean with no crayon or pencil marks in it... He smiled wide.

"Hatchet?"

"One of my favorites. Great series even if it doesn't carry a lot of pages to a single book." 

"Millie use to read this to me. Said we would move on to the next book if I could read a chapter on my own." He smiled, "Thank you."

"In that case, I might be able to help with that too." I pulled my phone and showed him the file sent to me so he could read it a little, "I am your temporary guardian during the trial. If you want to grab your bag, we can head over to SVU and hopefully, you might see your sister."

He clutched the book to his chest as he nodded and walked to get his bag, following me to the waiting town car. I remember Millie talking about that book and I knew Waylon didn't seem to like toys from what Liv said. It was a perfect starter, to warm him up to me enough I could get him to Millie. It wouldn't be easy but, maybe it could work.

* * *

_**Millicent** _

* * *

I had just got home, looking at the apartment slowly coming together. All the boxes were out the door, everything unpacked and slowly being arranged to perfection. Some of the photos and art got hung up, it slowly felt better. The problem was, I didn't feel better being alone. After the photos, Raf hadn't asked for protection but I did get Munch and Sarah to watch Miles during the days instead of the nanny just to be safe. He would be home in a little over an hour, so I tossed my coat over a hook by the closet as my phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Hola hermosa, puedes bajar al precinto? (Hello beautiful, can you come down to the precinct?)"

I stopped and raised a brow as I started to look for a snack, "Uh, I guess. Pensé que no querías que trabajara este caso? (I thought you didn't want me to work this case?)"

"I don't, but I have a surprise for you."

"It'll be quick I hope. Miles should be home in almost an hour, maybe a little over." I turned around and grabbed my coat.

"Thank you, please be quick." He hung up after a quick I love you.

I ran out the door and back to SVU, giving a small thanks to him for pulling me from the home. It felt weird being in there alone after seeing the threats. I rushed to the precinct and walked in to see Raf waiting by the interview room. The detectives sat around talking until they seen me.

"Hey, Millie." Fin waved.

"How's everything going?" Amanda smiled and I nodded making small talk a moment as Raf walked over.

"Sorry to intrude, " he chuckled, "But this is important." 

I sighed, waving to them as Sonny watched carefully. As we got to the door, I realized several eyes were on me as Raf opened the door.

"Take a deep breath." He warned as he opened the door and I seen Waylon reading in the corner.

"Ways?" I walked over slowly as he lit up and dropped his book to tackle me.

Raf shut the door and stood back watching. I assumed that's what everyone else was doing to, from the window view of the scene. I hugged him tightly, smiling at finally seeing my little brother again.

"Raf, how did you do this?"

"We found documentation that your dad falsely filed a restraining order. It was nullified." He smiled as Waylon wouldn't let go, "Then I got temporary custody of Waylon till the trial ends. The only catch is your mom can file against it if she isn't found guilty too."

"Wait, you are the legal guardian?" I sighed, "I don't know what to say."

"Then don't say anything." 

I hugged him and held him tight, smiling as I enjoyed the moment. He laughed and handed me the book, letting me soak in the moment of finally seeing my brother. A little over five years since I seen him last, it was surreal that he went from what Miles looked like now to this. That's when it kicked in.

"Oh, Miles is getting dropped off at anytime..."

"Here." He interrupted, "I already called Munch. It's all set up."

"Really?" I smiled as we heard the knock and I seen Munch let Miles walk in. 

Raf stood back watching as Miles ran to me and hugged me. I hugged back a second and pulled away to introduce the two. It killed me to think these two had never met, the two young boys of my life never seen each other or knew the others name. I leaned back a little, Letting them look at each other.

"Miles, this is Mommy's little brother Waylon. Waylon, this is my son Miles." 

They looked at each other, watching carefully as the other studied them. Then as quick as ever, Miles smiled and waved at him.

"Hi."

"Hello." 

"You don't look old like Mommy or Rafa." Miles blinked as I had to look away not to laugh.

"I'm only eight." Waylon smiled, "how old are you?"

"Four." He raised four fingers before looking at the book off to the side, "You read?"

Waylon nodded and Miles ran over to look at the book, "can you read to me?"

"Uhhhh..." Waylon looked at me but nodded, "Sure."

They sat back down to read as I stood and walked back to Raf. He opened his arms and I tucked under him, hugging him as tight as possible as I hid the sniffle.  _ **Everything feels better... I feel better just seeing Waylon.**_ Raf kissed my head and lifted my chin up.

"I wouldn't spend to much time here, why don't we go home. Waylon might want to get use to it for the moment at least, more inviting than the foster home."

I nodded and turned in his arms to watch them a moment, "Just a minute longer."


	19. Because of you

* * *

_**Millicent** _

* * *

Waylon's first night went well. He slept in the bed with Miles, looking more like brothers than uncle and nephew. I couldn't help it, I kept checking in and watching them. Rafa had to pull me away a dozen times through the night. So when I finally slept, it was peaceful but a little short as his alarm went off.

"Turn it off," I grumbled and rolled over to bury my face in the pillow.

"Well if you slept like a normal person and stopped spying, maybe you wouldn't be tired." Raf chuckled and sat up.

"I can't help it... It's all your fault." I peeked up at him.

"Mi culpa? (My fault?)"

"You did all of it. Tu culpa. (Your fault.)"

He chuckled and lifted my chin, "You're making a good thing sound bad."

He stole a kiss before heading to the bathroom, "It still has time to go bad."

He turned back and looked at me as I dropped my head back down. I knew he hated the comment but he let it slide, he went on to get ready for work. My eyes flickered before I rolled over and looked around the room. The peacefully feeling was strong, infectious really. For once in my life, I was truly happy and nothing was wrong.

"Careful, Uno podría pensar que realmente te gusto y nuestra casa (one might think you actually like me and our home)." He chuckled as he walked back out to grab something from his nightstand.

I glanced him over, smiling as he wasn't wearing anything, "Oh Rafa, I do... I really love you."

He rolled his eyes, "I love you too."

I stood up and ran over, tackling him at the bathroom door, "So you have room for one more?" 

"Always for you." He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me by the door.

I slipped out of the nightgown and kissed him again. I smiled as he helped me in first and then followed. The water pouring over us as I relaxed into it, his arms keeping me close. The intimate feeling was almost to good to be true, especially since my body wasn't fighting him. It was leaning into every inch of attention he wanted to give. Lips against lips, hands holding my back and rear as I pushed back to give him a better handful. My body wanted it, I wanted it.

"Are you sure about this?" He whispered in my ear.

"Más que nada. (More than anything.)" 

We kissed again, pressing tight together trying to make us one as a phone broke the silence. He pulled back and stepped out to check it, figuring it was work. I closed my eyes and let the water fall over my face.

"Mi corazon es tu telefono. (My heart, it's your phone.)" 

"What?" I pulled out of the water, "My phone?"

I poked my head out and he turned the phone to show me the screen, "Unknown number. Left a voicemail." 

"Could you play it?" I watched him look at the lock screen, "swipe diagonally to the bottom left, up one and then all the way to the left."

He did as asked and clicked the voicemail. It took a second for it to play, and the first word made my heart drop. The voice echoing in my head as I leaned back into the water feeling dirty again.

"Hey, Millicent, it's Mommy. I wanted to meet you for dinner one night and talk about everything. I know it's been a long time and you have certain feelings towards us now..."

 _ **No, no, no... No. Not now. No.**_ I can feel the peaceful and playfulness leaving, the good vibes broken and warping into everything I thought was gone. The rest of the call disappearing from the air as Raf stopped it and tossed my phone down on the vanity. He stepped back in and embraced me as I hid my face.  _ **I can't... I can't... My life is twisting more than I can take. And of course, it hit right when I started to have control of it again.**_

"Shhhhh... It's ok." Raf kissed my head, "You don't have to decide." 

* * *

**_Rafael_ **

* * *

After calming Millie down, I got to work. The whole way into the building I was distracted with what her mom could want. It wasn't going well in my head as I stepped in and Carmen smiled.

"Good morning Mr. Barba."

"Morning Carmen." I nodded, "Messages?"

"One from McCoy. More importantly, you have paperwork." She got up and followed me into the office.

"Paperwork?"

She handed me the note and then pointed to my table that had several motions laid out. I looked down at my feet and took a deep breath as she mentioned my coffee by the papers.

"Thank you, I don't know what I'd do without you."

She shut the door and I walked over to look at the motions. Ten sat before me, all delaying tactics to hold off the press that will be swarming this case when we step into the courtroom. Motion to dismiss on several different factors that are ridiculous, motions to suppress calling the search of his home and office improper... A bunch of crap really. I took a seat and sipped the coffee.  _ **I thought today would be a good day, then everything turns to shit as I shower with Millie.**_ A knock hit and I just sat there as the door opened.

"Barba, how's the case looking?"

"I have ten motions and at least a few days of stealing before the trial." I glanced to Liv, "I shouldn't be prosecuting this."

"You could recuse yourself."

"No, I can't. We both know it." I took another sip, "Everyone has family issues, Millie just got the worse end of the deal."

"They really are burying you in paperwork." She frowned at the table, "And I thought I had bad news."

"Oh no." I sighed, "Qué? (What?)" 

"We still have nothing on Anastasia. No stories or talk." She sat down beside me, "She has the signs of abuse so, I don't know how that'll go."

"Maybe Millie was right. She's complacent because of fear. She didn't hurt them, she just didn't help." 

"Hang in there Rafa, we'll get through this."

She pats my back a moment before she left to keep looking. In the back of my mind, I knew this would be the outcome. Anastasia, mommy dearest, wasn't the issue. We couldn't put her in jail for anything and Waylon needed to be safe if Barnaby ever got out. It just wasn't an easy thing... And I didn't know if adopting Waylon would be the way to fix it or make things worse.

"Ok, focus Rafael. Caso primero. (Case first.)"

* * *

**_Waylon_ **

* * *

My eyes cracked open, mouth wide as I yawned and stretched. Miles was sleeping soundly so I slipped out carefully as not to wake him. It felt odd having a four-year-old sleeping in my bed.  _ **But it's not your bed. It's his.**_ I frowned and crept out of the room, Looking around the apartment much smaller than my home.

"Hungry?" I jumped a little and turned to see Millie smile, "It was just a quick tour yesterday, you might have forgotten where the kitchen was."

"Of course not." I blushed, "It's just..."

"Different."

"Yes."

She motioned me over and gave me a pancake stack, "I know, but it's better right now."

"Yes." I stopped, "Thank you for taking me in."

"You need to thank Rafa, he did it all." She slid over the syrup, "Have some breakfast."

"It's pancakes." I stopped.

"Yeah, so?" She glanced over then it clicked, "Pancakes are for little kids. Not mature children."

I nodded, "That's what dad says."

"Well, dad said a lot of things he shouldn't. They aren't true." She winked and motioned to the plate, "I'm not IHOP good but I have some skills. Show dad he doesn't know what he's talking about."

I smiled and took a small forkful, a small bite as she watched. It was nothing like the ones the nanny made when i was tiny, they were fluffy and delicious. 

"He was very wrong." I chuckled with her as she poured some syrup on the plate.

"Good." She kissed my head, "I'm sorry about everything happening right now... But it was needed."

"It was, I'm glad it happened finally." 

"Hey Ways, a few months ago when you tried to find me at the precinct... Were you going to tell me about all of this?"

I shrugged, "I'm not sure. I wanted to..."

"How did you find me anyways?" She finished her plate and sipped her coffee as I continued.

"I found you through Mommy actually. I seen her looking at a photo she hid in the kitchen. I decided to get a better look because I thought it was you, and it was. I swear it was. I didn't know for sure but it looked like you and some uniform cops." I sighed, "Mommy caught me and put it back, telling me not to look at it when HE was home. So the second time I looked when he wasn't home and I saw the precinct number and skipped school one day to find you." I looked down at my pancakes, "I felt really bad about it but I needed to talk to you. You can only tell secrets to family."

"I'm sorry about the way I acted then. But there was still the restraining order in place..."

"Is it gone now?"

"Yeah, Rafa took care of it too." She smiled.

"Rafael?"

"Yeah, I call him Rafa outside of work." She smiled, "We are actually dating. He's stepping in like a father with Miles too."

"He seems good." I looked at the way she smiled so vividly.

 _ **She talks about him like he put the stars in the sky.**_ I smiled at her, it was infectious watching her seem so happy at the thought of him.  ** _She looks at him like it too._** Remembering the way she looked at him after he brought us together.

"He is good, Ways... He is too good."

* * *

_**Millicent** _

* * *

About an hour later, I got Miles up and made him get dressed. Waylon got changed and the three of us went out to eat. I had lunch planned with Munch, I needed to talk but didn't want another unplanned shrink visit when everything seemed good for the most part. Jeans, knee-high boots and a scarf wrapped around my neck. Plain white shirt and a cotton biker jacket. I stopped to check both boys had on jackets, watching them run out in proper clothing. 

"Ok boys, we have lunch plans at the diner." I caught Miles, "Can you two behave and be good for a meal?"

Waylon raised a brow in confusion as Miles shrugged, "Who you meeting? Rafa?"

"Munch."

He smiled and started to run as I pulled him back, "Ok, I behave."

I let go and Miles got Ways to run with him just a little ahead. Sighing I followed up behind them and walked in the diner. I took the table to the side and handed Miles a dollar.

"Why don't you and Ways pick out a few songs?"

They ran to the jukebox and looked through as I ordered the drinks and waited a mere minute for Munch. The tall, thin man, hair pure white and a smile on his face. I stood to give him a hug and smiled at the fact he still wore a suit.

"I thought you didn't work today?"

"I don't, Sarah did ask for a dinner out though." He sat down, "Better safe than sorry."

"When are you going to marry her?" I teased back as the boys came running.

"I'm never getting married again." He scoffed, "And how are you, Millie?"

"Good..."

Miles jumped up for a hug, "Munch!"

"Hey, kiddo." He hugged back and slid over so Miles could sit beside him.

"Hello." Waylon nodded.

Munch paused a moment, "You must be Waylon. Millie has told me a lot about you."

"You look vaguely familiar." He paused a moment.

"Munch was one of the detectives helping me after I got hurt." I looked over to Waylon as he sat beside me.

"Oh."

"Sorry to hear what you're going through." Munch offered as a waitress stopped to take the order. 

After the food was gone, Munch joined us on a small walk. Miles got Ways to play with him at the small playground and gave me an opportunity to talk to Munch alone. He sat beside me and we watched from the small bench.

"So you have custody of your brother?"

"No, Rafael does. He got my restraining order thrown out when SVU found documentation planning the fraudulent order with no evidence. He got guardianship for the trial, getting Ways out of foster care."

"That's a huge risk." He glanced over, "For him I mean. What if both your parents are doing time?"

"I guess we raise him. I'm not letting him stay in foster care." 

"I understand, but the courts going to find issue with the former order and your distance and distain for your family." 

"Speaking of which..." I shifted, "My mom called me this morning. She want to meet me to talk." 

"About?"

"I don't know, I panicked and shut it off before finishing the voicemail." I closed my eyes, "Rafa said they don't have a case for her."

"Do you want to talk to her?"

"And day what?" I let my eyes focus on Ways slowly loosening up to be a kid like he should be, "I hate you. You let this happen. You damaged me beyond repair and my brother is almost on the same page and he's only eight."

"I wouldn't start it so strong." He patted my shoulder, "You are going to therapy right?"

"Yeah."

"You got to the whole facing your fears part? Dealing with issues and not running."

"Or pretending they don't exist, yeah... That has been most my life. I get it." 

He squeezed my shoulder, "You should sit down and talk it out. Find your answers that you want and need. Maybe move past it."

"You are a wise old man Munch." I smiled softly at him, "You sure you don't want to adopt me?" 

"I am doing the world a favor by never having kids. Adopted or otherwise."

"More like injustice." I mumbled as he chuckled.

"Who knows, maybe there is more for me." He stole my eyes to meet his, "There is definitely more for you, Millicent. I don't need a child when I've had you the past few years. I couldn't have better."

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

I sat in my office, finishing my fourth cup of coffee and the small sub Carmen gave me so I would eat. I was to busy prepping this case and going through all the evidence to even function normally. I was buried deep in the work, digging through each little thing till I had this case rock solid.

"Mr. Barba?" Carmen knocked and peeked in, "I just received more for you."

She walked over a few pages. I glanced them over and sighed as I learned back. My hair standing up, coat and vest discarded and tie loosened. I looked a mess as I read the message and looked at her.

"This is a joke, right?"

"No, arrangement was moved up. Half-hour till you need to be there."

 I started to redress quickly, "Ok, can you get me the most recent file from SVU? The interview notes Benson took."

"Right away."

I fixed my tie, making sure everything looked sharp before fixing my hair. Leaving at a brisk pace, I took the file from Carmen and thanked her. I made a mental note to get Carmen a small gift to show my appreciation for her hard work because I know I am demanding and hard to work with at times. A few fast steps so I didn't miss the elevator, then I took a deep breath and slipped the file in my briefcase.  _ **How did it get bumped up? I didn't do it, the judge would've gave more notice or just switched... Why would the defense move it up? They want to drag this out to stall trial and get it dismissed.**_ As I got lost in my thoughts, letting my body run to court by memory, I realized something was very wrong.  ** _They have to have a trick up their sleeves._**

"Mr. Barba." 

I was pulled back to reality as i stepped up to the courtroom doors. On my right was Barnaby and his lawyer Jethro Collins.

"Save it for court." I stepped in as they followed me in. 

I loved the sight of Barnaby in a prison jumpsuit and handcuffs. He sat down at their table and I pulled my notes and evidence list out.  _ **A few minutes and we'll be moving on to actually trial. No more stalling tactics.**_ I sat down and adjusted when the judge came in. With court in motion, we moved on to the details. _**Judge Felicia Catano, she wouldn't fight this. Quick is her favorite type of trial.**_

"Ok, People vs. Barnaby Masterson... How do you plea?"

A small room full of people sat watching, the squad in the back as the not so honorable Judge had only his lawyer and wife.

"Not guilty your honor." He stated clearly.

"People ask for remand your honor. The defendant is being charged with a felony and has had his son remove from his and his wife care."

"Prematurely." The lawyer snipped back, "SVU removed the eight-year-old son on hearsay from a repudiated daughter."

"Said daughter didn't speak to the abuse. A school nurse and doctor of an ER both recorded bruising and past injuries they reported as abuse."

"Enough gentlemen." She warned, "Given your position weighed against your connections and charges, I am giving leniency. I will set a bail of five million based on the severity of the charges."

"We move to have this be a closed trial. No press should be allowed in." 

"Motion granted."

 "People motion for an order of protection against the defendant. He has proven to be violent."

"That is ridiculous..." Barnaby hissed.

"So ordered upon defendant meeting his bail requirements." She banged the gavel and ended the court proceedings. 

Barnaby was lead back to custody as the lawyer talked through the next motion. They left and Anastasia slowly walked out and away from the courthouse as the squad flocked to me.

"That went well." Amanda had a small ting of sarcasm, "He got bail on those charges."

"Professional courtesy. He is being charged with crimes against his son and his son is out of their care, he wouldn't be thought of as breaking a law and attacking him again. To unbecoming."

"At least you got the order of protection." Liv patted my back.

"Yeah, at least i got that." I sighed.

* * *

**_Millicent_ **

* * *

It was almost six when the nanny got there. The nice lady Rafa use to live by, she was a great last-minute fill in. She came over quickly and had no problem staying late if need be. Tonight she would be staying for about an hour or until Rafa got home. I walked out after paying her the standard price and telling the boys i wouldn't be long.

It was a five-minute walk to the small cafe, same clothes as before. A little underwhelming but then again, i didn't know if i should be here. I ordered some cannolis and waited at a table.

"Millicent? My have you grown." 

I looked up and forced a smile, "Yeah mom, that happens after being a single mom for years."

She sat down, ordering nothing but water as she sat her bag down, "I really am sorry about that. You know how your father gets..."

"He didn't kick my puppy mother, he disowned me because i was raped." 

"Of course not..."

"No sorry, because i kept the baby conceived in rape." I nodded, "Maybe this was a bad idea."

I started to stand and lift the small treat box, a soft hand covering mine and stopping me. 

"Please, Millie, don't go. I have wanted nothing more than to talk to my daughter for the past five years." She pleaded with me, "Please, can we talk?"

I sat down and glared softly, "What do we need to talk about? You were clear before."

"I was with your father before."

"And you follow him blindly." I closed my eyes, "I honestly thought that you would've stopped him after i left. Instead, you let him move on to Waylon."

"How could i stop him?"

"Call the police. Tell someone..." I looked at the well-poised woman, "Take a stand. Anything."

"So he would hurt me? You know it wasn't just you kids. It started with me, everytime i tried to protect you he gave me a new bruise or scar."

"So you let him."

"It's not that simple." She took a sip, "I don't know what you remember from your early years but, he never touched you because i took the brunt of his anger."

"And i still have scars and mental scars from him. He was a monster."

"You say that like he has no good to him." 

"His job, his sweet side... It doesn't make up for trying to drown me in a tub or dragging me down the steps." I looked down, "I might not have the years in SVU like some co-workers but, i know how it goes. The excuses. The deep down he's good... They deserved it."

"I never said that."

"Didn't you? Everytime you let him hit me. Beat me bloody."

She sniffled, "I never meant to. I never wanted to..."

"And he moved on to Waylon..." I stopped, "You let him. Every time. You just let him."

"I'm a bad mom, is that what you want to hear?" She huffed, "I never meant to let this happen. But it did. I want to fix it."

"You helping him? Are you standing by dad?" I asked.

"He is my husband."

"Who beats you and your kids bloody." I stood up, "He isn't a father. Not a husband."

"He's my husband. My burden to bare." 

"And until you see the error, his faults that you can't forgive, I can't talk with you." I lifted my box and started down my way.

I had just got on the street when a hand grabbed my arm and yanked me back, "Millicent, i want Waylon back. I never hurt him. I was a good mom."

"And if Barnaby gets out, it won't matter." I pulled away, "Goodbye Anastasia."

"Millicent!" She called as I walked away. 

 _ **You weren't a bad mom except letting it happen. Standing with this monster. I'm sorry mom, i can't let you in. I should've stayed home.**_ I ran down the street holding the box, only stopping by my building.  _ **Not even thirty minutes...**_ I sighed and leaned against the door a moment as footsteps came my way.

"Mi corazón (My heart), are you ok?"  

I felt two hands embrace me as i turned to him. Rafa stood with a soft curl of his lips, a tinge of worry hidden behind his gorgeous smile.

"I let my mom talk." I whispered.

"Oh, Millie." He kissed my forehead, "Debería preguntar? (Should i ask?)"

"She wants Waylon back. To act like a family... But she won't leave his side." I buried my face in his chest, "I never should have..."

"I know. I know." He opened the door and started to walk me up to our room, "Let save that for later."

"Rafa?" I stopped just before the door into our home, "Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why aren't you reacting. Good or bad." 

He looked at the door, huffing out the stress as he handed me the blue paper, "Barnaby is calling you as a witness. I can't keep you out of this."


	20. Night falls on Manhattan

* * *

**_Millicent_**

* * *

I was walking in, seeing the empty room. Since Rafa gave me that paper last night, I was confused. Testifying was now the only thing on my mind as I stood in the silent waiting room. A knock at the desk area and no one came over. 

"Did I miss something?"

"No, just a sick receptionist." Randall smiled, "I couldn't get a replacement on short notice. I guess mandy is a better than a brick wall." 

"Yeah, she talks a little." I smiled softly, "Sorry for the last minute call."

"I have open time, not a full hour but at least half." He ushered me in and I sat down as he grabbed my file and sat the recorder down, "What has you worried?"

"Testifying," I whispered.

"Testifying? I thought you couldn't if you wanted to?" 

"The defense is calling me, not Rafa." I held my face as I tried to find words to express this feeling, "They say I set my father up."

"Then maybe, you are the biggest witness on this case." He was watching me, I could feel it, "They can't find evidence, you get to tell your story..."

"What if I don't want to tell my story?"

"Why wouldn't you want to?" He leaned in.

"I sound vindictive talking about my dad. I wish the worse of him and let my family disown me for keeping a child of rape. I refuse to play the victim and show weakness because he taught me I can't be weak. He beat me senseless to prove I was weak and needed improvement."

"And going on the stand makes you weak?"

"No, let my emotions out and telling people what I went through makes me weak. I've never been steady when speaking of that."

He sat a water bottle in front of me, "Then why don't you practice? Go over the stories you should tell if needed. Rafael is prosecuting correct?"

"Yes."

"Then let him guide you. Let him help pick which stories could or shouldn't be told. Let him gauge your emotions and trust him to keep you safe on the stand."

_**I should... But can I? This is one thing I still am trying to work through with him, speaking about my memories.**_ Randall wrote a few notes, then he jumped to the big question.

"What do you want to say?"

* * *

**_Rafael_ **

* * *

As always, I was in my office rereading statements from the staff in the house. Several have spoken to incidents but wouldn't give details. Only one came forward that could be used in court, that had real evidence and she was shaky, to begin with. I held my head, taking deep breaths as the knock at my door filled the room.  _ **Who would interrupt? SVU would call first and Carmen would ask. McCoy or any other ADA would be asked...**_

"Hijo, sé que estás ahí. (Son, I know you're in there.)" Mami's voice filled my office, "Don't make your mother wait."

A soft smile crept onto my face, "Come in Mami. Como si alguna vez te mantuviera encerrado. (Like I would ever keep you locked out.)" 

She opened the door, stepping in as I waved at Carmen. She would hold all calls and give us privacy the best she could, she always did.  _ **I really need to get her something.**_ I stood and hugged Mami, motioning her to the couch as I walked around to her.

"Mami, I wasn't expecting you."

"And I was expecting more calls." She raised a brow, "Casi una vez por semana, Rafi, estás rompiendo el corazón de esta anciana. (Barely once a week Rafi, you are breaking this old woman's heart.)"

"Mami, you're not old. Eres hermosa. (You are beautiful.)" I sat beside her and handed her over a water, "I'm sorry. Acabo de estar ocupado. (I just got busy.)"

"Millicent was it? You kept her around after meeting me?" She smiled as I looked at my hands.

"Yeah, Millie and Miles. We moved in together, a new place nearby mine. Had plenty of room." I pulled my phone to show her pictures, "Just got moved in last week-ish. Still finishing up unpacking and working."

"Bad case?" She took a drink and when I didn't move, she quickly looked back, "Muy mal? (Really bad?)"

"Millie's parents. She was abused and her little brother, just a bit older than Miles, is too. It was reported and we found evidence." He leaned back on the couch, "Millie had no chance, Her brother does. Even if he has to take the stand."

"That's why you're so busy." She looked at me in a way that said 'my son that took the weight of everything', "Did you know before?"

"Yeah, she had flashbacks at one point. Complete panic attacks." I shook my head, "I was the only one that knew until she wanted to tell anyone."

"Me?" 

I looked at her and smiled, "The night before was her first flashback. Ni siquiera sabía si era real. (She didn't even know if it was real.)"

"Y estás en el trabajo y no estás en casa con ella? Te crié mejor. (And you're at work and not home with her? I raised you better.)" 

"I'm here for her Mami." I chuckled, "I am putting her father away and saving her and her family. I am giving her space and not suffocating her. I am doing what she wants right now."

"Qué deseas? (What do you want?)"

"I want her safe and happy Mami. Quiero una familia. (I want a family.)"

* * *

_**Waylon** _

* * *

A little after noon, Millie came home and the sitter left. She knocked on the door as Miles and I was reading.

"Hey, guys." She smiled, "How's everything today?"

"Good Mommy." Miles chuckled.

"Good." I smiled as she caught Miles jumping up.

"So Kiddos, you want to go explore outside. I was thinking the park." She held Miles on her hip and looked at me, "Ever played soccer Ways?"

"Not really." I shrugged, "Too physical for Dad."

"Well, you'll learn. It's easy." She offered her hand, "You can borrow looser clothes from Miles."

I took her hand as she sat Miles back down. He pulled out sweatpants and a shirt for me, we changed and met Millie in the living room before heading out. We walked to the park as Miles was explaining the best he could, confusing me more than anything as Millie laughs. 

"Ok, you kick the ball. That's it. Foot, kick, ball." She bent down by me when we got the small soccer field, "Shoot the ball in the net on the opposite side of where you start."

"Ok, got that. Anything else?"

"No hands." She pointed to Miles as he took a few shots, "Only people that can use hands are the goalkeepers. That'll be me for the moment."

"Ok."

"Hey, Tails, can we just shoot? Teach Waylon how to control the ball."

"Ok." Miles drags me over by the net and shows me how to do it.

It took several tries to hit the goal, surprisingly harder then it looks. Next, he showed me how to pass and dribble the ball before making the shots. A lot harder then it looked. Millie watched from the sidelines cheering us on till Miles said I was good enough to block, then she took her spot trying to stop each kick from going in... And she did.

"Nice try Ways, you're getting there."

"Try more force." Miles showed me how to kick, helping me to copy and get it in.

"Goal!" He hugged me.

"That's it Ways, you can do this."

I felt a blissful high, smiling as they cheered me on. It was amazing to actually learn something physical, not have to play a mental game or sit around doing nothing. I loved being with Millie and her family, It lets me be like the other kids with no pressure to be prim and proper. 

"Hey, Mommy, can we get a snack?" Miles smiled.

"Sure. Why don't we grab the ball and go to the carts, ice cream good?"

"Yes!" He ran ahead as I stayed back with Millie.

"It won't be Oscar's good but it's still ice cream." She nudged me, "I hope you don't mind."

"It's fine." I was about to run to catch up with Miles when I just stopped. 

_**What about Mommy? I miss mommy.**_ I zoned out and missed Millie stopping beside me.

"You ok Ways?"

"Can I ask you something?" I looked up to her, "How's Mommy?"

"Mom? I don't know really. I can't talk to her." She squatted down by me, "You miss her, don't you?"

"I love being with you again and meeting Miles and Raf but... I do. I miss Mommy."

"I'm sorry." She frowned and looked at her shoes, "Right now, you can't see either of them. Dad is arrested but mom is under investigation. She needs to be cleared before she can see you."

"Ok... But can you pass along a message? Just tell her I love her."

She nodded and I took off after Miles who already was buying the ice cream. Millie paid and took a phone call as we sat down to eat. He picked the bench seat and we laughed and talked about different things. We had the cones done and was about to throw them away when I heard my name. 

"Waylon Masterson."

I turned looking for Millie but it wasn't her voice and I knew it. A man stood by with a stern look, motioning to me.

"Who are you?"

"A friend of your moms, she misses you." He started, "She actually got hurt and was asking for you."

"Mom?" I reached towards him as Miles stopped me.

"Stranger danger." He glared, "Mom says no."

"I'm no stranger, I work with your dad. See?" He shows us a badge, "I work with the courts."

"No. Millie says I should stay with her." I pulled back.

"Waylon..." He took the stern voice again as he handed me a phone when Miles stepped in front of me, "Your dad wants to talk to you."

"No, stranger danger..."

"You insufferable bastard." A growl came from the phone, "Waylon Masterson, you come at once." 

I pulled back and held Miles as he started to cry. The voice echoing in that tone that haunted my nightmares... Father. The man reached over Miles towards me as my father spoke again, demanding I listen. Then I shut down as Miles cried and latched onto me.

* * *

_**Millicent** _

* * *

"Thanks, Rafa, I think he'll feel better prepping when I'm here..."

"MILLIE!!!!!"

I looked over by the bench and seen a suit grabbing Waylon's arm as Tails cried. Leaping through the small crowd as two uniforms came running over, I tackled the guy to the ground and pinned his arms above him.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Ma'am let me see your hands!" An officer reached for his gun and I raised them up quick.

"I'm on the job. SVU." I nodded to my bag by the boys, "My son and little brother."

"Ok, stand up slowly." He ordered and let me get the badge as the man hid his phone.

"She assaulted me!"

"You went after my kids!"

"He isn't your son."

"Ok calm down!" The officer stepped between us.

"Son and brother. I have custody of my brother... Ok, boyfriend does." I showed them the badge, "Call SVU. Lieutenant Olivia Benson."

They moved him to the side and one officer made the call. I turned to Miles and lifted him up, hugging him tightly. My eyes landed on Ways as he shook a little.

"You ok?"

"I heard dad on the phone..."

"Did the guy say he knew dad?"

"Yeah, he worked for him..."

I swung to the officer, "I need Benson called now or I am doing it myself. That man wasn't just kidnapping my brother, he was doing it on the word of someone that has a protection order against them."

He made the call immediately as they cuffed him and took him to their car down the way. I squatted down to Ways again and pulled him into a group hug.

"I'm sorry... I shouldn't have walked away." I whispered as my phone vibrated again.

It was the fifth time and definitely Raf seeing as I just hung up on him. I saw another set of lights off by the street and I moved the kids to the bench to sit. A few new officers started finding witnesses, then I saw Liv running over with Fin.

"Millie!" She called.

"Here lieu!" I raised a hand and they came right over.

"Everything ok? Anyone hurt?" Liv stopped and looked at the kids.

"I ok." Miles sniffled.

"Fine." Waylon nodded and hugged Miles.

"Ok, I need to hear what happened. Miles, would you mind stepping over here with me?" He nodded and took her hand as she turned back to me a second, "Call Barba, he was blowing up my phone."

"Yeah, lieu, I got it." I nodded and stepped away so Fin could talk to Waylon.

My phone was out as I cringed at twelve missed calls, giving me hesitance on calling back.  _ **I can only imagine what was happening in his head. He heard screaming then nothing.**_ One finger press and I had a split second before his voice came back. 

"Cariño? What happened?" He was speaking way to fast for me in a mix of Spanish and English.

"Rafa, breathe. It's fine." I looked to the boys talking to the squad, "It's being taken care of. The squad is here and I'm sure you will hear from them before I get home."

"Ok." He paused, "Everyone is ok?"

"Yes. Everything is good Rafa, I promise." My breath slipped out as I seen the look Fin had, I could tell it wasn't right, "I'll update you after we get done here, fair enough?"

"Yeah, love you, Millie."

"Love you too Rafa."

I hung up and watched closely as Fin asked more questions. I could see his face clearly, he heard something and had a bad feeling. Of course, he waved me over and nodded to Ways. 

"Dad... Dad called Miles a name." Waylon looked at his feet, "Insufferable bastard." 

"Miles was pulling you away from the man, protecting you?" Fin asked.

"Yes. That when Dad heard him and said it."

"Did Tails hear it?" I close my eyes, begging for the wrong answer.

"Yes. He started to cry after he said it."

I felt my jaw stiffen, glaring at the police car down the way where the poor bastard sat. He listened to my father's order and now was paying the price.  _ **I hope he loses the job. I hope dad gets shanked in jail.**_ My feet carried me to Miles without a second thought, the boy leaping into my arms before I even get within a few feet. Liv watched as he cried against my chest.

"Bad man call me names." 

"I know Tails, I know." I kissed his head, "But, who needs him. He'll never know how great you are." 

Liv smiled and move on like I wasn't there, "Can you tell me what he said?"

"He said Ways name, full name. We looked over and he said his mom was hurt and that he worked for his dad. He showed us his badge and I stepped in front of Ways... Then I got called the name. The man on the phone said it and yelled at Ways."

"Man on the phone? Did you recognize his voice?" She watched his nose scrunch up like he always does when he doesn't understand adults.

"Was the voice familiar? Could you tell who it was?"

"No. But the man said your dad and it has to be his. I no have one beside Rafa and he wouldn't do this." I squeezed him tighter as he sniffled, "Can we go see Rafa? I need a dad hug."

I sniffled a little as Liv smiled, "You should do that. In fact, we'll give you three a ride. He might want to hear what happened."

"Thanks, Liv." 

"Always Millie." She moved towards Fin, "Just one moment."

I held him tight, rocking him slightly as he calmed down a little. Ways came over and I hugged him to my leg before we took off. Liv and Fin took us to Rafa's office before going back to question the man further. I was barely in the door when Tails tackled Rafa sitting at his desk working.

"Rafa!"

"Miles... Everything ok?" He looked up to me and Waylon walking in, "What's the occasion?"

"Not a good one." I stopped after shutting the door.

He looked at Miles and squeezed him tight, the boy sniffling against his chest. I motioned Ways in and in a split moment, he went to Rafa too. He hugged him and closed his eyes, my brother looking like he was clinging to a parent.

"How bad was it?" He found me still standing there.

"Pretty bad. Definitely could've been worse." I walked to a chair in front of him, "I think they are very shaken up."

"I needed a Dad hug," Miles whispered against his chest with tears building up, breaking my heart.

"I don't even want to know." he pulled them in and smiled up at me, trying to hide his worry.

* * *

**_Rafael_ **

* * *

They left soon after, leaving me to go to SVU for the details. I read the statements and watched some of the interview. My stomach twisted, I wanted go right to Barnaby and punch him again... He wasn't a sitting judge at the moment to worry about. Instead, I ended work early and went home. Walking in and immediately hugging Millie as I gave her a tender kiss to her forehead.

"Are they ok?" 

"Adjusting. Miles is better and trying to keep Ways positive." She didn't pull back, just spoke into my chest, "I'm worried, he was really shaken by Barnaby's voice."

"Well, why don't we stay in. Order some food and maybe we can talk and check on them." I pulled away with a little resistance as she didn't want me to. 

She nodded and ordered in a meal for delivery. I went to the living room and pulled a movie to watch before getting the boys. Miles went out to Millie and I stopped by Waylon. He sat on the bed alone, looking at the window.

"Waylon, is everything ok?"

"Is my dad bad?" He looked up, "Is he a bad man?"

"He has done very bad things, hurt a lot of people." I stopped when I saw him look down, "but I think the real answer is how you see him. He has good qualities with the bad."

"I don't know anymore." He sighed, "He did hurt me, a lot. Then he was a good father till he turned again. He kept me away from Millie and told me she died."

"But you still love him." I finished, "I get it. My dad was not very well liked and I left the moment I could. But when he was dying, I was still crying for him."

"Why can't it be so black and white." He whispered, looking at the floor.

"What fun would life be if it was all black and white? It's the color that makes people who they are." I sat down beside him as he looked at me.

"Do you really love my sister?"

"I do, Miles too."

"Are you a good person?"

"I like to think I am. I try to be." 

"Good, because she likes you. I can tell." He looked up, "Miles too. You're like a dad."

"I am his dad." I smiled at the confusion, "Being a dad can't just helping to make the child, it's raising them too. I haven't been around long for him but, I am helping to raise him. Caring for him... I treat him like a son."

He nodded and looked back to the door closed, "Thank you. For everything."

"Your welcome, but don't sound like it's over. You still have time." 

He ran out and joined the rest of the group as I followed behind. All I had ever wanted was a family, but it never came to view until I had the job I wanted and goals accomplished. I didn't see it till I had a split moment to say it to Millie and Miles. They made me see this family I needed.

* * *

After a few hours and a couple movies accompanied by food, the boys were asleep. Cuddled up right in between I and Millie. We were stuck on the outer ends with barely our feet touching, a little overlap to our legs where we could around the two young boys sleeping on them. As the final movie went to credits, Millie nodded and cleaned up as I was charged with moving the boys to bed. It took a moment to get untangled but I managed to move Waylon to the bedroom. I came back for Miles as Millie went to the bedroom. I barely lifted him up, before he stirred awake.

"Rafa?"

"It's late Miles, I'm just moving you to bed."

"Can I ask you something?" He yawned and rubbed his eyes.

"Always." I stopped by the kitchen so our talking wouldn't wake Waylon.

"What does in-suf-fer-a-ble mean?"

"It means unbearable... Like extremely annoying or full of themselves." I raised a brow knowing where he got that word.

"What about bastard? What does it mean?"

"Miles is this about what that man said to you?" 

He nodded gently, "I don't know what he meant."

"He was just a really mean man. He said lies about you out of anger for you protecting Waylon and doing the right thing." I smiled gently, "Forget his words, they're hollow."

He nodded an looked at the doorway, "Can I go to bed now? I am really tired."

"Of course, night Miles." I tucked him in and shut the door. 

I stood with my back to the door and took a deep breath, feeling so many emotions about this day. After a few moments, I went to my room and seen Millie on the bed. She was in a thin nightgown laying back on the bed, laughing. 

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing, I was just looking at that photo of you and your mom on your graduation day." She turned to me, "You were cute when you were young."

"And now?" I walked over as she raised her foot to stop me from laying down.

"Como debo decir (How should I say)... Sexy Papi?" She lit up the room with her glowing laughter, "Why did it take so long to meet you? Mi vida sería tan diferente si te conociera antes. (My life would be so different if I met you sooner.)"

"You would be different though. te quiero como eres. (I love you as you are.)" I pushed her leg to the side and ran my fingertips down it slowly, "I wouldn't change a thing."

 Sitting down on the edge of the bed, I left my back to her. I felt the bed shift, her arms wrapping around under my arms and holding my chest. Kisses peppered my neck, my smile growing beyond compare to how i felt in this moment.

"I love you." 

"Love you more," I whispered.

"I love you most, Más de lo que nunca sabrás. (More than you will ever know.)"

My head tipped back as her grip slipped. She left the bed for a moment, walking around to the front of me before sitting on my lap. Her legs were crossed over each other, her but on the edge of my thigh. Every inch of me wanted to escalate this moment, it felt right but i knew better.

"Rafa." She leaned her lips in towards mine, "What would you say if i started?"

My mind went blank as i walked my fingers up her leg starting at the ankle. One fingertip at a time they tapped up almost as if walking until she lifts her leg, causing my hand to flatten and finish the tracing to her knee. I slowly cup under to hold her leg up, watching her lean in till our lips barely touched.

"What?"

"I think I'm ready." She whispered and i lost my breath.

The kiss drew out till we both gasped for air. She leaned in and let my hand trace up further, holding her rear before pulling her on my lap completely. She straddled my legs, knees on either side of my body.

"Are you sure?" I breathed in the beauty on my lap as she kissed my neck and shoulder.

"Yes."

Her hand slipped between us reaching for my pants, my hands held her close to me and traced her spine. A small tug and the pressure came off, only for a new pressure to find me. The weight of her on my lap, her hand grazing my sensitive skin... I was in heaven.

"I wouldn't tease, it's been a while for me." I groaned as she let go and a small cold chill replaced the heated embrace of her silky hand.

"Sorry." I seen her eyes glaze over like panic was setting in.

_**Maybe she isn't ready? She isn't sure yet. Don't force yourself, you know I'll wait for you.**_ I squeezed her waist, returning a kiss ad she looked at me.

* * *

_**Millicent** _

* * *

I knew what he wanted to say, i felt my body shake and knew his reaction.  _ **Not this time.**_ My hips rolled over him and his eyes fluttered shut, feeling him harder than ever. I stood up and was about to crawl on the bed when he pulled me in, a peppering of kisses along my waistband before his fingers moved the flimsy panties to the side. A thong strap pulled to the side as fingers wiggled in. 

"Oh god." I gasped at the first cold touch and could feel his lips against my skin still.

One finger pushed in gently as he watched, making sure i didn't pull away. His thumb pressed against my pearl, circling with a slight pressure.  _ **I don't know if i can take this. I never had this before.**_ My body jumped and he pulled back, a smile on his clever mouth as he looked up at me.

"Too much... I can't." Words were lost to me.

His hands moved behind him, all skin contact gone as he watched me. His eyes glued to mine as i tried to calm myself.  ** _No, no, no! Don't stop completely. I didn't mean that!_** My hand grasped his cheek, eyes begging.

"Don't... Please." 

He didn't make a move, staying still so i could initiate. One kiss, a hand pushing him back as i pulled on his shirt. Seconds later it was gone and his pants were kicked off. I wiggled my panties off and kicked them by the door, his hands tracing my sides before pulling the gown off. He tossed it over his head, leaning back slowly as i sat down on his lap. He rubbed my thighs gently as i looked down on him. His stomach wasn't flat, chest had peppered hair much like his head... His arms were times and i just sighed.  _ **I thought the suits were perfect on him, they hide his arms. They hide his hidden muscles.**_ I pressed a hand to his chest, moving forward and back gently. A small press and i gasped as he closed his eyes. 

"Cariño..." He moaned softly as i stopped with his head barely halfway in, "It's ok..."

"I want to. I'm ready." I watched him as i pushed back.

The stretching was burning, sharp pain spilt through as i grimaced. Teeth baring as i held in the urge to scream.  _ **No, No, No... Not this time. You are safe. Your mind is ready for more... You have to adjust, it won't be painful forever.**_ A small urge pushed me back, a little more in and more slipping by. A burning feeling spread through my body, encompassing every feeling. The pleasure left and suddenly i tugged back, forcing more in when i wanted to pull away. The pain overwhelming as my hand laced deep into his chest hair, white knuckling it.

"Millie? Millie please." I heard his voice softly just like his hand covering mine, "Don't push. Don't hurt yourself."

Then it twisted, the pleasure coming back. I closed my eyes and sighed, skin touching skin as i felt something like never before. I felt him tense up, heard his pleasure.

"Oh god." I whispered, "Rafa..."

"Shhhh. Te tengo amor Estás seguro. (I have you love. You're safe.)"

I lifted up an came back down as i seen him holding the sheets. The words fell out and i barely heard them.

"I know. No dejes ir. (Don't let go.)" 

My hands pulled his up to my hips. I needed to know he wasn't just sitting back watching, i had to feel him. Palming my flesh, fingers dancing along the smooth skin. I bounced softly, blocking out the pain the best i could and watched him below me. So much older but so understanding. _**My love, forever**_. My balled up fist in his pepper hair against his chest loosened up, his hand covering it again and soothing the mood.  _ **Is this sex? Is this what i ran from for so long? All because one man scarred me for life. Is this what teens feel as they fall for their high school sweetheart? What is this? It is way more than just sex.**_ I felt a flutter in my abdomen, a slow tightening of the muscles as he started to guild me through each lift.

"I won't last much longer." He whispered trying to keep his voice down.

"Me either." I blinked as he looked up.

All of a sudden my body tensed and i couldn't move as it started to spread and warm my body. Raf caught me before i fell forward and kissed my nose.

"Is it ok if we switch?"

"Switch?" I looked at him confused as if i didn't know this word.

"Do you trust me?"

I just nodded,  _ **Why would i be in this spot with you if i didn't?**_ He pulled me against him as my hips bucked, rolling us over for me to be pinned underneath. But unlike before, i didn't fight. I didn't punch his chest or feel my body crawl and scream for space... It felt right as he rolled his hips into mine and then pure bliss. Every inch of my body relaxed after tightening to the point almost breaking. I saw his body stop moving and the way his arms twitched. He struggled to stay above me, then i caressed his cheek and pulled him down slowly to cover me. His head beside mine, the end to see me as we both just laid there panting.

"So that's sex?" I gasped out as he shifted to pull out, leaving me surprising full and empty at the same time.

"No, that's love." He kissed my cheek, "how was your first time?"

"It wasn't..."

"What happened to you before doesn't count. Pregnancy or not, it was rape. Not sex, not your first time." He turned my face to his as he rolled off me and pulled the covers over us, "You didn't deserve it. No one deserves that."

"Pero me dio Miles ... Y a ti. (But it gave me Miles... And you.)" I curled against him and smiled, "i can live with it."


	21. Court

* * *

**_Millicent_ **

* * *

The sun rose up in the sky, I and Raf slowly waking as we laid in bed cuddled up. It was the first day of trial, the one that would set the tone for how it would continue and how long it would go. He didn't want to move, neither did I.

"I have to get up eventually." He whispered in my hair and stroked my back gently. 

Goosebumps riddled along his finger trace as my skin reacted to it. The blanket barely covered our butts my bare chest hidden against the bed and his arms. 

"But this is comfy."

He chuckled and pushed my hair out of my face as I stared over at him, "Tan dulce como es esto, debe terminar. (As sweet as this is, it must end.)"

I pulled away slowly as he sat up with a small frown. He sat on the edge of the bed, nude and gorgeous like I never thought of before we started this relationship. I pushed up and shifted to hold his waist, kissing his shoulder and smiling at his covering my arms around him.

"You are really making it hard to move."

"Entonces no lo hagas Quédate conmigo. (Then don't. Stay with me.)" 

He kissed my hands and slowly pulled away. I watched him move to the bathroom and slowly pulled myself up.  _ **I guess coffee and breakfast are needed. I should start that.**_ I stood up and my eyes caught the full-length mirror. A few of my old scars still visible on my body stood out. The scar tissue around my hip that was from surgery after fracturing from dad. I see the smoothed scar on the back of my leg tracing a vein, healing on my vein making it a little more obvious. My head jerked away and I pulled on the pants and shirt, walking out to start the food. 

I cooked up a small burrito to go with the coffee for Rafa, making up a few more as he came out dressed for court. The pristine suit and briefcase ready as he stopped for a kiss. He saw the cup and burrito waiting, chuckling as he picked it up.

"Thank you, Cariño." 

"Welcome." I gave a soft smile but felt the tinge of worry.

"I Got to go, but I'll check in on my lunch."

"Ok, I'll be waiting." 

I waited till the door shut to let my face drop down, every inch of my body stressing over this day.  _ **What if they sandbag Rafa? Maybe they get a surprise witness from the staff that they paid off. What if Barnaby doesn't have the lawyer go easy on Waylon? He only had a little practice here, he hasn't taken the stand yet for a practice run. I haven't either, but I don't need it. I've testified a hundred times and know the pressure and feel of that box. I know how to talk for the jury and the judge, careful with words and emotion.**_ I barely snapped out of the thoughts as Miles and Waylon stumbled out.

"Hey, guys." I winked.

"Morning mommy." Miles yawned and stumbled into the bathroom, narrowly missing the door frame in his sleepy haze.

"Morning Millie." Waylon came over and sat down as I slid him a burrito and got a glass of milk.

"Morning Ways." I smiled, "How'd you sleep?"

"Good, I like sharing with Miles." He smiled, "He's like a brother."

I felt a tug of my heartstrings, seeing my brother not only happy but accepting of my son that got me removed from the family. As much as I hate it, Barnaby only brought us closer by separating us. 

"Hey, Millie... What are we doing today?" He took a bite and looked up to me.

"Well, I figured we could hang out for a while and get some groceries... Maybe Lunch out." I paused and watched him eat, "Then we have the trial prep with Rafa when he's done in court."

"Trial prep? Is that where i sit in the box seat thing?"

"Yeah, the witness box." I smiled, "He just wants to prep you. Make sure you are ready for whatever they might ask."

"Will you be there?" He looked a little worried.

"If you want. I can't promise I can be in the courtroom during court but I can be there for practice." 

He nodded, "Thanks, Millie. I'm really glad I get to see you again."

"Me too, Ways." 

Miles stumbled out and sniffled, slapping his wet hands on the table as he tried to climb into the chair with the slippery grip. It didn't work well, I ran around to catch him before he fell... I luckily did. Sitting him up there and handing him a towel for his hands.

"Ok, eat up. We got stuff to do." I laughed as Waylon handed Miles an extra napkin.

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

I turn the corner, walking into the courtroom that was full of people. The squad and two nurses would be my witnesses for the day, giving me tonight to prep Millie and Waylon hopefully. I took my seat, pulling everything out as Barnaby walked in with Jethro and Calhoun. They took their seats, Barnaby watching me carefully across the way with a pointed look.  _ **How did Millie ever come from him? How did Waylon? Waylon barely looks like that monster.**_ I closed my eyes and took a breath, only opening them as I heard court getting called to order.

"Prosecution may call their first witness."

Raf stood and called the first nurse. A few questions go back and forth, the defense passes. Next nurse is a repeat, then came Liv and the squad.

"Lieutenant Benson, can you please tell the court where this investigation started?" I sat back down and let Liv do her thing.

"My squad was called to investigate suspected child abuse. A school nurse and emergency room nurse both file suspicion."

"What caused their suspicion?"

"Bruising on his body." 

I put up a few photos and lead her through the injuries in detail stated in each report. My eyes were looking down at the file, my mind blanking out a second before I looked back up.

"You interviewed the victim, correct?"

"Yes."

"What did he tell you at first?"

"He couldn't talk to me. He stated to me he could only talk to family about anything that happened to him." 

"Did he seem like a victim to you?"

"Objection!" Jethro stood.

"Lieutenant Benson has been working SVU for many years, I'm asking her opinion based on her experience." I glance to the judge and he nodded.

"He seemed very withdrawn and protective. Normal signs of a child dealing with prolonged abuse."

_**And you have no idea... None of us ever will.** _

* * *

_**Waylon** _

* * *

After lunch and grocery shopping, we dropped Miles off to Munch and Millie walked me to the courthouse. It wasn't long, just a few blocks and she talked to me the whole way to keep me distracted. I could tell she did this often with kids, but then again what I knew of her job was stuff like this. What we went through.

"Hey, Millie?"

"Yeah, Ways?"

"Why did you choose this job?" I looked over as she paused a moment.

"Well, " she swallowed a lump in her throat and started walking again, "Barnaby, i mean Dad. After what I went through with him, I wanted to help the kids like us and even adults."

"Like with Miles." I didn't say it out loud but I Remember dad talking about it once with a friend, the way he spoke of everything made Millie out to be the bad one.

"Ways, yeah." She nodded and looked down, "I'm guessing you heard dad on that subject?"

I nodded and she sighed, "You're too young for this talk. You're too young for court like this either." 

"Dad never thought so."

"Dad never wanted kids. He wanted us to be adults before we could walk." She took my hand as we crossed the street to the steps of the courthouse, "He treated us like adults and took away everything we needed to grow properly."

A moment of silence spread between us then I saw something a little odd. I saw her lip twitch and she squeezed my hand.

"He wasn't always bad, I know that. I had a few good memories but, they never lasted long compared to the rest." 

"He is good sometimes, Mommy says so. She tells me about when they first met and had you." I seen that same lip twitch, "She does it so I know he's good. That he does bad things but he's good."

"I know, but all that good can't hide the bad."

She got me to the door and Rafa met us there with a smile. He lead us up and went over a little bit of court. He didn't sugar coat anything as he walked us into the courtroom and turned to me.

"I know this is hard, but I have your back. He can have an army and you have just one warrior, but I won't go down without giving my all."

"Ok." I blinked as he nodded to the chair.

Millie sat on the table, watching as Raf walked over to explain more. He laid out the plan, as much detail as possible for me to understand what was going to happen. He only started once I was absolutely sure I was ready, stepping back by Millie and picking up his note pad as Millie held her own.

"Waylon, can you tell me how you got these bruises?" Raf pointed to the other side of the judge's seat, he explained a tv would be over there.

"My dad. I missed a math question on my homework and he hit me." 

"I know this is hard Waylon but, you need to give as much detail as possible." Raf watched me carefully, "Head up, keep strong."

"I missed a math question on my homework and he slapped me. I pulled back when he started his swing and he took off his belt and struck my side. Five hits as I fell on the floor, trying to cover my side."

I watched Millie look down and hold her breath. Raf nodded and took his own advice, he lifted his head up and took a breath. 

"Was this the first time?"

"No."

"Do you know how long this abuse took place?"

"The earliest I remember is four. I broke a vase and he slapped me hard enough I hit the floor. I remember having a black eye and lost a tooth." I looked down, holding my thigh before looking back up.

"You're doing good, you look comfortable with your emotions and talking about it. What do you think?" I nodded to let him know to move on, "Ok, then I'll move on to cross. This is where it gets hard."

"Hard?"

"You have to keep your emotions in check. Too much can sway a jury but you are young enough you have wiggle room. Anger isn't a good thing, crying, and self-blame either. Don't let them make you feel it's your fault. You are the victim."

"I'm ready." I nod and Millie gave me a small smile.

"Ok, deep breath." He straightened up and moved on, "Waylon, you just stated your earliest memory of abuse was at four. Why didn't you tell anyone?"

"I didn't know how." I had my mouth open but Raf cut in.

"Didn't know how? You speak and talk to someone. Tell them what happened."

I was taken aback by his action but tried to focus, "I was four. I was scared."

"Or you are lying and trying to get rid of your father? He has a pristine record and you never seem to have a problem before."

"I..."

"I what? Played a part? Is that what you're doing now?"

I closed my eyes and Millie cut in, "Stop!" 

I opened my eyes and Millie walked over, she stroked my cheek and raised my head, "Hey, hey, breathe. He is just preparing you. They will try to trick you."

"I know..."

"But it isn't easy. Trust me, I've been up here hundreds of times. That's why we need prep."

She took my hands and smiled at me, "I wasn't ready."

"I know, that's why we're doing this." 

She pulled away and waited until I nodded to walk away. A few more times this happened but we kept going till it was late. I can't say I was ready for the stand but I definitely had the understanding of how it would go. Raf and Millie both kept me going but stopped at the smallest moment I felt confused or hurt. Eventually, we were walking out and got Miles before going home, the two of us sleeping soundly. 

* * *

_**Millicent** _

* * *

Once the boys were asleep, I started to change for bed. Raf sat on the edge of the bed just staring off and I couldn't help myself, I tugged his arm.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

"You really don't want to hear them." He looked up, "Waylon should be good on the stand but, we didn't get to you."

"Me? What me?" I went back to tugging on a nightgown.

"Prep."

"I've been on the stand hundreds of times." I puffed, "I'll be fine."

"Not as a victim though." He stood and walked over slowly, "It's different, you know that."

"I don't need prep." I started to walk by and he caught my waist.

 "Millie, this is your family. You're the one talking about abuse on yourself. Waylon being abused..."

"It's no different th..."

"It's you. Not a case you worked, you." He turned my head with a little force as I refused to look at him, "Come on, you know it."

"I don't need prep." I pulled away and he deflated a little.

 _ **He's probably been holding onto that for a while. Worried or not, he knows I'll be fine.**_ I started to lay down and he was still standing there, unmoved as I barely glanced his way.  _ **It's my story, I know how it goes. I know how it works.**_

"Millie, you know I love you."

"Love you too." I whispered.

"But you need this. It isn't the same. I don't want you to get hurt."

"Me? How can I get any more hurt?" I sat up at that, "Don't you trust me?"

"Yes, but I know..."

"We both know. I might not have been at SVU long but I know how it works. I don't spend every day in court but I know how it goes." 

"Millie..." He stripped off the rest of his suit and slipped into his PJs.

"Don't." I laid back.

"You're right, I do sit in court every day. I hear every victim, the cops and all. I see the victims who wanted to skip the prep because they know how to testify, it doesn't make it easier." He grabbed a pillow, "I needed to go to my office anyway for some work."

He walked out and shut the door, suddenly I was aware of what I did wrong. I let him walk out, mildly insulted him... Now I'm alone. Laying in bed struggling to sleep.  _ **What did I just do?**_ It felt like a hundred miles, even if it was only the other side of the apartment.

* * *

**_Rafael_ **

* * *

Court started up the next day, I rubbed my neck and ignored the sore crack from sleeping on the couch in my office. My hands fixed the button on the jacket as I stood up, next lifting up the file as I looked at Waylon on the stand. He was dressed in a suit, neat and clean looking like his father when I knew he was so much better.

"Waylon, how are you this morning?"

"Good."

He sat straight, looking confident like how I coached him at prep. I gave a small smile as I seen the jury did too, moving a little closer before I continued.

"Good, good." I sighed lightly, "Do you know why you're here?"

"Because of my injuries." He took a deep breath. 

"That's very good. Are you willing to talk about it?" 

"Yes."

"Is it ok if I show photos of your injuries?"

He nodded and I paused. The small shake of his hand was hidden to most but I barely caught it. A small hesitation but he still spoke when prompted.

"Yes."

"Ok." I took the remote and brought the photos from yesterday up.

A picture of Waylon's side while it was black and blue. The marks on it bright and glowing, standing out against his light skin. He looked over at it, staring at what must seem foreign to him.

"Can you tell the court about this photo?"

"The nurse took this photo at school. I had trouble sitting down and staying still, so I was sent to the nurse. She lifted my shirt and found the bruises, took photos as the principal was notified and called nine one one." He was trained on the photo.

"How did the bruises happen?"

"My dad took the belt to me after I missed a math question on my homework."

A side glance to the jury and they all reacted. Turn of the head, a hard swallow, a wince... Every single one of them did something. 

"Was this the first time?"

"No."

"Can you tell me how long this has happened to you?"

"The earliest I can remember is when I was four." 

"Waylon, I have a video I want to show you. I know it won't be easy but if you're ok with it, I want you to watch it."

"Ok." He nodded again.

A simple click and the video popped up. Surveillance from their home, the same the nanny brought in and talked about yesterday. Waylon watched the scene play out, holding back emotion the best he could with mild flinches causing me to stop the video after only a hit.

"I'm sorry to ask this but, do you remember any of this?"

"Yes, it was my birthday." He looked towards me away from the video as I turned off the tv, "I just turned seven."

"What caused it?"

"At my party, I had a friend that bought me a video game. I snuck it to my room to play and he caught me."

"What was the game?"

"Objection." Calhoun glared, "Relevance?"

"A simple question your honor, it'll make sense." 

"I'll allow." The judge nodded and motioned me to continue.

"Waylon?"

"Animal Crossing." 

"What was the game about?"

"Being social. You are a human in this little village of animal neighbors instead of humans. You just do small tasks to help and design your own home."

"That sounds nice, but may I ask what the tasks are?"

"Fishing. Bug catching, fossil hunting, shaking trees... Talking to the villagers." He blinked at me, I didn't cover the question with him before.

"Sounds like a great game, why wouldn't he like it?" 

"Objection!" Calhoun glared, "speculation."

"Overruled, I'll allow." 

"Waylon please." I nod to him.

"He believed games were bad. No matter what kind, even board games." He sighed, "He told me that constantly."

"Thank you, Waylon." I nodded and went back to my seat.

Calhoun nodded to Jethro to stand, he is familiar to Waylon. He could possibly work better to trip him up in their mind but I wasn't about to let it happen. I would stop him from hurting Waylon more.

"Waylon, why didn't you ever tell someone if you were being abused?" Jethro moved in close and I saw Waylon sit up straight and pull as far back in the chair as he could go... Trying to keep away from him.

"I didn't understand. It was hard to tell an adult when I didn't even know what was happening."

"You didn't understand? Weren't you in pain? Didn't you feel hurt and abused?"

 _ **Come on Waylon, you got this.**_ I watched his lips roll between his teeth and back as he thought it through.

"Waylon?"

"Yes, I was in pain but I was young at first. I didn't understand it." He looked past me, searching for Millie and not seeing her, "Now, how can I? Everyone looks at me like somethings wrong and..."

"You didn't. For four years you said nothing." Jethro came right up to the box and Waylon jerked back.

"Objection!" My legs jumped up as I yelled, eyes glued on poor Waylon.

"Step back Mr. Collins." The judge nodded and Jethro took a small step back.

"So in four years you never told anyone?"

"I wasn't allowed, you can't talk to strangers about family. Family only." He sniffled, "Telling a stranger would only make it worse."

"Or help you. You didn't tell anyone because it never happened, did it?"

"Objection!" I raised up barely heard.

"You made up a story to get out of trouble, like all kids do. You lied and didn't know the consequences."

"No!" 

A silence filled the courtroom as my objection was needless. Waylon silenced Jethro for me. His hands white knocking the wood box and eyes tearing up.

"No. I didn't lie." He huffed and wiped his tears, "I never lie. Lying is bad."

"Every kid lies." Jethro scuffed and started to sit back down.

"Not after you get beaten bloody for it."

"Move to strike, unresponsive." Calhoun inserts and I shook my head.

"He responded to the non-question Mr. Collins left on. It's relevant to case as well. "

"I agree Mr. Barba, statement stays." The judge looked at the time, "As of now, I am calling a recess for lunch."

The Gavel hit and everyone moved out. I stood and waited on Waylon coming off the stand with help from the court officer. Barnaby glared as he seen him run to me, hugging me as we waited for a clearer room. As soon as I could get through, we left and caught Millie and Miles waiting in the hallway with the squad.

"Hey, Ways." Millie winked at him and squatted down for her own hug.

"Millie!" He squeezed tight as Miles was talking to Carisi, "Wish you were in there."

"I know, I'm sorry kiddo." She stood up slowly, "Lunch?"

"Yeah, about an hour." I looked her over and bit my lip, thinking about last night, "I'm a little busy but, I can swing a small lunch if..."

"Sorry, you know we can't. The defense called me." She sideways glanced at the squad, clearly wanting to hide the fight from them.

* * *

_**Millicent** _

* * *

I wanted to say yes and beg him to forgive me, but it wasn't the right time. The squad seen the tension, letting it go. Raf nodded and went off to work as I took the kids for lunch and walked out with the squad. 

"Everything ok there?" Amanda asked.

I nodded, "Yeah, of course."

Waylon pulled away and took off after Miles and Sonny chased them. They ran down away from the group as I just watched,  _ **at least they're happy.**_ The moment was broke when I heard Waylon's name, then mine. I turn around and seen Anastasia on the steps.

"Millicent, can we please talk."

"No." I turned away and caught the kids looking.  _ **No, no, no.**_  

"Mom?" Waylon ran back as I caught him.

"Ways, we need to go."

"But mom..." He looked up.

"Can't be near you right now."

I wrapped an arm around him and whispered in his ear, the squad keeping her back and getting her to walk away. I couldn't handle another chat, not that explaining this to Waylon would be easier. The other part I missed, Waylon walking away from me and everyone watching.  _ **He is your brother, not your son. You can't treat him like Miles.**_

"Wait, Waylon..." I caught him up by Miles and Sonny, "Ways..."

"Why can't I see mom?" He turned to me with a stern look.

"It's complicated but, they are investigating her for abuse too..." 

"She never would do that." He looked down, "Mom was good."

"Waylon I'm not saying..." He cut me off with a single look,  _ **Ok... It did sound like it.**_

"You did." He stepped back, "Mom isn't bad. Only dad." 

"That's not what I meant. It's just, we need to know she didn't do anything or hide anything." I squatted down and got him to come closer, "I know you miss her, I'm sorry."

"I just want to see her. Talk a little."

"Ok, I'll see what I can do after court. Rafa and I will talk it over." I offered my hand, "Please?"

He walked back over and hugged me as Sonny picked up Miles. It wasn't perfect, not even close, but it was good. Everything was strong, coming together better.

* * *

Court started back up and the defense calls their first witness, me. I hear my name and walk up to take the stand. For the first time, I admitted Rafa was right in my head. It felt different coming up for the defense and as a victim here. _**I wish I listened to him**_. 

"Please state your name for the court."

"Millicent Mayes." I took a breath and looked out at the eyes drilling into me.

The judge nodded and Calhoun stood, "Ms. Mayes, can you please state your birth name."

"Millicent Masterson."

"And why did you change your name?"

"Because my father disowned me and I felt it as a right of passage. I changed it to my mothers maiden name in honor of my grandmother." 

"Why did he, how did you put it, disown you?"

"Objection." Raf stood, "Relevance?"

_**What's the point? Waylon knows, Miles is with Munch away from court... I can just answer it. I'll tell the whole world at this rate.** _

"Overruled. Proceed, Ms. Calhoun."

Calhoun looked to me as I shifted slightly, "I got pregnant from a rape and choose to keep the baby."

I didn't look but I knew the jury had those looks. The judgment, pity, and disbelief.  _ **The young girl pregnant from rape and kept the baby, is that all I am to my father anymore? The regretting whore as he claims.**_ I straightened up, closing my eyes and blocking out the room. Usually, I want to feel alone when my past comes back like this, to push everyone away... This time, however, I swore I saw Raf. I could hear his pen writing and the soft tap of the paper as he fiddled with his pen. My eyes opened and I seen him watching me, a soft smile of encouragement.

"And was it a rape?"

"Objection! Asked and answered your honor." Raf cut in.

"Agreed Mr. Barba. Sustain." The judge nodded and Calhoun takes a few steps closer.

"You are not close to your father, are you?"

"That's the point of disowning someone, you lose what little relationship there might have been."

"Were you two close before?"

"No, I was never really close with my dad."

"Would you say you hated him?"

"Yes," I answered honestly and quickly.

"Enough you would frame him in a heinous crime and ruin his reputation?"

"Objection!" Raf glared at her.

"Councilors approach." The judge called them in and I looked out to the peanut gallery filled with faces as I listened to every word.

"Mr. Barba, I wasn't aware this was your witness."

"Officially, no your honor." He blushed softly as the judge fired back.

"If you can't handle your girlfriend on the stand, get a second chair." He turned to Calhoun and Jethro, "As for you two, tread carefully."

"Proceed." 

Calhoun glanced at me, "You said you hated your father. Would you ever do anything to damage your father's reputation as a result of it?"

"I guess you could say that. I talk poorly of him. Ignore him if I ever see him... Avoid him like the plague really."

"Would you ever go as far as to frame him?"

"Obj..." I cut in over Rafa's voice, "No."

"Is it true that you only a few months back insulted your father at a public benefit?"

"Did I say something rude? Probably. Did I hurt him or frame him? Never." 

This back and forth went for just a bit before Calhoun ended it. I was on the edge, shaking on the inside. I looked bad, like a monster. Not frame my father bad I don't think but bad. I saw Raf bite the tip of his pen before clearing his throat and sitting it down.

"Ms. Mayes, may I call you Millie?" I nodded and he gave a half smile, "Millie, you said your dad disowned you because of the pregnancy occurred during rape, correct?"

"Yes."

"You also said he wasn't an important person to you, that you hated him."

"Yes."

"Can you tell the court why?"

"Objection!" Jethro lept into the conversation and the judge looked to Raf.

"They opened the door, your honor."

"Agreed. Continue." 

Raf looked at me, standing up slowly and fixing his suit jacket. His hand patting his chest and the small stomach he had. I noticed he did it often without realizing, it was cute and comforting in a way.

"Millie, please tell the court why."

"He abused me for most my childhood." I held in a twitch, as he tried to stop from fidgeting himself.

"How long had it been going on?" His tongue pressed against his lips drawing my attention, blocking out the courtroom to keep me sane.

"I don't remember for sure. I had blocked out the memories until recently, as they came back it was... Overwhelming. I had forgotten most my childhood." 

He kept my eyes glued to him, calming me down without getting to close.

"What was the earliest one you remembered?" 

"I believe four. I wasn't in school yet and we had a dog." I paused, "We didn't have a dog after I turned five, ever."

"Is it fair to say the abuse never stopped until you left?"

"Yes. It might not have been physical after I became a teen but there was plenty of mental abuse. He insulted and berated me, even to this day." 

"I know this is hard, but I must ask. You were abused for so long without coming forward or it being found out... What proof do you have?"

"Scars. Plenty of them." I heard my voice crack, "I see a psychiatrist to handle the over encompassing mental problems I am starting to find."

"One last thing," he walked closer so I could almost reach out and touch him, "You told me about one of the attacks, one very similar to what your brother had spoken of. Would you please tell the court?"

"Objection!"

"It will show a pattern, your honor, continuous abuse." 

"It's wildly prejudicial compared to the evidence already given." She snipped at Raf from the other table.

"It will be readily apparent why I ask this, your honor."

The judge paused but gave in, "Overruled. Careful Mr. Barba."

"Millie, please."

I closed my eyes and knew which one he meant. 

"I was little at the time, maybe five or six. Over the period of the day I was home alone with the nanny, a few cups had been broken in a cabinet we were nowhere near. Once dad got home, I heard my name, loud and clear. I came down from my room and seen him beyond angry, looking at broken glasses and then at me." I dropped my head and held my muscles as right as possible in my arms, squeezing my waist to calm myself, "He blamed me, asking repeatedly if I did it. Never believe me if I said no, I tried to deny it but he was raising his voice and I saw the spark in his eyes. Fearing what would happen, I ran. I ran as fast as possible to and up the steps but he still caught me."

Small twitches went down my back, eyes starting to water as I struggled.

"Ms. Mayes, do you need a break?"

"We can end..."

Raf was looking to the judge and i shook my head, "no, I can do this."

He gave a half smile and nodded, "Ok, please continue."

"He grabbed my ankles, making me fall down unable to catch myself. I was beyond scared and had, well, released my bowls. He tugged once and watched my head bounce off the step, then everyone after till i was on the floor and covered in my own urine." I looked up, locking eyes with Rafa and finding comfort to stop from completely breaking down, "He grabbed me by the back of my neck like a dog and lifted me up as he asked again who broke the glasses. I just screamed 'You're hurting me' and he didn't care. After a minute he threw me down and left me there. I laid there petrified until my nanny scooped me up and bathed me almost an hour later because he wouldn't let anyone near me."

The room was quiet, everyone looking in horror.  _ **This was my childhood. This is what i lived with daily almost.**_ I sat in silence as Rafa glanced at the jury, he didn't want to ask more of me.

He looked up at me again then to the judge, "That's all, thank you." 

My feet moved me up as i was excused, Waylon watching me well to him just behind Rafa. I knew that look he had, he went through something very close to this. That was the reason Raf used it, it was a pattern with more detail then just abuse. Deep down, i was glad i didn't hear his story on the stand... I doubt i could take it. 

The courtroom shifted back to Calhoun as she stood. Everything moved on, the shocking twist was Barnaby being called to the stand. Putting him on the stand allowed Rafael to cross-examine him and opened this case wide open. Everything could change with him taking the stand, and Rafael wasn't sure why they would.

"Mr. Masterson, what do you do for a living?" Jethro stood to question him.

"I am a judge."

"A judge, so you know the level of severity your charges are?"

"Yes, and it's appalling." He sat well composed in his seat.

"How long have you been a judge?"

"Oh, most my life i guess." He chuckled, "I was the youngest judge in the New York Supreme Court history."

"So you have a reputation?"

"Not in a bad way. I worked hard and focused on my career until i made it where i wanted to be. A family, sitting judge in the highest court in New York, and a pristine record." 

"One of the best winning records. Still highly noted."

"That's correct."

 _ **Oh, come on... He is way to conceded to be allowed to talk about himself.**_ I rolled my eyes as Waylon took my hand and squeezed.

"What were your thoughts when you heard about these allegations?"

"Anger. I wasn't aware until it was late at night and the police had removed my son from our care and searched my home. No common courtesy or the littlest bit of respect."

"You weren't aware of accusations?" He asked rather amazed.

"No. At first, i thought it was my daughter but then i saw reports from the nurses. I knew then that she managed to talk to my son and convinced him to accuse me."

"Your daughter? You mean Ms. Mayes."

"Yes, we aren't close and she blames me for absurd things." He signed, almost looking honest as he continued.

"She said you disowned her because she was sexually assaulted and kept the baby, is that true?"

"No. When i heard she was assaulted i was outraged and worried. After talking to the police, i found she was basically lying because she got pregnant by a man she didn't know." He sat up straight and folded his hands, "I blamed myself. I worked too much and didn't pay attention and she went from a new cop to a woman with deep seeded issues... I do take blame on not trying to help but she pushed us away and i honored her wishes."

_**That's a load of shit. I tried to talk to them and he literally slapped me and kicked me out the door. They can't believe this... They can't.** _

* * *

**_Rafael_ **

* * *

I took a deep breath, the jury watching as Barnaby played his usually charming self. He phrases everything carefully and drew in the audience and jury even after they hear what he did to his children.

"Thank you." Jethro sat down.

It was my chance to get up and cross,  to put Barnaby in his place. My breath shaking, heart pounding... I needed something. An edge to push me through this and get justice after so long.  _ **You got this Rafael, for Millie. For Waylon.**_ I took a sip of water and stood, fixing my coat and looking at him.

"Mr. Masterson, you said your daughter had a regrettable sexual encounter?"

"Yes, that's what the detectives told me at the time."

"Your daughter's rape was investigated by SVU detectives Benson and Munch. Neither ever expressed that belief." I frowned, "In fact, her rapist was charged not too long ago after being found. Confessing to raping her and taking a plea deal."

"All i know is what i was told. That was what i was given."

 

Barnaby had done a fairly good job of brushing off the question. He was swaying the jury and I had to stop it.

"How old is your daughter?"

"What?" Barnaby paused a moment.

"Objection!" Calhoun glared over.

"A simple question your honor. If he really loves her he would know her age."

"Overruled, the witness will answer."

"Twenty-seven."

"Wrong." I tipped my head and looked to the jury, "How old is your son?"

"Seven."

"No, eight." I glanced over, "How old is your grandson?"

"I don't know, I've never met him."

"But you called him quote, an insufferable bastard." 

He dropped his jaw as the objections came out, one from the witness. The judge stopped everything calling me and the defense counsel to his stand.  ** _Maybe a little too far._** I stepped up and watched as he didn't look amused.

"Mr. Barba, where are you going with this?"

"He said he loved his kids and he knows nothing about them. I have documentation from witnesses that he called his grandson worse names than that." I paused as Calhoun interrupted.

"And you are tainting the jury with these questions. There is nothing involving this case within view."

"Isn't the way he perceives his kids relative to this case? To his charges?"

"His son yes. His daughter has nothing to do with the case."

"Yet you called her. The door has been opened regarding her abuse as well."

"I agree on that but let's keep the questions relevant." The judge dismissed us to continue and I walked back over to Barnaby.

"How well do you know your kids?"

"As well as most fathers, which sadly isn't much." He sighed, "Kids grow apart from their parents."

"Not always. In fact, many kids try to keep close to their parents or at least one of them." I looked at him, "Were you not close to your mother or father?"

"Not really." 

"Are either of your kids close to your wife?"

"I don't think so. No closer than I."

"Your daughter, she had a dinner with your wife to chat. Your son asks about her from the moment he went into the temporary care system." I shrugged, "He has never asked about you but has asked for visitation with his mother daily."

"So my kids aren't extremely fond of me, I am a father." 

"That's the thing, they barely call you that. Your daughter calls you by your first name correct?"

"Yes, but she hasn't been close since before her pregnancy."

I nod softly, "and your son?" 

"I tend to be the authority figure, his mother is around more and easy going. I tend to deliver punishments." He brushed off the questions implement. 

"What kind of punishment?" 

"Objection."

"Open door your honor." I glanced to the judge as he allowed it.

I looked back to Barnaby and I saw him starting to crack. The way his face shown hesitance, his body shifting... He was cracking more and more.

"Spanking. The minor techniques never worked well with the kids. Grounding, time outs... They were pointless."

"So you spanked them? Where?"

"Where? Spanking implies on the bottom." 

"Yes but, the evidence shows otherwise." I turn to the tv, "I'd like to submit evidence."

I stopped and looked at the files, reading off the group before clicking the photos onto the screen. Waylon at the hospital and the photos from the nanny. They were older and you could tell Waylon was young, only making it worse. I knew it would hurt to see them, yet it had to be. One after another as Barnaby was speechless for once.

"I'd say you spanked him pretty hard to leave bruising on his back. Or his cheek... Or his eye."

"I do not abuse my son." He hissed.

The tone he gave sent a little shock through the room. He wasn't proper in the least right now, he was venomous and evil as his facade finally tumbled down.

"Then what is this? Or this?" I flipped by two photos and he looked away to stare me down.

"Punishment. No child of mine can act like a brat. I won't allow it." 

"Obviously, you disown them for not being perfect." I raised my hand to stop Jethro, "withdrawn. Mr. Masterson, is this how you punish your children?"

He wouldn't look at the screen as everyone else seen Waylon black and blue. We watched each other as he shook his head and the walls went back up. The cracks mended quickly while he had the chance to fix it, to redeem himself.

"No."

"Nothing further." I turned away but left up the photo of Waylon holding his side on the floor with blood by his mouth.

The judge stood and had the tv shut off before letting everyone go for the day. No one left that courtroom with doubt today, Barnaby was a wolf in sheep clothing. I watched the room clear and grabbed my briefcase before seeing Waylon and Millie waiting for me in their seats still.

"Sorry I..." My words were cut off as Waylon hugged me.

Barnaby was escorted out the other doors but he watched the moment as he left. Millie hugged me too as the squad slipped out to give us a moment alone.

"Thank you." He sniffled a little as he pulled back.

"Your welcome, but you're the one that is doing this. You stepped up." I looked to Millie as she clung to me still, "You too."

"But it's your words..."

I stopped her, "Telling your story. Siempre fue tu historia, solo necesitabas a alguien que la contara. (It was always your story, you just needed someone to tell it.)"

 They let me lead them out, my arm around Millie as she leaned into me. Waylon held her hand, well, our hands as we walked out. I kept them back and too the side, wiggling through the side to dodge the media that the defense was no doubt chatting up. 

As we were leaving, Millie turned to look behind us and squeezed my hand, "Hey Rafa, I'll just be one moment." 

She ran by and I glanced over to see she caught her mom at the edge of the steps. They seemed to be talking and it was only two minutes later she came back and slid into her seat. I took a moment, wondering what that was about but deciding to not ask yet. I slid in beside her and went home, after this day... I just wanted to be home with them.

* * *

_**Millicent** _

* * *

After getting home and eating dinner, the boys went to play in their room. Raf had been a little quiet but after the argument we had that simply disappeared at trial, i couldn't say i understood either. With a quiet moment, i poured him a glass and sat down beside him on the couch.

"Penny for your thought."

He chuckled and accepted the drink, "More scotch for your thought."

"Scotch to loosen the tongue and get you to talk, " I reached in my pocket and held up a penny, "I have a penny for the thought."

He shook his head but shifted to look at me, "What did you talk to your mom about?"

"You mean right before we left?"

"Yeah."

"I asked her if she tried." I looked down at my legs crossing over his lap.

"Tried?"

"I know she tried to stop Barnaby when i was little and was beaten over it. I wanted to know she tried for Waylon."

"Did she?"

"Yes. Maybe not as hard because she knew what would happen, but she did." I tipped my head, "Then she said she loved him... She loved him but she couldn't stay with him. She needed to be there for Waylon not him."

He sat his drink down and rested his hands over mine on his lap, giving it a second before pulling me closer in his lap. He kissed my shoulder, pushing the hair from my face.

"Millie, she was abused. She was beaten but now she is changing it. Just like you." 

"I know... That's why i believed her. I think she should take care of Waylon." I sniffled a little and looked at the man that was all but too patient with me, "It doesn't feel right raising him."

"Are you sure?"

"Do you think otherwise?" 

"It's not my choice... Even if the court says i am technically." He smirked and caressed my cheek to turn my face when i looked down, "You believe her?"

"Yes."

"You believe she would do the right thing?"

"I know it." 

I leaned in to kiss him, pressing my forehead to his as we broke for air. He cupped my legs, rubbing my thigh softly as refocused my mind.

"Are we good?"

He chuckled and kissed my cheek, "Cuándo no estábamos? (When weren't we?)"

"We fought..."

"Y eso va a pasar a veces. (And that'll happen sometimes.)" He twisted his neck to keep in my eyesight as i tried to look away, "Millie, we'll fight sometimes but i will never, not be good with you."

I shook my head as he waited a moment, "See? Me tienes hablando en dobles negativos ahora. (You have me talking in double negatives now.)"

"Love you too." I whispered as he pulled me as tightly as possible to him.

"Love you more."


	22. Chapter 22

* * *

_**Rafael** _

* * *

I looked at Millie, her hair a mess and a smile on her sleeping face. It was blissful, to say the least, seeing her happy. Especially since I couldn't sleep. The jury had been out all day yesterday and i knew she was feeling the pressure. She was waiting for a verdict to lift the ominous feeling that was sitting over us. 

Pulling myself up slowly, i slip away from Millie and go to the bathroom. A hot shower sounded nice, calming even. I walked in and relaxed, stepping down into the shower.  _ **They will be fine. You know they will.**_ Letting the water run over me, i surrendered to my thoughts for a while.  ** _Millie is willing to talk with her mom, invited her to lunch. I think she is ready to let her have Waylon back. Give her a second chance at being a mom, to both of them. I think it's time too... Millie needs some family that cares. I also have that pebble._** My lips curled up at the image of that run in my head.  ** _I need to propose. I need this thing with Millie to be more. I want this family, i need it._**

My thoughts were broken as a few fingers grazed my head, brushing my hair back and making me look at the open door, "Hey Rafa, room for one more?"

"Always." I took her hand as she slipped in, shifting to put her under the water.

"You know it's early? Como muy temprano incluso para ti. (Like way early for even you.)" She giggled.

"Couldn't sleep. Needed to relax." I stole a kiss before reaching for the shampoo, "Sorry if i woke you."

"Of course not, i am just as worried." She sighed and leaned with her back against me as i started washing her hair.

"No te preocupes todo va a estar bien. (Do not worry, everything will be alright.)" 

"I'll believe it when i see it." Her mumble was met with a small spank and she swung around to playfully slap me, "Rafa!"

"Deja de ser negativo. (Stop being negative.)" I laughed as i pushed her under the water.

 "Jerk." She pushed me back as i pulled her in for a kiss. 

"Are you ready for today?" I bit my lip as she looked at me.

"You mean mom or hopefully a verdict?"

"Both." I ran my fingers through her silky hair as she gave that blank stare. 

_**Don't be nervous. Please don't...** _

"Yes and yes... Not a hundred percent but ready." Her soft hands embraced my shoulders as she pulled me in, "You?"

"Of course... Siempre voy a estar ahí para ti. (I'm always going to be there for you.)"

Her lips crashed into mine, dragging out this moment for us. Being alone for once and having time to block everything out. All i could see was her in out fogged up shower, her touch drawing me in and leaving me wanting more with each breath. I craved her lips, her caress, and that heavenly moan. I wasn't expecting this when i woke up this morning and watched her sleeping, but now i couldn't imagine not having this. Not having her. Her hips pushing into mine, connected at the waist. Impaled on me, her legs squeezing me in tighter and nails dug in to hold her firm under the water pouring over us.

"Rafa..." She gasped as i move her harder with each pump.

 Her back to the wall, water pelting us as i held her up even with the slippery grip. My hair matted to my forehead as she arched out to gain more touching skin and let her head tip back.

"Dime ... Dios mío, dime lo que quieres. (Tell me... Dear god tell me what you want.)" I panted against her heaving chest.

"You." She moaned out as my legs threatened to slip.

I let her slip off me and before her sorrow filled eyes could find me from lost of contact, i was sitting down and dragging her to me.

"Feet slipping, can't hold you in the shower." I pulled her lips to mine as she wasted no time slamming down on me.

 _ **You'll be the death of me.**_ I closed my eyes as she moaned in my mouth, muffling it to protect from the slim possibility of waking Miles across the apartment... Then again, Millie doesn't understand how loud she really is.  _ **She's really never had sex? She is learning really quick for this being what, the third or fourth time. I may have corrupted her.**_ The thought made me want to laugh, Millie was something else for sure and the idea of corrupting her was ridiculous... If you hadn't seen this part. Not even a month ago it was too painful for her to have sex, the panic attacks and complete breakdowns from trying to be intimate.

"Rafa, please." She whimpered against my shoulder as i felt her spasm.

"Que necesitas? (What do you need?)"

"You."

 _**Not what i meant... But somehow what i really wanted to hear.**_ I lifted my hips to meet hers, feeling my legs tighten up and my body edging me closer. She leaned her head to mine and gasped as she stopped moving. It only took a few thrusts up and i was following her off the cliff. Her eyes flickered as she kissed my head.  _ **Definitely not the morning i expected... But i could get use to this.**_ I slowly kisses her nose as she shook just a little.

"Can we do this every morning?" She smiled.

 _ **Yes... Please.**_ "I don't know if i can keep up with you."

"Bummer, i find it relaxing." She winked and sat on my lap, still impaled as we found our breath. 

After a few minutes, she reached for the soap and stood slowly. I took it from her and started to wash her legs as she just stood still for me. We helped a little, back and forth, and when we were fairly clean i turned the water off. She got the towel i laid out and chuckled as she wrapped up. A brow raised just like the corner of her lips on one side, the perfect daring smirk challenging me to steal the only clean towel within the bathroom. I wouldn't, it'd be too easy.

"You only laid out one towel?"

"It's fine, I'll just use your shirt to towel off." I walked over to the closet where she had laid out her outfit, feeling the towel cover my face and feeling her body rush by to grab the clothes.

"Jerk."

I wrapped my waist and made her give me one last kiss before i started to actually get ready. While she got to stay home with the boys until i call, i had to go to my office and nervously await this verdict. Hopefully, it wouldn't come till after lunch so we can keep our plans. Millie agreed her mom should have Waylon, but she wanted to tell her in person and see that she is sincere about changing her ways. In fact, that was my only task for the day until the meeting and the verdict was given... Call Anastasia and get her to meet us. I left out ready for a good day and a good verdict, praying things went the right way.

* * *

_**Millicent** _

* * *

Rafael stood by the diner door, smiling as the boys tackled him. He lifted Miles up over his shoulder and Waylon turned to run the other way as he started to grab his waist.

"No!"

"Too late." Rafa had them both over his shoulder kicking as I walked up for a kiss.

"Vamos, chicos, podría ser viejo, seguro que no es lento. (Come on guys, he might be old be he sure ain't slow.)" 

He chuckled as we pulled away from the kiss, "Puede que sea viejo pero tengo a la mujer más joven. (I might be old but I got the younger woman.)" 

"Behave." I watched him sit the kids down, "Eating here?"

"No, to go. Just waiting for them to finish and we'll go to the park." 

"Park?" Miles smiled, "Play?"

"After you eat." I rolled my eyes.

"What about court?" Ways asked quieter as I was opening the door so Miles could run into the bathroom.

"The jury is still out. Hopefully, they will be back after lunch time." 

"So what are we doing today?"

I looked at Raf, a warning not to give him the truth yet. He shrugged, made a simple excuse of sorts about a picnic in the park. Waylon seemed ok with it and helped when the order was done. I got Miles and Raf had Waylon helping to carry the drinks as he carried the bag of sandwiches. We found a nice spot in the park and ate. The boys finished quickly, going to play off to the side as I and Rafa threw away the trash and took over a bench. 

"You don't have any other work today?" I leaned in as he wrapped an arm around me.

"No, I caught up on paperwork yesterday so I'm free until a verdict is decided." He glanced over at the boys, "How's Ways handling it?"

"Ways? Did you just steal my nickname for him?" 

"Never." 

"He's adjusting still. He really misses mom." A glance around brought my eyes to the street, "Did you call her?"

"Yeah, she'll be here soon."

"Thank you." I kissed his cheek, "You'll be here, right?"

"Siempre. Nunca te dejaré sola. (Always. I'll never leave you on your own.)" He stole a kiss and nodded to the street, "I think she's here."

My brain said don't, it screamed it as my body turned to look. In came Anastasia dressed nicely but not as much as usual, a little subdued. I bit my lip and tucked back a little as my heart raced.  _ **Is she ready? Can she really leave dad for Waylon's sake? Maybe I'm too quick to let her in...**_

"Breathe, I'm right here," Raf whispered and slowly stood up as my feet stumbled on air.

I felt like a newborn giraffe walking for the first time as I barely stood up and Raf was holding me still. My mother came up and smiled, offering her hand and I just stared at it.

"Mr. Barba, happy to finally meet you." 

"Me as well." He shook her hand, "Glad you could make it on short notice."

"Millicent." She turned to me and I still couldn't reach for her hand.

 _ **Breathe... Come on Millie, you can do this.**_ A soft squeeze of my side brought me back to the moment, my hand finally finding hers.

"Mom."

"Thank you for meeting me, letting me see Waylon." Her smile was genuine, "I miss him a much."

"He misses you too." Raf motioned to the bench, "We actually wanted to talk to you, if you wouldn't mind."

"Of course." She sat down to the side, Raf sitting and moving me to sit between at an angle against him, "Do you mind if I ask, I know Barnaby said so but... You two are dating, right?"

"Yes." I swallowed the lump in my throat, "We work together too. If you didn't already know."

"I assumed. I saw you on the stand, it was fairly obvious the way you two interacted." She smiled, "And thank you for getting Waylon out of the foster home. He has trouble feeling comfortable in places like that. So impersonal."

"It was no problem, I knew Millie was worried too." His eyes landed on me and I still can't find words.

"May I ask why you wanted to meet me? I know it isn't best with the court case and investigation..."

"Actually, there is no investigation anymore. SVU couldn't find any evidence of abuse and Waylon was very sincere in saying you weren't abusive." 

Another squeeze grounded me but I was still speechless.  _ **What can I say? After five years of no talking and dozens to hundreds of times, she watched or let my abuse happen... How do I say anything?**_ Raf leaned in to whisper as I could tell they were both worried. His lips leaned in close...

"Millie, Estas bien? (are you ok?)"

_**Am I?** _

"Yeah, sorry." I took a deep breath and look at my mother, "Mom, I know you love Waylon. I know you tried so hard to protect us... I think it's best he stays with you. Una hermana no debería tener que criar a su hermano. (A sister should not have to raise her brother.)"

She paused, almost shocked, "Really?"

"Yes." I nodded, "But you have to promise no matter what happens with Barnaby, Waylon comes first."

"Millie, I swear." She reached out and took my hands, "I'm done with your father. He has destroyed this family and I won't let it crumble anymore. You are my daughter and I want to be part of your life."

"Mom..."

"I mean if you'll forgive me." She finished and I could see the tears starting.

"I..." Lips shaking, heart pounding out of rhythm, eyes blurring out everything...  _ **Speak. Speak Millie.**_

"Mom!" Waylon came running over with Miles, tackling her as she held back tears.

"Hey, Waylon." 

"Mommy?" Miles looked at me as my face turned blotchy and tears rimmed and threatened to fall down my cheeks.

Miles ran to me and hugged me as Raf sat back. I knew he felt a little odd, the misfit of the group right now. His arms never left their slight brushing, the gentle hold... I leaned back into him and pulled Miles into my lap.

"Why are you crying? You sad?" He hugged me, arms around my neck as I sniffled and squeezed back.

"Not quite Tails." I pressed my forehead to his, "But I want you to meet someone. Ok?"

He nodded gently and I turned him around to see Waylon standing there by her. Her hair pulled back in a bun, the dress fitted just right to make her look younger than she was... A gift in my family apparently.

"Tails, this is Waylon's mother... My mother." I smiled softly as he smiled, "Your my grandmother."

"Grandma?" He blinked, "So I get a dad and a Grandma now."

He lit up and turned to you as your chuckle blended with Rafa's.  _ **Oh, my sweet boy... You always say the right thing.**_ I nodded softly, kissing his cheek.

"Yes, that's right."

He turns to her and held out a hand, "Hi grandma, I'm Miles."

She chuckled and took his hand, "Good to meet you, Miles."

"Waylon talks about you a lot." 

"Miles." Waylon whined a little before they both stood a moment and looked at the playground again, "Can we...?"

"Yes. Go." Raf nodded a d the boys ran back to play as we watched a moment in silence.

"Thank you." Watching my mother turn to me almost crying, "That was my biggest regret you know, never seeing my grandson."

"Then don't let it continue." I whispered, "Stay around this time. For both of them."

"For you." She took my hand, "I know it will take time but, I want to make it up to you too."

 "I think everyone will appreciate that." Raf slipped back in, "But Waylon and Miles definitely need to see each other often. At least once a week."

"And they will." 

I smiled as the two chased each other around the playground, "Mom, what are you going to do with Barnaby now? Jail or not."

"I'll start new. I use to work before I married him, I'll do so again. Find a place for me and Waylon... Maybe some of the staff can help. We'll find a way."

Raf nodded and kissed the back of my head, he was satisfied with the answer and I definitely was believing her. The way she held herself, talked in a positive manner... It was me when I was pregnant. She was determined to fix her wrongs, how could I say no when I asked the same before. 

"You have family, we'll make it work."

* * *

**_Rafael_ **

* * *

After a long chat with Anastasia, I felt good about Millie trusting her. They seemed to pair well, having much the same actions as the other. There was no doubt they could repair their relationship with time. Waylon and Miles wore themselves out and when we were going to head home, I got the call. 

"Rafa?" Millie looked to me as she carried Miles.

"The jury is in." 

She looked at Miles, "Munch is busy..."

"My office is cozy, he seems to like it." I stopped her, "Carmen won't mind, he'll just nap anyway."

"Ok, if she won't mind."

She carried him to the office then walked with Waylon and her mom to the courthouse. I ran ahead and caught Liv as the room was filling up again. The squad watching from the back as Millie smiled and stopped by them and let her Mom and Brother sit down. They seemed surprised and Liv leaned over the railing towards me as I clearly looked nervous.

"What did you do? Make a deal with the devil."

"No, I'm putting the devil in jail." I smirked, "Millie asked for this, i just gave her the chance to do so."

"And Waylon?"

"It would be weird if Millie raised her brother and son with my help." I shrugged, "Raising my brother-in-law doesn't sound so keen." 

She smiled, "You're a good man."

She walked back to join the squad, hugging Millie a moment and whispering as i seen that beautiful smile. Millie is happy, it was so amazing i wished it would never end. I wanted her to look like that the rest of our life, that perfect glow.  ** _Our? Did I just... Our life. I love the sound of that._** I stood as the judge entered, the jury sat waiting to give the verdict they had been struggling with.

"Does the jury have a verdict?"

"Yes." The foreman handed the paper to the court officer and the judge looked at it, sending it back and nodding to read it.

Everyone watched carefully, Barnaby with his head up high and Calhoun and Jethro standing beside him. I turned to the jury box, waiting and praying for the right outcome...

"We the jury find Barnaby Masterson... Guilty on all charges."

I didn't hear noise from behind me but i heard the gavel bang and the order for silence. My mind was clouded, suddenly everything was perfect in my little world. Millie is happy, Miles didn't learn about any of this chaos, Waylon is with his mom... I get my family.  _ **I guess Mamí was right, i deserve to have good things.**_

"Mr. Masterson, you are a disgrace to this profession. Using your reputation and stature to hide heinous crimes that you are supposed to protect against. If i could, i would sentence you to life for the trauma you caused your own children alone before even seeing your misuse of your job." He glares down upon what was his senior in court standings but definitely won't be after this leaves the courtroom, "If i could i would sentence you to life. Unfortunately, it isn't within my purview to do so. I do however feel that the harshest punishment i can give will have to do."

A smirk covered my face, almost painfully as i listened to the judge speak.

"Seven years in prison, no parole and mandatory registering on the abuse registry upon release." He banged the gavel, "May god have mercy on your soul."

The crowd exited the room and i slowly pick up all my papers, putting them away as Millie walked against the crowd to get to me. She leaned over the railing and hugged me as i pulled her in a little.

"Thank you... Thank you for everything." She whispered to me as the room cleared out.

"I told you, haría cualquier cosa por ti (I would do anything for you)." I glanced up at the mostly empty room, her father being lead away.

"Love you too." She turned back towards the door and walked with me out.

The squad walked us out the front doors, holding the press back as we left with our heads held high. This day couldn't be going better if i tried. Millie stopped beside her mom at the curb, holding my hand and turning to her.

"Hey, mom... Thank you." She nodded and scruffed Waylon's hair, "and you little bro, i promise you will be seeing all of us from now on. Me, Miles, and Rafael."

"Promise? You can't break..."

They finished it at the same time, "a promise."

Millie held out her pinkie and her brother pulled it before tackling her for a hug. The scene was heartwarming, i barely realized she let go of my hand till Waylon pulled from her and hugged me as well. I froze, letting a second pass before i truly hugged him back.

"Thanks, Rafa, for everything."

"You're welcome, Ways."

"You'll be great for my sister." He whispered as Millie raised a brow.

"What was that?" She leaned down.

"Nothing." He laughed and dove into the car by his mom.

"What did he say?" She turned to me as i patted the car so the driver would pull away.

"Nothing." 

"Bullshit. What did he say?" She laughed with me as the squad walked with us back to get Miles from my office.

"Nothing."

"I've never seen Barba blush." Amanda whispered as everyone laughed.

"Damn it, Barba." Millie jumped in front of me and stopped the whole group, "Tell me or we're through."

"You wouldn't." I kissed her and took her hand, "Stop trying to ruin it."

* * *

_**Millicent** _

* * *

After we got Miles, the whole squad came over for dinner finally. Liv stopped to get Noah, Amanda got Jesse and the kids disappeared to play as the adults drank a little wine and laughed waiting for the delivery to arrive. 

"So you think your mom will change?" Liv asked as she refilled her glass.

"Yeah, i think Raf taking custody scared her straight." I smiled, "Barnaby can get out and never see his family again."

"If he gets out." Fin adds.

"It's only seven years." Carisi looked over.

"And he was a judge that put a lot of people in jail and abused kids." Amanda shrugged.

 "He also shut down a lot of appeals." Liv glanced over.

I didn't hear the rest really, my mind started numbing out and my thoughts shifted.  _ **Did i just kill my dad? Everyone knows protective custody isn't much. I loathe him... But i-i-i didn't want to kill Barnaby.**_ Rafael must've noticed my withdrawal, he bumped me softly as he covered my hand pressing heavily on the counter.

"All that matters is that you can move on now. You are safe. Miles is safe. Waylon is safe... Even your mom is and i do believe she will change for the better."

"Me too." Liv nodded.

"Never waste a second chance." Carisi smiles.

"She wouldn't lose Waylon again." Amanda took a sip as she nodded.

"You've worked here long enough to know DV cases can have happy endings." Fin finishes off the group reassurance.

"Yeah, i hope so."

I leaned against Rafa as we all looked at the kids running out to the living room. Legos falling everywhere and laughter breaking through as the parents looked slightly horrified.

"Mommy i made a plane!" Miles was running around flying the plane with pieces falling off. 

"Share!" Jesse was close behind him as she jumped on the couch trying to get it from his hand.

"Mines better!" Noah ran with his held high.

"Eso va a doler. (That's gonna hurt.)" I sighed as Amanda caught Jesse before she fell but did catch a lego on her bare foot.

"Kids, where do the toys go?" Liv looked to Noah especially.

"The bedroom." Miles answered, "To my room!"

He ran back as the others followed, Amanda limping a little shoot back the rest of her glass. I picked up any i saw and walked them back to Miles's room, returning to the group just as the door buzzer was ringing. Rafa switched me, cash in hand as i retrieved the kids to eat with the rest of us in the living room.

"Food?"

"Food food."

Chicken nuggets sat on small plates for the kids as everyone else sorted out their meals and sat down. For the first time in what felt like forever, i finally felt good. No court or work bringing us down. Rafael living with me and Miles. The whole squad in my living room enjoy the company... It was perfect. Even after it got late and everyone left, Miles cleaned his mess and we put him to bed.  ** _I couldn't ask for better._**

* * *

_**Miles** _

* * *

Mommy and Rafa tucked me in, the only problem was i want tired. So i waited till they shut the door to slip out of bed. A quick cat-like run and i was listening as Mommy and Rafa talked in the kitchen. It was carrying on for a while but i really wasn't wanting to sleep in my bed. The only problem, i bumped the door when i stepped on a lego i missed.

"Tails?" 

I heard heavy footsteps, those of Rafa for sure. They got to the door and i stood in my PJs, head down, teeth tugging my bottom lip in and my hands behind my back. I heard two sighs and then i didn't look but i knew Mommy was doing her silent talking thing with Rafa like they could read each other's mind.

"Hey Tails, why aren't you in bed?" 

"Well, I'm not really tired." 

"Deberíamos dejarlo dormir con nosotros?"

 ** _I really wish i knew what he said half the time. Mommy can but i have no clue._** Before i could even retreat, two arms pulled me to his chest and lifted me up. Rafa carried me over to their room, stopping for Mom to give me a kiss before tossing me to their bed. I landed with a poof and watched my rear flip over my head. Finally still on my tummy, i looked up as they both chuckled.

"Really? I can sleep with you two."

"Why not. We gave the room for tonight." Mom winked.

"Everyone needs a bunkmate once in a while, even i don't sleep so well without your mom." Rafa kissed her head.

"Thanks!"

"Lay down and get comfy. We'll be in in a few." 

I watched them leave before i crawled under the soft covers and settled in. A grin covered my face as i let my eyes bounce and fought sleep. It was nice... Then i heard mommy finish the dishes and Rafa started talking to her. It was hard to hear at first but i shifted to her better as i laid in bed.

"Millie, you are so beautiful." 

"Seriously? You already have me silly." I heard mommy giggle a little and then it went kind quiet.

 _ **What's going on?**_ I was about to crawl out and spy on them when i caught them speaking... Just not how i can understand.

"Millicent Mayes, "Realmente eres una mujer asombrosa. Madre soltera y todavía logras tener el corazón más grande." He took a heavy breath and i heard the floor shift but not like his footsteps, heavier, "Me harías el honor de tomar mi mano y hacerme el hombre más feliz del mundo?"

Silence again.  ** _Dang it, why can't they speak like normal people._** I start to wiggle out when i heard another floor shift and a small crash.  ** _Uh-oh... Someone made a mess._** I crawled out of bed and peeked around the corner to see mommy laying on Rafa, the two kissing like always. Then a small glimmer caught my eye, Rafa's pebble was on Mom's hand.  _ **Rafa gave her the pebble. I think she liked it.**_

"So was that a yes?"

"Yes! Yes! Yes!" She giggled and kissed him again as he laughed. 

 _ **Adults are weird.**_ I roll my eyes as Rafa spotted me turning back to the room. Mom must've seen too because she sat up and waved me over. 

"Tails baby, come here."

I walked over and she pulled me in for a hug as Raf sat up, "What's all the noise about?"

"I gave your mom the pebble. She liked it." Rafa chuckled as i looked at it on her hand.

"So you two are going to be together forever like the penguins?"

"Definitely." Mom kissed me again and pulled rat in to hug me, squeezing me in the middle like the center of an oreo.

"Good, i don't want a different daddy." I smiled before wiggling out of the hug as Mom tried to drag me back in.

"I'm tired now, I sleep." I wiggled as rat tried to pull her off me.

"Let's all go to sleep. I think we need it."

_**So he finally asked her, after all these months. How long was it ago i met him?... Maybe four? I don't know, but im happy he is here now.** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Deberíamos dejarlo dormir con nosotros?-Should we let him sleep with us?  
> Realmente eres una mujer asombrosa. Madre soltera y todavía logras tener el corazón más grande.-you are truly an amazing woman. Single mom and still manage to have the biggest heart.  
> Me harías el honor de tomar mi mano y hacerme el hombre más feliz del mundo?-Would you do me the honor of taking my hand and making me the happiest man in the world?


	23. epilogue

* * *

**_Miles_ **

* * *

Let me paint a picture for you, it's fairly simple. A man sitting on a bench in the hallway of the hospital. His hands holding his whitening face as his heart beats to fast to count. His dark brown hair clean cut but a little longer on the top for him to style, a plain black t-shirt and a pair of jeans, topped off by a plaid shirt with the sleeves rolled up. His eyes brown and clouded as he tried to focus. Leg bouncing from the nerves and as he dragged his fingers down his face, he pulled out a photo from his wallet. Right beside the one of him and a beautiful brunette in a wedding dress. He looked at the photo closely, taking in the memory.

 Now, let me tell you something... That man is me. That photo is of me and the man I call my dad, Rafael Barba. My mom took it on a family outing and i never let it leave my wallet because it was the first photo of us where he wasn't in a suit. And if i squinted my eyes and gave it a second or two, we really did look like father and son. The photo was taken two days after he proposed to my mom in our home, right after a visit to see my grandma and uncle/best friend Waylon. 

In case you were wondering, that photo is almost twenty years old now. But the photo next to it, me and my wife on our wedding day, its only three years old. I met her in college, soccer scholarship thanks to mom and Rafa's constant help with practice. Not to mention, Rafa loved that i chose Harvard and they got to visit all the time and relive some of his memories. My lovely wife, Chloe, was studying to be a lawyer. I didn't want to follow Rafael's path so i went for business instead. It was love at first sight, she was beautiful and stole my breath... And by stole my breath i mean she distracted me and my teammate nailed my gut with the ball. Anyways, I and Clo had the perfect marriage, but we wanted something more. We talked it over for a while and decided a baby was the something we wanted. I needed a family like the one i had, but my issue is I'm not sure i can be the dad i need to be.

I barely look up from the photo and i see everyone running over. Rafael stops short ad Mom squeezes me senseless, speaking twice as fast as i could make out her words.

"Where's Chloe? Is the baby here? Is it a boy or girl? Está él o ella bien? Soy una abuela? Dios, me siento viejo diciendo eso.(Is he or she ok? Am I a grandma? God, i feel old saying that.)" She was starting to visibly shake with each word like a dog moving its whole body when it wags its tail.

"Calm down Cariño." Rafa pressed down on her shoulders, "Breathe."

"Chloe had a..."

"Dude, congratulations!" Waylon came running over and tackled me as his girlfriend Maria stood back.

"Shhhh." Mom covered his mouth and pulled him off, "He was speaking."

"Chloe had a girl. She is fine and so is Clo." I smiled, "They need rest but i can show you the nursery window."

"Now Tails." Mom turned me around as i chuckled and lead them back.

Now here I stand surrounded by our family and friends, Her parents arriving just a little after and joining the group. Crowded 'round the nursery window as they bring the baby in. A little pink blanket in a little cart, her name written on the board tied to it. 

_**Avery** _

_**Millie** _

_**Barba**_

"Ohhhhh!" Mom lit up as Waylon smiled.

"You didn't!" Chloe's mom smiled.

"Millicent and Mildred, of course, her middle name is Millie." I shrugged as both of them hugged me again.

"Thank you! Thank you!" Both women kissed my cheeks and crowded the window to get a better look.

I slipped away, taking a few steps back from the crowd only to bump into Raf leaning against the corner. He raised a brow when he seen me shaking a little, definitely realizing what i have done. All of a sudden, it seemed so strange to me... I was a Dad.

"You ok Miles?"

"No... I'm a dad." I whispered, "I can't dad."

"You can't dad?" He chuckled lightly, "Did you think to ask someone for advice?"

"No." 

"I seem to remember becoming a dad all of a sudden." He looked right to me, "no training, no prep. Just a four-year-old walking into my office for a nap and babysitting him the next day. That is some great training."

"Was i that bad?"

"You see, i didn't know. I never dealt with kids except at work so, i couldn't tell. I just worked on keeping you alive like a goldfish."

I chuckled and pulled out the photo as he glanced at it, "You keep that in your wallet?"

"Of course, it's my favorite photo of us." I smiled fondly at the memory, "You not in a suit, holding my hand, and being my dad."

"I never thought of it that way." He got a better look at it, "See? You never really get parenting. Kids always teach you something new."

 "Hey Rafa, we are going to see Chloe. Nurse said she is awake." Mom gave him a quick kiss, "viniendo? (coming?)"

"We'll be right behind you."

Everyone departed and went back to the room, leaving me and Raf to step up to the glass again. He looked over the baby girl, same look i had on my face... Impassive. You couldn't tell if he was freaking out or not.

"She has Millie's eyes." He spoke softly, "That amber cat-eye style."

"I know... She's perfect." I sighed.

Lookin' through the glass I think about the man that's standing next to me. One thought came to me as I smiled.  _ **I hope I'm at least half the dad that he didn't have to be.**_ He did so much for me and he never had to, he became a Dad to a kid and actually became a dad. He practiced with me, helped me with school, kept me on track for the scholarship, taught me a second language, and gave me every chance in the world. He taught me so much...

"You'll do great. Sé que lo harás. (I know you will.)" He patted my shoulder, "Tienes una familia para ayudarlos a los dos en el camino. (You have a family to help you two along the way.)"

I stopped, barely taking a breath before i hugged him and grinned when he hugged me back.  _ **How can i be a dad? I can't live up to him? I can't do everything Rafa did for me... This kid will never know what a good father is with me around.**_

"I hope I'm at least half the dad that you didn't have to be." I whispered.

"You will. Se que seras mejor. (I know you will be better.)" He kissed my head, "If i can do it, you can."

"Thanks, dad." I pulled back, "Let's go see Clo... Avery will probably be brought by soon."

He walked with me into the room and sure enough, the nurse rolled in Avery and i picked her up. I held her carefully like a very fragile babydoll, looking over to Raf. I take a step and hold her out with a perfect comforting grip.

"Avery, this is your Grandpa Rafa." He smiled and hesitantly took her and held her as i seen at least half the room taking pictures as we stood there with her.

_**I hope I'm at least half the dad that he didn't have to be.** _  
_**'Cause he didn't have to be.** _  
_**You know he didn't have to be...** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that was all based off the song "he didn't have to be" by brad paisley.
> 
> I loved writing this story and hope everyone will love this ending. Thank you for reading!!


End file.
